Archive for the ‘Mitchieville Salutes...’ Category

Twaveling Awound The World

Tuesday, March 3rd, 2015

Although the title of this segment is rather soft, The Mayor promises you that the actual meat of this post will be much less soft. That’s right, it will be MUCH less soft. As in harder. Stiffer. Harder and stiffer and much less soft.

The Mayor and Fenris started this blog about ten years ago. At the time, it was an outlet to scream and rant and let off steam. Mostly though, it was a place where The Mayor could go and type a bunch of nonsense, not taking himself too seriously, posting assorted crap that made him feel good. Somewhere along the line The Mayor got serious (or more seriousler), and sort of lost the plot of his own blog. After about seven years, the blog felt like a job and truth be told The Mayor started to despise his own hangout place.

And he kind of hung up his blogging gloves (for those of you that aren’t aware, when you begin blogging, they give you a set of blogging gloves – they’re quite fetching).

However, after leaving his own blog for the better part of a year (and really about 2 years if The Mayor was capable of telling the truth), he found that he really missed the nonsense part of having a blog. And then he had an epiphany: why not make pancakes from gluten free flour? This way he can cut out the gut-killing gluten and yet still enjoy natures finest food?

And then The Mayor had a second epiphany: why not run the blog that he did when he first started? Why not the hell indeed?

And that’s what The Mayor decided to do. Starting today.

The Mayor is a happy man. The last few years have been a blessing to him. His little girl is 6 now, as gorgeous as the day is long, his two other legitimate children are doing great, and he is still madly in love with TLDG. But he misses the old blog.

Now, The Mayor is not saying Mitchieville will ever regain its past glory (and when The Mayor says glory, he uses that word because it’s better than using the word *shit*), but he is saying that from here on in, this blog has become Mitchieville 3.1. Meaning, everything old is new again.


Mitchieville’s 10,000th Post

Friday, January 7th, 2011

Wow, is this really Mitchieville’s 10,000th post? Yes, yes it is. If it wasn’t, The Mayor couldn’t make a statement like that.

10,000 posts is really an amazing accomplishment, if I do say so myself. Especially considering how many original segments and pieces we have run over the years. No wonder we are given so many awards and have a daily following in the millions.

Thanks to everyone involved who made such a feet possible. Fenris, Nurse Kate, Mike, and all the contributors from the past, please accept The Mayor’s sincerest thanks.

And thanks to you, Mitchieville’s wonderful, kind, and funny commenters’ and readers who have made Mitchieville what it is today: An obscure Canadian humour website that was once voted 4th funniest website in Canada, only to be beaten out by some dirty slut and some broad that knits.

Without you, 10,000 posts would have been impossible (actually, it would have been possible, it just wouldn’t have been as much fun).

Finally, I would like to thank myself. Thank you, Mr Mayor!

Why, you’re welcome, Mr Mayor.

Without The Mayor doing what he does, finding all that terrific internet-based entertainment for your viewing pleasure, waking up before the crack of dawn (or the crack of Julie, or Peggy, or whatever whore is in his bed), this place would close down faster than a pork-sandwich restaurant in a heavily Jewish residential area.

And with that, the 10.000th post is now officially in the books.

Here’s to 100 more posts!

That doesn’t seem like a lot. How about, here’s to 10,000 more!

Happy Grandbaby, Nancy!

Tuesday, November 2nd, 2010


Donnah, from The Florida Cracker, was good enough to email The Mayor this morning this picture with the subject line, “Nancy’s grandbaby (and second youngest granddaughter)”

Asked what the cute-as-a-button’s name is, Donnah told The Mayor, “Hereafter known as FPB (Fat Pink Baby)”

And as you can see, FPB is watching you. Like a hawk. So watch yer step.

Nancy – you are truly blessed, and Mitchieville could not be happier for you.

Mitchieville Is #1

Friday, September 17th, 2010


It’s A Gold Medal Day For Mitchieville

Saturday, January 2nd, 2010


I know this will come as a surprise to some of you, but it’s not every day that Mitchieville is bestowed medals or awards for the significant work we do here. I know that every one of you are shaking your head saying that cannot possibly be true, that The Mayor must have a closet full of citations, medals, awards and trophies considering the incredible posts that are churned out here on a daily basis.

Surprisingly, I do not.

But today I was informed that Mitchieville has risen to the #1 spot in a category so special, so unique, so exclusive, that even the biggest and most popular websites vie for it, but only a few select few will ever reach this pinnacle. Well, Mitchieville HAS reached this pinnacle, and we couldn’t be happier.

I would like to thank all the contributors to Mitchieville who made this dubious honour possible. I would like to thank all of our readers who have stood by us throughout the many years we have been up and running. I would like to thank our Lord and saviour for shining his loving light upon us. But mostly, I would like to thank me.

Man, I am SO nervous right now that my hands are shaking.


Gold medal sticker courtesy of Zazzle

Mitchieville Salutes…

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009


Either last Friday or Saturday, Mitchieville recorded its 1 millionth visitor. While many sites get a million hits in a year, month, week or even day, Mitchieville believes that slow and steady wins the race. That’s why we took our time, 4.5 years to get there. To be fair though, we would have gotten there a lot sooner had this site not been down for 7 hours a few months ago for repairs.

A big thank you goes out to all my constituents, without you, there is no me. To be fair though, without me, there would be you, but you would be less happy in the morning. Let’s just face facts here and now: We need each other, you are the ying to my yang, and I am the peanut butter to your jelly. It can even be said that you are the light to my darkness, while I am the Thor God to your nothingness.

So feel free to take today off work and celebrate the way only Mitchievillians can: By drinking so much hard liquor that you wake up in a pool of your own vomit. That’s old school, baby, but that’s the school we still attend.

A monster thank you also goes out to all the contributors to Mitchieville: Fenris, Rocky, Mike, Prof Bob. All male, all white, all heteronormative. At least that’s what they said on their resume and in the interview I gave them.

So, that’s it really, I have nothing more to add.


Reg Reginaldson Retires

Thursday, November 6th, 2008

I received an email a few weeks ago from Mitchieville’s Minister of Munitions, Textiles as it pertains to Munitions, and Mitchieville Keg Franchise Owner, Reg Reginaldson, informing The Mayor that he has retired from the Mitchieville Cabinet.

Reg told The Mayor that “It is with a heavy heart that I submit my resignation from the Mitchieville Cabinet.”


Mitchieville’s Salute To Law Enforcement

Tuesday, March 11th, 2008

Yesterday’s *Salute To Law Enforcement* quickly morphed into a caption contest it seems, and for that I am grateful. We certainly have a witty bunch in Mitchieville, if I didn’t know better I would say that some of you are aiming to usurp me. Well, you better think twice, if you’re thinking of usurping, you have come to the wrong place. If for one minute I think that you are trying to usurp me, I will kick you squarely in your balls/vagina. And don’t think I won’t, I turn into an idiot when backed into a corner.

The caption I have picked out for this picture goes a little sumpin sumpin like this–”Damn, those Chinese really are serious about getting rid of those cats. If I was you, I’d stay away from the #63 at Mr. Wong’s Food emporium for the next two years”.

Man, I fucking NAILED that one. I couldn’t be prouder.

NEXT–What the Hell Am I?

Mitchieville’s Salute To Law Enforcement

Monday, March 10th, 2008

It seems they have Rosie O’Donnell’s underwear, it’s only a matter of time before they catch up to her.