Archive for the ‘Rosie O'Donnel’ Category

Rosie Gets Pw’OWNED

Monday, April 2nd, 2012

Rosie O’Donnell – seen in picture showing reporters how big her anus is – was shit-canned from the Oprah Network weeks ago (The Mayor was on his The Mayor World Tour 2012© and couldn’t get around to posting it at the time, but had to revisit this piece of news).

Here’s what the less chubby of the two behemoths had to say (Oprah):

“I thank Rosie from the bottom of my heart for joining me on this journey.”

And what a garbage journey that must have been. Going on a journey with either one of those lards must be a journey from hell. It would be like journeying off to a sliver factory where they strip you naked and slide you up and down bare planks. That would be terrible, you fetish monkey. And then after that journey, you take another journey to the vinegar factory, where fat, Turkish man-boys lather up your slivered body in extra tart vinegar. From there your journey takes you to a UN peacekeeper barrack where you are toyed with and fondled by greasy, hairy European men who sport less than a tooth a piece and haven’t showered ever. Finally, your journey takes you to Rosie O’Donnell’s house where you have to watch her eat lunch. Oh for the love of any God but the Christian God, bring me back to the sliver factory!

“The Rosie Show” launched Oct. 10, 2011, drawing barely a half million viewers. The format of the show, which taped at Harpo Studios in Chicago, was tweaked over the next five months but was unable to improve its ratings.

Funny how a whale like O’Donnell taped her show at Harpo Studios. Me wonders whether it was an actual studio, or a target practise range for Japanese fishermen?

It was a great year for me. I wish the show was able to attract more viewers, but it did not. So I am headed back to my home in New York, with gratitude. On we go!”

Snort. The Mayor can picture in his mind after she said that, she turned, and stink lines rose from the cracked pavement whence she stood.

One white skank down, one black one to go.

Rosie O’Donnell Hunts Endangered Hammerhead Sharks

Thursday, January 12th, 2012

Animal right groups (haha – animals can’t exercise rights!) are up in arms, after pictures have surfaced of Rosie O’Donnell and her family posing for pictures beside a hammerhead shark:

Mark “The Shark” Quartiano, the famous Miami Beach shark fishermen who guided the expeditions, recently posted a photo of O’Donnell next to a dead hammerhead on his web site as “This Month’s Celebrity Angler.” Since then, as other photos of O’Donnell shark-killing expeditions surfaced, environmentalists have attacked her via Facebook and Twitter accounts, accusing her of going after species that are struggling to survive.

“Right now sharks are the most endangered animals around,” said Erik Brush, a Sarasota marine conservationist who helped start the campaign against O’Donnell. “This is basically an endorsement. It sends the message that it’s an OK activity. And this is not an activity that we want celebrities endorsing.”

O’Donnell’s publicist did not respond to requests for comment.

Quartiano defended the trips, which took place over the past two or three years, calling O’Donnell “a great angler. She’s very conservation-minded. We’ve caught a lot of fish and released a lot of fish. We’ve also caught fish for eating and trophies.”

As for O’Donnell’s reaction to the controversy, he said “She’s amused by it.

It amazes The Mayor that Hollyweirdo elitists cry bloody murder when Rosie O’Donnell’s species are hunted by Japanese fishermen, but the minute one of their own go about hunting endangered animals, it’s all shits and giggles. Sure, Rosie’s only killing her lunch, The Mayor understands that, but if she wants to satisfy her hunger – if only for an hour or so – she should spend a few thousand bucks and buy a couple hundred Value Meals from McPukes. Leave the sharks alone!

Rosie Gets P’owned

Friday, October 14th, 2011

The Rosie O’Donnell Show premiered last week to piss poor ratings, which led to the inevitable question, how did this swine ever become famous in the first place:

Rosie O’Donnell’s new show premiered to 497,000 total viewers, and a .44 rating among OWN’s target audience of women 25 to 54. It debuted Monday at 7 p.m.

“Oprah’s Lifeclass,” meanwhile, had 333,000 total viewers and a .4 among women 25 to 54. It aired at 8 p.m.

The network has struggled for ratings since its debut in January, and doesn’t look to have an instant hit with O’Donnell.

Colour The Mayor surprised. You would think more peoples would be interested in hearing the views of a Conservative-hating, 9/11 denier, anti-American, loud mouthed, vile, angry, bitter hard-leftist troll. At the very least, you would think folks would tune in to her show because she’s just so pleasant on the eyes. Hmmm, no accounting for taste.

The Mayor is sure though that when Oprah unveils the Mahmoud Ahmadinejad/Kim Jong Il’s Happy Fun-Time Party Hour, ratings will go through the roof.

People That Make Out With Animals

Friday, October 23rd, 2009

rosie-kissing-some-lesbian

I suppose of all the pictures I’ve posted this week of People That Make Out With Animals, this one has to be the most disgusting. Although, it seems Kelli Carpenter has finally come to her senses and gotten rid of the heifer in the giant blue tarpaulin on the right that you see. Yup, Kelli and her barnyard lover have broken up. And that made me think – why do bad things always happen to good people?

Hopefully Kelli can one day recover and find someone equally as dumpy, annoying, and shrill as that drippy yard mule Rosie O’Donnell. And hopefully Rosie will one day recover and get hit by a bus. Yes, I know the last sentence was a little offside, but believe me when I say I don’t wish that on any bus.

Rosie O’Donnell’s Son Says She’s A Drunk

Thursday, February 26th, 2009

In an interview with People magazine, Rosie O’Donnell (spit) says her son told her that she needs to lay off the booze:

“I stopped drinking on Dec. 1,” O’Donnell, 46, says. “On Nov. 29, I was with my son, who is now 13, and I said to him, ‘Park, can you get me a beer?’

“And he said, ‘No I don’t want to,’ ” she says. “And I said, ‘Really why not?’ And he says, ‘Because you know what, I think you drink too much beer … Lately I think it’s too much.’ “

O’Donnell says she told her son that she gave up drinking for eight years when she was 22 – a prospect that intrigued her son.

“He goes, ‘Well maybe you should do that again,’” O’Donnell says. “I go, ‘Well honey what happens if I can’t do that?’ ”

Says O’Donnell: “He says, ‘There’s a drunk club, I forget what it’s called, but you have to like be really drunk to get in, I don’t know if they’d let you in, but you could ask them for tips.’ “

I think O’Donnell’s son was just confused. The drinking club he’s thinking of is actually Ted Kennedy’s house. The club he actually wants his mother to join is Jenny Craig. Honest mistake.

While it’s good that O’Donnell’s son called her out on her rampant alcoholism, he would have done her much more good had he knocked the double Whopper combo out of her man-hands a few thousand times. Had he done that, maybe she wouldn’t have had to lug around those two giant necks that’s stuck to that Sputnik sized head for the last 45 years.

While it’s not surprising that O’Donnell is a drunk, what is surprising is that her kid isn’t. Having to look at a mother that has a face that looks like something that’s stuck to a homeless guys shirt is enough to drive anyone to drink. 

If it takes eight beers to turn a pig into a fox, Rosie O’Donnell is definitely kegger territory.

Don’t let The Door Hit Ya On The Way Out

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008

Confirming the rumours that her variety show is toast, Rosie O’Donnell took to her Facebook today with a message to her tens of fans:

“there will b no more.

no ratings.

bad reviews.

yet still – a thrill 4 me.”

I went to Rosie’s site today and left my own message of condolence for her. It said:

U R  a  r-trd

I h8 U

U R a bitch

Go die

Man, what am I going to do on Wednesday nights now?

Rosie O’Donnell’s Variety Show Tanks

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008

If you are waiting for week two of The Rosie O’Donnell Variety Show on NBC, don’t hold your breath, there isn’t going to be one. The Rosie show was the lowest-rated program on a major broadcast network:

“There’s a notion that the climate is right for the genre to make a comeback,” emailed one executive at a rival network. “I guess we now know what not to do, thanks to Rosie.”

Segments included Kathy Griffin impersonating Nancy Grace, Alec Baldwin hitting Conan O’Brian with a pie, O’Donnell singing “City Lights” with Liza Minnelli and Jane Krakowski doing a product-placement-themed striptease for White Castle burgers and Crest Whitestrips.

Critics were not kind. The NY Times described it as “hokey comedy with an enemies list.” TV Guide called it a “ghastly ego trip.” And the LA Times asked, “Rosie, what on earth were you thinking?”

You know the show was in trouble when Knitting with Kathy  out-rated it. Then again, Kathy is a pretty entertaining knitter.

(more…)

Wednesday, June 11th, 2008

As ratified by The Mitchieville Cabinet at the third session of the general cabinet meeting earlier this week, in honour of  the wedding of His Worship, Mitch, The Mayor of Mitchieville to The First Lady, The Little Danish Girl , the following resolutions are passed:

1. That this Saturday, June 14, 2008, be declared a statutory holiday in all of the sovereign dominions that this blog reaches.

2. At the hour of 9pm on the night of June 14, 2008 an alcohol toast (or two or three) shall be made by Mitchieville residents in honour of The Mayoral Couple.

3.  As Environment Canada has called for rain this Saturday, animal sacrifice offerings made in the name of Set, The Snake God, shall  be made at sunrise on the morning of the 14th by Darcey, Dmorris, Todd and Linds.

4.  Lord Fenris, in conjunction with the Minister of Finance will issue a rare Victory Latte this Sunday morning instead of the usual  watered down Victory Coffee.

5. Gifts are expected and can be forwarded to the Munitions Ministry where Reg will keep them safe from the hands of unscrupulous telemarketers until opened by The First Couple. (Fenris Badwulf abstained from this resolution)

6. Citizens of this hallowed and Nobel blog are advised that non-compliance of the above resolutions will be harshly punished.  The right to publish pithy and sarcastic comments at Mitchieville will be suspended until reviewed by the Punishment Review Board (Mayoral Protocol  Sub-Committee) monthly meeting at the Mitchieville Public Library. Those residents found guilty of non-compliance will only be allowed to watch Rosie O’Donnell Show reruns until appropriate reparations have been made to The First Couple.

 

Long Live Mayor Mitch and our First Lady TLDG!

 

Issued by Order of the Mitchieville Cabinet , 12 June 2008

Wednesday, June 11th, 2008

As ratified by The Mitchieville Cabinet at the third session of the general cabinet meeting earlier this week, in honour of  the wedding of His Worship, Mitch, The Mayor of Mitchieville to The First Lady, The Little Danish Girl , the following resolutions are passed:

1. That this Saturday, June 14, 2008, be declared a statutory holiday in all of the sovereign dominions that this blog reaches.

2. At the hour of 9pm on the night of June 14, 2008 an alcohol toast (or two or three) shall be made by Mitchieville residents in honour of The Mayoral Couple.

3.  As Environment Canada has called for rain this Saturday, animal sacrifice offerings made in the name of Set, The Snake God, shall  be made at sunrise on the morning of the 14th by Darcey, Dmorris, Todd and Linds.

4.  Lord Fenris, in conjunction with the Minister of Finance will issue a rare Victory Latte this Sunday morning instead of the usual  watered down Victory Coffee.

5. Gifts are expected and can be forwarded to the Munitions Ministry where Reg will keep them safe from the hands of unscrupulous telemarketers until opened by The First Couple. (Fenris Badwulf abstained from this resolution)

6. Citizens of this hallowed and Nobel blog are advised that non-compliance of the above resolutions will be harshly punished.  The right to publish pithy and sarcastic comments at Mitchieville will be suspended until reviewed by the Punishment Review Board (Mayoral Protocol  Sub-Committee) monthly meeting at the Mitchieville Public Library. Those residents found guilty of non-compliance will only be allowed to watch Rosie O’Donnell Show reruns until appropriate reparations have been made to The First Couple.

 

Long Live Mayor Mitch and our First Lady TLDG!

 

Issued by Order of the Mitchieville Cabinet , 12 June 2008

Rosie O’Donnell Is A Smelly Drunk

Thursday, February 7th, 2008


Okay, I’m not sure if she smells, but I figure that’s a pretty safe assumption. Rosie O’Donnell admitted on her website today that she’s a filthy drunk but is trying hard to quit drinking:

The moon-faced comic made the confession on her blog after telling one fan she’d shed pounds by giving up beer. That prompted another fan to ask, “So, Rosie, alcoholic or not? Just spit it out! Don’t go all Star Jones on us here. What led to you stopping the beer? You’ll only help someone else.” To which O’Donnell admitted: ” ‘Cause I was drinking too much, ’cause I didn’t want to any more, ’cause it is hard to lose weight when drinking, ’cause I can never have only one.”

It’s not the sauce that’s making Rosie gain weight, it’s the gravy. I’m sure the booze has something to do with her weight, but I’m positive so does eating chocolate bacon and washing it down with a cheese burger and num num num, a dozen donuts.

I never knew Rosie was a bad drunk, I always thought she was just a shitty sober person. I always figured she was bitchy because TV execs wouldn’t let her gnaw on a rack of lamb when she was on TV. I always thought she quit The Phew because she wasn’t allowed to eat the guest stars. However, knowing she’s a drop-down drunk puts everything into perspective. About what, I’m not sure, but one thing will always remain the same, she’s a real douchebag.

Rosie Redeye

Friday Morning Female Flesh

Friday, January 25th, 2008

Is it just me or is the month of January flying by faster than Rosie O’Donnel on her way to The Mayor’s house for breakfast?

It’s been a long week and I’ve got a few things on my mind so a bad Rosie joke is all you’re going to get out of me today. I’m thinking about going with a contortionist theme next week. Be nice and I’ll see that they are female and not male contortionists.

I call today’s post “Two pictures, One girl” – pretty original, eh?


Vote for Mitchieville as Canada’s Best Humour blog

Rosie And Oprah R Feuding

Wednesday, September 19th, 2007

Turning down an invitation on Oprah to discuss her new book, Rosie O’Donnell had this to say on her blog:

the book
was hard 2 write

things i could barely say aloud
alone in a room
made their way to the comp
thru the key board
or tape recorder

writing is
4 me
by far
the most revealing medium
2 work in

i do not feel ready
to discuss or defend
the things i shared
on those 209 pages

read it urself
take away what u need
leave the rest
it is what it is

the goal always is peace
self revelation
sharing – learning – teaching
balance
wax on wax off

To this I respond:

Do every 1 a favour
and chop off
your head
islamo-style

how did some 1
so fucking untalented
ev r make it that big
is beyond me

ur book was hard
2 rite
becuz u can’t rite
only rong
wax off, bitch

now u pissed off
oprah
that’s worse than getting
the devil mad

she’s going to eat u
yet you’ll most likely
enjoy it
you sick fuck