Archive for the ‘News’ Category

Horoscope for the week

Monday, February 8th, 2016

When am I going to get paid? Where is my money? I want my money.

Yes, we have all had this problem. Remember the time you lent twenty bucks to your drunken friend at the Superbowl … years ago, now. And the miserable cactus has not paid you back. Hundred dollar emergency loans to decrepit relatives and fawning in-laws. Or the boss or business partner. Or the bank. Did they lie to you? Take advantage of your spiritual, caring nature? So many questions. The self doubt begins to ooze out of your eyes and armpits like black snot.

Astrology, the science of predicting the future, older and better than the snake oil mumbo jumbo and endless pills of the white coated wallet rapists of the public health care system, has the answers. Be at rest. Send me your money. Solutions will come after. Why wait? Your friends are consulting astrologers about stuff.

You want answers. I want your money. Go suffer without your horoscope for a while. Go to your room, no dinner. Brat. Send me your money.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.

Green Shoots & Leaves

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2016

Whenever someone says something to The Mayor, or re-tells negative financial news, or anything that isn’t positive, The Mayor covers his ears and says out loud, “La la la la la la la la la” very, very loud.

It helps. It helps alot.

OPEC’s Serious Decline Forecast For U.S. Shale Is Exaggerated

The Seneca Trap

Negative Interest Rates Already in Fed’s Official Scenario

Whether it’s falling oil prices, trouble in China or geopolitical uncertainty, Wall Street has a long list of worries steering money towards safe havens like gold.
“As we have seen stock markets around the world tumble dramatically, the need to protect capital has increased — and gold has benefited from that,” said Juan Carlos, director of investment research at the World Gold Council.

GoPro is Poster Child for IPO Market Scams

The credit ratings of ten of the largest energy companies just got downgraded by Standard & Poor’s.

The International Maritime Organization said it had received a shipping warning from North Korea of its intention to launch an earth observation satellite between 8 and 25 February.

How The Masses Deal With Risk (And Why They Remain Poor)

Relatively immune until now, Montana is being positioned for a flood of “refugees” over the next 18 months, as the IRC is urged to open offices in heavily populated Missoula, Montana

Retail Apocalypse: 2016 Brings Empty Shelves And Store Closings All Across America

Sears – Just Die Already

Tuesday, January 26th, 2016

Sears Canada is about to drop the Craftsman hammer on more stores throughout Canada, as sales have been sucking more than an Eureka SuctionSeal upright vacuum cleaner:

Sears’s sales declines over the past decade underline the urgency for it to reduce its footprint. The retailer’s sales have plummeted by almost half to what is expected to be just more than $3-billion in fiscal 2015 from about $6-billion 10 years earlier

According to the article, the big difference between this round of store closings and the previous 6 billion rounds of store closings, is that this time around, landlord’s don’t have businesses to replace Sears with. Before this, landlord’s would happily rip up a Sears lease because there were tons of other businesses ready and willing to have their asses handed to them on a platter (Target, Best Buy, Big Lots, Staple’s, etc). But now? Not so much. Landlord’s are stuck with giant anchor holes filled in between with 50% junk stores that are already dead but don’t know it yet (Rikki’s, Cleo, Dynamite, Claire’s, Tip Top Tailor, Old Navy, American Eagle, Bluenotes, Fairweather, Le Chateau, etc).

Brick and mortar for the most part has had it. The high end malls will still do well for a while, but sooner or later they’ll be finished as well. Outlet malls will survive until people realize that they are broke and outlet prices are ridiculous and the quality of their merchandise is pure shit.

Nothing is new and exciting, people are broke as a joke, quality isn’t a real word any more, and The Mayor looks terrific when he wears tight shirts. That’s the truth, and the truth shall make you horny.

Green Shoots & Leaves

Sunday, January 10th, 2016

The Mayor hasn’t posted a Green Shoots & Leaves in years because everything in the world is pretty much next to perfect now. The world economy, and especially the U.S of A’s, is coming along all tickety boo. Libya is now a hotbed of democracy, Ukraine is better than best, the Syrian people are enjoying their newfound freedoms, Egypt is back to a way better normal, and Yemen doesn’t even exist because you have never once heard of Yemen from those who would report news about that country if there actually was a country by that name that indeed existed.

Having said that, The Mayor has been sitting on a few links he would like to share with you. Crap links mostly. Just a bunch of lies really. Here goes nothing:

Germany Erupts Into Chaos As Protesters Declare “Rapefugees Not Welcome”

Was This Fantasy Syria Timeline Leaked To Push For Open War?

Fenris started posting his “Activist vs Activist” pieces about 8 years ago. Finally the world is starting to catch up:
Arms-length bitches, Arms-length.”

A Nation of Fly Larvae: Obama and Gun Control

Baltimore Sun Editor Says She Feels Safer From Black Criminals Wielding Guns than she does from White Permitted Gun Owners **The Mayor will bet anyone a cheese sandwich that the woman in question lives in a predominantly white area of outer Baltimore than in the heavily black area of anywhere else Baltimore

Forecasting a Million Muslim Mob

2016 Theme #3: The Rise of Independent (non-state) Crypto-Currencies

This is What Happens after PE Firms Get Through with a Retailer

Study finds higher minimum wage hurting youth employment **UNpossible!!

The Clinton-Cosby Connection: Trump Shows How to Beat the Left

Harold Meyerson hates White America

Autopsy – Lessons from Failed Startups

Residents say ‘slaughter to start any day’ after IS seizes Libya town

Victory Coffee

Sunday, November 29th, 2015

University of Guelph. A racist shit hole.

They need funding. They live in fear (6:23). Problems with professors and TA’s (7:01).

What a racist shit hole is the University of Guelph.

Catch the latest on twitter #BlackOnCampusGuelph

From the Desk of the DarkLord

Wednesday, August 26th, 2015

The Ontario Occupational Health and Safety Act, Part III.0.1, has been brought to my attention. A statist agent has shown up on my meeting calendar, filled with self importance, demands that will reduce time and resources available for revenue generation, and a presumption of familiarity with my person. He seemed more an emissary from a rival than a parchment pushing clerk seeking a prebend. Skinning him alive is not on the agenda, not with third quarter results coming in, and the big push to make budget recommendations for fiscal ‘16. To silence this magpie, from discretionary funds, I have decided to grant all his demands. Mitchieville will soon have a program to develop a Workplace Harassment and Violence policy. I have just signed the requisition. The ink is still hot.

The Workplace Harassment and Violence program needs a manager, responsible to create a program to develop a policy of Workplace Harassment and Violence. Here is an up and coming manager, you may recognize from the Mitchieville Spring Witch Burning Festival that was held at Ian Paisley Community Center. It was Mitchieville’s most popular spring community event! Everyone is still talking about it. I loved the food, the smell of burning cedar, and the good times. He will provide exactly the sort of leadership needed to push through this program so that Mitchieville can be in compliance. I am confident that everyone will support him.

Dancing under the Mango Tree

Sunday, July 12th, 2015

Do not be so glum. Why worry? Your taxes are the lowest you will ever see before they get higher and higher and never, ever, come down. Enjoy this moment. Come, dance under the mango tree! As we speak, the forces of Social Justice are seeking to disturb the bones of Nathan Bedford Forrest. Back in the past, our white racist rapist ancestors had opinions about disturbing places of burial. But, ha ha ha, our present atheist rulers have no beliefs in things like bringing the dead back to life, or unleashing angry spirits whose rest has been disturbed. To even suggest such a thing is a micro aggression. So I will not drive the likes of big red feminist to hysteria, tears, and a disability pension fueled by lobotomy effect capsules, with belaboring the point. Instead, let us embrace Global Warming Climate Change Social Science. Let us observe the effects of the event, this disturbing the barrow of the long dead. Will his spirit walk the earth and motivate the actions of the living? Or not?

Anyway, here are some quotes attributed to the nazgul, er, paladin Nathan Bedford Forrest. It will shine some light on what sort of things that the risen spirit will be doing.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.

Summer Travel Plans

Friday, May 22nd, 2015

After some thought, family plans to vacation in Baltimore have been cancelled. After all, if the progressives cannot actually pay their minions, then why go paid protesting? I was so looking forward to taking advantage of the cheap hotel rates brought on by the economic collapse in that city.

So, the next question that comes up at the family dining table is where to go vacation. Gosh, I do not have a crystal ball, but I suspect that the racist, black killing police will be adopting a hands off, ’safe space for looting’ approach to law enforcement. Which is to say, there will be a spike in crime rates. I suspect that the local businesses in these new freedom zones will adapt in some fashion. After all, if your store gets jacked for some beer, then the gentle giant who jacked the beer gets ventilated by some neo-nazi in blue, then you can look forward to getting special arson treatment in the ensuing riots. I sure hope the business owners doe not develop a vigilante attitude and start ventilating the ‘payback for slavery’ activists who now have a ‘do not shoot me’ card from the po-po. Anyway, I suspect some sort of corrosion of customer service in the freedom zones.

Where will the freedom zones be? It might be a good idea to avoid them. These can be identified as urban areas with freedom loving progressive rulers, who will be busy persecuting their own police apparatus.

Should be an interesting summer.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.

Friday, April 3rd, 2015

Easter is upon us. Easter is a time when hate filled white racists worship their god of hate, eat unhealthy food, and persecute minorities. The newspapers do not even report on the widespread practices of witch burning, queer bashing, and trans-fat gobbling. The newspapers and television stations live in fear of Christians and only report news that makes them look good. Canada is a police state, with slavery, oppression, and poor food choices. Canada is a racist shit hole.

The Clock Watcher

Friday, April 3rd, 2015

Gosh darn, how long until this scandal is blamed on racism?

Start your timers. Circle the date on the calendar. Watch the clock.

Heck. When is some stoner progressive going to clean up the wikipedia article?

Obesity Is Hurting The Economy

Friday, March 27th, 2015

Obesity is hurting the what? I can’t hear you, I have a cheeseburger in my ear. Scientists, experts, and other assorted malcontents have published research putting a dollar figure on how much obesity is costing the US economy. Here’s a hint – it’s a lot.

Widespread obesity raised medical-care costs by $315.8 billion in 2010, according to John Cawley, an economics professor at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York. That amounted to about $3,508 a year for each obese person, the latest available data showed. The expenses, which include doctors’ appointments, hospital stays, prescription drugs and home health care, were up 48 percent from 2005’s $213 billion after adjusting for inflation, the researchers found.

$3508 will buy you a lot of chocolate covered pretzels. Never mind the article though, it’s not telling you anything you don’t know. The only thing you need to know is what The Mayor is about to tell you: How do I lose weight? Forget what the “experts” have to say, forget what that fat pig Oprah has to say, and for the love of everything good, forget what anyone with the first name Phil has to tell you. They are full of shit and should be sent to a concentration camp. To concentrate. Put it this way, look at all the idiots hanging on every word Oprah has to say about dieting. Now look at Oprah closely. Do you see how fucking huge she is? She’s a beast. As for The Mayor? If you are obese, or even if you would like to lose a few pounds, The Mayor has the answer. He’s not shitting you, he knows for what he talks about. He talks about for what he knows. He knows talks about for what.

Any time you see a magazine that promises an easy way to lose 20 pounds, or any article that uses the words *easy* or *simple* in relation to a diet, well, dispose of that information immediately because it’s full of shit. Losing weight is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do in your life. Losing weight takes dedication, discipline, and is torture. And unless you’re truly serious about losing weight, you won’t.

Having said that, there are better ways to lose weight than what you are currently being told. And seriously, The Mayor does know this from first hand experience.

This post will have to be broken up into 73 mini-posts because there is too much to share in just one go-around. But to start you off, The Mayor will tell you the most effective way to start losing weight, but hang on to your ball/gully sac because it’s nearly impossible to do.

Stop eating flour and cut waaaaaaaay down on your starches.

Ta da.

Flour is death and so are starches. They are in every bread, cookie, cracker, cereal (nearly all), beer, processed food, you name it. Flour and starches are evil and are killing us. That’s a fact. Go Google-up the book Wheat Belly and read the hell out of it, it will change your life.

How can you cut out bread, you ask? And crackers? Cereal? Is The Mayor mad?

Yes, mad about your health, you cheeky little bastard.

The Mayor was never obese, or really even fat in his lifetime. He had a few extra pounds but nothing severe. About a year ago though The Mayor started experiencing stomach problems, to the point where he thought he had cancer and was going to push up daisies. Tests were done, drugs were prescribed, fingers got shoved up bums, all sorts of things happened that make The Mayor sad…and happy.

After all was said and done, the doctors didn’t find squat (except when they fingered The Mayor’s bum and found a small colony of Mexican migrant workers). Fast forward six months later (now we’re looking at 9 months of brutal stomach pain), and The Mayor read the book Wheat Belly, took its recommendations, and within 1 week his stomach problems vanished. No more doubling over after having a bowl of Alpha Bits. No more sleeping 16 hours a day. No more crapping 3 seconds after eating (funny at dinner parties though), and no more feeling the pain similar to what it would be like having a German Sheppard puppy living in your bowels.

Mind you, gluten is The Mayor’s problem, but The Mayor also noticed that he was starting to shed weight. Like 20 pounds in 3 months. After talking to a half-dozen or so non-glutener’s, he found they all had the same story – and that story included losing massive amounts of weight.

The Mayor is going to end this portion of the show right here. It will give you a chance to get up, go to the kitchen and grab some chicks, chocolate, and a bowl of ice cream

More to come, betcha can’t wait!

Horoscope for the week of March 15, 2015

Sunday, March 15th, 2015

Aries: You march with the God of War this week Aries. The sound of your footsteps is like that of a marching army. Cowards flee at your approach.

Taurus: Total victory is yours this Wednesday, Taurus. A month of good things begins then, but be wary about communications, documents, and paperwork.

Gemini: Your week features confusion in communications, Gemini. A prophetic dream you will have on Wednesday.

Cancer: Your week begins with complications, obnoxious old people, and irksome gimps.

Leo: You rule, Leo. Your focus will not be of your choosing, however.

Virgo: Turn right, or turn left, regardless you will find yourself at an orgy. Be presentable, or face the inhibitions that come from wearing underwear with holes.

Libra: After Wednesday you will find yourself being pulled into all sorts of romantic liaisons. There is magic in that spring air, especially after dark. The underwear you find in the back seat of your car is not yours.

Scorpio: You will wake up in a parallel dimension. It may take some time for you to catch on. What happens in parallel dimension, stays in parallel dimension.

Sagittarius: You will find yourself in an alliance with a leader, but nothing really gets done. Take advantage of the free food and drink that has been supplied.

Capricorn: The answer is at your fingertips. Some research is required. Shoelaces require attention.

Aquarius: Do not lose your head. This includes talking back to any sort of medieval baron, bishop, or king. Agreement is both wise and practical.

Pisces: There is a secret underwater base located within only a few miles of your home. Someone close to you is in league with them. You will identify them by the tin foil hat.