Archive for the ‘Sports’ Category

Jack Hoffman with a 69 yard touchdown in the 2013 Nebraska Spring Game

Tuesday, April 16th, 2013

There’s still some good left in this world.

Princeton Students Pose After Boxing Match, 1893

Sunday, October 28th, 2012

Since boxing gloves were already the norm in 1893, and bare knuckle boxing was pretty much outlawed by that time as well, it would be safe to say that the matches these boys were in must have been gruesome to watch. As in gruesome cool, but none-the-less, gruesome. Even more gruesome to be in, by the looks on their faces. Natch.

The Mayor is looking at the glove worn by the pugilist on the right, the guy sitting down, and he thinks that may be a speed glove. Maybe a bag glove, but probably a speed glove. Then again, with all the damage to to these guys, he might be wearing a glove to conceal a mangled hand.

That sounds about right.

No Flop In That Fosbury

Wednesday, September 12th, 2012

Here’s a couple of interesting tidbits about high jumping that perfectly relate to today’s picture: The first name of the guy who popularized the Fosbury Flop is Dick (that totally relates). Before the Fosbury Flop, the most popular type of jump was called the *straddle technique* (again, that totally relates to today’s picture). When the jumper straightens out like the jumper in the picture is doing, that is called the “lay out” (totally relates).

Finally, even if that chick in the picture wasn’t wearing ANY clothes, she’d still be hot (had to throw that one in).

Haha – *Dick*.

Saudi Women To Compete In Olympics

Monday, June 25th, 2012

For the first time eva, Saudi women will be permitted to complete in the upcoming Olympics in England, sending joyous noises throughout the land, which sound a little sumpin’ like this – “IYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIY”:

The Saudi Embassy in London says the kingdom will permit women to compete in the London Olympics – provided they qualify.

The embassy said in a statement issued Sunday that the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia will oversee the participation of women athletes “who can qualify for the games.”

The official spoke on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the issue.

The Mayor guesses he had those Saudi’s pegged wrong, they’re actually quite a progressive lot.

Saudi women will be allowed to compete in the Olympics now, but they won’t be able to drive to the stadium. That could be a problem. The events they are allowed to compete in haven’t been decided yet, but there are a few confirmed one’s. The *Molotov cocktail toss at the Jew’s house*, the *200 m bomb belt carry*, and the Handball competition.

Wow, handball, The Mayor didn’t see that one coming.


Friday, April 20th, 2012

The only thing anyone outside of Australia, India, or England know about cricket, is that a single game can take up to five years to finish. Other than that, please refer to the above graphic.

John Goodman – The Spartans New Running Back

Thursday, November 24th, 2011

The 9-2 Michigan State Spartans made a surprise move today as they benched running back Le’-Veon Bell and replaced him with John Goodman. Corch Mark Dantonio opined that although Le’-Veon Bell is the teams leading rusher, John Goodman was hilarious in the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic, and based on that alone, deserves the start against the Northwestern Wildcats this upcoming Saturday. It’s hard to argue with that kind of logic.

That’s One Hell Of A Typo, CNN

Tuesday, November 8th, 2011

That’s a mistake, right?

Buehler? Buehler?

The Toronto Maple Leafs Are Undefeated

Thursday, October 6th, 2011

It’s not often one gets to say that.

2011 NHL Playoffs – Lose Some, Lose Some

Sunday, May 15th, 2011

As far as predictions go, the second round of the 2011 NHL Playoffs were a complete disaster for The Mayor. He scored a whopping 1/4, only getting the Vancouver/Nashville series right.

That’s poor.

But The Mayor does have a legitimate excuse for doing so poorly: he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

But with only two rounds left, four teams remaining, The Mayor is confident that he can redeem himself.

Tampa/Boston – The Mayor hasn’t taken the Bolts yet and they seem to be doing alright, so let’s go with them. Bolts over the Bruins in 5.

Vancouver/San Jose – The Mayor has picked Vancouver in both rounds and they have come through each time, so let’s reverse course and pick San Jose in 6.

Thems the picks, and they are gold. The Mayor is so confident that his picks will come through, that if they don’t, if his picks don’t peter out, The Mayor will give one lucky Mitchievillian (who puts his/her hockey predictions in the comment section) Fenris Badwulf’s golden Gordie Howe signed hockey stick.

Yes, a golden hockey stick. that’s gotta be worth like a million dollars.

So what say you, give The Mayor yer picks. Don’t be shy, after all, you can’t do any more craptastic than The Mayor did last round.

Brampton Olympics 2011

Saturday, April 30th, 2011

The 2011 Brampton Olympics “kicked off” yesterday with the Brampton Nagpur Bengal Tigers beating the Brampton Kanpur Bengal Tigers 4-3 in extra time.

Raj Singh made it 1 nil BNBT when he scored 23 minutes in, and 3 minutes later Chandra Singh made it 2-0 when he scored from a corner. Gajra Singh scored just before halftime for the BKBT making it 2-1. 10 minutes into the second half, Hari Singh got the equalizer when he scored a beauty from just outside the crease. BNBT got the lead back from a header by Mobu Singh, only to have the lead evaporated by a great goal courtesy of Mucknuts Singh.

In extra time though, it was all BNBT, as they took the victory with a lovely header by captain Joketurd Singh. And that’s how it ended, the BNBT moving on to the next round with an impressive victory over the BKBT.

What a wonderful start to the Brampton Olympics.

2011 NHL Playoffs – Win Some, Lose Some

Thursday, April 28th, 2011

The first round of the 2011 NHL playoffs are done, and boy are my arms tired! Hahaha.

Wait, that punchline was intended for another joke. Regardless, or as they say in Sudbury, “irregardless”, the first round is in the books. Let’s have a look at how The Mayor’s predictions panned out.

1) Canuckleheads vs Hawks

The Mayor predicted the Canuckleheads would win this in 5, but it took them 7. We’ll call this one a push.

What did we learn from this series? We learned that the Sedin twins are soft and characterless, and like most players that rack up huge points against useless teams in the regular season, when it comes to the playoffs, when it comes to the big games, they fold faster than a deck chair.

We also learned that Raffi Torres is a real piece of shit.

Finally, we learned that a team that The Mayor was cheering for to win the Stanley Cup is now off the list of the team The Mayor wants to win the Stanley Cup. If there is a more soulless, craptastic bunch of babies in the NHL, The Mayor has yet to find them. Even the Leafs, as much as they completely suck, have soul. The Canuckleheads, not so much. I suppose that’s what you get when you fill your team with European androids and general deadbeats (Burrows and Malhotra notwithstanding).

2) Capitals vs Rangers

The Mayor thought the Caps would win in 7, it took them 5. This series was kind of a disappointment, but none-the-less, it’s over now and we got rid of another low rung team. The Rangers are a team of the future though. And they always will be.

3) Red Wings vs Coyotes

The Mayor predicted the Red Wings would take it in 5, they took it in 4. You didn’t have to have a crystal ball to predict that series.

Man, the Wings sure look good. Man, the Coyotes sure look like crap. Phoenix (or Glendale) doesn’t deserve a hockey team and I’ll be glad for Winnipeg when they relocate there next season.

4) Ducks vs Predators

The Mayor’s first out-and-out miss. The Ducks were picked in 6 and lost in 6. No excuses for this one, Nashville is a better team and proved it.

5) Sharks vs Kings

The Sharks were picked in 7, they won in 6. Pretty close. Two good teams, the Kings did well, but, whatever.

6) Flyers vs Sabres

The Mayor predicted the Flyers in 5, they won in 7.

The Mayor was disappointed with the Flyers. The Flyers are a rough team, but The Mayor didn’t think they were a dirty team until he saw them play the Sabres in the first round. What a bunch of classless goons. That hurts to say, considering going into this the Flyers were one of The Mayor favourite teams. That all changed. It was a hard series to watch, the cheap shots kept adding up, the refs and the league dropped the ball as usual (a la Richards), and idiots like Carcillo and Laperriere made it impossible to cheer for the Flyers.

7) Bruins vs Canadians

The Mayor picked the Bruins in 7 and that’s how it ended up. This series was like watching 2 boxers you hate kick the crap out of each other – you don’t care who wins, as long as they spill each others blood.

This was another series that grated on The Mayor’s nerves, and that was due to the fanboy CBC announcers who basically fellated anything Montreal when they had a chance. Montreal is not a good team, but the way the CBC announcers told the story, this was the 1973 Canadiens. Montreal scared 5 goals in the last 2 games – 2 of them were on 5-3, 2 were on the pp, and 1 shorthanded. What an offensive dynamo!

Another thing – Subban in not Bobby Orr. You see, Bobby Orr had and has everything Subban doesn’t: class, style, and the ability to run the whole game from the blue line. Subban is a big-mouth jerkoff who hasn’t earned anything in this league yet. He needs to shut his face and concentrate on being even a decent defenceman. He’s not a decent defenceman yet, as a matter of fact he’s a bad joke.

Which defenceman was on the ice in every Bruin ot win? Subban. Which defenceman was caught out of place during every ot win by Boston? Subban. Which defenceman was on the ice during EVERY Boston big goal? Again, Subban.

Subban can lay out a check, but do you notice how he instinctively cowards away from anything resembling a hit against him? That makes him cough up the puck, time and time again. One day he may be really good, but right now he’s nothing more than a distraction with his stupid antics, he’s a detriment with his poor defencive skillz, and until he learn to control his play he’ll cost Montreal games and series like he did against Boston.

8) Penguins vs Lightning

The Mayor had Pitt in 7, they lost in 7. Boo hoo. No Crosby, no Malkin, the series still went to 7.

As for the next round:

1) Nashville vs Vacouver

Vancouver in 6

2) Detroit vs San Jose

Detroit in 5

3) Tampa vs Washington

Washington in 6

4) Flyers vs Boston

Flyers in 5

That should do it!

What say you, any predictions for the second round?

Michael vs Michael

Monday, April 18th, 2011

There’s a couple professional ball players if I’ve ever seen one. The big difference though, is that the chick on the right dribbles at the though of the guy on the left dribbling. Thems a lot of dribblings. Get a tarp, this game is getting messy!