Archive for the ‘News’ Category

Canadian’s Are In More Debt Than Ever…And That’s AWESOME!

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2014

According to the latest figures by Equifax, Canadian’s are in more debt than ever before:

Canadians continue to pile on debt and now collectively owe more than $1.5 trillion, according to the latest figures from Equifax Canada.

The consumer credit rating agency says the level at the end of the third quarter was up 7.4 per cent from $1.409 trillion a year ago.

At the end of the day it matters not that collectively, Canadian’s are the most indebted nation in the world. What matters at the end of the day is how much cool shit we have. Living paycheque to paycheque, hand to mouth, is really no big deal. What is a big deal is a kick-ass giant TV and a poo-load of awesome apps loaded onto a $700 Android. Can’t pay the mortgage? Who cares, check out the new rims on my new Camero. They’re made of gold. They cost 5 million dollars each.

Most folks worry about debt, but if the last 6 years since the Great Financial Crisis has taught The Mayor anything, it’s that we need to embrace debt, let it become someone else’s problem. Like the old adage – if you owe the bank $1 million that’s YOUR problem, if you owe them $100 million that’s THEIR problem.

Now get out there and spend. Kiss debt square on the lips and stick your disgusting whiskey tongue straight down debts mouth. Embrace debt. Love debt. Make love to debt. Doggie debt until until you explode.

The Accelerationist Candidate

Monday, March 17th, 2014

The Toronto Sun has a poll out showing that Olivia Chow, the vanguard candidate of the South Of Bloor (SOB’s) hyphenated-Canadians out in the lead. Great. John Tory, the Conservative in name only, is bleeding votes from crack Mayor Ford. So, take your pick: which gravy train candidate do you want? Olivia, or John.

Do you think the system can be ‘reformed’? Do you believe that the only way the system can be reformed is to collapse? The collapse is called The Great Unburdening. The unburdening of the state is the only solution then one should accelerate this collapse. So, vote for Chow to bring it on.

Retail – Get The Hell Out Of Here

Friday, January 24th, 2014

Retail is suckin; stores are closin’, the debt be a pilin’ up, everything is horrible:

On Tuesday, Sears said that it will shutter its flagship store in downtown Chicago in April. It’s the latest of about 300 store closures in the U.S. that Sears has made since 2010. The news follows announcements earlier this month of multiple store closings from major department stores J.C. Penney and Macy’s.

Further signs of cuts in the industry came Wednesday, when Target said that it will eliminate 475 jobs worldwide, including some at its Minnesota headquarters, and not fill 700 empty positions.

Experts said these headlines are only the tip of the iceberg for the industry, which is set to undergo a multiyear period of shuttering stores and trimming square footage.

Shoppers will likely see an average decrease in overall retail square footage of between one-third and one-half within the next five to 10 years, as a shift to e-commerce brings with it fewer mall visits and a lesser need to keep inventory stocked in-store, said Michael Burden, a principal with Excess Space Retail Services.

“I believe we’re going to hear a lot more announcements in the coming months,” Burden said. It’s “an indication that there is a shift in the retail environment and it’s one that will continue.”

It will continue until the last mall walker is physically removed and all Orange Julius stores are shuttered.

Although the article is primarily about stores on American soil, the same approach will be felt here in the Great White North©. We are so over-retailed it’s ridiculous. You can’t swing a Lululemon bag without hitting a Bench bag. And although we are severely over-retailed here in Canada, companies from the US and elsewhere are still piling in, giving us more crap we don’t want and really can’t afford.

Last year alone (maybe within the last two years actually), Target (Tarjay to Canucks), Dollar Tree, Marshall’s and J Crew set up shop on Canadian soil. Bloomingdale’s (spit) and Nordstrom will be here soon. Oy Vey. Before any of those stores were here we were already over-retailed. So in essence, they muscled their way in to an already full room. But maybe they are different, maybe they have a unique product line never seen before in Canada? No, no they don’t.

Tarjay is a disaster. What a piece of crap. The Mayor honestly thinks they came to Canada on their name only and thought they could get away with selling overpriced garbage and would be welcome with open arms because they are TARJAY. Not going to happen. Tarjay is just another Chinese crap depository that sells the same garbage 5 thousand other crap depositories sell in Canada. As far as The Mayor is concerned, Tarjay can take their cheap red toasters and get the hell out of Canada.

Dollar Tree is much of the same. What a joke. Like we need bigger, crappier dollar stores. The only difference between Dollar Tree and any of the other 10 trillion dollar stores that litter every strip mall in Canada is that the Dollar Tree truly sucks the fat one. And most of their junk isn’t even a dollar. Some stuff is two dollars. Some junk is actually more. It’s not the Dollar Tree, it’s the Dollars Tree. The Mayor would like to burn down the tree. First he would urinate on it, then burn it down. But he knows full well if he does that, the tree would most likely smell like cheap Chinese plastic and probably give him cancer. F U Dollar Tree for giving The Mayor cancer.

The other stores The Mayor mentioned are all the same as well.

The main reason malls are closing is because malls suck. Is there a guy alive who has uttered within the last 10 years, “Let’s go to the mall today, honey”? Of course not. The Mayor would rather hammer a rusty nail into his right testicle than have to zombie walk through a mall that smells like cheap perfume and desperation. Screw that. Malls are putting themselves out of business. Look at the rents they charge. Outrageous I tells ya!

Plus, online shopping is kicking ass and taking numbers. Retail brick and mortar can not compete with online.

If you were to honestly look around at all the retail that blights our vision, you would have to say that we could do without 40% of the stores that are out there. Maybe more. For instance, if you needed to buy a TV this weekend, think of your options. You can buy one at Best Buy or Future Shop (where not one employee knows anything about anything), or you can pick up a TV while buying your groceries at The Great Canadian Super Centre. How keraaazy is that? You can buy some veggies, a steak, some crackers, and a 46″ Samsuck. Or, get your TV from Wal-Mart, Canadian Tire, Sears, The Bay, 2001, Tiger Direct, The Brick, Leon’s, Costco, Tarjay, XS Cargo, The Sony Store, Bad Boy, etc. Or, go buy one online. It’s not as if those stores mentioned have different TV’s than the next guy.

The obese lady is singing and a whole bunch of retail dinosaurs and malls are listening. Good riddance. It’s was great while it lasted, but all The Mayor wants to see from them now is the back of their necks as they leave the room. And don’t let the door hit yer ass as ya leave, ya rotten bitches.

Ruining Christmas for the Happy Holidays

Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

Like most caring Canadians, Mrs. Badwulf and I give generously to charity. We give our time, without reservation. Mrs. Badwulf is an accounting professional, so owning and running and profiting from running a non-profit is a snap to her flying fingers. Also, we accept wages, bonuses, commissions, and expenses as meager recompense for our leadership role in this caring crusade. It is amazing the funding from state sources that can be tapped … unleashed with a few simple misdirections on paper, some staged photographs, and trivial examples of wishful thinking.

Charles C. Charlatan the Third is our fictitious leader. He symbolizes the important work done by the organization. All of our volunteers receive recommendations signed in his name. A hushed cult of the personality exists around his shadowy non-existence. His voice mail is always active, and Charles responds to emails, writes correspondence, and occasionally leaves voice messages. His influence on the charity is everywhere, as if to make up for his never existing. His signature appears on grant applications, appeals for donations, and requests for funding. He even leaves fingerprints, if it comes down to a forensic audit.

William Monkey, Chartered Accountant. Billy, as he is known to the staff, is the second key fictitious member of the management team. His signature appears on every document, a veritable bread crumb along the audit trail. He has an office, a business card, and an email address. His invisible shoulders bear the heavy responsibility of being responsible in the event of tax audit or police investigation. Impeachable documents exist proving his timely exit from Toronto to places overseas. Everybody loves Billy, and nobody would suspect him of fraud, larceny, or bunko. As Mrs. Badwulf and I clink our champagne glasses together, we share a smile and practice our response: Where did the money go, detectives?

Christmas is a time of giving, and give they will. Give it up, those confiscated tens of dollars; give it up into our clutches! These progressives are engaged in a value for value exchange: they get their white guilt stroked. Oh, the touching images of waifs, of tears on childrens’ cheeks, and gnarly lap dogs sad without a bone. There are keepsakes for the elite guardians of other peoples money: a touching letter written in pidgin English saying Thank You, a knotted doll made by a blind girl, or a paw print on a bit of kraft paper. How the tears flow; and then the zeros on the check. They give, I spend, and you pay.

Down in the basement of Fenris Badwulf live the people who do the actual work. Volunteers have spotty effort levels. Volunteers are just looking for volunteer hours for various statist requirements: high school graduation, corporate ballsack licking, or parole requirements. Nobody is a volunteer down in the basement. Over time, their skin grows pale: like winter in Toronto, there is no sunlight down there. Their hair is patchy; maybe they should wash … but tap water contributes to Global Warming, so it is better, Gaia-wise, to let them scratch and stink. They make great telemarketers these basement citizens. They will close a donation to get a commission of a cup of rice, a spoon of beans, or a square of cardboard to sleep upon. The most depraved degradations are their familiar companions. How else to further the agenda of raising money to fight the demons of the age: Global Warming, Fracking, or Fag Awareness? These former people never celebrated Christmas, so taking the Christ of Christmas and making them agents of the Happy Holidays only seemed right, er, left.

I know you care. You care about the Thrall-Canadians in my basement. Send me your money. You will get a tax receipt. Ask for the brochure about pro-rating your giving to be in friendly proportion to your tax receipting. Tell me what favors and gifts should be showered upon the basement dwellers. I know you care.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.
Originally posted at The Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence.

Happy Global Warming Toronto

Monday, December 23rd, 2013

Yes, the City of Light is in darkness. Apparently, there are some deluded fools who embrace materialism and Gaia-hatred and think the demon electricity is good. Electricity is not good. Electricity is bad. As an activist, a caring person, I deplore this squandering of resources in a time of Global Warming.

In the underfunded community warming centers, people fight for food. In Toronto, people fight for food. You won’t read about this in the main stream media. They are under the control of the Big Food lobby. They sort of pretend to be concerned about Genetically Modified food (GMO, not the more logical GMF). So the ugly incidents of cold primate clobbering an old cold primate for his paper plate of macaroni and bagel, spilling his styrofoam cup of grape drink just pass by. Just talk to some of the emergency room staff. They will tell you about the results of eye gouging, the jagged bite marks, and the scalding of prisoners with pots of chai tea. It made me cry. The humanity. If this environmental disaster goes on much longer, they will resort to cannibalism.

The zombies shuffled past the burning cars on Yonge street. No, net yet. Thank any God but Christ that there are some Toronto councilors with enough Chardonay in their veins to resist the Sauron-like agenda of Rob Ford. Let us keep the Christ out of Christmas, and the old pagan gods will come back. Those homophobe Christians called them demons. That is like calling an N-person an N-person.

Happy Global Warming Toronto

Sunday, December 22nd, 2013

Do not walk under the trees the police spokesqueeracceptor said on CBC. The storm is going to last three days. If you get cold, go to a place of warmth. Good advice.

This is a Christmas present, this weather. Streetcar service has been cancelled. So have the LRT’s. Smart move Bolsheviks to put in that technology rather than subways. Mayor Ford was right, but he was too far right, right? Freeze you Bolsheviks, freeze. If you get sleepy in the cold, go have a nap.

Mourning Nelson Mandela week begins in Mitchieville

Saturday, December 7th, 2013

I hope you are ready for the back to back coverage of Nelson’s death. Wrap your lips around the crack pipe of political correctness and get slurping. Too bad all this media frenzy and circle jerking will cut into the equally ineffective coverage of Mayor Ford.

Tuesday, December 3rd, 2013

http://www.worldstaruncut.com/uncut/64894

Please don’t pee on the TTC.

Way back in 2006
the valiant activists at Mitchieville were raising awareness of this aspect of diversity.

I am getting tired of this darn thing turning on automatically every time I log into the site, so if you want to look at the vid, follow the link. If you want to experience diversity, just ride the TTC.

Philippines Total Global Warming Disaster Watch

Saturday, November 9th, 2013

Like you, my bowels have been loosened by the news coming out of the Philippines. Not only is this completely unexpected climactic event complete proof of the existence of Global Warming, but it also highlights the systemic racism of Canadian society. I am disgusted. My poly-gendered neighbor’s nanny has shared with me many anecdotes of the perfect culture and society that is that island paradise. Her uncle (here for hip replacement) has added a layer of sunshine to our community that dispels the gloom of this Canadian climate.

For you Mitchievillians, a word of warning: do not be deceived by cynical, evil, right white wing extremists in their agenda of hate. These loathsome Christians could use pictures from Philippines Typhoon 2012 for Philippines Typhoon 2013. The swine.

I want you to show you care. This disaster highlights the needs for more social spending in Mitchieville. The Mayor’s pet project, the extension to the Mayor of Mitchieville Memorial Aquatic Center, needs funds. Do you care? I care. Insufficient volume of federal and provincial confiscated funds have found their way into the clutches of the Mayor of Mitchieville Memorial Aquatic Center funding committee. Without additional funding I am afraid that the Global Warming Awareness Sauna will remain inadequately paneled in poplar, and fresh birch branches unavailable for patrons, in keeping with Finnish tradition. There is a need for a diversity of towels (bath towel size, hand towels, and wash cloths) that borders on genocide.

Please, please help. Send your money to me, Fenris Badwulf. I care.

Remembering Aaron Swartz

Wednesday, October 30th, 2013

Mitchievillians, take a moment an remember Aaron Swartz. You know, that guy. To refresh your memory, an excerpt from one of his many obits.

The Economist, in a teary eyed obituary, casts doubts on the meme that prosecution sent the activist Aaron on his trail of self destruction:

The prospect of prison may or may not have been what pushed the 26-year-old, long struggling with bouts of depression, over the edge. Opinions varied as to whether prosecutors could secure a conviction.

If only Obamacare had been in effect then. He could have gotten affordable treatment for his depression. And, given Aar’s legendary computer skills, the Obamacare website would work.

I care. I am going to continue to remember Aaron Swartz.

No Pension for you

Tuesday, September 24th, 2013

In the ongoing spectacle that is the transformation of Western Civilization from racist shit hole to Third World paradise, one is always intrigued by the slow strangulation of the work ethic. In this case, the digestion of private wealth to serve the statist agenda. For your amusement, the news that Poland has gobbled up half of their pension assets. Research. Enjoy.

Of course, it would never happen here. Ha ha ha.

Monday, September 2nd, 2013

Just who the heck is Dick Gherkin? He was a character in an obscure Limey television show back in the last century. Guess what? ‘Dick Gherkin’ is applying for a job at Mitchieville Municipal. As I, Fenris Badwulf, am Human Resources Jefe for Mitchieville, all job applications cross my desk: for study, contemplation, termination, and sometimes, approval. Who the heck is Dick Gherkin? Who dares uses an assumed identity to seek out employment, pension, and benefits in Mitchieville? (more…)