Archive for the ‘Predictions’ Category

2013 – Predictions

Tuesday, January 1st, 2013

Do you know the first two words out of crazy uncle Sam’s mouth after he saw those two dogs in the picture humping? “Who’s next?”

You’re a pig,  Uncle Sam.

Although uncle Sam may be a pig, there is nothing pig-like about The Mayor’s 2013 predictions. Well, you may possibly rub slop all over your body after you finish reading his predictions, but other than that, there are very few similarities between a pig and The Mayor predictions.

Sports

The NHLPA and the NHL bigwigs will come to an agreement the first week of January. From there, there will be a shortened 48 game schedule, and Pittsburgh will end up winning the cup.

The Blue Jays will win the World Series.

The San Fran 49′ers will win the Super De Duper Bowl.

Other Stuff

Gold will hit $2300 an oz and silver will hit $43.

Interest rates will remain the same ( 0 ) and food inflation will top 10%. Oil will end the year at $65 a barrel, and gas will cost $102 a litre.

It will be the year of the ratings downgrade…again. Every country in Europe, the US, most states, most provinces, etc. Everywhere you look, a massive testicle kicking will take place. Grab some popcorn and watch, it will be a wonderful sight.

The Middle East will explode again. Because that’s what the Middle East does best. It explodes. Bashir will get the hook early spring, Egypt will continue massacring Christians, Saudi will have mass demonstrations against its gov’t…basically it’s gonna be a gigantic shitstorm. And the reason why? Food prices. Yup. All because of rising food prices.

Look for the Republicans to cave on “Immigration Reform.” Welcome to the US, you 12 million dirty splotches.

The stock market is going to tank. We’re talking 20% tank.

Hilary Clinton will bite the dust. Her greasyness will die the second week of January.

RIM (Blackberry) will rebound strong. VERY strong. Or not.

And that’s it. The Mayor would love to sit here all day typing out his predictions, but he has a huge bowl of Shreddies waiting for him on the breakfast table. Keep soaking up the milk, Shreddies, The Mayor loves that shit!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Revisiting The Mayor’s 2012 Predictions

Saturday, December 29th, 2012

If you were wondering if The Mayor was going to take some time this year to look back on his last years predictions for 2012, you can stop wondering right this second because yes, that is precisely what The Mayor is going to do tonight.

The Mayor will make his predictions for 2013 sometime in the very near future (tomorrow seems right), but tonight he will comb through the treasure chest of 2012 predictions he made around the same time last year. So far, in just two puny paragraphs, The Mayor has manged to use the word *predictions* three times. While not a record, it is still very impressive.

Like your ex wife in the sack, some of The Mayor’s predictions were God-awful, some were kind of okay, while others were dynamite. The Mayor isn’t saying your ex wife could from time to time light up your world with explosive sex, because let’s face it, that hound can’t hunt. Sure, that made little to no sense, but The Mayor is pretty drunk and your ex wife is a dirty slut.

Let’s get some of those predictions into ya:

- The Bruins will win Lord Stanley’s Cup again.

- The Yankee’s will win the World Series

- New Orleans will win the Super Bowl

**No comment

- The American housing situation will continue to decline, with prices falling another 6% yoy. Housing starts will be the softest on record, stagflation will kick housing squarely in the testicles, everything will bounce along the bottom for the foreseeable future.

**All that could quite possibly be true. We are told that housing has improved, but keep in mind that is coming from the same people that say Obama isn’t a Moslem and that Pier’s Morgan is one hell of a good journalist. That’s one for The Mayor.

- Countries that will become super bubbleicious and will pop like the overripe zits on a McDonald’s employee’s face, include: Canada, England, China, Australia, New Zealand, Denmark

**When The Mayor made that prediction, he forgot to include the part that the bubbleiciousness was being referred to in each countries housing sector. And with that in mind, The Mayor was again kind of right, in a not right/not wrong, sort of in the middle, do the hokey pokey and shake it all around kind of way. That’s another one for The Mayor.

- 2012 will be the year of the downgrade for Europe. Every last stinking Euro country will be downgraded at least one peg, including Germany and France.

**Germany still hasn’t been downgraded, but most Euroscum countries have been. Maybe England hasn’t been as well. And Moldova. And Togo. Togo is in Europe, oui?

That’s a solid prediction come true, The Mayor is merrily rolling along on his steamtrain of truth (???)

- there will be no defaults though, kicking of the can will continue

**True as. SCORES!

- at least one regional war will break out. Look for it to be Albania and Serbia

**To be fair, when The Mayor made that prediction, he had just snorted 15 crushed percocets.

- The American $$$ will hold steady throughout most of the year

**Yup

- Oil will rise to $120 a barrel only to settle down to $70 by December

**Close on that one. Oil did rise to $140, and at one point was about $60, and is now at about $87 ish, so whatever.

- Interest rates will remain at or near zero

**Bang on. Get the kid a lollypop.

- Mitt Romney will win the GOP nomination, making the liberal media happier than a pig in shit, as getting Romney nominated is what they have been pushing for from the beginning. Bob Dole, McCain, Romney. Win win win all the time for liberals.

**The best prediction The Mayor has ever made. It was also the easiest prediction The Mayor has ever made. Remember, if you ever want to find out the shittiest candidate the republicans can ever field, look to see who the msm is supporting when the nomination process is taking place.

- Obama will win in 2012

**Stole the election and American Conservatives said not a word. Look at the precincts that voted 115% Obama, not a single vote cast for Mittens. Wonder how the Repubs could lose Florida when the day before they were up 6%?

- The senate will go GOP and they will also win more house seats

**1/2 and 1/2. Like the creamer The Mayor enjoys in his free trade coffee every morning.

- Justin Bieber will shot in the hip by an insane 17 year old girl

**Nailed it. Well, not quite. BUT, there was talk of a Colombian drug cartel that wanted to kidnap him and saw off his nipples with an old Makita bench saw.

- Ontario will get another ratings downgrade, austerity measures will be brought in, and it will all be blamed on Rob Ford and Mike Harris

**That’s a scary good prediction. Anything concerning money or drug mules and The Mayor is all over it like poo on Pier’s Morgans soiled ladies undergarments.

- The Leafs will not make the playoffs

**Nuff said.

- The Japanese economy will implode. Also, more reactor problems will occur at Fukishima

**That’s pretty well true, both parts. The Japanese are truly Fukishima’d. The Mayor got that right.

- The middle east will erupt, with Israel bombing Iran, Gaza and parts of Syria. This will happen in August.

**Take away the August part and The Mayor nailed that one. Okay, take away the Iran bombing part as well. Although, saying the middle east will have conflict is like saying Michael Moore will eat sugary foods tomorrow. Duh!

- The Mayor of Mitchieville will be embroiled in a political poo storm that will see many of his members of cabinet sacked, or shot. But not Fenris. He just becomes more powerful every day

** Eerily true. Look who pulls the strings in Mitchieville. Huh, you thought The Mayor meant Fenris? Have you been injecting motor oil into your eye socket? Get real.

Some of those predictions were truly terrible, but there were a few gems in there. You just have to look closer. No, closer than that. Closer. Even closer. Is your face right up against the monitor? It is? BOOOOO!

Hahaha, that freaks stoners’ out every time.

Tomorrow The Mayor will be back with his predictions for 2013. Don’t forget to Tweet this post, The Mayor counts on traffic that will only show up once and never come back again.

Stanley Cup Playoffs 2012

Wednesday, April 11th, 2012

Hockey predictions? Why yes, thank you. The Mayor loves this time a year, while hating other times of the year. But hockey playoff time is the bestest time of the year hands down. And with that, let’s get predictin’:

Philly vs Pittsburgh – Have you ever had a Philly steak sandwich? They’re delicious. Have you ever had a Pittsburger? they are also delicious. But Philly steak sandwiches have onions on them, and onions suck. OTOH, you can get a Pittsburger made-to-order. “The Mayor will have ketchup and hot pepper rings on his, thankyouverymuch”!

Pittsburgh in 6

Detroit vs Nashville – Detroit is a team made up of guys that should be collecting their retirement cheques. But The Mayor has a soft spot for the geriatric crowd. Plus, if he called Nashville, Buck would hunt him down and take him to the Windsor Opera house.

Detroit in 6

LA vs Vancouver – LA is getting better every year. they have been for 35 years now. However, they never get that good. Vancouver can lick my spit valve, but they have a good hockey team, of course.

Vancouver in 5

Ottawa vs Rangers – For the first time ever, The Mayor doesn’t hate Ottawa with every fibre of his being. Perhaps The Mayor is getting soft in his old age. Perhaps only parts of The Mayor is getting soft. Wow, that was sexy talk. Damn you for your vivid imagination and totally cool suggestive sexual overtones, Mayor.

Rangers in 5

Washington vs Boston – At the beginning of the year The Mayor called Boston to win the cup. The Mayor was high on Elmer’s glue. Still though, here we are and The Mayor is still high as Whitney Houston in a bubble bath.

Boston in 4

San Jose vs St Louis – San Jose has no right being in these thar dem there those that they playoffs. Total seizure, excuse me. St Louis is a great team this year and should make it past San Hosers.

St Louis in 6

Chicago vs Phoenix – is the Phoenix rising? No, don’t be a damn fool. The Phoenix is not rising. The Mayor isn’t even sure what that means. Is the Chicago rising? Yes, it is rising above the Phoenix.

Chicago in 6

New Jersey vs Florida – NJ is the favourite in this series. That upsets The Mayor. Florida is a great name for a fat, black woman. Let’s go with Florida out of solidarity for fat, black women.

Florida in 7

Those are The Mayor’s Stanley Cup predictions, what are yours?

Predictions 2012

Thursday, December 29th, 2011

The Mayor hasn’t made an end of year set of predictions since, ahhhh, ever, so he thought this would be a good year to unleash afew things he is 100% sure will definitely happen in 2012.

Let’s face it, 2011 was a giant ball of crap. The Mayor hates to tell you this, but 2012 is looking to be a gianter ball of crap. It will most certainly be the biggest ball of crap we have ever seen in our lifetimes. Ball.Of.Crap.

We’ll start out with some less dramatic predictions and ramp it up to the inevitable “everyone is going to die” prediction The Mayor is saving for the end. Let’s talk sports first:

- The Bruins will win Lord Stanley’s Cup again.

- The Yankee’s will win the World Series

- New Orleans will win the Super Bowl

As for basketball? Who cares? Seriously.

Housing

- The American housing situation will continue to decline, with prices falling another 6% yoy. Housing starts will be the softest on record, stagflation will kick housing squarely in the testicles, everything will bounce along the bottom for the foreseeable future.

- Countries that will become super bubbleicious and will pop like the overripe zits on a McDonald’s employee’s face, include: Canada, England, China, Australia, New Zealand, Denmark

Europe

- 2012 will be the year of the downgrade for Europe. Every last stinking Euro country will be downgraded at least one peg, including Germany and France.

- there will be no defaults though, kicking of the can will continue

- at least one regional war will break out. Look for it to be Albania and Serbia

Everything else

- The American $$$ will hold steady throughout most of the year

- Oil will rise to $120 a barrel only to settle down to $70 by December

- Interest rates will remain at or near zero

- Mitt Romney will win the GOP nomination, making the liberal media happier than a pig in shit, as getting Romney nominated is what they have been pushing for from the beginning. Bob Dole, McCain, Romney. Win win win all the time for liberals.

- Obama will win in 2012

- The senate will go GOP and they will also win more house seats

- Justin Bieber will shot in the hip by an insane 17 year old girl

- Ontario will get another ratings downgrade, austerity measures will be brought in, and it will all be blamed on Rob Ford and Mike Harris.

- The Leafs will not make the playoffs

- The Japanese economy will implode. Also, more reactor problems will occur at Fukishima

- The middle east will erupt, with Israel bombing Iran, Gaza and parts of Syria. This will happen in August.

- The Mayor of Mitchieville will be embroiled in a political poo storm that will see many of his members of cabinet sacked, or shot. But not Fenris. He just becomes more powerful every day

to be continued…

2011 NHL Playoffs – Lose Some, Lose Some

Sunday, May 15th, 2011

As far as predictions go, the second round of the 2011 NHL Playoffs were a complete disaster for The Mayor. He scored a whopping 1/4, only getting the Vancouver/Nashville series right.

That’s poor.

But The Mayor does have a legitimate excuse for doing so poorly: he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

But with only two rounds left, four teams remaining, The Mayor is confident that he can redeem himself.

Tampa/Boston – The Mayor hasn’t taken the Bolts yet and they seem to be doing alright, so let’s go with them. Bolts over the Bruins in 5.

Vancouver/San Jose – The Mayor has picked Vancouver in both rounds and they have come through each time, so let’s reverse course and pick San Jose in 6.

Thems the picks, and they are gold. The Mayor is so confident that his picks will come through, that if they don’t, if his picks don’t peter out, The Mayor will give one lucky Mitchievillian (who puts his/her hockey predictions in the comment section) Fenris Badwulf’s golden Gordie Howe signed hockey stick.

Yes, a golden hockey stick. that’s gotta be worth like a million dollars.

So what say you, give The Mayor yer picks. Don’t be shy, after all, you can’t do any more craptastic than The Mayor did last round.

2011 NHL Playoffs – Win Some, Lose Some

Thursday, April 28th, 2011

The first round of the 2011 NHL playoffs are done, and boy are my arms tired! Hahaha.

Wait, that punchline was intended for another joke. Regardless, or as they say in Sudbury, “irregardless”, the first round is in the books. Let’s have a look at how The Mayor’s predictions panned out.

1) Canuckleheads vs Hawks

The Mayor predicted the Canuckleheads would win this in 5, but it took them 7. We’ll call this one a push.

What did we learn from this series? We learned that the Sedin twins are soft and characterless, and like most players that rack up huge points against useless teams in the regular season, when it comes to the playoffs, when it comes to the big games, they fold faster than a deck chair.

We also learned that Raffi Torres is a real piece of shit.

Finally, we learned that a team that The Mayor was cheering for to win the Stanley Cup is now off the list of the team The Mayor wants to win the Stanley Cup. If there is a more soulless, craptastic bunch of babies in the NHL, The Mayor has yet to find them. Even the Leafs, as much as they completely suck, have soul. The Canuckleheads, not so much. I suppose that’s what you get when you fill your team with European androids and general deadbeats (Burrows and Malhotra notwithstanding).

2) Capitals vs Rangers

The Mayor thought the Caps would win in 7, it took them 5. This series was kind of a disappointment, but none-the-less, it’s over now and we got rid of another low rung team. The Rangers are a team of the future though. And they always will be.

3) Red Wings vs Coyotes

The Mayor predicted the Red Wings would take it in 5, they took it in 4. You didn’t have to have a crystal ball to predict that series.

Man, the Wings sure look good. Man, the Coyotes sure look like crap. Phoenix (or Glendale) doesn’t deserve a hockey team and I’ll be glad for Winnipeg when they relocate there next season.

4) Ducks vs Predators

The Mayor’s first out-and-out miss. The Ducks were picked in 6 and lost in 6. No excuses for this one, Nashville is a better team and proved it.

5) Sharks vs Kings

The Sharks were picked in 7, they won in 6. Pretty close. Two good teams, the Kings did well, but, whatever.

6) Flyers vs Sabres

The Mayor predicted the Flyers in 5, they won in 7.

The Mayor was disappointed with the Flyers. The Flyers are a rough team, but The Mayor didn’t think they were a dirty team until he saw them play the Sabres in the first round. What a bunch of classless goons. That hurts to say, considering going into this the Flyers were one of The Mayor favourite teams. That all changed. It was a hard series to watch, the cheap shots kept adding up, the refs and the league dropped the ball as usual (a la Richards), and idiots like Carcillo and Laperriere made it impossible to cheer for the Flyers.

7) Bruins vs Canadians

The Mayor picked the Bruins in 7 and that’s how it ended up. This series was like watching 2 boxers you hate kick the crap out of each other – you don’t care who wins, as long as they spill each others blood.

This was another series that grated on The Mayor’s nerves, and that was due to the fanboy CBC announcers who basically fellated anything Montreal when they had a chance. Montreal is not a good team, but the way the CBC announcers told the story, this was the 1973 Canadiens. Montreal scared 5 goals in the last 2 games – 2 of them were on 5-3, 2 were on the pp, and 1 shorthanded. What an offensive dynamo!

Another thing – Subban in not Bobby Orr. You see, Bobby Orr had and has everything Subban doesn’t: class, style, and the ability to run the whole game from the blue line. Subban is a big-mouth jerkoff who hasn’t earned anything in this league yet. He needs to shut his face and concentrate on being even a decent defenceman. He’s not a decent defenceman yet, as a matter of fact he’s a bad joke.

Which defenceman was on the ice in every Bruin ot win? Subban. Which defenceman was caught out of place during every ot win by Boston? Subban. Which defenceman was on the ice during EVERY Boston big goal? Again, Subban.

Subban can lay out a check, but do you notice how he instinctively cowards away from anything resembling a hit against him? That makes him cough up the puck, time and time again. One day he may be really good, but right now he’s nothing more than a distraction with his stupid antics, he’s a detriment with his poor defencive skillz, and until he learn to control his play he’ll cost Montreal games and series like he did against Boston.

8) Penguins vs Lightning

The Mayor had Pitt in 7, they lost in 7. Boo hoo. No Crosby, no Malkin, the series still went to 7.

As for the next round:

1) Nashville vs Vacouver

Vancouver in 6

2) Detroit vs San Jose

Detroit in 5

3) Tampa vs Washington

Washington in 6

4) Flyers vs Boston

Flyers in 5

That should do it!

What say you, any predictions for the second round?

The 2011 NHL Playoffs

Wednesday, April 13th, 2011

Why is doggie style the favourite sexual position of Canadians? So both participants can watch the hockey game at the same time.

Old joke, I know. But come tonight, Canadians from the left to right coast will be doggying it up with their lover because the NHL playoffs are here.

And with the playoffs comes playoff predictions, and The Mayor has that covered.

If you remember last years playoffs, The Mayor correctly picked every winner from every round and successfully picked Chicago to win Lord Stanley’s Cup.

Impressive? You bet your cotton socks that’s impressive.

And he will do it again, o hyes he will.

Let’s get prognosticatin’!

1) Canuckleheads vs Hawks

The Hawks slapped the Canuckleheads around like a red-headed step child the last two years, but not this year. This year is revenge time. Sure, when it comes to the playoffs the Canucks fold faster than a minimum wage worker at a laundromat, but this is a special year for the Canucks, for they are a team of near destiny. Not total destiny, but near destiny. More on that later. Anyway, the Hawks are done.

Canuckleheads in 5

2) Capitals vs Rangers

The Rangers have a pretty decent team and will give the Caps fits. This series will go to the wire, and even though the Caps are #1 are the Rangers are #8, this series will go 7 games. Expect lots of blood. Expect crying.

Caps in 7

3) Red Wings vs Coyotes

Nothing will stop Buck and his Wings from rolling over the Coyotes. The Wings are too strong and the Coyotes are the Coyotes. Meaning, expect this series to close faster than a premature ejaculator at a anime convention (??).

Red Wings in 5

4) Ducks vs Predators

Nashville has a solid team as do the Ducks. This is a hard series to call because both teams are so evenly matched. Expect this to be the best of all the series, with tons of action, scoring, and possibly some deep mouth kissing. It could happen. In the end though, the Ducks will be victorious, as is the way with large birds.

Ducks in 6

5) Sharks vs Kings

The battle of California, and yet it doesn’t include Mexicans and or black street gangs. This is going to be another epic series that will be a drag-down punch out extravaganza. The Mayor likes both these teams, but believes the Kings are still a few years from reaching greatness.

Sharks in 7

6) Flyers vs Sabres

The Mayor loves the Sabres, but he is also a big fan of Philly. However, he is also grounded in reality, and reality is telling him that the Sabres are way over their head in this one. The Flyers are going to clean their collective clocks. On the bright side, Sabre fans will always have Mighty Taco, Ponderosa, and delicious Buffalo wings.

Flyers in 5

7) Bruins vs Canadians

With any luck the ceiling will collapse on the opening night in Boston and both teams will be disqualified from the fact that they both suck donkey balls. The Mayor is picking Boston because he hates them slightly less than the Habs.

Bruins in 7

8) Penguins vs Lightning

Man, this is another hard one to predict. Sargon tells me Tampa, but my groin squeels Pittsburgh. Well, Pittsburgh is where Wolfie resides, and he’s a decent fella, and Pitt is only an hour from Erie where The Mayor and TLDG like to go shopping, so let’s go with Pitt.

Pitt in 7

I know, I know, that truly was fun.

What do you think, what do your predictions look like? Be a sport, let The Mayor know what’s rattling around that rat maze you call a brain. I’m interested. Seriously, I really am. Hey, look, a bird!

Election 2010 Predictions

Monday, November 1st, 2010

One more day until massacre 2010 takes place. The pundits are predicting a Republican pick-up of between 45-55 seats in the House and 6-10 in the Senate.

After studying each and every precinct, mulling over the data from close to 600 news sources, and consulting Sargon the Magnificent, The Mayor is ready to unveil his 2010 election predictions.

Republican pick-up of 68 seats in the House

7 in the Senate.

Good as gold.

What say you?

Who Will Win Lord Stanley’s Cup?

Saturday, May 29th, 2010

Hey, it’s Hayden Panettiere kissing Lord Stanley’s Cup! From what I hear, it’s not the first time Hayden has had her lips wrapped around a bunch of hockey players at the same time. Actually, I can’t back that statement up factually.

It is ON. Who will win the vaunted Lord Stanley’s Cup, Philadelphia or Chicago?

Most people believe Chicago has this one in the bag, four and out. But is that the way it’s going to be, Mr Mayor? Will Chicago decimate the Flyers, yer Honour?

I appreciate the fact you have come to The Mayor for hockey guidance. This proves you ARE smarter than a fifth grader. Before I answer your silly questions, let’s first recap what happened in the previous series.

The Mayor predicted the Flyers would beat Montreal in 5 games. And that is EXACTLY what happened. And do you know why? Because of that classless a-hole, Maxim LaPerriere. He is a little puke and makes the entire Canadiens organization look bad. He is disrespectful and someone should explain to him that Montreal is an organization built on class, not on idiotic antics from C class players. Goof.

Anyway, Montreal got throttled, just the way The Mayor called it.

The Mayor called Chicago in 7, and Chicago took it in 4. Because they are great. And because Obama was a community organizer when he lived in Chicago.

Chicago is an absolutely amazing team, beautiful to watch, and they will be your 2009/2010 Stanley Cup champions. Chicago is a very sneaky team. They have a player named Byfuglien, yet his name is pronounced Buflin. They have the best player in the game, Toews, and his name is pronounced Taves. That’s very sneaky. You cannot beat that kind of sneaky.

I love Philly this year, they are a team of winners. They have heart and class and more heart and then some, but Chicago is freakin’ GREAT.

Gonna call this one Chicago in 5 (should be 6, but it’ll be 5).

I suggest each and every one of youze take out all your money from the bank and bet the whole wad on Chicago. Remortgage your house, borrow from your mother-in-law, or/and steal, rob, whatever. Get money and bet it. This is going down starting tonight at 7 pm.

Congratulations, Chicago, your Black Hawks are world beaters.

The Mayor welcomes outsider predictions. In other words, what say you?

NHL Playoff Prognostications –

Saturday, May 15th, 2010

I can’t say that I’m proud of the predictions I made last round because I didn’t do very well, but considering the predictions others have made, I’m a regular Jojo the psychic chick.

Let’s look at what happened last round before we move into the conference final predictions:

Montreal 4 Pittsburgh 3

The Mayor predicted the Penns in 7 – wrong

Andy took the Hab in 6 (nice pick) – right

Dmorris took the Penns in 6 – wrong

Adrian took the Penns in 6 – wrong

Yikes – 75% suckage rate, and the only American in the game picked correctly. Everyone give Andy a big round of clap!

Next we have the Chicago/Vancouver series. Another Yikes!

Chicago 4 Vancouver 2

The Mayor – Vancouver in 5 – wrong 0/2

Andy – Vancouver in 5 – wrong 1/2

Dmorris – Vancouver in 7 – wrong 0/2

Adrian – Vancouver in 6 – wrong 0/2

Whaa whaa! El bombarino. Stinkage. Smelly. An o fer 4.

That brings us to Detroit/San Jose:

San Jose 4 Detroit 1

The Mayor – San Jose in 6 – right 1/3 (wrong on games, right in my winner pick)

Andy – Detroit in 5 – wrong 1/3

Dmorris – Detroit in 6 – wrong 0/3

Adrian – Detroit in 6 – wrong 0/3

Stinks again. But not for The Mayor. I just happened to stink less.

Finally, we have Boston/Philly

Philly 4 Boston 3

The Mayor – Philly in 6 – right pick, wrong games – 2/4

Andy – Boston in 3 (hehe) – WRONG – 1/4

Dmorris – Philly in 6 – right – 1/4

Adrian – Boston in 7 – wrong 0/4

Crap on a stick, those were some brutal picks. Having said that, I’ve looked at other predictions from others sites, and compared to those, well, ya, these still suck.

But that was then and this is now, and you are you and never forget that.

Let’s get going on the final 4.

Montreal/Philly.

What the hell. I can’t pick Montreal because I’m a Leaf fan and we grew up to despise the Habs, and Marc in Calgary is laughing in my face and that KILLS The Mayor. Bob Lob Law.

Montreal got into the playoffs by TYING the LAST PLACE Leafs in the final game of the season. Philly got in by beating the Rangers in OT in the LAST GAME of the season, so this one is pretty hard to pick. My heart says Philly, my head says Montreal, my testicles are in my stomach and say nothing. I said before – look it up – that Philly has a team that’s good enough to win the Stanley Cup this year, so I can’t very well back off that statement, so….

Philly in 5

Chicago/San Jose

San Jose beat Detroit, who I thought actually played better. Did I say that right? I thought Detroit was a better team, yet San Jose won. Go figure. Chicago, OTOH, they look GREAT right now. This is going to be one hell of a series, both teams are excellent, but I like Chicago more because Obama is from Chicago (via Kenya), and I totally LOVE Obama, so…

Chicago in 7

Mark it down, take out your savings and bet everything on my picks. I guarantee them. You are going to be RICH.

What sayeth you? Let’s hear from you, get those picks going and try to beat The Mayor. No one has been successful in years and years, but what do you have to lose? Your dignity? Hahaha, seriously.

Comment section. Your picks. Let’s have ‘em.

I Love That Kind Of Soup

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

soup-of-the-day-whiskey

I remember a few years ago JoJo and her psychic network went bankrupt. It amazed The Mayor at the time because I thought to myself, “how the hell didn’t she see it coming?”

The answer is obvious, of course: JoJo was a fraud of the highest degree.

But that doesn’t mean every psychic is a fraudulent butt wipe. Take Dmorris, for instance.

Don predicted that the Canada – US game the other night would end USA 5 Canada 3.

He was dead on right.

Then Don predicted Canada would beat Germany last night by a score of 7 -1

The score ended up being Canada 8 German 2, but that’s pretty freakin’ close.

Tonight, Don predicted Russia will beat Canada 5 – 3.

If you don’t play Pro Line, you might want to learn how to right about NOW.

The Mayor says Canada will win tonight 6 – 3, I still have hope for our boys.

What says you?

Any prediction for the Russia – Canada game tonight? C’ mon, let’s see whatcha got!

Predictions of the Year 2000 From The Ladies Home Journal of December 1900

Monday, January 4th, 2010

ladies-home-journal-1900

I was reading old issues of The Ladies Home Journal this morning, as I’m apt to do every Monday morning, when I happened upon their issue from December 1900. It was an article by John Elfreth Watkins, Jr. “What May Happen in the Next Hundred Years”.

There are 29 predictions the author made about what he thought was going to happen in the next 100 years. Some of the predictions were right on the money, while some were off by a long-shot. But one thing is for sure: This new sweater I got for Christmas really accentuates my most-manly pecks.

Here are a few predictions that were dead-on or at least pretty close:

Prediction #9: Photographs will be telegraphed from any distance. If there be a battle in China a hundred years hence snapshots of its most striking events will be published in the newspapers an hour later. Even to-day photographs are being telegraphed over short distances. Photographs will reproduce all of Nature’s colors.And then there were some that missed the mark:

Prediction #10  Man will See Around the World. Persons and things of all kinds will be brought within focus of cameras connected electrically with screens at opposite ends of circuits, thousands of miles at a span. American audiences in their theatres will view upon huge curtains before them the coronations of kings in Europe or the progress of battles in the Orient. The instrument bringing these distant scenes to the very doors of people will be connected with a giant telephone apparatus transmitting each incidental sound in its appropriate place. Thus the guns of a distant battle will be heard to boom when seen to blaze, and thus the lips of a remote actor or singer will be heard to utter words or music when seen to move.

And then there were ones that weren’t very close at all:

Prediction #11: No Mosquitoes nor Flies. Insect screens will be unnecessary. Mosquitoes, house-flies and roaches will have been practically exterminated. Boards of health will have destroyed all mosquito haunts and breeding-grounds, drained all stagnant pools, filled in all swamp-lands, and chemically treated all still-water streams. The extermination of the horse and its stable will reduce the house-fly.And then was one that is just plain creepy:

 And then there was this one that I can only define as plain creepy:

There will be a child born in 1966 who will later go on to be The Mayor of the 49th fastest growing community in NE Durham Region, Ontario, Canada, North America, The World, The Universe. And hot women with large breasts will anoint his head — anointy nointy – and men will forever be jealous of his magnificent looks and cosmic appeal, and will never look him straight in the eye for fear of being beaten like a rented mule And getting back to those women with the large breasts, did I mention how awesome they are? Because they are awesome, especially their big breasts.

Holy crap, is anyone else getting shivers up and down their spine? Imagine that, no mosquitoes.

If I were you, I would go read the whole article and laugh, cry, and sit in one position, bewildered yet amused, hot yet cold, dry yet sticky with your own bodily fluids. But fortunately I am not you, so I will sit in my large leather chair, drinking top-shelf rye while spitting pumpkin seeds into a Planter’s Peanut jar.