What a game.

Wow.

Team Canada defeats Team USA and takes the gold medal. Just as The Mayor predicted.

Let’s have a boo at some of the remarkable predictions The Mayor has made in the last week:

-Canada will beat Slovakia 3-2

-Canada will defeat the USA 3-2 in overtime. Crosby will score the winning goal.

-Chile will have an earthquake that will measure 8.9

-An orca will eat a human at SeaWorld

You have to admit, those are some pretty amazing predictions.

Let’s have a look at some of the emails The Mayor received yesterday and today from his American constituents:

Good luck this afternoon, final score USA 4 Canada 3. There’s always next year. Oh wait, I mean 4 years.

River Rat

 

I’m really starting to like hockey, especially when the USA beats Canada like a rented mule. Up yours and have a nice day, you big girl. US 4 Canada 2

Uncle Scott

 

What does the Canadian Olympic hockey team and a whale trainer at SeaWorld have in common? They’re both dead in my eyes. And they suck. Usa 7 Canada 1

Tfhr

 

I really like your blog. Perhaps one day I can contribute material. US 5 Canada 0

Spammer

Although these emails are fictional, you should still view them as the truth, simply because they are real in the minds of those that didn’t send them. In other words, they are fake but accurate, unreal yet real, like the breasts of one Dolly Parton.

Canada ended up with 14 gold medals in the Olympics, the most gold medals ever won by any nation in the winter Olympics. That makes The Mayor swell with pride. At least I hope that’s why I’m all swollen. But as a precaution, I’m going to have that looked at. Maybe it’s lupus. I sure hope it’s not lupus.

Congratulations to all our Olympic athletes. Even the ones that sucked. Cuz even though you sucked, it doesn’t mean you suck. It just means that you are miles ahead of the average Joe, but when it comes to competing with anyone in your league, well, you suck.

I’m so happy tonight that I’m going to crack open a bottle of Snapple, dump half of that crap out in the sink and refill the empty space with top shelf rye. And then I’m going to feed a few shots to the cats and drink the rest until I’m so loaded I’ll have to pee in an adult diaper. Sure, nothing I say tonight makes any sense, but you try making sense after you just ate a handful of percocets. Mmmmmm, it’s nice and warm in here.

Go Canada Go!!!

The Retired Geez, who resides at the always excellent Innocent Bystanders, knew that by sending The Mayor this Wii Curling Demonstration, that it would perk up my spirits and bring me back from this life-threatening head cold. How does The Mayor know his head cold is life threatening? Because it really, really, really makes me feel poopy.

Oh my. It might be time to burn down their White House again.

**My Confined Space

Even though the only memory I have of New Orleans is the time I visited there in 2002 and nearly got mugged (which I’m sure would have turned into a raping), I’m still glad the Saints won. So many people have said a Super Bowl victory will be great for the city, it will bring people closer together. It very well may even change the city. Well, considering NO is the murder and rape capital of the USA, I say that if all it takes for the animals to stop the killing and sexual assaults is a mere Super Bowl win, then by gummit, there ya go, there’s yer Super Bowl win. Now stop yer murderin’ and rapin’.

Anyway, there’s Drew Brees and his kid in a superb shot. It’s hard to find fault with Drew Brees, he’s a pretty good guy. Funny how he ended up in NO. Maybe he’s a part-time missionary.

You were looking for a little stupid funny today, right? Man, have you ever come to the right place.

To be fair, the Leaf was born in Sweden.

That’s gotta sting. It’s like being a Leaf fan.

**Thanks to Woosk

It’s nice to see a couple of lady-killers hanging out and talking shop. Maybe these guys should move on to dating brunettes, lest they be accused of profiling.

**Again, Curmudgeonly and Skeptical supplied the pic

I suppose the only thing Obama is worse at than golfing is running the US. Too bad Americans can’t get a Presidential mulligan. Hell, even McCain is looking good right now. Shit, Chavez is looking pretty good right now.

The last time I saw a swing like Obama’s, was when my Uncle Louis fell out of his wheelchair. I suppose this is proof that community organizers don’t make good golfers…or President’s. But they do make awesome commies.

**Again, Last of the Few brought this to The Mayor’s attention

Meredeth Walusek of 99.7 Kiss FM in, I don’t know where, somewhere in Florida I suppose, and a few colleagues went to the mansion of Tiger Woods and decided to have a little fun:

Once they arrived Meredith hopped out of the car and ran out in her bikini and heels holding up a sign that said ‘Tiger – They Offered Me $500,000 – I’m Keeping My Mouth Shut!’ Security tried to kick her off the property but she refused to move so they called the police. Traffic was slowed down at least a quarter of a mile each way with passengers taking pictures and laughing as they drove by.

Meredith continued to scream, ‘’He’s Not a Tiger He’s A Cheetah!’’ to all the cars as they drove but finally had to leave when they were pulling cars over and issuing tickets to everyone that stopped.

I’m sure you’re doubled over with laughter by now, but if you’re having any trouble trying to understand the chuckles behind this, let me decipher it for you. Tiger had an affair with a gaggle of ugly women. Tiger has two children that will be affected by this in later years. So some bleach blond from a radio station decided show up at Tiger’s mansion, with a made-up sign, dressed as some sort of beach slut. She really didn’t have an affair with Wood’s, but she’s pretending she did, and if Tiger gives her half a million she won’t say anything. NOW do you see why it’s such a riot?

Granted, if Tiger really did have an affair with her, this would definitely be the best looking woman he got his dirty hands on to date. But that’s not funny, that’s the cold, hard truth.

Next - “He’s not a Tiger, He’s a Cheetah”. You see, this is a play on words, somewhat. The fake blond with the small breasts is saying that Tiger Woods, the “Tiger”, is not an actual tiger but a “cheetah”. Cheetah is suppose to mean, in this case, a “Cheater”. The word cheater, if said quickly, sounds like “cheetah”. So, if the sign was true to form, it would say, “He’s not a Tiger (being his name but also a ferocious animal), but a Cheater” (from “Cheetah, another ferocious animal). But that doesn’t make any sense, so instead, they used the word cheetah and hope we would figure out it actually meant that Tiger woods is an adulterer.

It’s kind of like going to the bleach blonde’s one bedroom apartment in the projects and holding up a sign that says “Meredith Walusek is a hoe”. But instead of meaning she’s a whore and a dirty pig with no values, the sign is actually indicating that she likes gardening implements, which she may or may not like, I’m not privy to that kid of information. If I were to guess whether or not she’s a whore or a gardener, I would probably think a whore, simply because she shows up to Tiger Wood’s house wearing a bikini and holding up a stupid sign, all so she and her idiot radio station can get some cheap publicity. She has no problem whoring herself out to cameramen while taking cheap shots at Wood’s, and by extension his family.

So ya, my guess is that between the two, whoring and gardening, Meredeth Wasulek is probably a whore. Sure, she might have a great personality and who knows, she might be good to dogs and cats, but that certainly doesn’t mean she isn’t a whore. Which I suspect she is. The point being, the sign “Meredeth Wasulek is a hoe” can be taken two ways.

To recap: Kiss 99.7 scored some cheap publicity on the back of Tiger Wood’s, and Meredeth Wasulek of 99.7 Kiss fm is probably a whore.

Whether I like Brett Favre or not is unimportant. What is important is that I don’t care one bit about him, the NFL, the Minnesota Vikings, or whether or not Farve is a cyborg. Which he undoubtedly is. On the other hand, Favre is pretty impressive in this video. It’s no wonder he has won the Miss America Pageant for the last five years running. He totally deserves it, he’s so much better than the chick from Wisconsin that won Miss Congeniality. Spit.