Archive for the ‘News’ Category

Summer Travel Plans

Friday, May 22nd, 2015

After some thought, family plans to vacation in Baltimore have been cancelled. After all, if the progressives cannot actually pay their minions, then why go paid protesting? I was so looking forward to taking advantage of the cheap hotel rates brought on by the economic collapse in that city.

So, the next question that comes up at the family dining table is where to go vacation. Gosh, I do not have a crystal ball, but I suspect that the racist, black killing police will be adopting a hands off, ’safe space for looting’ approach to law enforcement. Which is to say, there will be a spike in crime rates. I suspect that the local businesses in these new freedom zones will adapt in some fashion. After all, if your store gets jacked for some beer, then the gentle giant who jacked the beer gets ventilated by some neo-nazi in blue, then you can look forward to getting special arson treatment in the ensuing riots. I sure hope the business owners doe not develop a vigilante attitude and start ventilating the ‘payback for slavery’ activists who now have a ‘do not shoot me’ card from the po-po. Anyway, I suspect some sort of corrosion of customer service in the freedom zones.

Where will the freedom zones be? It might be a good idea to avoid them. These can be identified as urban areas with freedom loving progressive rulers, who will be busy persecuting their own police apparatus.

Should be an interesting summer.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.

Friday, April 3rd, 2015

Easter is upon us. Easter is a time when hate filled white racists worship their god of hate, eat unhealthy food, and persecute minorities. The newspapers do not even report on the widespread practices of witch burning, queer bashing, and trans-fat gobbling. The newspapers and television stations live in fear of Christians and only report news that makes them look good. Canada is a police state, with slavery, oppression, and poor food choices. Canada is a racist shit hole.

The Clock Watcher

Friday, April 3rd, 2015

Gosh darn, how long until this scandal is blamed on racism?

Start your timers. Circle the date on the calendar. Watch the clock.

Heck. When is some stoner progressive going to clean up the wikipedia article?

Obesity Is Hurting The Economy

Friday, March 27th, 2015

Obesity is hurting the what? I can’t hear you, I have a cheeseburger in my ear. Scientists, experts, and other assorted malcontents have published research putting a dollar figure on how much obesity is costing the US economy. Here’s a hint – it’s a lot.

Widespread obesity raised medical-care costs by $315.8 billion in 2010, according to John Cawley, an economics professor at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York. That amounted to about $3,508 a year for each obese person, the latest available data showed. The expenses, which include doctors’ appointments, hospital stays, prescription drugs and home health care, were up 48 percent from 2005’s $213 billion after adjusting for inflation, the researchers found.

$3508 will buy you a lot of chocolate covered pretzels. Never mind the article though, it’s not telling you anything you don’t know. The only thing you need to know is what The Mayor is about to tell you: How do I lose weight? Forget what the “experts” have to say, forget what that fat pig Oprah has to say, and for the love of everything good, forget what anyone with the first name Phil has to tell you. They are full of shit and should be sent to a concentration camp. To concentrate. Put it this way, look at all the idiots hanging on every word Oprah has to say about dieting. Now look at Oprah closely. Do you see how fucking huge she is? She’s a beast. As for The Mayor? If you are obese, or even if you would like to lose a few pounds, The Mayor has the answer. He’s not shitting you, he knows for what he talks about. He talks about for what he knows. He knows talks about for what.

Any time you see a magazine that promises an easy way to lose 20 pounds, or any article that uses the words *easy* or *simple* in relation to a diet, well, dispose of that information immediately because it’s full of shit. Losing weight is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do in your life. Losing weight takes dedication, discipline, and is torture. And unless you’re truly serious about losing weight, you won’t.

Having said that, there are better ways to lose weight than what you are currently being told. And seriously, The Mayor does know this from first hand experience.

This post will have to be broken up into 73 mini-posts because there is too much to share in just one go-around. But to start you off, The Mayor will tell you the most effective way to start losing weight, but hang on to your ball/gully sac because it’s nearly impossible to do.

Stop eating flour and cut waaaaaaaay down on your starches.

Ta da.

Flour is death and so are starches. They are in every bread, cookie, cracker, cereal (nearly all), beer, processed food, you name it. Flour and starches are evil and are killing us. That’s a fact. Go Google-up the book Wheat Belly and read the hell out of it, it will change your life.

How can you cut out bread, you ask? And crackers? Cereal? Is The Mayor mad?

Yes, mad about your health, you cheeky little bastard.

The Mayor was never obese, or really even fat in his lifetime. He had a few extra pounds but nothing severe. About a year ago though The Mayor started experiencing stomach problems, to the point where he thought he had cancer and was going to push up daisies. Tests were done, drugs were prescribed, fingers got shoved up bums, all sorts of things happened that make The Mayor sad…and happy.

After all was said and done, the doctors didn’t find squat (except when they fingered The Mayor’s bum and found a small colony of Mexican migrant workers). Fast forward six months later (now we’re looking at 9 months of brutal stomach pain), and The Mayor read the book Wheat Belly, took its recommendations, and within 1 week his stomach problems vanished. No more doubling over after having a bowl of Alpha Bits. No more sleeping 16 hours a day. No more crapping 3 seconds after eating (funny at dinner parties though), and no more feeling the pain similar to what it would be like having a German Sheppard puppy living in your bowels.

Mind you, gluten is The Mayor’s problem, but The Mayor also noticed that he was starting to shed weight. Like 20 pounds in 3 months. After talking to a half-dozen or so non-glutener’s, he found they all had the same story – and that story included losing massive amounts of weight.

The Mayor is going to end this portion of the show right here. It will give you a chance to get up, go to the kitchen and grab some chicks, chocolate, and a bowl of ice cream

More to come, betcha can’t wait!

Horoscope for the week of March 15, 2015

Sunday, March 15th, 2015

Aries: You march with the God of War this week Aries. The sound of your footsteps is like that of a marching army. Cowards flee at your approach.

Taurus: Total victory is yours this Wednesday, Taurus. A month of good things begins then, but be wary about communications, documents, and paperwork.

Gemini: Your week features confusion in communications, Gemini. A prophetic dream you will have on Wednesday.

Cancer: Your week begins with complications, obnoxious old people, and irksome gimps.

Leo: You rule, Leo. Your focus will not be of your choosing, however.

Virgo: Turn right, or turn left, regardless you will find yourself at an orgy. Be presentable, or face the inhibitions that come from wearing underwear with holes.

Libra: After Wednesday you will find yourself being pulled into all sorts of romantic liaisons. There is magic in that spring air, especially after dark. The underwear you find in the back seat of your car is not yours.

Scorpio: You will wake up in a parallel dimension. It may take some time for you to catch on. What happens in parallel dimension, stays in parallel dimension.

Sagittarius: You will find yourself in an alliance with a leader, but nothing really gets done. Take advantage of the free food and drink that has been supplied.

Capricorn: The answer is at your fingertips. Some research is required. Shoelaces require attention.

Aquarius: Do not lose your head. This includes talking back to any sort of medieval baron, bishop, or king. Agreement is both wise and practical.

Pisces: There is a secret underwater base located within only a few miles of your home. Someone close to you is in league with them. You will identify them by the tin foil hat.

Diary of Irresponsible Government

Sunday, February 22nd, 2015

You can learn a lot about life from foreign movies.

The Problem of World Hunger

Sunday, February 22nd, 2015

The poor starving creatures of Toronto. My heart bleeds, and the tears gush down my face. I can hardly bear to type. O, Woe.

A generous reader of this blog has donated a garbage truck of restaurant waste for the growing Mitchieville Save the Toronto Seagull movement. I am confident that our plans to have more seagulls reach breeding season this year will occur. Thanks to the ongoing effort of the Mitchieville Toronto Seagull Refuge tens of thousands of seagulls will survive the harsh Toronto climate. Now, thanks to this angel, the protected seagull flocks can enjoy a mid winter gorging; surely this will preserve the flock at its present numbers, and give them an advantage in numbers and strength for the coming spring.

Thank you, Marc in Calgary.

A bronze plank in the Mitchieville Supreme Central Library has been designated. The unveiling ceremony is at 3:30 pm, on Thursday. Everyone is welcome. Liquor, Dope, and Whores will be available.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.

Diary of Irresponsible Government

Sunday, February 15th, 2015

Some think that the next large ground war will be fought here, in North America. They do not talk about it much. It is not the sort of thing you talk about as you wait in line for a coffee. I can understand that. You can have an opinion about lots of things, but you just do not talk about your opinions in a public place. Like waiting to buy something in a convenience store. You do not chit chat with a friend about your mutual interest in the Manson family. Or anything politically incorrect. You have to watch your tongue.

North America would make a great place of a large ground war. The Europeans certainly do not want have a second installment of the Second World War. Their governments are busy appeasing the Russians, Muslims, and whatever. Our layers of irresponsible rulers are caught up in fairy cake issues. Does the sound of trees snapping in the cold evoke Global Warming to you? The vanguard media are focused on rape culture, the never terrorist immigration vote, and defense of baby boomer defined benefit pensions. Irresponsible government is just that. You can fine tune the reasons it is failing, point the finger at whatever. The possibility, the probability, of the next large ground war being fought here is on the table.

Empires do not pass quietly in the night. Poland used to be a great power. Then came the deluge. How much did eroding the rights of the Cossacks contribute to this? Is this a comparable event to the present time? You know how history likes to repeat itself. Maybe the alienation of the police and military from the heads of irresponsible government will lead to a coup, unrest, or turmoil. Having a ruling elite that despises the police, the military, and, well, white people, is OK. History will not repeat itself. Sure.

Still, this is not something to chat about in public.
And to correctly envision the scenario in which it happens is a long and detailed analysis. Could anyone have predicted World War Two? Better yet, did anyone who foresaw World War Two not earn the odium of the politically correct of the time? Did the Jews of Eastern Europe heed the writing on the wall and absent themselves from the coming storm? Some did. And you, are you watching, let alone preparing, you privileged white racist, rapist, meanie? Anyway, I say that the next ground war will be fought here, in North America. But in a country without freedom of speech, where can I find the comforting, soothing words of reason to lance this boil of worry? Shut up, whitey. Pay your taxes.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.

Canadian’s Are In More Debt Than Ever…And That’s AWESOME!

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2014

According to the latest figures by Equifax, Canadian’s are in more debt than ever before:

Canadians continue to pile on debt and now collectively owe more than $1.5 trillion, according to the latest figures from Equifax Canada.

The consumer credit rating agency says the level at the end of the third quarter was up 7.4 per cent from $1.409 trillion a year ago.

At the end of the day it matters not that collectively, Canadian’s are the most indebted nation in the world. What matters at the end of the day is how much cool shit we have. Living paycheque to paycheque, hand to mouth, is really no big deal. What is a big deal is a kick-ass giant TV and a poo-load of awesome apps loaded onto a $700 Android. Can’t pay the mortgage? Who cares, check out the new rims on my new Camero. They’re made of gold. They cost 5 million dollars each.

Most folks worry about debt, but if the last 6 years since the Great Financial Crisis has taught The Mayor anything, it’s that we need to embrace debt, let it become someone else’s problem. Like the old adage – if you owe the bank $1 million that’s YOUR problem, if you owe them $100 million that’s THEIR problem.

Now get out there and spend. Kiss debt square on the lips and stick your disgusting whiskey tongue straight down debts mouth. Embrace debt. Love debt. Make love to debt. Doggie debt until until you explode.

The Accelerationist Candidate

Monday, March 17th, 2014

The Toronto Sun has a poll out showing that Olivia Chow, the vanguard candidate of the South Of Bloor (SOB’s) hyphenated-Canadians out in the lead. Great. John Tory, the Conservative in name only, is bleeding votes from crack Mayor Ford. So, take your pick: which gravy train candidate do you want? Olivia, or John.

Do you think the system can be ‘reformed’? Do you believe that the only way the system can be reformed is to collapse? The collapse is called The Great Unburdening. The unburdening of the state is the only solution then one should accelerate this collapse. So, vote for Chow to bring it on.

Retail – Get The Hell Out Of Here

Friday, January 24th, 2014

Retail is suckin; stores are closin’, the debt be a pilin’ up, everything is horrible:

On Tuesday, Sears said that it will shutter its flagship store in downtown Chicago in April. It’s the latest of about 300 store closures in the U.S. that Sears has made since 2010. The news follows announcements earlier this month of multiple store closings from major department stores J.C. Penney and Macy’s.

Further signs of cuts in the industry came Wednesday, when Target said that it will eliminate 475 jobs worldwide, including some at its Minnesota headquarters, and not fill 700 empty positions.

Experts said these headlines are only the tip of the iceberg for the industry, which is set to undergo a multiyear period of shuttering stores and trimming square footage.

Shoppers will likely see an average decrease in overall retail square footage of between one-third and one-half within the next five to 10 years, as a shift to e-commerce brings with it fewer mall visits and a lesser need to keep inventory stocked in-store, said Michael Burden, a principal with Excess Space Retail Services.

“I believe we’re going to hear a lot more announcements in the coming months,” Burden said. It’s “an indication that there is a shift in the retail environment and it’s one that will continue.”

It will continue until the last mall walker is physically removed and all Orange Julius stores are shuttered.

Although the article is primarily about stores on American soil, the same approach will be felt here in the Great White North©. We are so over-retailed it’s ridiculous. You can’t swing a Lululemon bag without hitting a Bench bag. And although we are severely over-retailed here in Canada, companies from the US and elsewhere are still piling in, giving us more crap we don’t want and really can’t afford.

Last year alone (maybe within the last two years actually), Target (Tarjay to Canucks), Dollar Tree, Marshall’s and J Crew set up shop on Canadian soil. Bloomingdale’s (spit) and Nordstrom will be here soon. Oy Vey. Before any of those stores were here we were already over-retailed. So in essence, they muscled their way in to an already full room. But maybe they are different, maybe they have a unique product line never seen before in Canada? No, no they don’t.

Tarjay is a disaster. What a piece of crap. The Mayor honestly thinks they came to Canada on their name only and thought they could get away with selling overpriced garbage and would be welcome with open arms because they are TARJAY. Not going to happen. Tarjay is just another Chinese crap depository that sells the same garbage 5 thousand other crap depositories sell in Canada. As far as The Mayor is concerned, Tarjay can take their cheap red toasters and get the hell out of Canada.

Dollar Tree is much of the same. What a joke. Like we need bigger, crappier dollar stores. The only difference between Dollar Tree and any of the other 10 trillion dollar stores that litter every strip mall in Canada is that the Dollar Tree truly sucks the fat one. And most of their junk isn’t even a dollar. Some stuff is two dollars. Some junk is actually more. It’s not the Dollar Tree, it’s the Dollars Tree. The Mayor would like to burn down the tree. First he would urinate on it, then burn it down. But he knows full well if he does that, the tree would most likely smell like cheap Chinese plastic and probably give him cancer. F U Dollar Tree for giving The Mayor cancer.

The other stores The Mayor mentioned are all the same as well.

The main reason malls are closing is because malls suck. Is there a guy alive who has uttered within the last 10 years, “Let’s go to the mall today, honey”? Of course not. The Mayor would rather hammer a rusty nail into his right testicle than have to zombie walk through a mall that smells like cheap perfume and desperation. Screw that. Malls are putting themselves out of business. Look at the rents they charge. Outrageous I tells ya!

Plus, online shopping is kicking ass and taking numbers. Retail brick and mortar can not compete with online.

If you were to honestly look around at all the retail that blights our vision, you would have to say that we could do without 40% of the stores that are out there. Maybe more. For instance, if you needed to buy a TV this weekend, think of your options. You can buy one at Best Buy or Future Shop (where not one employee knows anything about anything), or you can pick up a TV while buying your groceries at The Great Canadian Super Centre. How keraaazy is that? You can buy some veggies, a steak, some crackers, and a 46″ Samsuck. Or, get your TV from Wal-Mart, Canadian Tire, Sears, The Bay, 2001, Tiger Direct, The Brick, Leon’s, Costco, Tarjay, XS Cargo, The Sony Store, Bad Boy, etc. Or, go buy one online. It’s not as if those stores mentioned have different TV’s than the next guy.

The obese lady is singing and a whole bunch of retail dinosaurs and malls are listening. Good riddance. It’s was great while it lasted, but all The Mayor wants to see from them now is the back of their necks as they leave the room. And don’t let the door hit yer ass as ya leave, ya rotten bitches.

Ruining Christmas for the Happy Holidays

Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

Like most caring Canadians, Mrs. Badwulf and I give generously to charity. We give our time, without reservation. Mrs. Badwulf is an accounting professional, so owning and running and profiting from running a non-profit is a snap to her flying fingers. Also, we accept wages, bonuses, commissions, and expenses as meager recompense for our leadership role in this caring crusade. It is amazing the funding from state sources that can be tapped … unleashed with a few simple misdirections on paper, some staged photographs, and trivial examples of wishful thinking.

Charles C. Charlatan the Third is our fictitious leader. He symbolizes the important work done by the organization. All of our volunteers receive recommendations signed in his name. A hushed cult of the personality exists around his shadowy non-existence. His voice mail is always active, and Charles responds to emails, writes correspondence, and occasionally leaves voice messages. His influence on the charity is everywhere, as if to make up for his never existing. His signature appears on grant applications, appeals for donations, and requests for funding. He even leaves fingerprints, if it comes down to a forensic audit.

William Monkey, Chartered Accountant. Billy, as he is known to the staff, is the second key fictitious member of the management team. His signature appears on every document, a veritable bread crumb along the audit trail. He has an office, a business card, and an email address. His invisible shoulders bear the heavy responsibility of being responsible in the event of tax audit or police investigation. Impeachable documents exist proving his timely exit from Toronto to places overseas. Everybody loves Billy, and nobody would suspect him of fraud, larceny, or bunko. As Mrs. Badwulf and I clink our champagne glasses together, we share a smile and practice our response: Where did the money go, detectives?

Christmas is a time of giving, and give they will. Give it up, those confiscated tens of dollars; give it up into our clutches! These progressives are engaged in a value for value exchange: they get their white guilt stroked. Oh, the touching images of waifs, of tears on childrens’ cheeks, and gnarly lap dogs sad without a bone. There are keepsakes for the elite guardians of other peoples money: a touching letter written in pidgin English saying Thank You, a knotted doll made by a blind girl, or a paw print on a bit of kraft paper. How the tears flow; and then the zeros on the check. They give, I spend, and you pay.

Down in the basement of Fenris Badwulf live the people who do the actual work. Volunteers have spotty effort levels. Volunteers are just looking for volunteer hours for various statist requirements: high school graduation, corporate ballsack licking, or parole requirements. Nobody is a volunteer down in the basement. Over time, their skin grows pale: like winter in Toronto, there is no sunlight down there. Their hair is patchy; maybe they should wash … but tap water contributes to Global Warming, so it is better, Gaia-wise, to let them scratch and stink. They make great telemarketers these basement citizens. They will close a donation to get a commission of a cup of rice, a spoon of beans, or a square of cardboard to sleep upon. The most depraved degradations are their familiar companions. How else to further the agenda of raising money to fight the demons of the age: Global Warming, Fracking, or Fag Awareness? These former people never celebrated Christmas, so taking the Christ of Christmas and making them agents of the Happy Holidays only seemed right, er, left.

I know you care. You care about the Thrall-Canadians in my basement. Send me your money. You will get a tax receipt. Ask for the brochure about pro-rating your giving to be in friendly proportion to your tax receipting. Tell me what favors and gifts should be showered upon the basement dwellers. I know you care.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.
Originally posted at The Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence.