Archive for the ‘MiHuRiCo’ Category

Sweden – Pfffffttt

Monday, November 15th, 2010

Man, I really detest girl bands.

To be fair, the chicks in this picture could have been from any western country. It’s all the same.

Predictions of the Year 2000 From The Ladies Home Journal of December 1900

Monday, January 4th, 2010

ladies-home-journal-1900

I was reading old issues of The Ladies Home Journal this morning, as I’m apt to do every Monday morning, when I happened upon their issue from December 1900. It was an article by John Elfreth Watkins, Jr. “What May Happen in the Next Hundred Years”.

There are 29 predictions the author made about what he thought was going to happen in the next 100 years. Some of the predictions were right on the money, while some were off by a long-shot. But one thing is for sure: This new sweater I got for Christmas really accentuates my most-manly pecks.

Here are a few predictions that were dead-on or at least pretty close:

Prediction #9: Photographs will be telegraphed from any distance. If there be a battle in China a hundred years hence snapshots of its most striking events will be published in the newspapers an hour later. Even to-day photographs are being telegraphed over short distances. Photographs will reproduce all of Nature’s colors.And then there were some that missed the mark:

Prediction #10  Man will See Around the World. Persons and things of all kinds will be brought within focus of cameras connected electrically with screens at opposite ends of circuits, thousands of miles at a span. American audiences in their theatres will view upon huge curtains before them the coronations of kings in Europe or the progress of battles in the Orient. The instrument bringing these distant scenes to the very doors of people will be connected with a giant telephone apparatus transmitting each incidental sound in its appropriate place. Thus the guns of a distant battle will be heard to boom when seen to blaze, and thus the lips of a remote actor or singer will be heard to utter words or music when seen to move.

And then there were ones that weren’t very close at all:

Prediction #11: No Mosquitoes nor Flies. Insect screens will be unnecessary. Mosquitoes, house-flies and roaches will have been practically exterminated. Boards of health will have destroyed all mosquito haunts and breeding-grounds, drained all stagnant pools, filled in all swamp-lands, and chemically treated all still-water streams. The extermination of the horse and its stable will reduce the house-fly.And then was one that is just plain creepy:

 And then there was this one that I can only define as plain creepy:

There will be a child born in 1966 who will later go on to be The Mayor of the 49th fastest growing community in NE Durham Region, Ontario, Canada, North America, The World, The Universe. And hot women with large breasts will anoint his head — anointy nointy – and men will forever be jealous of his magnificent looks and cosmic appeal, and will never look him straight in the eye for fear of being beaten like a rented mule And getting back to those women with the large breasts, did I mention how awesome they are? Because they are awesome, especially their big breasts.

Holy crap, is anyone else getting shivers up and down their spine? Imagine that, no mosquitoes.

If I were you, I would go read the whole article and laugh, cry, and sit in one position, bewildered yet amused, hot yet cold, dry yet sticky with your own bodily fluids. But fortunately I am not you, so I will sit in my large leather chair, drinking top-shelf rye while spitting pumpkin seeds into a Planter’s Peanut jar.

Stop Harper, now!

Thursday, October 30th, 2008

I, like you, rarely ask myself what happens to all the cats that the Humane Society rounds up each week.  It is not a politically correct question to ask in polite circles, or around your boss, or around someone who could inform on you the Ontario Human Rights Tribunal.

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Happy Announcement!

Saturday, June 14th, 2008

Effective immediately, the Mitchieville human Rights Commission has seized power of the apparatus of the City of Mitchieville. In the absence of the Mayor (who is off getting married, by the way), the MHRC has taken over.

Garbage Collection Inspection Day will be the same day as your regular garbage collection day.

In order to secure the public good,

Designated Community volunteers will inspect your garbage for the following things:

1) Correct separation of garbage by type.

2) Correct cleaning of glass, metal, and plastic garbage items.

3) Correct placement of recycling containers and prompt and cheerful hefting and pitching of garbage into the garbage truck.

Those whose garbage is in violation of the community standards issued by the MHRC will be fined.

Those whose garbage meets The Three Criteria of Earth-friendly Garbage will receive a Green privilege token.

Under no circumstances are Municipal Garbage Workers to handle garbage. It is the duty of taxpayers to handle their own garbage

4) Garbage Collection Inspection Day begins promptly at 7:15 am. Be outside with your prepared garbage in the approved garbage containers by 7:05 am. Wait patiently, singing the designated happy theme song, until you are inspected and approved.

This weeks designated happy theme to be sung by taxpayers while they wait for garbage inspection is the Mitchieville Victory Song * .

Long live those that Seek to Secure the public good!

Happy Announcement!

Friday, June 13th, 2008

Effective immediately, the Mitchieville human Rights Commission has seized power of the apparatus of the City of Mitchieville. In the absence of the Mayor (who is off getting married, by the way), the MHRC has taken over.

In order to secure the public good,

1) A public curfew … when the street lights get off, get off the streets! Go to your homes! Listen to the radio for fresh political instruction from the CBC.

2) A gasoline tax of a dollar a liter will be levied instantly on all fuel purchases. People who use gasoline are bad, and must be punished.

3) Pistols, rifles, and ammunition will be issued to certain trustworthy citizens. Those who support the work of the MHRC will be supported by the MHRC with an ammunitions subsidy.

Long Live those that Seek to Secure the Public Good!

Report to your friendly local police station to determine what your fate is!