Archive for the ‘Photo of the Day’ Category

I Have A Dream…And A Side Of Bacon

Monday, January 21st, 2013

If that dream included bottomless coffee, The Mayor would be all over that like white on rice.

Superior Auto Focus

Tuesday, January 15th, 2013

Kudos to the Nikon 42BBB camera, that was able to identify and capture all the rounded globes in the picture. Including the billiard ball in the background.

Look harder, it’s there.

Progression Of The U.S Army Fatigues

Tuesday, January 15th, 2013

There have definitely been some cool designs worn by Army, but the most recent ACU (Army Combat Uniform, for you pedestrian maggots) is by far the best, at least in The Mayor’s opinion. Mind you, an accompanying chartreuse bandanna would really help to accessorize the whole outfit and make the Army simply fabulous!

Hollyweird Height Chart

Monday, January 14th, 2013

Other notable shorties include Dudley Moore at 5′2″, Seth Green at 5′4″, and Rick Moranis at 5′4″.

Then there are those actors who tower over these vertically challenged Smurf jockey’s, like, Tom Cruise, Al Pacino, and true to his last name, Martin Short – all 5′7″.

Remember – It’s a small world, after all.

Mitchieville’s Mad Manic MesmErizing Mystery Movie

Monday, January 14th, 2013

If your Christian slave name is Ron or Rampager, then it was you(ze) that correctly identified Mitchieville’s Mad Manic MesmErizing Mystery Movie™ the last time we played. Which was a month ago. The movie was The Dead Zone. We had fun. It’s hard to believe you don’t remember.

But it was you(ze), and The Mayor couldn’t be more proud. At the time of last play, The Mayor didn’t award any prizes to our winners, but this week that is all about to change. There will be prizes awarded, and with a little luck, some third world nation voodoo, and possibly a slipped $20 into The Mayor’s mitt, you could be that winner. The Mayor will describe the prizes and such after a brief description of today’s movie.

Today’s movie was written by Mary Harron and stars Christian Bale. This movie was released in 2000, was made on a bit of a shoestring budget, but grossed well at the theatres, with about $35 million worldwide. Here is a brief description of today’s movie, brought to you by plagiarist TDSB board chaircow, Chris Spence:

A wealthy New York investment banking executive hides his alternate psychopathic ego from his co-workers and friends as he escalates deeper into his illogical, gratuitous fantasies.

The Mayor thought he had seen this movie, but after that terrible description, he’s not sure any more.

Do you know what this movie is? Ya, sure you do. You have all the answers, don’t you, hot shot? Well then, c’mon, let’s hear it. Just don’t sit there eating BBQ chips and drinking Aspartame-filled sodas, get on the puter and type.

Oh, you want to see what the prize is? Good job holding out, you’re not as stupid as Chris Spence looks.

The winner of today’s Mystery Movie will receive a copy of The Cabin in the Woods, and two other pirated movies of The Mayor’s choice. The Mayor isn’t going to give you any primo titles, for sure, but you will get some watchable movies. That’s a very good deal, considering you have zero skin in the game. Wow, put like that and The Mayor wants to recind his offer. But he won’t, because he’s a gentleman. And he needs to cull his movie collection.

So, how weze gonna do this? Simple. As simple as an inner-city grade student. First off, the winner must correctly identify today’s movie. Secondly: since there will be multiple people correctly identifying today’s movie, The Mayor has picked a number between 1 – 100,000. The person closest to that number without going over, will win today’s bag of prizes.

Fantastic.

Let’s git ‘er dun!

What movie and number am I?

Goldmembersingh

Wednesday, January 9th, 2013

In order to impress the ladies, Datta Phuge of Pimpri-Chinchwad (or Chad, as he is known to his drinking buddies), ordered a custom-made $23,000 gold shirt:

He’s quoted as saying, “I know I am not the best looking man in the world but surely no woman could fail to be dazzled by this shirt?” It took 15 goldsmiths two weeks to make the shirt which cost him nearly $23,000.

Chad has a point – there aint a dame alive that could resist a golden shirt.

Women also like chocolate, and that’s why The Mayor has commissioned 25 chocolatiers to craft him a $70,000 pair of nougat, chocolate and caramel sweat pants. Want to see what’s under the sweat pants, ladies? Then prepare to eat yourself sick. Ya, baby. Is that a chocolate covered butter crunch toffee bar in The Mayor’s pocket, or is he just happy to see you?

The Mayor calls his chocolate sweat pants the “Hershey Highway Pants” because Hershey’s has the word Her and She in it, and after you taste The Mayor’s pants you’ll want to fondle his roasted almonds all the way down the highway.

Man, The Mayor now wishes he ended this post after the *or is he just happy to see you?” line.

Oh well, can’t take it back now. Google spider me, you bad bastards!

Glory Glory…

Tuesday, January 8th, 2013

And after Rob Ford is unceremoniously shuffled out of town, there is no doubt Mr Glory Hole will become Toronto’s new Mayor. Or Smitherman’s *Right Hand Man®*, if ya know what I mean.

Honesty – It’s Such A Lonely Word

Tuesday, January 8th, 2013

No need to work, you’re not so stupid. You’ll be fed, clothed, housed, given free health care and dental, a free cell phone, plus a tidy cheque at the end of every month deposited right into your bank account. Hell, have your bitch spit out a few shorties, and between the cash from that and the money you make selling dope, you’re set for life. Tax spender, you’re actually pretty smart. WE’RE the dummies.

We’ve Seen It Before

Monday, January 7th, 2013

To be fair, gun control worked wonders in Stalin’s Russia, Mao’s China, Pol Pot’s Cambodia, and Hitler’s Germany. Not to mention Rahm’s Chicago, etc.

7.5-magnitude Earthquake Shakes The Alaskan And British Columbian Coastline

Saturday, January 5th, 2013

The Mayor first heard the news as he sat down this morning, right before he had a cup of tea and some toast.

The Mayor doesn’t usually have toast for breakfast, unless he’s having a full compliment of eggs, bacon and homefries. But this morning was different, as Clare had a hankerin’ for some toast and jam, and The Mayor decided that what the heck, he’ll have some toast and jam as well.

Clare and The Mayor decided on Smucker’s Raspberry Jam. Smucker’s makes a pretty decent jam – no preservatives or additives, just raspberries, sugar and a splash of pectin (whatever the dilio a *pectin* is).

We started off with one slice each, but by the end we had two slices each. As mentioned, The Mayor washed everything down with a cup of tea. Twining’s tea. Delicious. The Mayor recommends it.

So there you have it – an earthquake.

Be safe.

Pee Anywhere

Friday, January 4th, 2013

The Mayor can hardly believe he missed Gender Neutral Bathroom Week again, but in solidarity with a such a fine cause, The Mayor has ordered the installation of video cameras in all public-access bathrooms in Mitchieville. Not only is The Mayor a big proponent of gender neutral bathrooms, but in order to draw more awareness to this cause, he has asked Fenris Badwulf to spearhead a campaign to live-stream all activities in all bathrooms in Mitchieville from this day forward.

Now, for only $19.95 a month, and streaming live to your computering device, you can see and hear every activity that takes place in any one of the over 11 public access bathrooms in Mitchieville.

Do your part for humanity, show you care by supporting Gender Neutral bathrooms.

Name The Planet

Tuesday, January 1st, 2013

The Mayor was able to identify four of the six. The top left is planet Plateatorium, the one beside it is Porcelainius, the bottom right is Earthenwaredroid, while the one beside that is no other than Pluto.

Pluto isn’t a planet any more? Hahaha, then that was a trick quiz.

What a cheeky monkey!