Archive for the ‘Sports Week’ Category

Trick Play Week

Monday, November 8th, 2010

There was one minute to go in the game and The Mayor’s team was down by six. The ref just finished marking off five yards on the defense when The Mayor – quarterback Mayor, that is – leaned over and yelled at the center that the ref was going to mark off five more yards. The Mayor then told the center to give him the ball –  ”hiking it” in football lingo – technically starting the play. The Mayor then started to walk off the yards – as cool as a cucumber on a crisp autumn day in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan – and once he passed by the defensive line, he ran like diarrhea coming down the leg of a tourist at an all you can burrito cart in Tijuana.

And that was the day The Mayor became a man. Well, technically The Mayor became a man three days later with Julie the slutty cheerleader after they played “Ether and rag meet cheerleader’s face,” but I digress…

No Goooooooooooaaaaaaaalllll!!!!!111!!!!!!1!!

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

Yes, I can see how the ref missed the cal in the England/Germany game the other day – the ball only crossed the line by a mere YARD.

It’s not like that would have tied the game and changed the momentum or anything. Yup, nothing like that at all.

England will get ‘em next time. FOUR YEARS from now.

Soccer – Wake Me When It’s Over

Sunday, June 13th, 2010

Is anyone in Mitchieville interested in the World Cup? Ya, me neither. What a completely useless sport soccer is. Sure, I understand if you grew up and your folks didn’t have any money, or you immigrated here from one of those terribly smelly countries, that you are probably interested in soccer, but as for The Mayor – I can’t wrap my head around any sport where there is absolutely NO ACTION EVER. EVA!!!

Nothing EVER happens in soccer. It’s like 90 minutes of watching fruity dudes who fall down a lot after nothing happened to them, chase a ball that they most likely won’t even try to score with, and then congratulate each other for doing ZIPPO. And then the game ends 0-0. Three shots on goal for one team and four for the other, and the announcer says, “what a thrilling and entertaining game”.

Plus, is there some sort of rule in soccer that if you want to play you have to have extremely greasy hair?

I know there will be some of you that are probably offended that The Mayor just insulted soccer. Think about how The Mayor feels for a second. I use to think you were cool. Now I hear you like watching greasy, fruity dudes who fall down a lot. Ya, feel my pain for a second. Unlike soccer players, I have actual, real pain.

**The Daily What provided the pic

Sports Headlines Week

Saturday, May 9th, 2009

colon-pounding-whiff

If Bart Colon and Chien Wang didn’t play baseball, this feature would never exist.

I can’t believe I did a whole week worth of sports headlines and not once used anything with the name Dick Trickle in it. It’s funny how concious reporters are of making up a headline with the name Dick Trickle in it, but they throw around Wang and Colon like it’s going out of style. Hold on, let me re-read that last sentence to make sure it made sense. Damn, it didn’t make any sense at all. Oh well, hey, the hockey playoffs sure are cool, eh?

Great Sports Headlines Week

Thursday, May 7th, 2009

whiff-of-colon

And funnily enough, it smells just like Oprah Winfrey’s breath.

I’ll stop there, my job is done.

Great Sports Headlines Week

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009

ruler

I think it’s safe to say that if you have 12″, that makes you a ruler.

Great Sports Headlines Week

Tuesday, May 5th, 2009

colon-smelling

I can’t imagine anything from Cleveland coming out smelling like a rose, let alone a Cleveland colon. Haha, *Cleveland Colon*, is that anything like a Kansas City Steamer?

Sports Week–The Finale

Sunday, December 7th, 2008

I’m pretty sure this is a Shopped picture, mostly because of the half child in the background. Never the less, I would think that when it comes to teaching youngins’ gymnastics in China, this is exactly how they do it. I’m just surprised there isn’t anyone there poking these kids with a sharp stick while yelling Mao slogans in their ear. “It is good to hang from wood!” “Act like the half child, cry not when being hanged from wooded bars!” “Children may cry when being hung from wooden bars, and the fall from those wooden bars will make their bones snap like the twigs from a sapling–then those little bastards will really have something to cry about!”

My Chinese political sloganeering is rather dry right now, and I blame it all on that half a child in the background.

Sports Week–Thursday Edition

Thursday, December 4th, 2008

If you’re wondering how and why this picture represents Sports Week, I suggest grabbing that knitting needle you have in your hand and shoving it straight into your face. Pictures like this are not to be questioned, they are manna from heaven and we should thank any God but the Christian God that they were sent to us.

Let us pray.

Dear Lord and heavenly father, thank you for the picture you have sent down from above. I realize I am a sinner, and a shitty dresser, and I thank you from my pear shaped heart for everything you have provided me.

May you look over me (but not for the next 15 minutes), and especially The Mayor, and give him extra special blessings for being your conduit by bringing me a picture that is worthy of my desktop.

All this in your heavenly name,

Amen

Sports Week–Wednesday Edition

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008

What you are looking at is a candidate in a job interview at the Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence. So far so good it looks like, but I suggest if the candidate really wants the job, he will spin around really quickly and show the interviewee some of his professional skills. Hahaha, fag.

Sports Week-Tuesday Edition

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008

Damn, that is one funny picture. I’ve never really understood the fascination with sports where the probability of another mans testicles rubbing against your neck or face are really high. Hockey, football, baseball, no problem, the chances of someones pills bouncing of your mug are next to zero. But jiu jitsu, wrestling, and the like, you’re never more than a split second away from having your face buried in some guys goodie package. Thanks but no thanks.

Sports Week–Monday Edition

Monday, December 1st, 2008

No matter which way you rotate this picture, it’s just as effective. Welcome to Sports Week.