Archive for the ‘Nature’ Category

Disgusting Nature

Sunday, March 4th, 2012

Wow, she sure can take a lot of branch. He’s feeding her the bark like nobodies business. If he rips her any wider we’ll be able to count her rings. Seriously though, it’s hard to beleaf how much root she can handle. I guess some chicks are into the Giant Sequoia while others are happy to settle for the little fruit tree.

We Will Rebuild

Friday, August 26th, 2011

Just hoping Hurricane Irene doesn’t pack as much of a punch as the devastation you see before you.

~Praying~

Disgusting Nature Week

Friday, June 24th, 2011

If nothing else, Disgusting Nature Week has taught us that our environment is perverted, is probably making fun of us behind our backs, and it can’t be trusted. As you have probably figured out by now, nature consists of little more that rocks and trees that are shaped like pee pees and poo poos with the occasional boobie tossed in for good measure. On the surface that’s not a bad thing, but we’re beyond surfacical…ahhhh…errrr….things.

Nature Week is now officially over, it has run its course and died a slow, painful death. Now we can move on to other, more important topics next week. And boy, The Mayor can’t wait for Things That Got Stuck To My Pelvis When I Was In Camp Week. Should be a goodin’, tell yer friends, ya rat bastards.

Disgusting Nature

Thursday, June 23rd, 2011

The Mayor fell into a great deal today and picked up 12 packs of Schick razors for only $2.75 a pack. They’re 5 blade razors with 4 cartridges per pack. Typically you would pay around $10 – $12 a pack, but The Mayor took the remainder of a lot for next to nothing. The thing is, The Mayor loves to shave. And this is a great opportunity to shave even more. You might want to remember that if you ever get an invite to The Manor – you know exactly what The Mayor means.

Disgusting Nature Week

Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011

It would take something bigger than even a mighty oak to fill that crack; perhaps a Giant Sequoia or a Dawn Redwood. Sorry, but your pathetic Weeping Willow won’t cut it, she’d just laugh you out of the forest, Twig Boy.

Disgusting Nature Week

Tuesday, June 21st, 2011

Now THAT’S a magic mushroom.

The Mayor is very much an each-to-his-own kind of guy, but if nature insists on putting on these lewd and disgusting displays, The Mayor won’t hesitate ordering the Justice Department to shut this whole putrid display down. C’mon now, think of the children!

Disgusting Nature Week

Monday, June 20th, 2011

Betcha ten bucks the next picture taken after the one above shows the young woman “dropping” her car keys (wink wink, nudge nudge). So she has to bend over to pick them up. And that relates to the penis tree and the way it is going to be positioned when she bends over to pick up her keys. In other words, she purposely drops her keys so that the giant penis tree will rub up against her butt.

To recap: The young lady in the picture is a whore, and The Mayor’s constituents can be very slow on the uptake when it comes to jokes relating to anal sex between large breasted tree humpers and the tree in which they are to engage said humping to and or from.

The Pre-Swiss Army Knife

Friday, May 7th, 2010

Where the dilly is the rock spork?

Thems Alot Of Birds

Friday, April 30th, 2010

Some folks would say this video is a incredible display of natures absolute beauty. The Mayor sees it as a bunch of birds trying to “get it on.” Who’s right? I’ll leave that for our creator to decide.

Besides, I’m right.

That Shore Is A Giant Something Or Other

Thursday, April 22nd, 2010

The only two trees that come to mind that grow that big, and keep in mind the only thing The Mayor really knows about trees is that they are great places to take a leak on, is the sequoia and the giant redwood. Then again, maybe the people in the picture are only 4″ tall, or are figurines like the ones we used to get in Tetley Tea packages. Remember the turtle?

Nature Is Destroying Us

Thursday, July 23rd, 2009

earthbluemarblewestterra

A two-year study by three Australasian scientists has concluded that global warming is being caused by nature and not by human activity:

Auckland University climate scientist Chris de Freitas, Bob Carter, an academic at James Cook University, Townsville, and Melbourne scientist John McLean have concluded that little or none of the late 20th century warming trend can be attributed to humans.

Instead, they say that in the past 50 years the average global temperature has fallen and risen in close agreement with the development of El Nino or La Nina conditions.

In 2007, the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change said global surface temperatures had increased about by 0.74 degrees Celsius between 1906 and 2005.

The panel concluded that rising levels of greenhouse gases from human activity, including deforestation and burning of fossil fuels, were responsible for much of that increase.

De Freitas, who has worked as an adviser to the Climate Science Coalition, which is sceptical about global warming, said his paper had been fully peer-reviewed over six months and accepted by a top academic journal.

I think it’s time that nature starts accepting responsibility for ruining our planet. For far too long, nature has gotten a free pass and was always silent when the blame for global warming was being cast on humans. Tonight that ends.

When it was decided (incorrectly) that humans were the cause of global warming, governments throughout the world were too happy to tax us in order to bring us into line. Now that it has been concluded that nature is actually the fiend, it’s only right that we tax nature.

I know many of you are reading this and thinking that it’s impossible to tax nature. How is it possible to tax a volcano, or El Nino, or a tree? Well, quite frankly it is impossible to tax them, but what we must do as responsible stewards of our lands, is tax those who harbour nature.

For instance, anyone living in the same state or province as a volcano should pay a flat tax of $1000 a year. Every family should be taxed $25 for every tree on their land. The sun is the biggest greenhouse gas emitter there is, and since the sun shines more in the south, a fair tax of $3000.00 per resident should be immediately instituted.

That’s just a start, there are many more culprits out there. Think about it, who do you know that’s harbouring nature? Who do you think isn’t paying their fair share?

Nature Week — Again

Friday, July 3rd, 2009

penis-tree

I would say there is less than a 70% chance that’s going to fit. Unless it’s Barbra Streisand or any of those hags from The View, of course. I’m making one of those “throwin’ a hotdog down a hallway jokes”. Man, I’m really getting sick having to explain these gags to you. It’s a good thing you’re so beautiful.

And that ends Nature Week. You can now be excused.