Archive for the ‘Photo of the Day’ Category

Happy Anniversary Mitchieville – Happy New Year – Happy Birthday Clare – Happy Everything To Everyone

Monday, December 31st, 2012

Another year has come and gone, The Mayor has grown another inch (vertically), and each and every one of us is a better person. That’s all true. You folk are something special. By the by, that was a compliment, not an insult. As in, you are special in a positive sense, not in the sense where you are given the best parking spots at malls. Although some of you may very well get those kickin’ spots, The Mayor doesn’t and can’t know everything.

Believe it or not (and why wouldn’t you believe it?), Mitchieville turns 9 today. We have gone through eight full years now – and with those eight full years, we have seen over 19,000 posts go out the door, over 140,000 comments lodged, and well over 5 million visitors to these parts. And what does all that get us? Forth funniest blog in Canada in a blogging competition, right behind Sarah’s Yarn Blog.

To be fair though, Sarah is one pretty funny broad.

Thank you each and every Mitchievillian for coming back here every day, or once a week, or as a dare, or however you got here. Fenris and I appreciate your support (we wish it was your financial support, but Fenris and The Mayor learned long ago that 99.9% of Mitchievillians are Scottish when it comes to charity and finances).

Eight years? Damn, that can’t be right. Eight years is nearly nine years, which is close to a decade. Oh well. We’re growing old together, and that makes The Mayor proud. Well, maybe not proud, maybe the word The Mayor is looking for is happy. Nope, that’s not it either. Why is The Mayor crying? He’s crying but he’s not happy or proud. Hmmmm, his tears taste like chicken.

Tomorrow is a new year, and The Mayor can certainly speak for everyone when he says good riddance to 2012 – the year of the suck this.

2012 really was a colossal piece of crap. Other than The Mayor’s smile and his wardrobe, nothing got even slightly better in 2012. Nothing. It was trash. Everything was wrong about 2012, including the prediction by those lazy Mayan’s. It’s no wonder they got wiped out, people can’t stand other people being wrong all the time. Probably some other tribe got fed up with the Mayan’s and their stupid shit that they wiped them off the face of the earth. Serves them right.

It’s Clare’s birthday today. Yup, she turns 4. That’s something that is going to take a few days for The Mayor to wrap his head around. At last count, The Mayor’s children are aged 18, 16, and now 4. And those are just the legitimate one’s.

Clare has been a real blessing in The Mayor’s life. She’s a wonderful little girl. Funny, smart, doesn’t eat a whole ton which saves The Mayor a good bit of money every month. But even if she ate like a little pig, The Mayor wouldn’t care because Clare has brought The Mayor more joy into his life than he deserves.

That’s pretty much it, time to go back upstairs and pour another tumbler of top-shelf rye. That’s how The Mayor intends to bring in 2013 – through bloodshot eyes.

Happy everything, everyone. May your 2013 be prosperous.

Festive Greetings

Tuesday, December 25th, 2012

Merry festive holiday season to all Mitchievillians at home and away. The Mayor doesn’t have time to jibber jabber, he has a hell of a mess to clean up thanks to one Santa Claus of the North Pole.

The Mayor hopes you have a safe and generally wonderful festive holiday season. And remember, stay away from crowds.

**The Mayor thanks his brutha from anutha baby mutha, The Retired Geez, for the lovely picture above

MENSA Friday – Gun Control! Edition

Friday, December 21st, 2012

Mitchievillians have spoken loud and clear, and they want Gun Control! And when do they want it? They want it now. Right now. Not tomorrow, but right this very second. The Mayor has received literally millions of emails the last few days demanding Gun Control! The Mayor is listening, and watching, but mostly listening, and what he hears is that Mitchievillians want Gun Control!

Darnell from Cambridge wrote The Mayor and said thusly:

I want Gun Control! I don’t feel safe without it. I don’t want to send my daughter to school because I fear for her life. I want Gun Control! And a ban on peanuts and legumes.

That speaks volumes.

The average citizen is frightened. They cannot operate without governmental assistance. The citizenry is screaming out for more government control, more Gun Control! The Mayor will be happy to control them.

Today’s MENSA Friday Trivia extravaganza is brought to you by Ted’s Liquor in the Front, Poker in the Rear Emporium. Located in the beautiful town of Courtice Ontario. Open 7 days a week, and where every night is half-price chicken wing night.

Let’s git ’er dun! 

1) In what year was Mirror editor Piers Morgan fired , after he conceded that published photos of soldiers abusing an Iraqi were fake.

A) 2007

B) 2004

C) 1776

2)  After being implicated during the Leveson Inquiry by high-profile figures such as Jeremy Paxman, how many claims have been brought against Piers Morgan  in regard to his role in Britain’s phone-hacking scandal?

A) 3

B) 2)

C) 4

D) All of them

3)  The just released Leveson Report describes Piers Morgans testimony in just two words. Are those two words:

A) “All lies”

B) “Utterly unpersuasive”

B) “Hamburger Grease”

4) Which has more hits when entered into Google search?

A) Piers Morgan is a lying piece of shit

B) Piers Morgan is a pompous ass

C) Piers Morgan likes to lick the toilet seats in bus terminals

Wow, that was a rather informative MENSA Friday, wasn’t it?

If the Mayan’s are right, and we have no reason doubt them, we will all be dead meat today. Nice to know you.

Not Living The Dream

Tuesday, December 18th, 2012

The Mayor is absolutely positive that after Obama gets his way and has an assault weapons ban passed that Kevin Mack will no longer feel any negativity about his life. After all, an assault weapons ban IS life. Chin up, Kevin Mack, Obama has your back!

Forward!

If You’re Happy And You Know It

Sunday, December 16th, 2012

But only crap them if you’re happy and you know it and you REALLY want to show it.

Parasites Are Our Future

Tuesday, December 11th, 2012

The Mayor insists, you try it first. No, no, no, please, you go ahead. Your inflammatory bowel disease is far worse than The Mayor’s, so get those parasites into you. The Mayor isn’t suffering from a bleeding rectum and projectile diarrhea like you are, so he’d like you to try the parasite treatment first. After you’re finished, let The Mayor know what it’s like to have parasitic worms crawling around your rectum. What, it damn near killed ‘em? Great to see you still have your sense of humour.

Mitchieville’s Mad Manic MesmErizing Mystery Movie

Tuesday, December 11th, 2012

The year was 1983 and the Rubik’s Cube, Cabbage Patch Kid’s, and Post Smurf-berry Crunch ruled the day. The Mayor was in high school at the time, and you could always spot him by the way he rocked his denim jacket, tight stonewashed jeans, and long layered hair. He had a girlfriend at the time, but for the life of him he can’t remember her name. Although, the name “Hey You”, and “Stupid” seem to come to mind. Actually, her name might have been Stupid. The Mayor believes her name was Stupid.

Today’s movie was released in 1983 – the year of poor fashion taste. There’s a saying that fashion skips every other generation. It skipped The Mayor’s generation, but not before it set it on fire, and then doused it with the urine of ten billion lab rats.

That creepy looking freak in the picture above is no other than Christopher Walken. Brooke Adams was also a notable in this flick, and trust The Mayor, that’s the only time ever that Brooke Adams has been called *notable*.

Directed by David Cronenberg, and released in 1983, here is a brief description of the movie:

Christopher Walken wakes from a coma due to a car accident, only to find he has lost five years of his life, and yet gained psychic powers. Foreseeing the future appears to be a ‘gift’ at first, but ends up causing problems.

The Mayor hates problematic psychic abilities. At first The Mayor’s psychic abilities seemed like a gift, but now they are a pain in the ass. Like the time The Mayor saw into the future, and found out that they will no longer distribute Vanilla Coke to Canada. Talk about problematic. Talk about a life-changer. Screw you, Coke, screw you.

Do you know what this movie is? Do you have psychic abilities that are problematic? Tell The Mayor a problematic psychic story, lean on The Mayor’s ear, he’s here for you. Unless you intend to ramble on about boring stories that have no ending, then maybe it’s best to keep your ridiculous problematic psychic stories to yourself. No one likes a rambler, especially a gifted one. Asshole.

Mila Kunis Without Makeup

Sunday, December 9th, 2012

And this is Mila Kunis WITH makeup. And so is this. And this.

Makeup is a game-changer. There is no doubt about that one bit. Without makeup, Mila Kunis looks like your ordinary hairy East European broad. With makeup, she looks less like an ordinary hairy East European broad.

Either way, if you ever have a say about it, try to get your woman to slap some makeup on her face. It can’t hurt, it can only help, and any woman that says she has a natural look, most likely has a mustache and a face like a can of crushed assholes.

Learned Behavior

Thursday, December 6th, 2012

Most likely learned behavior from watching the Republicans and Democrats argue over the details on how to fix the *fiscal cliff*. Although, to more accurately display their learned behavior, there needs to be more bending over, howling at the moon, and the eating of one another’s feces.

Possibly Racist

Wednesday, December 5th, 2012

Now THAT’S something The Mayor would watch. Right up until the time when the human asks the ape, “And how did that make you feel?” Then it’s right back to watching Duck Dynasty.

iHitler

Monday, December 3rd, 2012

The Mayor isn’t sure how much more proof you need to prove the authenticity of this picture?

Hell, The Mayor even has a picture of iHitler sporting duck lips. He’ll post that for you one day, if you’re good.

It’s Funny Cuz He’s Blind

Thursday, November 29th, 2012

Also funny is that little white dude in the bottom left corner of the picture. He’s not blind or anything, but he’s still funny.