Archive for the ‘Misha Barton’ Category

Predictions of the Year 2000 From The Ladies Home Journal of December 1900

Monday, January 4th, 2010

ladies-home-journal-1900

I was reading old issues of The Ladies Home Journal this morning, as I’m apt to do every Monday morning, when I happened upon their issue from December 1900. It was an article by John Elfreth Watkins, Jr. “What May Happen in the Next Hundred Years”.

There are 29 predictions the author made about what he thought was going to happen in the next 100 years. Some of the predictions were right on the money, while some were off by a long-shot. But one thing is for sure: This new sweater I got for Christmas really accentuates my most-manly pecks.

Here are a few predictions that were dead-on or at least pretty close:

Prediction #9: Photographs will be telegraphed from any distance. If there be a battle in China a hundred years hence snapshots of its most striking events will be published in the newspapers an hour later. Even to-day photographs are being telegraphed over short distances. Photographs will reproduce all of Nature’s colors.And then there were some that missed the mark:

Prediction #10  Man will See Around the World. Persons and things of all kinds will be brought within focus of cameras connected electrically with screens at opposite ends of circuits, thousands of miles at a span. American audiences in their theatres will view upon huge curtains before them the coronations of kings in Europe or the progress of battles in the Orient. The instrument bringing these distant scenes to the very doors of people will be connected with a giant telephone apparatus transmitting each incidental sound in its appropriate place. Thus the guns of a distant battle will be heard to boom when seen to blaze, and thus the lips of a remote actor or singer will be heard to utter words or music when seen to move.

And then there were ones that weren’t very close at all:

Prediction #11: No Mosquitoes nor Flies. Insect screens will be unnecessary. Mosquitoes, house-flies and roaches will have been practically exterminated. Boards of health will have destroyed all mosquito haunts and breeding-grounds, drained all stagnant pools, filled in all swamp-lands, and chemically treated all still-water streams. The extermination of the horse and its stable will reduce the house-fly.And then was one that is just plain creepy:

 And then there was this one that I can only define as plain creepy:

There will be a child born in 1966 who will later go on to be The Mayor of the 49th fastest growing community in NE Durham Region, Ontario, Canada, North America, The World, The Universe. And hot women with large breasts will anoint his head — anointy nointy – and men will forever be jealous of his magnificent looks and cosmic appeal, and will never look him straight in the eye for fear of being beaten like a rented mule And getting back to those women with the large breasts, did I mention how awesome they are? Because they are awesome, especially their big breasts.

Holy crap, is anyone else getting shivers up and down their spine? Imagine that, no mosquitoes.

If I were you, I would go read the whole article and laugh, cry, and sit in one position, bewildered yet amused, hot yet cold, dry yet sticky with your own bodily fluids. But fortunately I am not you, so I will sit in my large leather chair, drinking top-shelf rye while spitting pumpkin seeds into a Planter’s Peanut jar.

Someone Named Misha Barton Is Okay

Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

On her website yesterday, Misha Barton declared to her many fan that she is not an anorexic, she is doing quite fine:

“Just so you guys know I’m happier and healthier than ever,” “Things are really well in Mischa world and I’ve just been watching what I eat.”

I’m sure I can speak for every single Mitchievillian when I say, who the hell is Misha Barton?

Is it now the norm that the press are suddenly reporting that random people off the street are fine? If I phoned AP and told them I was feeling good, would they run with that story tomorrow? I would say that yes, yes they most certainly would.

And as far as this Misha Barton unit is concerned, she says she’s healthy and fine but that’s obviously a lie. Look at that picture, she shouldn’t be giving interviews, she should be conducting experiments on people in her spaceship. Look at her neck, if she had any more cartlidge hanging off her throat, talented Chinese women would be playing it like a harp. And as for her skin, it looks like that fag Ty Pennington from Extreme Makeover was sandpapering her face like it was a 2 x 4.

Anyway, I’d give you the link to Misha’s interview, but why bother?