I’m not sure if I’m looking at rain on the window, or sweat pouring off the big mama cuz she just finished her workout – getting up off the couch, putting down the bowl of Ringalo’s and going outside. Either way, it’s another fat peoples joke in Mitchieville, someone was sure to be offended, and Philadelphia is going to take the Habs tonight 3-2.

There are only a few more weeks left of MENSA Teaser before we put it away for the summer and get on to more pressing posts – like that Fancy Furniture idea J.M. Heinrichs gave me yesterday in the comment section for the Scott Baio post. A post everyone loves, but pretends they don’t. You folks shouldn’t suppress your true feelings, it’s not healthy.

For the first time in a long time, we didn’t have a MENSA winner last week. We had a few losers, but no winners. MPalef and Andy got the first question right but the second question is actually six, five, sixteen. I know that doesn’t make any sense right now, but that’s because you don’t remember the question. Here is the question, go acquaint yourself with it. But try not to get too close, remember the 2 foot rule. Pervert.

I’ve decided to dumb it downmix it up this week and bring you a quiz based on classic rock questions. For those of you not familiar with classic rock, it’s a genre of music you’ll find on the FM dial where DJ’s that introduce the music will have voices like they just gargled a mixture of fertilizer and battery acid. But enough romanticising about your youth, let’s get on to some classic rock trivia questions:

1) Who brought us the song “Live Wire”?

2) What band gives us the song “Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress”?

3) Which is NOT a Lynyrd Skynyrd song?

4) What band sings “Smoke on the Water”?’

5) What song do these lyrics come from? “I think of you every night and day/You took my heart then you took my pride away”

6) Who is the lead singer of the band Winger?

7) Which song is by Creedence Clearwater Revival?

Who sings the song “Ready for Love”?

9) Which is NOT a Bon Jovi song?

10) Who sang “I wanna Rock”?

Man, those are some lame questions, I don’t feel so bad about not linking up the source for them now. Yes, I know, that’s terrible blogging etiquette. But that’s how I rock and or roll, amigo. The Mayor got 8/10 on this quiz, missing out on the Winger and #5. I suppose those questions are impossible, or I would have gotten them right.

Seeing as though there are so many questions today, put down what you can, Idon’t expect anyone to go 10/10, but you never know, Mitchieville is crawling with old farts. Best of luck, and ya, there you go.

The more I look at this picture the less funny it becomes. I’ve looked at it so many times in the last 10 minutes that now it bugs me. It’s not even very creative when it comes right down to it–some broad wrapped 8 babies up in a scarf or something and put on big lips, which I can’t figure out the significance of. I suppose what bugs me about this picture is that the little porker making fun of the octomom is the type of girl I usually see with a gaggle of babies. So, in essence, porker is making fun of herself. Wait, the humour is rushing back. Oh ya, I got it now.

Bravo, porker, nicely played.

Hey, if you’re been leaving comments and they haven’t appeared, or even disappeared, I haven’t been deleting them or messing with them, it seems to be the fault of some outside influence. I’m thinking Wordpress or some blogging God, or James Carville, or some equally treacherous monster with no conscience. Whatever it may be though, fret not, my crack team of outsourced, out-of-country IT professionals should have that fixed up shortly (but don’t hold your breath, if you know what I mean.)

Last Friday, Greg and Steamboat McGoo  came up with the right answers and became Mitchieville’s Smarty Panted Co-Winners of the Week. They weren’t easy questions, but Greg and Steamboat-in the words of Paula Abdul, if I may), made them their own. They overcame, they persevered, they fought and fought until the answers formed in their over-ripe melons. I’m proud of them and so should you be. They are 5 billion times better than the octomom.

Here are today’s MENSA questions:

1) Unscramble the letters in each word below., then unscramble the order of words to create a Tom Swift sentence. (Tom always speaks adverbially.)

ELKA  MOT  PLACDIYL  DISA  I  WGRE  PU  NO  LLYOVE  HTIS

2) Name the capital of each of these U.S. States. Then take a letter from the same position in each word and, without rearranging, read the letters down to get other capital. Be careful!

Oregon

California

Texas

Florida

New York

Everyone is encouraged to play, we’ve actually had some newcomers get involved in this week’s MENSA teaser and that made Steamboat very happy. Even if someone has the correct answers listed in the comment section, put your answers in their anyways, we trust your honesty (personally I don’t, but the lawyers made me type that). Good luck, God speed, and may the force be with you. Nanu nanu.

**I’ve had this stuck in pending for quite a while now and I’m not sure if I actually posted it or not. I honestly don’t remember posting it, but sniffing glue and drinking windshield washer fluid has pretty much taken away any remaining braincells I have left, so you’ll have to answer this for me: Have I already posted this shit?

Lack of preparation, lack of motivation, and a hangover that would make Don Martin proud, MindTrap Friday has been cancelled this week. Besides, Finn went 3/3 last week and buried you people, so it will take at least a week for those bruises Finn laid out on you to heal.

Who is this Finn character? If he from FINland? Is he half man, half dolPHIN, therefore invoking the FINN part of his moniker? I can’t tell you that, I’m not sure myself. I do know one thing though, Finn is the MindTrap Smarty Panted Winner of the Week, and gets to revel in our adoration for a full 168 hours.

Breathe in that adoration, Finn, that’s some fine smelling stuff.

Since MindTrap is a bust this week, what else is there to do? How about marvel at the picture of the bald, pug-nosed, alcoholic, S & M midget for a while. Ya, it’s hard not to turn away, isn’t it?

Have you checked out the new pair of Air Nike’s Mambusa is sporting? Man, they have those cool open top intake valves for better performance, a sleek new design for better toe comfort, and now they’re made with 40% less plastic, so that’s great for the environment. I won’t lie to you, I’m just a little bit envious.

The last time we played MindTrap was two full weeks ago. I remember two weeks ago well: I had more organs and less children. But that was a different time, a different era. We have all, collectively, moved on. And thank goodness, two weeks ago sucked.

In order to find the questions from the last MindTrap, you can either go into the Mitchievillian archives and search, or simply follow this handy lead which I have provided for you. The answers to those questions are as follows: 1) $14   2) A musician band    3) 15

If you answered those three questions correctly, your name is either Rob Huck or Todd. It is not Steamboat McGoo.

In order to answer the next set of MindTrap questions, you will have to follow me past the jump. Don’t be scared, it’s very well lit in there…

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Reading between the lines–the old, haggard, busted lines–since I see the word Princess, that must mean there already is either a Prince, or the Princess is waiting for her Prince charming to come calling. That Prince charming, btw, could be you.

If it is you, and you have been selected to be the snuggle bunny to this mound of fun, I suggest you start pounding back the rye and gingers right this second. Even if you don’t meet her until next year, start drinking now. Do not wait another minute, go get blottoed. And another thing, you have exquisite taste in the ladies, your daddy would be proud.

Of the myriad of MindTrap players from last week, only the Godless Commie came away with a perfect record. He correctly guessed that 1) was thick glass, 2) outside back 3) 20.

Sure, the Godless Commie is a Godless Commie, but I have to admit that he is one smart Godless Commie. So smart in fact, that he is Mitchieville’s Smarty Panted Winner of the Week. That and all the five year plans won’t get him into heaven, but I have the feeling that’s the least of his worries.

Congratulations, Godless Commie, mother Russia will be very proud of you.

Let’s have a boo at this week’s MindTrap questions, starting with…

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I was doing a little Christmas shopping at the Mitchieville Town Center yesterday when I saw Santa come barrelling down the aisle in one of those motorized scooters that seem quite popular with the aged. I always remembered Santa as being spritely and lively and less handi-capable, so it was a bit of a shock to see him hobbled down into a scooter, ho ho ho-ing from a motorized wheelchair. Not that it matters, I don’t care what Santa’s physical form is, just as long as I get that pony I want.

It does make you think though, that if Santa is now handi-Claus, there’s a bunch of things we’re going to have to change in order to accommodate him from now on. For instance, we’re going to have to install a lift in his sleigh, as well as hand peddles and levers. We may have to cut out the back of his sleigh so he has somewhere to put his wheelchair. Which brings us another problem: There’s no way handi-Claus is going to make it down a chimney, so if you want any toys this year, you best be making a wheelchair accessible ramp to your house.

Mobility will be handi-Claus’s enemy this year. A non handied-Claus has trouble getting around to every house as it is, I can hardly imagine how handied-Claus is going to attempt this feat. What we need this year is a miracle. A Christmas miracle.

Let’s get some MindTrap questions into us, and let’s forget about handi-Claus for a bit, if I think too much about him I’ll get depressed:

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Since starting a new session on MindTrap Friday this past September, participation has gone from slow, to not as low, to kind of medium, then to medium, then decent, to good, which brought us to last week which, as described by the New York Times, was “A great ride, fun for the whole family, a 5 star performance.”

I’ll be honest with you, I thought the NYT’s exaggerated a wee bit, but who am I to criticize their creative license regarding these types of things.

Now that we started off by me making little or no sense, let’s look at the winners from last week who made an awful lot of sense:

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Considering that I thought last week’s questions were extremely hard, I was quite surprised at how many people did so well. Are you people taking your omega 3 pills every morning, or something? Fish oils are great for brain development, and I have this feeling that you folks must be bathing in it.

The answers for last week’s questions are:

1) The son would get 4/7, the mother, 2/7 and the daughter, 1/7

2) Catcher and umpire

3) 27

Let’s find out who last week’s winners are…

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You really need to enlarge the picture to get the full effect of what is staring back at you. I’ll warn you first–avert your eyes, lest she/it makes contact with you. You’ll just have to trust me on that one.

Say that last week you read Retro Trivia and answered the questions in your mind. You never put them in the comment section, but rather played the game by yourself (kind of like the games you played when you were a child). Now, say you answered in order: Gary’s Tavern, Living Dolls, Frances, Terrorists, Earthquake. That would mean that you would have beaten last week’s winner–Darren–and become the Smarty Panted Winner of the Week. Instead, you didn’t win, you just sat in that fancy chair you bought at Staples and did nothing. Kind of like what is going to happen on voting day. You’ll definitely make up your mind as to who would get your vote, but voting is such a hassle, and let’s not forget about your fear of small pencils.

Anyway, let’s move on and play us some MindTrap trivia!

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Did you see that sporting event on the television last night? Wow, wasn’t that ever great? Did you see how the one team beat the other team? Amazing! Even though one of the teams lost, they sure did play well. I especially appreciated the sportsmanship, it was special. As you can tell, I really enjoy a good sport. How about you, do you enjoy a good sport every now and then? I’m sure you do, don’t even respond to my question, I’m not going to look at your answer any way.

Who was the big sporting winner from last week, you ask? It was Mikey, he ran the table and made everyone else look silly. Just like that sports team did last night to the other team, the one’s that were dressed in different uniforms. Mikey was wearing the uniform of a winner last night week while the rest of you were wearing the uniforms of Molly Maids, or some other service company that degrades their employees by making them look like hired sluts.

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Finally the MindTrap game is back on track. So you can stop sending those threatening emails now. You know I’m talking about, “Bring MindTrap back or I’ll kick your teeth in”, “If you don’t play MindTrap this week I’m going to punch your cat in its cat face”, and, “My uncle was the VP for a bank in the Cote de Ivore, and I have $400 million dollars for you.” Okay, you can keep sending me the banking/richness/Ivory Coast ones, but I insist that you stop sending the others.

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I’m going to start up MindTrap or some form of trivia again next Friday. Desperate Mitchievillian’s have been emailing me for the last month or so wondering when MindTrap will be coming back. All I seem to have heard in the last month is, “When is MindTrap coming back?”, “Why aren’t you playing MindTrap any more?”, “Do you have any idea where these disgusting bumps came from?” The answers to these questions are simple: Next Friday. We are, just be patient. Most likely from the Haitian prostitute you drove home on Tuesday.

I can promise you that you have never seen the Beatles quite like this.

As far as model planes are concerned, this is one serious son of a beeeeeatch.

Sure, the gay babies page is in pretty bad taste. But that doesn’t mean you won’t have a chuckle. Go laugh at the gay babies, they would want you to.

I’m pretty sure I could kick the crap out of every 10 year old on the planet, but then I saw this little Ninja maniac and I had second thoughts.

You have probably seen a few of these optical illusions before, but none-the-less, the page in question is still pretty decent with updated illusions.