If you live in England and find the above joke funny, The Mayor suggests you keep your giggles to yourself, or face prosecution (or is it persecution?):

A sandwich shop owner endured eight hours of questioning by police and had his computer seized for three weeks – after making tasteless Nelson Mandela jokes on the internet.

Neil Phillips, who runs Crumbs in Rugeley, Staffordshire, says he was also finger-printed and DNA-swabbed after officers received complaints about what he insists were harmless gags.

Phillips wasn’t charged with any crime, but yet the police were good enough to DNA swab him, fingerprint him, take his computer away for three week’s, and hold him for eight hours. Because he made a joke. On Facebook. Lucky the poor bastard didn’t Tweet it.

After posting this hate crime on Zuckerberg’s website, lefties all around England became *outraged*, because nothing outrages a lefty more than, ah, well, anything really. Cue Liberal Democrat Councillor Tim Jones:

Liberal Democrat Councillor Tim Jones was so incensed by the one-liners, aired at a time when Mandela was critically ill, that he made an official complaint.

INCENSED!! How dare you make a joke about a dying man? How dare you make a joke about a dying commie? How dare you make a joke about a dying black commie?

The Mayor is sure Councillor Tim Jones felt the same outrage after Margaret Thatcher died and the left in England lit up the internet with dead Maggie jokes. The Mayor is also sure the police will round up the Maggie joke-tellers, fingerprint every last one of them, DNA swab them, take away their computers, and hold them in jail for eight hours. The Mayor is also sure that later on this morning as he has his late morning constitutional, solid gold coins will fall out of his ass.

Neil Phillips, joke teller. Worse than Hitler.

The Chinese *rescue ship* sent to rescue 52 global warmingists from death in the Antarctic has found itself stuck in a shit pile of global warming:

Having not moved for several days while preparing to airlift the passengers, the Chinese-owned Snow Dragon is now wedged in ice.

Snow Dragon only needs to use its hot fire dragon breath to free itself from the global warming. Unless it is fire that emits from Snow Dragon’s mouth, then in that case it will have to wait in the shit pile of global warming until spring, which by that time, all the Chinese global warmingist rescuers will be dead.

What needs to happen here is someone or something needs to get a bigger ship to help free the Chinese Snow Dragon. When that happens, the Snow Dragon can go rescue the commies on the other ship that has or hasn’t a name. If the newest ship fails to rescue our Snow Dragon hero’s, and let’s say gets struck in ice, then someone or something will have to build the biggest ship ever in the history of any world, sail it to the Antarctic and free the ship that couldn’t get the Snow Dragoner’s out, and then the Chinese can get the Russian’s out, who in turn can get the holy hell out of the Antarctic. If all that fails, we (meaning you and I) need to bomb the crap out of the Antarctic until it loosens its mighty grip on the Chinese, Russian’s, global warming idiots, and some other people who cannot be described yet. Screw the Antarctic anyway, all it has ever done was make fun of global warmingists, in a kind of ironic/kosmic way.

The Obama administration is collecting phone records of tens of millions of Americans – don’t worry about it, everything will be ok.

The TSA gropes and molests little children, the elderly and veterans – don’t worry about it, everything will be ok.

The IRS shakes down Conservative groups and hands leftist organizations immediate tax-free status – don’t worry about it, everything will be ok.

The DHS puchases 2 billion rounds of ammo for “domestic consumption.” – don’t worry about it, everything will be ok.

The FAA predicts over 30,000 domestic drones by the end of 2013 – don’t worry about it, everything will be ok.

NDAA 2011 and its “indefinite detention without charge” – don’t worry about it, everything will be ok.

The DOJ places weapons in the hands of Mexican drug cartels, the same weapons that end up slaughtering Mexicans, Americans and border officials, yet Holder and gang go scott free – don’t worry about it, everything will be ok.

45 appointed Czars by Obama, many avowed Communists, like Van Jones – don’t worry about it, everything will be ok.

On March 16, 2012, Barack Obama signed an Executive Order stating that the President and his specifically designated Secretaries now have the authority to commandeer all domestic U.S. resources including food and water. Including PEACETIME – don’t worry about it, everything will be ok.

The Justice Department secretly seizes A.P. and FOX reporter’s phone records – don’t worry about it, everything will be ok.

Trillion dollar deficits year after year after year after year – don’t worry about it, everything will be ok.

The US gov’t is on the verge of allowing 30 million 3rd worlders into the country, which will forever change the face of the States for the negative – don’t worry, everything will be ok.

Unfunded liabilities are in the range of $200 trillion – don’t worry about it, everything will be ok.

Obama’s quest to rid legal weapons from law-abiding Americans – don’t worry about it, everything will be ok.

A bought-and-paid-for media that sits securely in the back pocket of the Democrat party – don’t worry about it, everything will be ok.

Obama signs the National Defense Authorization Act of 2012, which authorizes the military to arrest and indefinitely detain anyone suspected of assisting terrorists, even citizens – don’t worry about it, everything will be ok.

The executive authority to order assassination of citizens – don’t worry about it, everything will be ok.

You’ll be told when to worry, but it’s not now, so go have a nice, quiet sleep.

He’s the Mayor of Los Angeles, he has earned $1.6 million in his short tenure, he has one month left on the job, and Antonio Villaraigosa is as broke as a joke:

In order to maintain his current lifestyle, which includes frequent cross-country travel, a mayoral mansion at the taxpayer-supported Getty House, an Los Angeles Police Department security detail for his personal SUV, courtside seats to Lakers games, and several other perks, associates estimate Villaraigosa’s next gig would need to pay about $750,000 a year, according to Stewart.

“His friends are so concerned because he’s lived so flamboyantly and spent basically so much of other people’s money on a very, very costly lifestyle,” Stewart said, adding that Villaraigosa has lived “far better than Gov. Jerry Brown and far more flamboyantly than actual multi-millionaire mayor Richard Riordan.”

The report, entitled Antonio Villaraigosa’s Quest for Wall Street, Washington and Wealth, also cites mayoral associates and City Hall insiders in estimating Villaraigosa earns a salary of $232,735 a year, more than any of his mayoral counterparts nationwide.

And now, according to Stewart, Villaraigosa is broke.

From here on in, when someone asks The Mayor of Mitchieville for the definition of liberalism, The Mayor is going to hand them a copy of this article.

Many will look at Tony and wonder how he could have fallen so low. How could a man be given every opportunity and manage to bugger it up so royally? Well, perhaps he hasn’t buggered everything up. Perhaps, as Mayor of LA, he wants to feel just like his constituents and fellow fence jumpers – broke, a recipient of Section 8 housing, Obamaphone owning, SNAP card holding, welfare cheatin’ beaner.

He’s the smartest President that has ever lived. Everyone can agree. Everyone on the left at one point HAS agreed. He’s a Harvard man. A brilliant orator. He probably has an IQ of about 190 ish. Again – smmmmmmart.

Which makes you wonder – if he’s the smartest President that has ever lived, previous, current and post, how come he wasn’t informed of any wrongdoings before they were discovered in either the Fox/AP/CBS tapping scandal, Benghazi-gate, or the IRS targeting of Conservative groups?

In the case of the IRS scandal, top Obamanator officials have known for years that the IRS were targeting Conservative groups, but Obama didn’t even receive a whiff of that news – for TWO years. He knew NOTHING. Heard NOTHING. Not an innuendo, a rumour, no hearsay, or even a smidgen of gossip.

When it came to Benghazi-gate, again – he was told NOTHING. Top officials in his administration knew the rioting in front of the diplomatic outpost that killed four Americans wasn’t due to a Youtube video, yet a week after the Americans were murdered, Obama went in front of the UN and declared the killings were due to just that – a video.

Now we hear that the Justice Department had been tapping the phone lines and checking out the emails of Fox, AP and CBS reporters – for YEARS most likely, but again, Obama wasn’t told a thing until just the other day.

Now, if the guy is superdeeduper smart like everyone says he is, you would think one solitary figure from his administration would have approached him about any scandal that you would like to choose, and asked him what his opinion of the matter would be. Super smart people have a way of figuring things out. That’s why smart people are asked their opinion of things- because they are so smart. OTOH, dumb people are seldom asked what they would do in tricky situations. Because they are dumb and would give dumb answers. Smart people give non-dumb answers generally, dumb people are pretty constant in their dumbness.

Yet no one asked the smartest President ever what he would do in these very critical situations. Obama’s top officials treated him like he was the dumb guy. They treated him like Sloppy Joe Biden, the dumbest dumbass that has ever held the position of VP of the United States of them thar America.

There are more scandals to come, and rest assured when they hit the fan, the smartest President the world has ever known will know exactly Jack shit about them. But he’s terribly smart, just ask the people that treat him like a moron.

Oh right, there’s an Oriental lady bottom right.

Former Atlanta Public Schools Superintendent Dr. Beverly Hall arrived at the Fulton County Jail on Tuesday night to surrender to authorities on charges related to the cheating scandal.

Hall and 34 other educators were indicted on Friday, accused of cheating, conspiring to cheat, or concealing cheating on the 2009 CRCT test. The 90-page indictment accuses the former national superintendent of the year of operating a criminal enterprise, allegedly rewarding teachers who cheated, and punishing and even firing teachers who did not.

Those indicted in connection with the Atlanta Public Schools cheating scandal were ordered to turn themselves in by midnight on Tuesday.  By 3 p.m. on Wednesday, all 35 educators had turned themselves in.

Is r chillen learnin’?

This goes on all the time. It especially goes on in black area schools. It happens because the amount of cash given to schools is based on student performances. If students perform, schools get topped-up. If they don’t perform, they don’t get as much money. Black schools under-perform at ridiculous levels, so the only way for edumacators like Beverly Hall to keep the edumacation money spigot open is to lie, cheat and threaten.

It’s happening all across America and you should Google search something like “school scandals” or something similar. You’ll get 5 trillion results.

Why don’t you hear about this on the nightly msm? You tell The Mayor. Why don’t you?

Good afternoon, everybody. Earlier today, I was briefed by my homeland security team on the events in Boston. Homeland Security personally contacted me as I was making my way to the 14th green. I couldn’t believe what they told me. For that matter, either could Zuckerberg, Jamie Diamond, and that other prick…the Jewish guy from Goldman Sachs…Lloyd Blankfein. I can never remember that pricks name. Blankfein. You would think that would be easy to remember. Perhaps I need a word-association to help me remember his name. Something like, “Shooting blanks.” That might just help.

Anyway, we were all shocked. Zuckerberg was so shocked he shit his pants. Diamond was so shocked he shit in Zuckerberg’s pants. My bodyman, Reggie Love, was so shock he could hardly massage my neck. We wuz all shocked. I was like, “please don’t tell me it was a Moslem that did it.” Sure enough…

The American people will say a prayer for Boston tonight. And so will i. You, at the church. Me, at the Mosque.

This was a despicable act. And to make things a billion times worse, the perp that has been apprehended was carrying a gun. A gun with a high-capacity magazine. A fully automatic gun with a high-capacity magazine that carried a lot of rounds of armour piercing bullets. High capacity bullets that explode on impact. As a matter of fact, he was carrying a fully automatic gun with a high capacity magazine and armour piercing bullets and a threaded barrel that is very heavy and used to take down gorillas and other large animals. The horrors!

It’s time we as Americans say no more. No more guns. This has to stop. If the killer’s gun had been registered we could have prevented this tragedy. How many more Boston Marathon Massacres® have to take place before we say NO MORE! No more guns! Think of the children. Think of the old people. Think of the planet.

Boston police, firefighters, and first responders as well as the National Guard responded heroically, and continue to do so as we speak. It’s a reminder that so many Americans serve and sacrifice on our behalf every single day, without regard to their own safety, in dangerous and difficult circumstances.

Mind you, they do get paid and it is their job to do this, so, ya. But still, they are hero’s because they did their job. One that they, ahhhhh, get paid to do.

Moving on, we have also learned that the gun carrying killer also had bombs, and placed these devices in trash cans where they inevitably went off and killed 2 people. We’re not sure how many thousands his guns have killed. I am having legislation being drafted as I speak, outlawing bombs, and, outlawing garbage cans. We don’t need a world full of killer guns, killer bombs, and especially killer garbage cans.

So there you have it, we are outlawing guns, bombs, and garbage cans. The only thing we are not outlawing are Saudi Arabians. Sure, they flew planes into our buildings killing thousands, and have been behind hundreds if not thousands of bombings around the world the last 20 years, and yes, the person who caused all of today’s destruction is a Saudi, but I’m instead going to bad garbage cans.

We have to remember, you cannot paint all Saudi’s with the same brush. Surely a few of them aren’t terrorists. And when we find one that isn’t we’ll let you know. So until then, more unchecked mass Saudi Immigration into our melting pot.

I just want to reiterate, we will find out who did this and we will hold them accountable. Unless it’s Eric Holder, any banker, black Panther, black anything, communist, socialist, liberal (redundant), or CEO that donated to my re-election fund. So, other than that, we’ll find you, you Tea Partying murderer and you’ll be in for a world of hurt.

Make sure to read the comments

(not the comments on this post, the comments on the post The Mayor linked. Because there are no comments on this post. None)

Here’s a prepared statement plug-head read when he chaired Senate Foreign Relations Committee hearing way back in 2001:

In his statement, Biden criticized the Bush administration proposal for a missile defense system, questioning whether the costs of missile defense outweighed its benefits.

“I worry that funds devoted to missile defense, or the recent tax cut, are hurting our ability to meet these more current and realistic threats,” Biden said.

“And I worry that a narrow-minded pursuit of missile defense, without having any notion of what missile defense to develop, could derail both our programs in Russia, as well as our negotiations with North Korea,” he added.

Biden went on to ask whether the Bush plan for a missile defense system would make the United States “more, or less, secure.”

The Mayor can’t believe he’s going to say this, but, please Obama, don’t die in office.

Still reeling from the effects of Colonialism in Africa and the chronic underfunding of social services for the inner-cities, youth of no particular colour clashed with Brooklyn po po for the third straight night:

At least 18 were arrested as fights between cops and angry teens erupted in East Flatbush. Police struggled to control a furious crowd that broke away from a planned peaceful vigil.

Protesters enraged over the fatal shooting of a teenager by police poured into Brooklyn streets for a third straight night Wednesday, pitching bricks, bottles and garbage in furious clashes with cops.

At least 18 demonstrators were arrested along Church Ave. in East Flatbush. Police struggled to control a hostile crowd that broke away from a planned peaceful vigil for Kimani (Kiki) Gray, 16, killed by police on Saturday night.

We need to remember this was a crowd that broke away from a Planned Peaceful Vigil® (not often do the journalistas need to put the word “peaceful” before the word vigil, but in this case they deem it necessary to drill that into our brains.)

Angry over the shooting death of a completely innocent African American (who has been arrested and charged three times in his short 16 years on this earth, and was carrying a loaded gun) by a cop, these same disenfranchised youth robbed, destroyed, and beat a white patron (a Reverend) at a pharmacy the night before:

The journalista didn’t find it necessary to mention the laundry list of convictions this marginalized youth has racked up in his short criminal career; didn’t find the need to tell us little Kimono (or whatever his name is) had a loaded gun at the time when he was shot, and didn’t feel the need to mention the little tyke was a member of the Bloods. The journalista didn’t mention the night before that these same blacks trashed a pharmacy and beat the hell out of a white patron. And by not telling those little morsels of truth, managed to fan the flames of racial hatred just a little more. Made sure to mention the thug was shot in the back, and didn’t include the fact the kid was carrying a loaded gun. Probably an illegal one, oh my!

That’s Journalism 101, dontchaknow.

Also, have a look at the pictures the journalista posted of little Kokomo (or whatever his name is). Isn’t he the sweetest looking thing?

New Yorker’s are typically thought of as crude, brash, greedy, selfish, thoughtless pigs. Now you can add the word stupid into the mix, as a new study has revealed that 80% of their inner-city kids can’t even read, write or spell. Build those dicks a community center, they are obviously victims:

Nearly 80 percent of New York City high school graduates need to relearn basic skills before they can enter the City University’s community college system.

The number of kids behind the 8-ball is the highest in years, CBS 2′s Marcia Kramer reported Thursday.

When they graduated from city high schools, students in a special remedial program at the Borough of Manhattan Community College couldn’t make the grade.

They had to re-learn basic skills — reading, writing and math — first before they could begin college courses.

In order to “re-learn” something, you have to had “learned it” in the first place. It’s not as if someone forgets how to read. It’s not like someone forgets 1 + 1 = 2. It’s not as if one day you wake up and forget how to spell your name. Although to be fair, names like Sha’Quan and Marcelious aint dat easy to spell, yo.

Before this article was put to paper, and you can read this in the comments, the *journalist* referred to the low-cost immersion programs as *emmersion programs”, spelled the word group as *grouip*, and the word nervous was spelled *nervus*. The Mayor shits you not. It’s as if the journalista needs some of that low-cost emmersion classes herself.

It really doesn’t matter that 80% of NY inner-city kids are as smart as a tin of cat food, what really matters is that Bloomberg has banned the sale of large sodas, all the children celebrate diversity, queers can get married, American history has been replaced by climate studies, and prayer mats have been installed (facing Mecca, dontchaknow) in every school across New York.

The idiot class keeps getting bigger, liberals keep getting the jobs to take care of them, and all you have to do is pay every cent along the way. What a deal. All this and you still get called a racist, a bigot, and the people you are shelling out for want nothing more than to see you dead.

Also, think about this – the 11,000 *students* mentioned in the article – those 11,000 are from this year. Do you think there are any other dullards from years past? Like, say, millions more?

That question kinda answers itself.

The above list is courtesy of THE University of Colorado at Colorado Springs, which banned concealed carrying of guns on college campuses this week, but instead came up with a bunch of very helpful tips for stopping attackers and rapists, including – peeing and vomiting when confronted by a maniac.

The Mayor also suggests pooing oneself and speaking in tongues.

It seems the U of C came up with this list because they didn’t want to be outdone by Democratic State Rep. Joe Salazar, who said on the floor of the legislature earlier this week that “women should not carry firearms for protection against potential attacks because they could accidentally shoot someone.”

Maybe women are stupid. Is that it?

“It’s why we have call boxes, it’s why we have safe zones, it’s why we have the whistles. Because you just don’t know who you’re gonna be shooting at,” Salazar said. “And you don’t know if you feel like you’re going to be raped, or if you feel like someone’s been following you around or if you feel like you’re in trouble when you may actually not be, that you pop out that gun and you pop … pop a round at somebody.”

At least now the women of THE U of C can sleep well at night knowing that as they are being raped, there will a call box or a safe zone within 2000 yards of them. What a relief. Sure, Salazar is protected by armed security, and the chances of him getting raped are relatively slim (eye roll), but when it comes to protecting the women of THE U of C, a whistle should do the trick nicely.

Remember folks – the government is doing what is best for you, just lay down, close your eyes, and accept it.