Archive for the ‘NHL’ Category

2011 NHL Playoffs – Win Some, Lose Some

Thursday, April 28th, 2011

The first round of the 2011 NHL playoffs are done, and boy are my arms tired! Hahaha.

Wait, that punchline was intended for another joke. Regardless, or as they say in Sudbury, “irregardless”, the first round is in the books. Let’s have a look at how The Mayor’s predictions panned out.

1) Canuckleheads vs Hawks

The Mayor predicted the Canuckleheads would win this in 5, but it took them 7. We’ll call this one a push.

What did we learn from this series? We learned that the Sedin twins are soft and characterless, and like most players that rack up huge points against useless teams in the regular season, when it comes to the playoffs, when it comes to the big games, they fold faster than a deck chair.

We also learned that Raffi Torres is a real piece of shit.

Finally, we learned that a team that The Mayor was cheering for to win the Stanley Cup is now off the list of the team The Mayor wants to win the Stanley Cup. If there is a more soulless, craptastic bunch of babies in the NHL, The Mayor has yet to find them. Even the Leafs, as much as they completely suck, have soul. The Canuckleheads, not so much. I suppose that’s what you get when you fill your team with European androids and general deadbeats (Burrows and Malhotra notwithstanding).

2) Capitals vs Rangers

The Mayor thought the Caps would win in 7, it took them 5. This series was kind of a disappointment, but none-the-less, it’s over now and we got rid of another low rung team. The Rangers are a team of the future though. And they always will be.

3) Red Wings vs Coyotes

The Mayor predicted the Red Wings would take it in 5, they took it in 4. You didn’t have to have a crystal ball to predict that series.

Man, the Wings sure look good. Man, the Coyotes sure look like crap. Phoenix (or Glendale) doesn’t deserve a hockey team and I’ll be glad for Winnipeg when they relocate there next season.

4) Ducks vs Predators

The Mayor’s first out-and-out miss. The Ducks were picked in 6 and lost in 6. No excuses for this one, Nashville is a better team and proved it.

5) Sharks vs Kings

The Sharks were picked in 7, they won in 6. Pretty close. Two good teams, the Kings did well, but, whatever.

6) Flyers vs Sabres

The Mayor predicted the Flyers in 5, they won in 7.

The Mayor was disappointed with the Flyers. The Flyers are a rough team, but The Mayor didn’t think they were a dirty team until he saw them play the Sabres in the first round. What a bunch of classless goons. That hurts to say, considering going into this the Flyers were one of The Mayor favourite teams. That all changed. It was a hard series to watch, the cheap shots kept adding up, the refs and the league dropped the ball as usual (a la Richards), and idiots like Carcillo and Laperriere made it impossible to cheer for the Flyers.

7) Bruins vs Canadians

The Mayor picked the Bruins in 7 and that’s how it ended up. This series was like watching 2 boxers you hate kick the crap out of each other – you don’t care who wins, as long as they spill each others blood.

This was another series that grated on The Mayor’s nerves, and that was due to the fanboy CBC announcers who basically fellated anything Montreal when they had a chance. Montreal is not a good team, but the way the CBC announcers told the story, this was the 1973 Canadiens. Montreal scared 5 goals in the last 2 games – 2 of them were on 5-3, 2 were on the pp, and 1 shorthanded. What an offensive dynamo!

Another thing – Subban in not Bobby Orr. You see, Bobby Orr had and has everything Subban doesn’t: class, style, and the ability to run the whole game from the blue line. Subban is a big-mouth jerkoff who hasn’t earned anything in this league yet. He needs to shut his face and concentrate on being even a decent defenceman. He’s not a decent defenceman yet, as a matter of fact he’s a bad joke.

Which defenceman was on the ice in every Bruin ot win? Subban. Which defenceman was caught out of place during every ot win by Boston? Subban. Which defenceman was on the ice during EVERY Boston big goal? Again, Subban.

Subban can lay out a check, but do you notice how he instinctively cowards away from anything resembling a hit against him? That makes him cough up the puck, time and time again. One day he may be really good, but right now he’s nothing more than a distraction with his stupid antics, he’s a detriment with his poor defencive skillz, and until he learn to control his play he’ll cost Montreal games and series like he did against Boston.

8) Penguins vs Lightning

The Mayor had Pitt in 7, they lost in 7. Boo hoo. No Crosby, no Malkin, the series still went to 7.

As for the next round:

1) Nashville vs Vacouver

Vancouver in 6

2) Detroit vs San Jose

Detroit in 5

3) Tampa vs Washington

Washington in 6

4) Flyers vs Boston

Flyers in 5

That should do it!

What say you, any predictions for the second round?

NHL Playoff Prognostications –

Saturday, May 15th, 2010

I can’t say that I’m proud of the predictions I made last round because I didn’t do very well, but considering the predictions others have made, I’m a regular Jojo the psychic chick.

Let’s look at what happened last round before we move into the conference final predictions:

Montreal 4 Pittsburgh 3

The Mayor predicted the Penns in 7 – wrong

Andy took the Hab in 6 (nice pick) – right

Dmorris took the Penns in 6 – wrong

Adrian took the Penns in 6 – wrong

Yikes – 75% suckage rate, and the only American in the game picked correctly. Everyone give Andy a big round of clap!

Next we have the Chicago/Vancouver series. Another Yikes!

Chicago 4 Vancouver 2

The Mayor – Vancouver in 5 – wrong 0/2

Andy – Vancouver in 5 – wrong 1/2

Dmorris – Vancouver in 7 – wrong 0/2

Adrian – Vancouver in 6 – wrong 0/2

Whaa whaa! El bombarino. Stinkage. Smelly. An o fer 4.

That brings us to Detroit/San Jose:

San Jose 4 Detroit 1

The Mayor – San Jose in 6 – right 1/3 (wrong on games, right in my winner pick)

Andy – Detroit in 5 – wrong 1/3

Dmorris – Detroit in 6 – wrong 0/3

Adrian – Detroit in 6 – wrong 0/3

Stinks again. But not for The Mayor. I just happened to stink less.

Finally, we have Boston/Philly

Philly 4 Boston 3

The Mayor – Philly in 6 – right pick, wrong games – 2/4

Andy – Boston in 3 (hehe) – WRONG – 1/4

Dmorris – Philly in 6 – right – 1/4

Adrian – Boston in 7 – wrong 0/4

Crap on a stick, those were some brutal picks. Having said that, I’ve looked at other predictions from others sites, and compared to those, well, ya, these still suck.

But that was then and this is now, and you are you and never forget that.

Let’s get going on the final 4.

Montreal/Philly.

What the hell. I can’t pick Montreal because I’m a Leaf fan and we grew up to despise the Habs, and Marc in Calgary is laughing in my face and that KILLS The Mayor. Bob Lob Law.

Montreal got into the playoffs by TYING the LAST PLACE Leafs in the final game of the season. Philly got in by beating the Rangers in OT in the LAST GAME of the season, so this one is pretty hard to pick. My heart says Philly, my head says Montreal, my testicles are in my stomach and say nothing. I said before – look it up – that Philly has a team that’s good enough to win the Stanley Cup this year, so I can’t very well back off that statement, so….

Philly in 5

Chicago/San Jose

San Jose beat Detroit, who I thought actually played better. Did I say that right? I thought Detroit was a better team, yet San Jose won. Go figure. Chicago, OTOH, they look GREAT right now. This is going to be one hell of a series, both teams are excellent, but I like Chicago more because Obama is from Chicago (via Kenya), and I totally LOVE Obama, so…

Chicago in 7

Mark it down, take out your savings and bet everything on my picks. I guarantee them. You are going to be RICH.

What sayeth you? Let’s hear from you, get those picks going and try to beat The Mayor. No one has been successful in years and years, but what do you have to lose? Your dignity? Hahaha, seriously.

Comment section. Your picks. Let’s have ‘em.

I apologize

Thursday, November 15th, 2007

I apologize for stating that there was a photograph circulating on the internet of Jiri Tlusty giving oral pleasure to a fellow male and for suggesting that such photograph exposed Mr. Tlusty’s secret life.

I feel so bad that I would like to fisk my own apology. Please bear with me, as my glasses are fogged up with tears.

I apologize for stating that there was a photograph circulating on the internet …

Quite so. It appears to be all over the covers of newspapers. So, I was wrong to say that the photo was on the internet. This is an error of fact. I can even prove I was wrong:

It appears that the photo was not on the internet, but on the cover of the Toronto Sun. An entirely different media, as different as an orange is from its fellow fruit, the apple. And, of course, the newspapers have it on their websites, too (here for example).

… of Jiri Tlusty giving oral pleasure to a fellow male …

Moving on in my catalog of errors, we now deal with the issues of a) oral, b) pleasure, and c) male.

a) Oral. From the photograph we can see that the tongue to lip contact is suggested, but not emphasized. Perhaps tongue, lip, or maxillofacial would be more accurate. The breast squeezing that appears to be implied has been ignored, too. I am sure the judge at the libel trial will lecture me on my poor command of english at sentencing.

b) Pleasure. There is no concrete way of knowing if both participants are feeling pleasure. There is doubt, or doubt can be created through suitable telemarketing methods. Only interrogation of both parties could establish if both are feeling pleasure. I doubt that Jiri will testify that he was experiencing pleasure when this picture was taken, which will prove that I was wrong.

c) Male. Living in Toronto, close to The Rainbow Village, one should never assume that just because someone assumes the outer attributes of the male role, does not mean that their birth gender is the same. Indeed, the ‘male’ here could be a cross-dressing female, or even a mannequin (such as found here * ). So, we must doubt the evidence of our senses.

Therefore, I was wrong to assume that Jiri was having pleasure whilst doing whatever was being done (certainly not oral) with this creature (possibly not human, and certainly not male) of indeterminate gender.

… and for suggesting that such photograph exposed Mr. Tlusty’s secret life

This, I now sadly realize, is wrong in so many ways. Let me elaborate on just one of the errors in this sentence fragment, to show how crushed in spirit I am. This cannot be a secret life if one is snapping pictures of oneself. You can read all the lurid details here * . Obviously, it is anything but secret. So, I was wrong. Infact, Jiri Tlusty is now a media star, just like Paris Hilton. There is nothing secret to see here.

I am ignorant of Canadian Law. My background is in Roman Law. So when I read in the scary letter I got from Jiri’s lawyer that

This posting is an invasion of Mr. Tlusty’s privacy and places at risk Mr. Tlusty’s ability to make a livlihood with the Toronto Maple Leafs Hockey Club.

This spoke to my heart. Especially after reading that the Toronto team had rallied behind Jiri. Everyone knows about the Roman emperors Maximinus Thrax (murdered by the Senate * ), Aurelian (murdered by his own troops * ), or the two emperors Trebonianus Gallus and Gaius Vibius Volusianus (murdered by their own troops at the same time * ). So that the fact that the team is rallying behind him does not mean that they are rallying behind him, but that they are plotting to get rid of him (which would encompass placing ‘… at risk Mr. Tlusty’s ability to make a livlihood with the Toronto Maple Leafs Hockey Club’).

Another aspect of Roman Law is the privilege that comes with wealth, fame, and power. While Jiri Tlusty does not have power (in the form of a private standing army), he does have wealth and fame. When Jiri unleashes his legal team against me, I do not have the resources to resist him. I will lose in court, and will be ruined financially for life. Having met the first of his demands, that the offending verbage and link be removed, I now face the next assault from his well-financed team. I am doomed. Roman culture is filled with examples of the mighty squishing the weak. Jiri is wise to go after small fish such as myself, and leave the big, powerful entities alone. These non-pictures, that do not show anyone having oral pleasure with anything that could be considered male, are proudly displayed, and continue to be, by those entities that are of our cultures powerful senatorial class. They have the means to fight for their freedom of speech, and I do not. As for an unimportant worm such as myself, I am squished, like the Dacian warlord Decebalus *. I have no wealth, I have no fame, and, or course, I have no armaments.

As I said, I apologize.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

For your amusement, while you listen to the Lions roar and wait for me to be dragged into the arena, the pertinent linky links:

Jiri Tlusti–I’m Sorry

“Lusty Tlusty” High Sticks Mitchieville

Jiri Tlusty, victim and victimizer

Is That Jiri Tlusty In The White Shirt?

"Lusty Tlusty" High Sticks Mitchieville

Thursday, November 15th, 2007

As can see by the letter above you won’t be able to czech out pictures of Mitchieville’s favourite Toronto Maple Leaf, Jiri “Lusty” Tlusty anymore. The Mayor received the letter above a few hours ago and being the poor law abiding citizens we are, our noble Mayor removed the images from our blog. We can only guess that ‘Lusty’ is a hockey player who skates softly but likes to carry a big stick.

I read yesteday that the pics were originally posted to a Facebook profile. Hmmm, I have the pics saved to my hard drive, and I have a Facebook profile (Reg Reginaldson). If only Mitchieville had a Minister who went to law school and could advise as to the legality of posting the pics to Facebook…

The original linky links:

Is That Jiri Tlusty In The White Shirt?

Jiri Tlusty, victim and victimizer

Can “Lusty Tlusty” Handle His Stick?

Jiri Tlusti–I’m Sorry

Thursday, November 15th, 2007


As you can see by the letter above (click to enlarge), I have received a cease and desist by Jiri Tlusty’s lawyer, asking us to remove his picture and any offending link(s) that refer to him. Failure to adhere will result in *injunctive relief proceedings*.

The picture and link(s) have been removed.

I want to say how sorry all of us are at Mitchieville for posting the semi-naked picture of Jiri on our site. On behalf of all the writers at Mitchieville, I would like to apologize to Jiri Tlusty and ask his forgiveness. Jiri, we’re sorry.

I would also like to apologize to Jiri’s lawyer, a Mr. Jerome Morse. I am sorry we have created all this work for you, I can only hope and pray that somehow you will be compensated fairly. I know that most lawyers hardly make enough money to keep their heads above water, and I know this has probably cut into the time you probably spend every day on more worthwhile causes, like evicting old people from their homes, or chasing ambulances. Once again, I am sorry.

Finally, I would like to apologize to the internet, Jiri’s camera phone that made this all possible, Jiri Tlusti’s horrible judgement, and of course, Jiri Tlusti’s penis. Without all four of those factors, this would never have happened. I am so personally shamefaced that Jiri has access to a computer, a camera phone, the brilliance of a lawn gnome and the duncity to send pictures of his penis over the net in a day and age where anyone with a pulse and a living brain cell knows that anything you send over the net is going to come out one day for everyone to see.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Oh, and Go Leafs Go!

“Lusty Tlusty” High Sticks Mitchieville

Can “Lusty Tlusty” Handle His Stick?

Jiri Tlusty, victim and victimizer

Is That Jiri Tlusty In The White Shirt?

Fenris’ Cease and Desist apology

Is That Jiri Tlusty In The White Shirt?

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007


Wow, I think from now on it’s only appropriate that Green Bay fans are known as *The Fudge Packers*. Witness the malcontent in the bottom right corner holding on to the Fudge Packer player like they’re on their honeymoon. It’s like buddy is falling off a cliff and hanging onto a branch for dear life.

There’s a reason why these guys wear cups…

Next–Jiri Tlusty, victim and victimizer

And–Can “Lusty Tlusty” Handle His Stick?

Can "Lusty Tlusty" Handle His Stick?

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007

If playing for the Toronto Maple Laughs Leafs isn’t embarrassing enough, rookie centre Jiri Tlusty has nude photos of himself on the internet to take his humiliation to a new level. The photos were apparently taken last season when “Lusty Tlusty” was with the Sault Saint Marie Greyhounds of the OHL. Nekkid hockey players taking pictures of each other doesn’t make them gay, but that sure as hell don’t mean that they aren’t either. Playing for the Leafs, that is gay.

Go find the links to the smutty photos yourself.

Next–Jiri Tlusty, victim and victimizer

And–Is That Jiri Tlusty In The White Shirt?

‘Lusty Tlusty’ High Sticks Mitchieville

Jiri’s Lawyer Sends The Mayor a Cease And Desist

Fenris Gets A Cease and Desist and Issues Apology

Jiri Tlusty, Victim And Victimizer

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007

As you read this, tears are streaming down my face. My hands are shaking with rage. My feet are clenched in my slippers. I am outraged that people are expressing a viewpoint that contradicts political correctness.

For a long time, activists have been demanding that the heteronormative sport of hockey be remade into something more acceptable to non-hockey fans, especially ones who have no experience of the sport, do not speak english, and think that Canada is a racist shithole. Hockey has alot about it that does not appeal to many of the cultures found within the village peoples of the global village. The worst aspect of it all is that the sport requires ability, which means that Oppressed-Canadians are under represented in the sport. Most of the fans are heternormative, or worse, white.

Now, at long last, comes an incident that gives us hope that the unsolvable problems of oppression, slavery, and racism can finally get more social funding. There is controversy over Jiri Tlusty.

This is good news. But is Jiri Tlusty really a homosexual? How can he be gay when he does not support politically correct causes? The mere physical act of male on male sex does not define one as gay. To be gay, you have to be:

Openly support politically correct causes

Openly oppose anti-politically correct causes

Have claim to victim status through skin color, expousing a non-christian religion, gender related issues, or whatever can make a socialist cry.

Jiri Tlusty is not a member of any acceptable socialist party in Canada, so he cannot be considered gay.

This is not a victory for the gay rights lobby. No more funding will flow into the palms of activists so that they can demand more funding. There will not be more photo-copier paper to print memoranda about being caring. No more telemarketers will be hired to raise awareness about Global Warming.

If Jiri Tlusty wants to get on the politically correct bandwagon, if he wants to help people like Al Gore, Al Sharpton, or Jack Kervorkian, I suggest he renounce his heteronormative ways and join a socialist political party, and support socialism. What he does in his bedroom is no business of the people (unless applying for a fire arms permit), so all he has to do is wear a Che t-shirt, look sad when meeting gangbangers, and support the destruction of Western Civilization.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

Next–Can “Lusty Tlusty” Handle His Stick?

And–Is That Jiri Tlusty In The White Shirt?

“Lusty Tlusty” High Sticks Mitchieville

Jiri Tluski’s Lawyer Sends The Mayor a Cease And Desist

"Hello out there, we’re on the air…"

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007

The NHL hockey season begins tonight with The Toronto Maple Leafs losing to The Ottawa Senators in Kanata. I can hardly wait for that day sometime next summer when The Vancouver Canucks win the Stanley Cup Championship. At roughly the same time the Maple Leafs will announce to it’s fans that they are “rebuilding” and then immediately not sign any half-decent players in the off season.

By request of His Worship Mayor Mitch, we have “The Hockey Song” by Canada’s singing troubadour, Tom ‘The Stompin’ Tom Phenomenon’ Connors.

Don’t forget to vote Mitch for Mayor on October 10!

Not that any of you care, but…

Thursday, August 30th, 2007

I love the new Vancouver Canucks team sweaters! Check it out:

I like how they have combined the old colours and the Hockey Stick logo with the modern Orca Whale crest. This is the first ever Canucks jersey to have Vancouver written on them as well and I have to say I like the retro font they have used for that.

Click here for pretty slide show featuring the “New Sweater Release” yesterday at GM Place in Vancouver. I think I speak for all Canucks fans when I say that come June 2008 it would be nice if we finally got a “Stanley Cup Champions” parade to go along with the new team sweaters.

GAME ON!

Monday, May 28th, 2007

After a long break the Stanley Cup Finals start tonight in Anaheim. No that isn’t a typo: Anahiem, California, the hotbed of NHL hockey is playing for Lord Stanley’s Cup.

We shouldn’t be hard on the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim as this is their third visit to Stanley Cup Finals and 17 players on the team are Canadians but I remember watching the Mighty Duck movies with Emilio Estevez in them and am never going to forgive Anahiem for that.

So if you are Canadian there is only team to cheer for. Since the Leafs aren’t playing I guess this means the Senators by default. My pick is the Sens over the Angels er, Ducks, in 6.

Leave your pick in the comments section.