Retail is suckin; stores are closin’, the debt be a pilin’ up, everything is horrible:
On Tuesday, Sears said that it will shutter its flagship store in downtown Chicago in April. It’s the latest of about 300 store closures in the U.S. that Sears has made since 2010. The news follows announcements earlier this month of multiple store closings from major department stores J.C. Penney and Macy’s.
Further signs of cuts in the industry came Wednesday, when Target said that it will eliminate 475 jobs worldwide, including some at its Minnesota headquarters, and not fill 700 empty positions.
Experts said these headlines are only the tip of the iceberg for the industry, which is set to undergo a multiyear period of shuttering stores and trimming square footage.
Shoppers will likely see an average decrease in overall retail square footage of between one-third and one-half within the next five to 10 years, as a shift to e-commerce brings with it fewer mall visits and a lesser need to keep inventory stocked in-store, said Michael Burden, a principal with Excess Space Retail Services.
“I believe we’re going to hear a lot more announcements in the coming months,” Burden said. It’s “an indication that there is a shift in the retail environment and it’s one that will continue.”
It will continue until the last mall walker is physically removed and all Orange Julius stores are shuttered.
Although the article is primarily about stores on American soil, the same approach will be felt here in the Great White North©. We are so over-retailed it’s ridiculous. You can’t swing a Lululemon bag without hitting a Bench bag. And although we are severely over-retailed here in Canada, companies from the US and elsewhere are still piling in, giving us more crap we don’t want and really can’t afford.
Last year alone (maybe within the last two years actually), Target (Tarjay to Canucks), Dollar Tree, Marshall’s and J Crew set up shop on Canadian soil. Bloomingdale’s (spit) and Nordstrom will be here soon. Oy Vey. Before any of those stores were here we were already over-retailed. So in essence, they muscled their way in to an already full room. But maybe they are different, maybe they have a unique product line never seen before in Canada? No, no they don’t.
Tarjay is a disaster. What a piece of crap. The Mayor honestly thinks they came to Canada on their name only and thought they could get away with selling overpriced garbage and would be welcome with open arms because they are TARJAY. Not going to happen. Tarjay is just another Chinese crap depository that sells the same garbage 5 thousand other crap depositories sell in Canada. As far as The Mayor is concerned, Tarjay can take their cheap red toasters and get the hell out of Canada.
Dollar Tree is much of the same. What a joke. Like we need bigger, crappier dollar stores. The only difference between Dollar Tree and any of the other 10 trillion dollar stores that litter every strip mall in Canada is that the Dollar Tree truly sucks the fat one. And most of their junk isn’t even a dollar. Some stuff is two dollars. Some junk is actually more. It’s not the Dollar Tree, it’s the Dollars Tree. The Mayor would like to burn down the tree. First he would urinate on it, then burn it down. But he knows full well if he does that, the tree would most likely smell like cheap Chinese plastic and probably give him cancer. F U Dollar Tree for giving The Mayor cancer.
The other stores The Mayor mentioned are all the same as well.
The main reason malls are closing is because malls suck. Is there a guy alive who has uttered within the last 10 years, “Let’s go to the mall today, honey”? Of course not. The Mayor would rather hammer a rusty nail into his right testicle than have to zombie walk through a mall that smells like cheap perfume and desperation. Screw that. Malls are putting themselves out of business. Look at the rents they charge. Outrageous I tells ya!
Plus, online shopping is kicking ass and taking numbers. Retail brick and mortar can not compete with online.
If you were to honestly look around at all the retail that blights our vision, you would have to say that we could do without 40% of the stores that are out there. Maybe more. For instance, if you needed to buy a TV this weekend, think of your options. You can buy one at Best Buy or Future Shop (where not one employee knows anything about anything), or you can pick up a TV while buying your groceries at The Great Canadian Super Centre. How keraaazy is that? You can buy some veggies, a steak, some crackers, and a 46″ Samsuck. Or, get your TV from Wal-Mart, Canadian Tire, Sears, The Bay, 2001, Tiger Direct, The Brick, Leon’s, Costco, Tarjay, XS Cargo, The Sony Store, Bad Boy, etc. Or, go buy one online. It’s not as if those stores mentioned have different TV’s than the next guy.
The obese lady is singing and a whole bunch of retail dinosaurs and malls are listening. Good riddance. It’s was great while it lasted, but all The Mayor wants to see from them now is the back of their necks as they leave the room. And don’t let the door hit yer ass as ya leave, ya rotten bitches.