Archive for the ‘Oprah’ Category

Rosie Gets Pw’OWNED

Monday, April 2nd, 2012

Rosie O’Donnell – seen in picture showing reporters how big her anus is – was shit-canned from the Oprah Network weeks ago (The Mayor was on his The Mayor World Tour 2012© and couldn’t get around to posting it at the time, but had to revisit this piece of news).

Here’s what the less chubby of the two behemoths had to say (Oprah):

“I thank Rosie from the bottom of my heart for joining me on this journey.”

And what a garbage journey that must have been. Going on a journey with either one of those lards must be a journey from hell. It would be like journeying off to a sliver factory where they strip you naked and slide you up and down bare planks. That would be terrible, you fetish monkey. And then after that journey, you take another journey to the vinegar factory, where fat, Turkish man-boys lather up your slivered body in extra tart vinegar. From there your journey takes you to a UN peacekeeper barrack where you are toyed with and fondled by greasy, hairy European men who sport less than a tooth a piece and haven’t showered ever. Finally, your journey takes you to Rosie O’Donnell’s house where you have to watch her eat lunch. Oh for the love of any God but the Christian God, bring me back to the sliver factory!

“The Rosie Show” launched Oct. 10, 2011, drawing barely a half million viewers. The format of the show, which taped at Harpo Studios in Chicago, was tweaked over the next five months but was unable to improve its ratings.

Funny how a whale like O’Donnell taped her show at Harpo Studios. Me wonders whether it was an actual studio, or a target practise range for Japanese fishermen?

It was a great year for me. I wish the show was able to attract more viewers, but it did not. So I am headed back to my home in New York, with gratitude. On we go!”

Snort. The Mayor can picture in his mind after she said that, she turned, and stink lines rose from the cracked pavement whence she stood.

One white skank down, one black one to go.

Rosie Gets P’owned

Friday, October 14th, 2011

The Rosie O’Donnell Show premiered last week to piss poor ratings, which led to the inevitable question, how did this swine ever become famous in the first place:

Rosie O’Donnell’s new show premiered to 497,000 total viewers, and a .44 rating among OWN’s target audience of women 25 to 54. It debuted Monday at 7 p.m.

“Oprah’s Lifeclass,” meanwhile, had 333,000 total viewers and a .4 among women 25 to 54. It aired at 8 p.m.

The network has struggled for ratings since its debut in January, and doesn’t look to have an instant hit with O’Donnell.

Colour The Mayor surprised. You would think more peoples would be interested in hearing the views of a Conservative-hating, 9/11 denier, anti-American, loud mouthed, vile, angry, bitter hard-leftist troll. At the very least, you would think folks would tune in to her show because she’s just so pleasant on the eyes. Hmmm, no accounting for taste.

The Mayor is sure though that when Oprah unveils the Mahmoud Ahmadinejad/Kim Jong Il’s Happy Fun-Time Party Hour, ratings will go through the roof.

Squeegie Kids Won’t Do You No Harm, Yo

Thursday, July 14th, 2011

Who would have guessed that The Mayor’s prom date from grade 13 would be squeegie-ing windshields 24 years later? Momoeisha had it all – good grades, good personality, and obvious good looks. Sure, Momoeisha retained her good looks – again, that’s obvious – but the lingering effects of Colonialism in Africa had a terrible, detrimental consequence on her life. Free housing, free healthcare, welfare cheques, free daycare, free food, free dental and free everything doesn’t dull the pain. It never will. Damn whitey.

Oprah’s OWN Network Does Its Best Titanic Impression

Friday, January 21st, 2011

Oprah Winfrey – seen here visually displaying the size of the cheeseburger she ate for breakfast this morning – is quickly finding out that just sticking your name on a network and letting it go isn’t the key to success, as her OWN Network’s rating are dropping faster than Charlie Sheen’s pants at a porn star convention:

After a strong opening at the beginning of the year, ratings for OWN, the cable network joint venture of Oprah Winfrey and Discovery Communications, have declined, with shows with Winfrey’s name in the title remaining its strongest performers.

For its second week, ratings for OWN fell about 20 percent among its target demo of women over 25 years old, according to the New York Post. The average audience in prime time was 310,000 people.

To put that in perspective, 310,000 is about the same number of people that will be diagnosed with rubella in Iceland this afternoon.

For any TV show on the planet, 310,000 is ten stages worse than dismal. I believe the show Jim & His Big Bucket of Salmon which is on at 2:45 am every third Wednesday of every month on Mitchieville Cable 3, draws slightly more viewers than OWN. Mind you, Jim has a big bucket of salmon, while Oprah has to get by with a big bucket of ass.

OWN viewership so far is “a little lower than I’d thought it would be, but I don’t think it’s alarming,” advertising expert Brad Adgate of Horizon Media told the Post.

Not alarming? Who is this guy, the son of the Captain of the Titanic? When does it become alarming, when their ratings drop below Parker/Spitzer?

Gayle King’s daily morning show, a simulcast of her satellite radio show that launched last week, is off to a slow start, with viewership dropping from 154,000 on its first day to 86,000 on day five, according to the Post.

86,000!!?? Holy crap, that aint a TV show, it’s a blog!

And who exactly is this Gayle King unit? Is she Larry King’s bastard child?

The staff at OWN must be terrified for their jobs right now. I mean, if a dumbed-down public won’t watch a bunch of dumbed-down shows based solely on the fact that some dumbed-down degenerate has her fat name attached to it, well then, what the hell has happened to America? Have the terrorists won?

OWN might want to change their call-letters to better reflect where they are headed as a TV network. The Mayor has a suggestion, how about “Pwned.”