Archive for the ‘Poverty’ Category

Possibly Racist

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012

Sad. Lack of social spending, and cutbacks for things like Midnight Basketbro©, does not help our oppressed children who are reeling from the lingering effects of colonialism in Africa. Only more social spending, more apologies, and more hiding our head in the sand will help overcome these atrocities.

Selena Gomez – First World Problems

Tuesday, January 17th, 2012

Poor thing. It makes you wonder how anyone could survive something like that.

Selena Gomez – seen here frolicking at the beach – has had some serious first world problems in her time. Imagine, having to buy food from a dollar store. How utterly embarrassing.

However, The Mayor has a story he hasn’t told before, a story that kind of puts the whole poverty thing into perspective. It happened about 15 years ago. The Mayor sent his houseboy, Cheeves, to Sobeys to pick up some AAA prime rib for a bbq he was having with friends that evening. Cheeves went away and picked up the food and we proceeded to have a bbq like we planned. Well, about 40 minutes into the bbq, The Mayor had to go inside to use the toilet, and he happened to walk into the kitchen and spotted the wrapper the meat came in. Upon further inspection, The Mayor saw that it wasn’t AAA prime rib, but AA prime rib.

The horrors!

About puking blood for a good 20 minutes, The Mayor promptly (if that can be considered prompt) went to the backyard and kicked everyone out. He couldn’t stand the potential embarrassment this could and very well might or may cause. The end. Get out. The Mayor’s meat is Grade A dog food.

And that’s the story. And it’s all pretty much true.

Sure, The Mayor’s story didn’t exactly have to do with living in poverty like those Mexican welfare cases called the Gomez’s. And sure, The Mayor didn’t have to stoop to buying Italian pastas from dollar stores. And sure, The Mayor beat his dirtbag houseboy Cheeves to within an inch of his worthless life for serving up shoe leather with a delicious gourmet barbecue sauce applied to it. But when all was said and done…hmmmm, kinda lost the thread of this post. Where was I again?

Not too sure.

Let’s just leave it at that.

Everyone’s Doing The Winnie Mandela Dance

Saturday, January 30th, 2010


Sure, they may not be from South Africa, but that doesn’t mean these women aren’t keraaaaaaazy for the Winnie Mandela dance.

You remember how it goes, don’t you?

Tire – check

Neck – check

Gasoline – check

Out of control mob taking revenge on political adversaries – Check

Matches – check

Ignite – double check!

Now dance, my pretties, dance!!!

The Vice Guide To Liberia – 1 of 8

Thursday, January 28th, 2010

Through Ol Remus’ website, I stumbled upon a series of videos entitled, “The Vice Guide To Liberia”. I thought I knew a few things about Liberia, but after watching just one episode, it turns out I knew absolutely nothing. For instance, I never knew that Liberia was such an utterly disgraceful mess of a country, and perhaps the most terrifying place on the whole planet.

The parrallels to Haiti will astonish you, when it comes right down to it there are not many differences.

These video will upset you. They are hard to watch, but you won’t turn away. This is video 1 of 8. I’ll run one part each day, Monday to Friday, until they are done.

Here is how the first part of the video as described by the producers of The Vice Guide to Liberia:

Welcome to The Vice Guide to Liberia. In this eight-part series, VBS travels to West Africa to rummage through the messy remains of a country ravaged by 14 years of civil war. Despite the United Nation’s eventual intervention, most of Liberia’s young people continue to live in abject poverty, surrounded by filth, drug addiction, and teenage prostitution. The former child soldiers who were forced into war have been left to fend for themselves, the murderous warlords who once led them in cannibalistic rampages have taken up as so-called community leaders, and new militias are lying in wait for the opportunity to reclaim their country from a government they rightly mistrust. America’s one and only foray into African colonialism is keeping a very uneasy peace indeed. In Part 1, Vice’s own Shane Smith provides a brief history lesson and some essential context for understanding what caused Liberia’s civil war and how things got so bad. Liberia was originally planned and founded as a homeland for former slaves back in 1821. But fast forward a bunch of years and a military coup and you find the First Liberian Civil War in 1989: yet another third-world regime change in which the US-backed opposition, led by Charles Taylor, overthrows a government unfriendly to US interests. Once in power, Taylor’s corrupt, dysfunctional government quickly finds itself under attack by local warlords, leading to the Second Liberian Civil War ten years later. From there things go from bad to total shit.

Time Machine

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009


Again, putting things into perspective is impossible for some people, but if they would just get a grip and look at how amazing this world, and in particular how amazing we have it in the west, they wouldn’t say idiotic things like, “economic conditions are worse now than they were in the 30’s.”

As The Mayor has always contended, we have the worlds richest poor.

Focus On Poverty–The Oxley Family

Monday, April 21st, 2008

The Toronto Red Star’s *Social justice reporter*, Tanya Talaga, in her ongoing series about poverty in Toronto, reports on the Oxley family, a modern day richess to rags story that will pull on your heartstrings and leave you feeling empty inside:

Several years ago, Mary and Don Oxley were living the good life. They earned $100,000 a year between them and bought a modest house in Brampton.

Don became disabled from a severe sciatic nerve condition in 2004. The Oxleys, who have a 16-year-old son, experienced a rapid drop in income, relying on Mary’s $38,000-a-year pay as an office sales support worker and Don’s $1,000 monthly disability cheque.

Basically, their income was cut in half. At this point, the Oxley’s survival instincts kicked in:

“It hasn’t been the best of times,” says Don, 48, sitting in their family room, his canes resting beside him.

“You just barely live,” adds Mary, 44.

Horrible, simply horrible.

It gets progressively worse for this monetarily tortured family, life not only spat in their collective faces, but it also kneed them all in their groins:

The Oxleys can’t afford either to rent or go to the movies. But Mary’s line of credit is maxed out at $19,000 because of a used vehicle she bought. To make things easier for Don, at home all day, and to give the family a source of entertainment two years ago, she bought a large-screen plasma TV and made payments on it for two years.

“You have to have some entertainment for him,” she says.

A man without an entertainment system is not a man, he is just a worthless corpse waiting for someone to shovel dirt on his entertainmentless body.

The $3,800 TV is now paid for. But they still have their monthly cable bill of $176, which includes the Internet, cell and home phone.

I had to read that sentence four times, as my vision was clouded with tears the first three times reading it.

An available Family Service representative was able to put everything into perspective for this poor family:

For many low-income earners, a widescreen TV is “essentially and fundamentally the only entertainment,” says Peel Family Services’ Triantafillou. “How sad is that? I don’t doubt for a minute, if they had the means they’d find other entertainment.”

Truer words have never been spoken.

The Oxley family is so poor that they have to have a big screen TV just to survive. If they had a choice, it’s obvious that they would have never bought the damn thing. They are so poor that they cannot afford a deck of cards, or a board game, or even enough money to spend family time together. They are so desperate that they cannot afford a pair of shoes to go for small walks, or sit on the porch and talk–poverty made them get cell phones, high speed internet, a smoking habit, a big screen TV, a house and a $19000 used car.

I’m saddened and ashamed to say that this isn’t the only family in Toronto that are living in squalor. There are tens of thousands of Oxleys out there. All of them poor, destitute, and poverty-stricken through no fault of their own. Some of them, possibly up to 12%, couldn’t even afford a 46′ big screen and had to settle for the miserably 42′.

What can we do to help? Simple: Send Fenris your money. Fenris helps those who can’t help themselves without helping themselves through your help.

Masturbation Cuts Cancer Risk

Monday, April 21st, 2008

Australian researchers have come to the conclusion that men could reduce their risk of developing prostate cancer through regular masturbation. In other news, there is no other news:

They say cancer-causing chemicals could build up in the prostate if men do not ejaculate regularly.

Imagine, all those times you told the ladies that if you don’t *get off* you could die, wasn’t a lie.

Men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life.

I’m sure most of you are doing the math right now and figuring if you’re 1/3 less likely to develop cancer if you stroke it 5 times a week, then you’re probably closer to 20x less likely considering your dirty little habit.

How does masturbation prevent cancer, you ask?

The researchers suggest that ejaculating may prevent carcinogens accumulating in the prostate gland.

The prostate provides a fluid into semen during ejaculation that activates sperm and prevents them sticking together.

The fluid has high concentrations of substances including potassium, zinc, fructose and citric acid, which are drawn from the bloodstream.

I believe those are the same ingredients in a Caesars salad.

I’m sure most of you are doing the happy dance right now, thinking you are immune from cancer. Well, you’re not. You fluked out. Your bizarre fetishes and freakish obsessions may have put you on the road to physical fitness, but it still won’t keep you out of the clink if you’re caught acting out your grotesque masturbatory puppet show by the police .

I suppose what I’m saying is this: Even though you think your unnatural chronic masturbation habit is good for your health, you still have to eat right and exercise, stop smoking and cut down on your booze intake. Combine that with your disgusting habit of jerking off like a deviant who needs psychological help, and you may live a few more years.

If you think that masturbation is the answer, you haven’t asked yourself all the right questions.

NEXT post–Mugshot of the Week

ALSO–Focus on Poverty