The Mayor is feeling a little off today. I don’t have a cold or flu, it’s nothing like that. I’m pretty sure it stems from something that happened last night as I was caroling the neighbourhoods of SE Mitchieville with the theatre troupe I attend every third Wednesday at the Mitchielle Little Big Theatre in central Mitchieville.
I got ready to leave The Manor last night around 7 ish. I tied up my boots and took a few steps, and felt a discomfort, an irritation really, in my left boot. I shuffled my foot a bit, but I could feel that there was some sort of object caught in my size 12. It wasn’t a pebble, but it could have been a shard of a pebble. A pebbles pebble, actually.
I shuffled my foot again, but to no avail, it wouldn’t coming out or move to the side. Instead of removing my boot and taking out the impediment, I decided to suck it up and try to ignore it. But you can’t ignore boot impediments, just as you can’t ignore that horrible feeling when you wake up at 3 am and have to pee, but decide you can go back to sleep and pee in the morning. It doesn’t work like that, when you have to pee it’s awfully uncomfortable to just lay there thinking about it, isn’t it?
So I kept going all night with this pebbles pebble in my boot, every step I took was more gingerly than the previous. 9 hours later when I got back to The Manor, I took off my boots and what I saw freaked me right out – I had a blister the size of Oprah’s head on my left foot. It even looked like Oprah (minus the lesbianism and the tears).
It was so bad that I decided to call my private physician to have a look at it. Fortunately, my private physician was actually at The Manor for poker night with Sargon, Fenris, Thrax. My doctor took at look at my foot and made an immediate decision – the foot has to come off. To be extra safe, my doctor decided to also remove my right foot and my left hand (my left hand was suffering from a touch of frostbite, maybe).
And that’s the reason why I feel a little off today.
Or maybe I have a cold, I’m not sure.
There were quite a few smarty-panted winners of last week’s MENSA Teaser.
Uncle Scott (who got extra privileged tokens for using the phrase *pony sex girl* in his answer).
Paul Mitchell (who has a disturbing picture on the front page of his website this morning).
Andy from Redneck Ramblings (who always has a disturbing picture on the front page of his website).
Congratulations to all out MENSA winners, you have made every citizen of Mitchieville proud. The Mayor would stand up and give you a big round of clap, but that is no longer physically possible any more.
There is but one question this week, but it is actually many questions within one question:
Each of the answers is a word or phrase that commonly ends in an exclamation point! However, all of the consonants have been replaced by blanks. So get to it! (That’s a clue to #1.)
1. _ U _ _ Y U _!
2. O _, _ O!
3. _ O _’ _ _O I_!
4. _ O O _ A Y!
5. _ EA_E _E A_O_E!
6. _ _ A _’_ A _IE!
7. _E _UIE_!
8. _U _ _ _ I_ E!
I hope the way The Mayor spaced the letter doesn’t throw you off too much, but it’s not easy typing with one hand.
Good luck to all those that participate in Mitchieville’s MENSA Teaser. By playing, you will be blessed. I can back that up with facts. But you don’t need facts right now, you need a pencil, a piece of paper, and a few zillion functioning braincells. Wish I could help you with those items, but I have my own problems right now.