Archive for the ‘Panda bears’ Category

That Is Some Terrible Reception

Saturday, September 11th, 2010

This is the exact reason why I cancelled my cable five years ago. Every time I tried to tune in the BET Network, I had to get LaShawnda to come over and point herself northward. One day, while warming up The Mo’Nique Show, we had an electrical storm. For the next seven months I was picking up (large) pieces of LaShawnda off my lawn and in my gutters. After that, I couldn’t stomach watching Brothers to Brutha any more.

The Mark Of Koro

Saturday, July 17th, 2010

If this is happening to you and you believe it’s Koro, AND you attach a balloon to your unit to make sure your package continues to be an outie instead of an innie, and let’s say it works, then you have gone from one delusion to another. Cuz let’s face it, if a stinkin’ balloon is all that’s keeping your tackle from protruding into your body, well, you see what I’m saying, right?

For instance, if it takes a cinder block to keep everything from being gobbled up, that’s one thing, but a balloon?

I believe I’ve made my point rather clear.

**Don’t Greeks yell “Koro!!” right before they start smashing your dishes?

Panda Attacks Idiot Man

Monday, November 24th, 2008

For those of you who think that Chinese people are the smartest people in the world, this next story should bring that notion crashing down to a little place I like to call reality:

A panda at a zoo in southern China attacked a student who snuck into its pen hoping for a cuddle with the endangered bear, state media said Saturday.

The 20-year-old male student surnamed Liu jumped over the fence at the zoo in the tourist city of Guilin, ignoring warning signs not to, Xinhua news agency said.


“The panda, named Yangyang, was wide awake. Apparently scared by the intruder, he bit at Liu’s arms and legs,”

“Yangyang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him,” Liu was quoted as saying from his hospital bed. “I didn’t expect he would attack.”

Sure,  panda bears are cute, but when all is said and done, after all the snuggly-wuggly warm thoughts, you’re left with a 300 lb killing machine. For some reason, people can’t get it through their heads that at the end of the day, a panda bear is still a bear. It’s not a panda blanket, or a panda pillow, it’s a panda BEAR. An animal that doesn’t want filthy human hands hugging it,  or people getting up into its grill and singing Koom-By-Ya into its panda face. Do you really think with those razor sharp claws and a mouth full of jagged teeth, that if you decide its hug time in Pandaville, the panda is just going to say, “Aw shucks, come over here, Timmy, plant that hug on my great big panda bear body.” Sure, you can always try it, what do I care, other than it’s going to mean one less hit per day in Mitchieville.

Un bearable–yuck yuck