Archive for the ‘Saying Goodbye’ Category

Instructive Instructions

Thursday, April 26th, 2012

Follow those instructions and the last thing your relatives will see are a bunch of burly men throwing dirt on your coffin.

When My Nan Died…

Friday, November 20th, 2009

it hit my grandfather very hard. He wouldn’t sleep, he wouldn’t eat…. We used to take him bowls of soup in the evening and he’d just throw them against the wall.
In the end, my dad started taking him bowls of paint. We moved him around the house and he did the hall, the lounge and the spare bedroom.

**Thanks to Sickipedia

Britney Spears Time Machine

Saturday, November 14th, 2009

britney_spears-time-machine

It’s amazing that in just 10 years Britney Spears has gone from a sexy, sensual, no talent inbred, mentally weak, ignorant, brainless post-hole, to a not-sexy, not-sensual, no talent inbred, mentally weak, ignorant, brainless post-hole. I suppose the biggest difference though is that now she has that cool watch.

Palin’s resignation indicative that we don’t want “change” in politics

Monday, July 6th, 2009

she_wont_be_back

Our supposedly right-wing National Post:

But it soon became clear that her intellect was shallow: Her debates and interviews were painful exercises in which every subject was brought back to the handful of superficial talking points she’d memorized. Rather than strike blows in the culture wars, she reinforced the false stereotype of conservatives as embittered hillbillies.

(more…)

Obama Supporter Totally Wigs Out

Friday, February 27th, 2009

It seems to be comedy day here at the Lair. First, Keyser finds hilarity in Bloomberg’s reporting on the Obama “Budget.” Next, Keyser came across the blog of some leftist guy who was an Obama supporter, but who found the State of the Union shtick the other night no more encouraging than Keyser did.

And boy, does this guy let it show! He’s written out the whole text and interspersed it with is own commentary. He’s apparently fond of emphasizing text with color, italics, bold and the like, and this psychedelic emotion is flying all over the place as he totally loses it. Here’s just a small sample (the first few words in normal type are Obama’s):

You should also know that the money you’ve deposited in banks across the country is safe; How do we respond to such crap? Our President gets up in front of the world, and without even a hiccup or without having his fingers crossed behind his back, he simply lies with complete impunity. I am depressed. I looked so forward to not having to listen to that stupid, smug son-of-a-bitch “W” Bush. I was really excited about the prospects of having a smart, eloquent, level-headed leader speaking in plain truths and common sense. I am such an asshole! What I have come to realize is that even though I found Bush-the-dumber virtually impossible to listen to, I always thought it was because he was such a self-congratulatory moron. But what I have quickly come to understand is that it was NOT his insipid, shit-assed grin, or his quasi-literate references to Noooquoooler Weaponsssssssssss that made me nutso, it was his lying. And the reason I know that now is because I feel THE EXACT SAME WAY about our new President. It is the lying and the bullshitting that makes me so fucking insanely furious!! It is the fact that these guys treat us like fucking children—little kids who can’t handle the truth. Well, FUCK YOU Mr. President!!! The truth is so very easy to uncover, despite your lies! NO, Mr. President, our money is NOT safe in our banks. You are a liar. The FDIC is virtually insolvent. Bank failures means no access to money. Sure you can make the claim that, in fact, our money is safe because BY LAW it is insured. But “BY LAW” is not reality Mr. President. You can sit up there and obfuscate and dissemble and speak in half-truths and hedge your words with the greatest of care so that, if challenged, you can—you litigious asshole!—use your legal double-speak to defend your lies. But in the end it is just that, lies.

Buyer’s remorse, much?

Anyway, go read the whole thing. Leftist or not, the man is right.

[Okay, this guy doesn't actually write out the whole speech, as he gives up in despair before the end. Better hope that's not a metaphor for the future!]

This glob of asphalt was personally poured into a pot hole over at Keyser’s Lair by Joey “Don’t nobody mess with me ‘cuz I’m dah man!” Biden.

Say it ain’t so…..

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

A valued backbencher and a friend of Mitchieville, Autonomous Source, has decided to give up blogging and get a real job. Chelsea, Quebec will never be the same. Good luck, Bruce!

Wednesday, September 12th, 2007

On behalf of The Mayor, the Mitchieville Cabinet, and all of our readers, I wish to express our deepest condolences to the family and friends of our brother blogger Greg Beck. Greg, who you may know better as the genius behind ‘Death’s Door, The View From The Spanish Announcers Table’ passed away yesterday morning. A post at his always hilarious blog informed his many fans that he had passed away saying that “we believe that big, generous heart of his finally gave out”.

I know that The Mayor is particularly fond of Greg’s writing and as such Greg was a long standing Mitchieville Backbencher. As for me, I wish I had the balls to say what Greg said in each and every one of his posts. His passing is a huge loss to those of us who admire original, high quality and hilarious writing on the internet. Rest in peace, brother blogger.