Archive for the ‘No Talent Hacks’ Category

Larry King Is Looking Impressive

Tuesday, January 17th, 2017

For those of you that thought the person in the picture was Justin Verlander – ace pitcher of the Detroit Tiger’s – you’re wrong.

For those of you that thought the person in the picture was Squidward from Sponge Bob Square Pants, you’re closer, but you are still wrong.

For those of you that got freaked out because you thought you were witnessing the beginning of a zombie apocalypse, you are also wrong, but nearing the mark.

It’s Larry King. And yes, it/him is still alive.

Is this Goth, or not?

Friday, October 1st, 2010

The Mayor is at an important meeting this morning, and he told me to post something. He left written instructions to remind me of the verbal instructions that he gave me before he left for his important meeting.

I cannot find his written instructions, and I cannot remember what he told me to do. I was able to get through to the Diversity Help Desk, where they have me on hold. They do not speak English, anyway.

So, here is a picture of one of my co-workers. His name is Coolio, after his favorite musical artist. He has decided to ‘go Goth’, whatever that means.

Can you identify the Five Fashion points that you must have to be considered Goth?

I, ikthis, oppressed victim of endemic institutional racism, wrote this.

It’s Gabrielle Carteris’s Birthday

Wednesday, January 14th, 2009

I’m sure had you known that today was Gabriele Carteris’s birthday, you would have baked her a cake. I’m sure if Gabriele Carteris’s knew you baked her a cake, she would have eaten the whole thing in one sitting. And then eaten the fork. And then eaten you.

Who is this Gabriele Carteris creature of whom I speak? She is no other than the guy girl that played Andrea Zuckerman on 90210 way back in 1990. I’m fairly sure that Gabriele was introduced to the show to make Tori Spelling look good. And that aint no easy feat. Yet Gabriele pulled it off in splendid fashion.

Today is Gabriele’s 48th birthday, which means that back in 1980 she was 30. So, she was playing a 17 year old at the time. She never did quite pull that off, especially with her crows feet, saggy ass, and wrinkly hands.

What is she doing nowadays, you ask? How the hell do I know, do I look like a guy that follows the careers of talentless, butt-ugly broads?

Anyway, happy birthday, you hag, may you live to be a million years old.

**Is it just me or is this chick morphing into Anne Murray?