Archive for the ‘News’ Category

Ruining Christmas for the Happy Holidays

Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

Like most caring Canadians, Mrs. Badwulf and I give generously to charity. We give our time, without reservation. Mrs. Badwulf is an accounting professional, so owning and running and profiting from running a non-profit is a snap to her flying fingers. Also, we accept wages, bonuses, commissions, and expenses as meager recompense for our leadership role in this caring crusade. It is amazing the funding from state sources that can be tapped … unleashed with a few simple misdirections on paper, some staged photographs, and trivial examples of wishful thinking.

Charles C. Charlatan the Third is our fictitious leader. He symbolizes the important work done by the organization. All of our volunteers receive recommendations signed in his name. A hushed cult of the personality exists around his shadowy non-existence. His voice mail is always active, and Charles responds to emails, writes correspondence, and occasionally leaves voice messages. His influence on the charity is everywhere, as if to make up for his never existing. His signature appears on grant applications, appeals for donations, and requests for funding. He even leaves fingerprints, if it comes down to a forensic audit.

William Monkey, Chartered Accountant. Billy, as he is known to the staff, is the second key fictitious member of the management team. His signature appears on every document, a veritable bread crumb along the audit trail. He has an office, a business card, and an email address. His invisible shoulders bear the heavy responsibility of being responsible in the event of tax audit or police investigation. Impeachable documents exist proving his timely exit from Toronto to places overseas. Everybody loves Billy, and nobody would suspect him of fraud, larceny, or bunko. As Mrs. Badwulf and I clink our champagne glasses together, we share a smile and practice our response: Where did the money go, detectives?

Christmas is a time of giving, and give they will. Give it up, those confiscated tens of dollars; give it up into our clutches! These progressives are engaged in a value for value exchange: they get their white guilt stroked. Oh, the touching images of waifs, of tears on childrens’ cheeks, and gnarly lap dogs sad without a bone. There are keepsakes for the elite guardians of other peoples money: a touching letter written in pidgin English saying Thank You, a knotted doll made by a blind girl, or a paw print on a bit of kraft paper. How the tears flow; and then the zeros on the check. They give, I spend, and you pay.

Down in the basement of Fenris Badwulf live the people who do the actual work. Volunteers have spotty effort levels. Volunteers are just looking for volunteer hours for various statist requirements: high school graduation, corporate ballsack licking, or parole requirements. Nobody is a volunteer down in the basement. Over time, their skin grows pale: like winter in Toronto, there is no sunlight down there. Their hair is patchy; maybe they should wash … but tap water contributes to Global Warming, so it is better, Gaia-wise, to let them scratch and stink. They make great telemarketers these basement citizens. They will close a donation to get a commission of a cup of rice, a spoon of beans, or a square of cardboard to sleep upon. The most depraved degradations are their familiar companions. How else to further the agenda of raising money to fight the demons of the age: Global Warming, Fracking, or Fag Awareness? These former people never celebrated Christmas, so taking the Christ of Christmas and making them agents of the Happy Holidays only seemed right, er, left.

I know you care. You care about the Thrall-Canadians in my basement. Send me your money. You will get a tax receipt. Ask for the brochure about pro-rating your giving to be in friendly proportion to your tax receipting. Tell me what favors and gifts should be showered upon the basement dwellers. I know you care.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.
Originally posted at The Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence.

Happy Global Warming Toronto

Monday, December 23rd, 2013

Yes, the City of Light is in darkness. Apparently, there are some deluded fools who embrace materialism and Gaia-hatred and think the demon electricity is good. Electricity is not good. Electricity is bad. As an activist, a caring person, I deplore this squandering of resources in a time of Global Warming.

In the underfunded community warming centers, people fight for food. In Toronto, people fight for food. You won’t read about this in the main stream media. They are under the control of the Big Food lobby. They sort of pretend to be concerned about Genetically Modified food (GMO, not the more logical GMF). So the ugly incidents of cold primate clobbering an old cold primate for his paper plate of macaroni and bagel, spilling his styrofoam cup of grape drink just pass by. Just talk to some of the emergency room staff. They will tell you about the results of eye gouging, the jagged bite marks, and the scalding of prisoners with pots of chai tea. It made me cry. The humanity. If this environmental disaster goes on much longer, they will resort to cannibalism.

The zombies shuffled past the burning cars on Yonge street. No, net yet. Thank any God but Christ that there are some Toronto councilors with enough Chardonay in their veins to resist the Sauron-like agenda of Rob Ford. Let us keep the Christ out of Christmas, and the old pagan gods will come back. Those homophobe Christians called them demons. That is like calling an N-person an N-person.

Happy Global Warming Toronto

Sunday, December 22nd, 2013

Do not walk under the trees the police spokesqueeracceptor said on CBC. The storm is going to last three days. If you get cold, go to a place of warmth. Good advice.

This is a Christmas present, this weather. Streetcar service has been cancelled. So have the LRT’s. Smart move Bolsheviks to put in that technology rather than subways. Mayor Ford was right, but he was too far right, right? Freeze you Bolsheviks, freeze. If you get sleepy in the cold, go have a nap.

Mourning Nelson Mandela week begins in Mitchieville

Saturday, December 7th, 2013

I hope you are ready for the back to back coverage of Nelson’s death. Wrap your lips around the crack pipe of political correctness and get slurping. Too bad all this media frenzy and circle jerking will cut into the equally ineffective coverage of Mayor Ford.

Tuesday, December 3rd, 2013

Please don’t pee on the TTC.

Way back in 2006
the valiant activists at Mitchieville were raising awareness of this aspect of diversity.

I am getting tired of this darn thing turning on automatically every time I log into the site, so if you want to look at the vid, follow the link. If you want to experience diversity, just ride the TTC.

Philippines Total Global Warming Disaster Watch

Saturday, November 9th, 2013

Like you, my bowels have been loosened by the news coming out of the Philippines. Not only is this completely unexpected climactic event complete proof of the existence of Global Warming, but it also highlights the systemic racism of Canadian society. I am disgusted. My poly-gendered neighbor’s nanny has shared with me many anecdotes of the perfect culture and society that is that island paradise. Her uncle (here for hip replacement) has added a layer of sunshine to our community that dispels the gloom of this Canadian climate.

For you Mitchievillians, a word of warning: do not be deceived by cynical, evil, right white wing extremists in their agenda of hate. These loathsome Christians could use pictures from Philippines Typhoon 2012 for Philippines Typhoon 2013. The swine.

I want you to show you care. This disaster highlights the needs for more social spending in Mitchieville. The Mayor’s pet project, the extension to the Mayor of Mitchieville Memorial Aquatic Center, needs funds. Do you care? I care. Insufficient volume of federal and provincial confiscated funds have found their way into the clutches of the Mayor of Mitchieville Memorial Aquatic Center funding committee. Without additional funding I am afraid that the Global Warming Awareness Sauna will remain inadequately paneled in poplar, and fresh birch branches unavailable for patrons, in keeping with Finnish tradition. There is a need for a diversity of towels (bath towel size, hand towels, and wash cloths) that borders on genocide.

Please, please help. Send your money to me, Fenris Badwulf. I care.

Remembering Aaron Swartz

Wednesday, October 30th, 2013

Mitchievillians, take a moment an remember Aaron Swartz. You know, that guy. To refresh your memory, an excerpt from one of his many obits.

The Economist, in a teary eyed obituary, casts doubts on the meme that prosecution sent the activist Aaron on his trail of self destruction:

The prospect of prison may or may not have been what pushed the 26-year-old, long struggling with bouts of depression, over the edge. Opinions varied as to whether prosecutors could secure a conviction.

If only Obamacare had been in effect then. He could have gotten affordable treatment for his depression. And, given Aar’s legendary computer skills, the Obamacare website would work.

I care. I am going to continue to remember Aaron Swartz.

No Pension for you

Tuesday, September 24th, 2013

In the ongoing spectacle that is the transformation of Western Civilization from racist shit hole to Third World paradise, one is always intrigued by the slow strangulation of the work ethic. In this case, the digestion of private wealth to serve the statist agenda. For your amusement, the news that Poland has gobbled up half of their pension assets. Research. Enjoy.

Of course, it would never happen here. Ha ha ha.

Monday, September 2nd, 2013

Just who the heck is Dick Gherkin? He was a character in an obscure Limey television show back in the last century. Guess what? ‘Dick Gherkin’ is applying for a job at Mitchieville Municipal. As I, Fenris Badwulf, am Human Resources Jefe for Mitchieville, all job applications cross my desk: for study, contemplation, termination, and sometimes, approval. Who the heck is Dick Gherkin? Who dares uses an assumed identity to seek out employment, pension, and benefits in Mitchieville? (more…)

Fenris Badwulf, caring person

Tuesday, August 6th, 2013

Ah, the satisfaction of heading out for a drive on an otherwise busy day. Some of us here in Toronto (the City of Light) have the Civic Holiday off work. There are festivities planned … public stuff to keep the neverworkers from looting, and private parties for friends and family. For my part, I like to mix both: I head out for a drive through the quiet streets of Toronto with a few friends. We take turns turning left, or just stopping in traffic to listen to music * . We laugh and laugh.

A recent guest of mine suggested we raise awareness about Dooring Cyclists. What the heck is that? What is dooring a cyclist? Apparently, it is when a parked car opens its door and a passing cyclist hits it, the door. This was explained to me quite clearly. A parked car. What if the car is in motion? What if the passenger, say, opens his door as a car overtakes a cyclist? There is a satisfying thump, some screeching of bending spokes on invincible steel, and the final vision of some brought low white racist who has finally come to terms with his/her/it’s guilt over the murder of Trayvon Martin. After all, bicycles are instruments of white oppression … how often do you see darkie on a bike? But ka-bonging a cyclicist with a door from a moving vehicle is not dooring.

What if it is not a door that hits the racist oppressor cyclist? It cannot be dooring, then can it? You can tailgate a bicycle such that you bung up their rear wheel, or just stop suddenly when they are behind you. Thumps and crumpling occurs. But it is not the door the hits the cyclist, but the bumper, hood, or side view mirror. This cannot be dooring, per se. And, like the unsportsmanlike conduct that is using steriods, equipping your car with spring loaded beams, sweeping sawzalls, or high voltage wallopers, is not really Olympic quality dooring. Such is what I said to my guest from Calgary, a plumber with too much time on his hands.

There is an underground interest in the sport of dooring. Assembly drawings are available for a diversity of devices that spring out, harpoon, or apply electric shock. The capacitor device looks like desk top computer box: it is really filled with capacitors (salvaged, recycled, from televisions), and provides a few tens of thousands of volts potential across two arms which can be sprung out by remote control. The capacitors are slow to recharge, taking a few minutes; but the entertainment provided lasts hours. And it is a victimless crime: the high voltages used usually erase the memory of the cyclist; the plastic arms easily retract upon impact so there is minimal tissue injury. As for the cartwheeling and intertwining of body and cycle that occurs later, well, that is Gaia’s doing. I am never responsible for my actions, after all. As for the harpoon side to the sport, developing the skill to fire a steel bolt (a re-worked railway spike, say) into the spokes, chain, sprocket, or cranium, takes too much effort except for the most serious Jack the Ripper behind the wheel.

Really, as responsible activists searching out for more tax revenue, more regulations, and tighter social control, we need to raise awareness about dooring. I recall the successful propaganda campaigns of the haters of the seal hunt. They went out and butchered a seal themselves, filmed it. It is going to take some grisly events to get our sluggish state to spend more money on this issue, to hire bureaucrats, and fund studies for consultants to write. Something grisly. But for a good cause.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.

Remembering Trayvon

Monday, August 5th, 2013

No, this is not Trayvon Martin as he really was. This is Trayvon Martin as the racists wish to depict him. And, given the endemic racism inherent to Amerikkkan society, it is very much likely that Trayvon, if he had survived the murderous racist white-Mexican-American night ambush, would have followed the statistically likely path towards crime and prison. And ended up looking like this prison tattooed specimen. No stereotypes are true, except for inbred southern whites. Anyway, the death toll mounts, of blacks killed by white-blacks, white-Mexicans, white-cops, and white-whatevers. Check it out.

When a woman argues it is because Satan is possessing her

Monday, August 5th, 2013

That Satan, pushing his plans for Total World Domination. Watch out for those statists pushing Lithium in the drinking water. They could put it in your beer, or your tequila.