Archive for the ‘PETA’ Category

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Friday, April 3rd, 2015

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PETA – “Pregnant Women Who Eat Chicken Wings Will Have Male Babies That Won’t Be Able To Choke Their Chickens”

Monday, September 16th, 2013

At least that’s the way The Mayor interpreted this story:

In its latest campaign to end carnivorism, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has expressed concern that buffalo wings might harm the physical development of the sex organs of male babies.

The radical animal rights group recently sent a letter to Drew Cerza, who runs the Buffalo Wing Festival in Buffalo, New York, asking him to bar pregnant women from taking part in a wing-eating contest which has been held each Labor Day since 2002.

PETA’s associate director of campaigns, Lindsay Rajt, wrote to Cerza saying “consuming poultry while pregnant may lead to birth defects in utero, including smaller-than-average penises for newborn boys.”

Rajt wrote, “I think we can agree that embarrassment and insecurity are no small matters.” She added, “[E]vidence indicates that heterosexual women’s sexual satisfaction depends in part on their partner’s penis size.”

“Even the cruelest of bedroom ridicule pales in comparison to the suffering that smart, sensitive chickens endure for the wings so casually consumed in contests such as these,” she continued.

Even though the rooms of a typical PETA slaughterhouse drip with more blood than that of the set of any given SAW movie, it’s good to see that there is finally someone willing to stand up and fight for sensitive chickens. After all, why should all the good looking animals get all the attention (damn polar bears).

All this talk about preggo’s consuming chicken wings and having small dicked boys is entirely based on facts. Having said that, facts just aren’t what they use to be:

Dr. Shanna H. Swan, who conducted the research cited by PETA, told Women’s Health Mag “I think any link between eating buffalo wings — even by pregnant women — and the size of their son’s genitals is very tenuous.”

The Mayor use to get a kick out of the insane antics PETA came up with. It reminded The Mayor of his crazy uncle and all the bizarre things he use to do. But while it was funny to watch uncle Louis shove a spork in his nostril at the dinner table, after about 30 seconds of that puppet show, The Mayor truly wished a sniper would peg uncle Louis in the face with a shell.

And that’s what it has come down to with PETA. It’s like an organization made up of all the craziest uncles and aunties in the world, bound together with the common goal to do the stupidest shit imaginable. But now we’ve collectively hit the point where it’s no longer fun to watch these titans of idiocy shove sporks up their nostrils, but instead wish they would be sniper bait for a hungry meatatarian who wants to rid the world of a serious strain of incurable mental illness that is PETA and their chicken dickless wonders.

PETA–Butchering Their Way To Your Heart

Monday, March 30th, 2009


PETA’s “Animal Record” report for 2008, filed with the Virginia Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services, shows that the animal rights group headquarters in Norfolk Virginia has become a killing field for adoptive kittens and puppies:

Since 1998, PETA has opted to “put down” 21,339 adoptable dogs, cats, puppies, and kittens instead of finding homes for them.

During all of 2008, PETA found adoptive homes for just seven pets.

Just seven animals — out of the 2,216 it took in. PETA just broke its own record.

Now the death toll of animals in PETA’s care has reached 21,339, including more than 2,000 pets last year. That’s not an animal charity. It’s a slaughterhouse.

It amazes The Mayor that the caring class will strip down naked to protest the genocide that’s taking place at Colonel Sanders, yet they squawk not a syllable as their own PETAzoid rulers are sticking needles in the faces of Mr. Whiskers and Lassie.

For the longest time I thought the PETAzoid followers were nothing more than mindless zombies, half-tarded cretins that didn’t know their asses from holes in the ground, but I was wrong–the PETAzoids know exactly  what they’re doing. The PETAzoids know their organization is butchering animals, but they simply don’t care. That’s because they are narcissists. They live to be on TV, they are attention hounds, pure and simple. Sure, they are disgusting hypocrites, but that’s hardly the point, especially when the lights are on and the cameras are rolling.

Make no mistake about it, the PETAzoids and their rulers are corrupt, filthy dirtholes that should rot in a puddle of their own split blood, but instead they grow bigger and bigger by spreading lies and putting nonsense in the heads of pathetic malcontents that have no direction in life, no moral compass to speak of, and only enough braincells in their twisted head to nod, smile, and chant.

Use My Feet For Umbrella Stands

Monday, March 2nd, 2009

When PETA founder Ingrid Newkirk dies, she has stated in her will that her body is to be used to further educate people on animal cruelty. How will her body be used in this regard, you ask? Great question, let’s find out:

Newkirk makes several specific suggestions, including that “the ‘meat’ of my body, or a portion thereof, be used for a human barbecue, to remind the world that the meat of a corpse is all flesh, regardless of whether it comes from a human being or another animal.”

She wants her skin to be made “into leather products,” such as purses, and tacked up “outside the Indian Leather Fair each year to serve as a reminder of the government’s need to abate the suffering of Indian bullocks.”

“In remembrance of the elephant-foot umbrella stands and tiger rugs I saw, as a child, offered for sale by merchants at Connaught Place in Delhi, my feet be removed and umbrella stands or other ornamentation be made from them,” she continued.

Newkirk also wants an eye removed, mounted and delivered to the chief of the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency as a reminder PETA will be watching, a “pointing finger” delivered to the owner of Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, and an ear mounted and sent to the Canadian Parliament “to assist them in hearing, for the first time perhaps, the screams of the seals, bears, raccoons, foxes, and minks bludgeoned, trapped, and sometimes skinned alive. …”

Considering how passionate environmentalists are about recycling, Ingrid might want to reconsider letting people make her dead body into household items. I can just imagine if it took off that people really liked the look of human skin purses. “Wow, is that a Canadian made human leather skin purse? It’s lovely, I have an Irish one, but I find it too freckly.”

I’m not actually against the desecration of the human body as long as it’s from people like Ingrid Newkirk. When she dies and the brainchildren of PETA make her body into a purse, and highlight it at an exhibit, I’ll be there with my three legitimate children, showing them the purse made out of the flesh of a person who valued the life of an animal more than they did the life of a human. And after my kids stop laughing and mocking the memory of Ingrid Newkirk, we’ll take the old, chewed-up gum from our mouths and spit it into the flesh purse.


I’m Okay, You’re Okay: Pervert Edition

Thursday, February 12th, 2009

Keyser just came across another one of those “Hey, there ain’t no such thing as deviant” stories.

Eroticism is in the eye of the beholder. In Japan, some women turn to electrically charged squid for sexual satisfaction. In the American world of masochism, one man begged to be tied on a spit and roasted over sizzling coals. His counterpart, a latex-loving dominatrix, reached ecstasy merely watching his pain.

PETA Wants To Rename Fish

Monday, January 12th, 2009

In a bid to convince people that eating fish is bad, PETA has started a campaign in which the word fish will be banned, only to be replaced by the words Sea Kittens. This is what’s behind their reasoning:

“Nobody would hurt a sea kitten!” the group says on its website.

“People don’t seem to like fish.

“We’re going to start by retiring the old name for good.

“When your name can also be used as a verb that means driving a hook through your head, it’s time for a serious image makeover.”

Now that fish are named sea kittens, it kind of messes up a great recipe I have for baked herb stuffed salmon. Maybe it’s possible to replace fish with kittens, let’s give ‘er a whirl:


PETA lacks nutrients

Tuesday, August 12th, 2008

PETA has the answer to the problem of illegal immigration:

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals plans today to announce an unusual marketing pitch to the U.S. government: Rent us space on the fence for billboards warning illegal border crossers there is more to fear than the Border Patrol.

The billboards, in English and Spanish, would offer the caution: “If the Border Patrol Doesn’t Get You, the Chicken and Burgers Will — Go Vegan.”

“We think that Mexicans and other immigrants should be warned if they cross into the U.S. they are putting their health at risk by leaving behind a healthier, staple diet of corn tortillas, beans, rice, fruits and vegetables,” said Lindsay Rajt, assistant manager of PETA’s vegan campaigns.

[..] PETA says its billboards would picture “fit and trim” Mexicans in their own country, where their diet is more in line with the group’s mission. Another image on the sign would portray obese American children and adults “gorging on meaty, fat- and cholesterol-packed American food.”

Though tortillas, beans, rice, vegetables, and fruit are readily available in the US, PETA representatives are assuming the savages are too weak and ignorant to resist the temptations of McDonald’s and Frito-Lay. Best they return to their own villages in fear of what awaits them on the other side, followed by PETA people, hankering after a diet in line with their mission. Will they bring bottled water along?

cp: The London Fog

Jessica Simpson–Meat Eater

Wednesday, June 18th, 2008

PETA had some harsh words for Jessica Simpson after the blond bombshell wore a t-shirt that said…well, you have eyes, look at the picture:

“Jessica Simpson’s meaty wardrobe malfunction makes us thankful that no one is looking to her for food advice. Chicken of the sea anyone? The woman who thought that Buffalo ‘Wings’ came from buffalos would benefit from some good veggie brain food.”

And the debate continues. On the one hand you have a Peta–a bunch of brain-dead lunatics who want to control people’s lives through taking away their choices, and on the other hand you have a beautiful, drop-dead gorgeous blonde with big tits who wants to eat meat.

Round one–Jessica Simpson

PETA Has Gone To The Rats

Wednesday, June 4th, 2008

Protesting against Lowe’s Hardware stores policy of selling glue traps, a PETA protester dressed only in a bikini, mouse ears and a tail, laid in a simulated glue trap on the side of the road right across the street from where Lowe’s held its annual shareholders meeting:

“They ensnare any small animal that crosses their path. They are absolutely indiscriminate, so mice, birds, even kittens have been caught on these. They struggle to free themselves for days until they finally starve to death,” said PETA spokesperson Cassandra Curbelo. contacted Lowe’s to get a response to both the protest and the assertion that glue traps are inhumane. The Charlotte-area Fortune 500 company replied quickly.

“The EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) recommends glue traps as a safe and affordable alternative to poisons, and we are committed to providing our customers with the options they request. We have also listened to PETA’s concerns and have changed our merchandise offering to cut in half the number of glue traps we offer,” said Lowe’s spokesperson Chris Ahearn.

What have we learned here today? Did we learn that even under the most miniscule of pressure, corporate America is willing to grab their ankles and say ahhhhhhhhh? No, that’s a gimme. Did we learn that PETA is willing to let diseased vermin over-run the world and let humans get sick because PETA are a bunch of agenda-driven idiots with too much time on their hands and not enough brains in their skulls? No, that’s another gimme. What have we learned then? We learned that if you build a giant glue trap, hot vegetarian women with large feet and flat tummies will lay down in it and wait for you to come home and sex them up until you run out of cheese.

However, what good is sex though if the woman isn’t a meat eater? Ponder that, pervert.


NEXT–What the Hell Am I?

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More Jackassery For PETA

Wednesday, October 17th, 2007

Steve O of Jackass fame is the latest celebrity to pose naked for PETA. I can’t think of a better spokesperson for PETA than Steve O. He may not eat meat, but he eats his own puke. And no one can resist a classy guy like Steve O, because he eats his own puke. I’m sure most meat eaters will now turn into vegetarians, especially now that PETA has a spokesperson that eats his own puke.

Maybe PETA can really drive the point home and find someone who eats their own shit. Or has Steve O already conquered that mountain?

Alicia Silverstone In A PETA AD–She Was Also In Clueless

Wednesday, September 19th, 2007

Alicia Silverstone, star of Clueless (the movie, not her real life), is in a new series of ads for PETA:

“I’m Alicia Silverstone, and I’m a vegetarian,” the 30-year-old says in the PETA spot. “There’s nothing in the world that’s changed me as much as this. I feel so much better and have so much more energy.”

Good for you.

I find that the only people more annoying in this world than reformed smokers are vegetarians. I’m so fed up with all the sanctimonious preaching these little pricks do, I’d like to sew their mouths shut, but not before I force feed them a dozen chicken wings marinated in puppy blood.

It’s the Hollyweirdo vegetarians that get under my skin. Other *normal* vegetarians like Lisa are cool about meat eaters, she isn’t preachy and bitchy about it. Maybe it’s because she believes in freedom, unlike those non-meat eating ass suckers in Hollyweird.

These malcontents don’t understand that for every time they come on the radio and TV and tell us how great they are for being a vegetarian and how bad we are because we are meatatarians, it just makes me double my meat eating efforts. Tomorrow I’m going to eat two hamburgers, 3 lbs of veal and possibly a panda bear, if I can steal one from the zoo.

I also call bullshit on vegetarians claiming they are so healthy. For every vegetarian second rate actress like Alicia Silverstone (clueless HA), there are 100 meat eating Jessica Simpson and Gemma Atkinsons. And truth be told, I’d rather be feeding from the ample milk-bags Gemma has hanging from her meat-eating frame than sucking on those mosquito bites Alicia has drooping from her emaciated veggie chest.

Ya, so that’s it.

PETA Kills Animals

Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007

You may have a little trouble clearly seeing the chart, I suggest clicking on it for a bigger picture and then coming back here.

According to this chart, from July 1998 through December 2005, PETA have euthanized over 14,000 defenceless animals. Why, you ask? PETA president Ingrid Newkirk says it’s because it costs more to keep animals than it does to kill them.

There are two reasons why I believe PETA butchers so many animals: Firstly, they don’t want you to have them. Animal rights activists believe that all animals should be free, not owned by humans and certainly not caged. I truly believe they think Fifi is better off dead than laying on your lap and eating from a dog dish. Animals deserve to be free, even if it means they have to die.

Secondly, and I can’t prove this: killing animals must be big business. I’m a firm believer that when something this atrocious happens in groups that are suppose to be benefiting this world, it’s happening because someone somewhere is making money from it. Remember, always follow the money trail.

It’s amazing that a group that screams bloody murder about the actions of Michael Vick, yells and screams at the average Joe for eating meat, can be such vicious barbarians when it comes to actually protecting the one’s they claim to love. It’s amazing, but not shocking, I’ve seen it too many times to count.

PETA adoptees have it ruff