Archive for the ‘Shakespam’ Category

Shakespeare Insult Kit

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

Thou venomed, milk-livered giglet.

Yup, The Mayor can certainly see the benefit to this kit.

Shakespam

Friday, January 6th, 2012

Act 1, Scene 5

My sincere apologies if this letter causes any form of Irritation or embarrassment or,i would want to demand a high level of maturity from you while reading this letter.

This have I thought good to deliver thee, my dearest partner of greatness, that thou mightst not lose the dues of rejoicing, by being ignorant of what greatness is promised thee.

I am proposing a very high profiled business transaction to you with returns very lucrative. In the pursuit of this business, it involves huge specific amount that i can’t mention here for security reasons. I will need you to assist me in executing a business project from Hong Kong to your country.

Lay it to thy heart, and farewell.

If you feel you can handle this project, please let me know so that i send you attached comprehensive details of this transaction. I will prefer you reach me on my private email address (petrllee1954@yahoo.com.hk) you would be given more information upon your response to this correspondence.

To beguile the time, Look like the time; bear welcome in your eye, Your hand, your tongue: look like the innocent flower, But be the serpent under’t. He that’s coming Must be provided for: and you shall put This night’s great business into my dispatch; Which shall to all our nights and days to come Give solely sovereign sway and masterdom.

Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated but if you are not interested delete this email immediately.

Regards,
Mr.Peter Lee. 

Only look up clear; To alter favour ever is to fear: Leave all the rest to me.

To be continued…

Shakespam

Wednesday, June 29th, 2011

SCENE IV

Investment I have a desire to invest outside of Spain.

Is execution done on Cawdor? Are not
Those in commission yet return’d?

But I require a reliable and trustworthy individual, who can work with me and act on my behalf.

O worthiest cousin!
The sin of my ingratitude even now
Was heavy on me: thou art so far before
That swiftest wing of recompense is slow
To overtake thee. Would thou hadst less deserved,
That the proportion both of thanks and payment
Might have been mine! only I have left to say,
More is thy due than more than all can pay.

And this assistance is open to a proper negotiation before executing it. Please contact me for details.

Welcome hither:
I have begun to plant thee, and will labour
To make thee full of growing.

Dominique Gary (Investment Attorney, Madrid, Spain) My Direct line: +34 632 136 151

I’ll be myself the harbinger and make joyful
The hearing of my wife with your approach;
So humbly take my leave.

To be continued…

Shakespam

Thursday, June 23rd, 2011

Scene III

We regret to inform you that the delivery of your shipment has been suspended for the following reason. 1.It has been ascertained that adequate duties were not paid on the package.

I myself have all the other,
And the very ports they blow,
All the quarters that they know
I’ the shipman’s card.

Under new laws any package transiting through the EU is liable to full duties. The sender did pay the appropriate courier fee but did not pay adequate duties on the package .We are therefore requesting you pay full duty for the coverage of 119 Euros or $171 USD on the package.

How far is’t call’d to Forres?

As your name and email address were on the package for contact details you are obligated to pay the duties on the contents of the package.

Hail!

You should therefore contact your assigned claims Officer, Sarah Weaver to assist with the duty payment in
Spain , where your package is currently being held.

Give me your favour: my dull brain was wrought
With things forgotten. Kind gentlemen, your pains
Are register’d where every day I turn
The leaf to read them.

Note: Duty coverage fees are payable to authorities through your assigned claims Officer.Fedex® does not accept fees directly-
Your old tracking number has been suspended due to non payment of tax.

Come what come may,
Time and the hour runs through the roughest day.
Till then, enough.

To be continued…

Shakespam

Saturday, June 11th, 2011

Act I, Scene II

LETTER TO YOU ??

URGENT – HELP ME DISTRIBUTE MY EIGHTEEN MILLION TO HUMANITARIAN FROM MRS VANIE R OSCAR.

What bloody man is that? He can report,
As seemeth by his plight, of the revolt
The newest state.

This mail might come to you as a surprise and the temptation to ignore it as unserious could come into your mind but please consider it a divine wish and accept it with a deep sense of humility. I am Mrs. Vanie R Oscar and I am a 65 years old woman.

This is the sergeant
Who like a good and hardy soldier fought
‘Gainst my captivity. Hail, brave friend!
Say to the king the knowledge of the broil
As thou didst leave it.

I am a South African married to a Sierra Leonia. I was the President/CEO of CON OIL INTERNATIONAL-an oil servicing company in Johannesburg. I was also married with no child. My husband died on the 24th of November 2004.
Before this happened my business and concern for making money was all I was living for and I never really cared about other people. But since the loss of my Husband and also because i had have no child to call my own, I have found a new desire to assist the helpless, I have been helping orphans in orphanages/motherless homes/humanitarians. I have donated some money to orphans in Sudan, Ethiopia, Cameroon, Spain, Austria, Germany and some Asian countries.

O valiant cousin! worthy gentleman!

I have 18,000,000.00 (Eighteen Million) U. S. Dollars which I deposited in a security company in Cotonou Benin republic as a family treasure & artifacts, please I want you to note that the security company does not know the real content to be money and I want you to assist me in claiming the consignment & distributing the money to charity organizations, I agree to reward you with part of the money for your assistance, kindness and participation in this Godly project.

So well thy words become thee as thy wounds;
They smack of honour both.

You are at liberty to use your discretion to distribute the money and feel free as well to reimburse yourself when you have the money for any expenses in distributing the money to charity organizations. I am willing to reward you for your assistance and kindness.

Great happiness!

May the good Lord bless you and your family!

I’ll see it done.

To be continued…

Shakespam

Monday, May 30th, 2011

Act 1

My Dear Friend,

When shall we three meet again
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?

My name is Reginald Cole, who is diagnosed with oesophageal cancer.

When the hurlyburly’s done,
When the battle’s lost and won.

To cut the long story short, I have few hours left to live, depending on my surgery which will take place soon.

That will be ere the set of sun.

Although I am rich, but it doesn’t matter anymore.

Where the place?

Upon the heath.

I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul and so with that reason I decided to give what I have to charity and I never had children.

There to meet with Macbeth.

I want this to be one of the last good deed on earth.

I come, Graymalkin!

I now give you the authority to dispatch my last funds to any charity of your choice.

Paddock calls.

I have Nine million pounds in a financial institution. I want you to keep fifty percent of this amount for yourself and time, while you keep the other fifty percent to any charity of your choice. May God be with you as you carry out this task.I believe with this.

Fair is foul, and foul is fair:
Hover through the fog and filthy air.

I can now be free to depart peacefully. You can then contact my lawyer who will assist you in getting the funds to you when I pass. He would give you more details. His name is Barr.Lawrence Walter, and his email address ( Barrlawwalter@aol.co.uk ) He would guide you through receiving the funds.
Lot of Love
Reginald Cole