Archive for the ‘Statues’ Category

Statue Week

Friday, October 8th, 2010

With the lack of posts in Mitchieville lately, from Friday night right through until Monday morning, one would think that The Mayor was doing weekends at some medium security prison for tax evasion or something. Hahaha, I can assure you that simply is not true ~loosens collar, starts sweating~.

The Mayor wanted a grande finale for Statue Week and I believe a statue of lactating men and women certainly accomplishes that. Look at the stream of breast milk spurting from those boobies, you could rinse the conditioner from your hair with that stuff.

And that concludes Statue Week, one of the most popular weeks in a long, long time. I have a lot of people to thank for that, but mostly all my thanks goes to me. So I’d like to take this opportunity to thank me. Thanks. I’m welcome.

Statue Week

Thursday, October 7th, 2010

This piece of art (yes, it is so art) is called the Worcester Turtle and was commissioned in the year of the Lord 1903. I believe Worcester is in Florida, if The Mayor isn’t mistaken.

Statue Week has been a real learning experience for The Mayor, the things I have learned will stick with me a lifetime, I’m sure. The thing that really sticks out about Statue Week are the amount of statues that have been commissioned that involve human/animal activity. I’m not sayin’ nuttin’, yet I believe I have said everything that needs to be said. Now is the time in Mitchieville when we ponder.

Statue Week

Wednesday, October 6th, 2010

Many of you have already seen this beautiful statue before, it’s actually on the south lawn at The Manor here in Mitchieville. The Mayor collects unique and precious statues, and this is one of my favourites.

It’s called, “Large Bird Laying An Egg In My Ass”, and it signifies a “new beginning”, “peace & love”, as well as signifying a large bird laying an egg in some chicks ass.

It’s quite a work of art, quite touching, I hope you can come down one day and see it first-hand. From outside the gate, of course.

Statue Week

Tuesday, October 5th, 2010

The Mayor isn’t sure if both pictures are related, other than the obvious icky factor, of course; but I have to say I am in complete awe of both. The lower picture especially. I’m not sure what is going on, but from the look of it, the fat, Asian momma with the large feet is about to put a crap-kickin’ on the skelator child with the small penis.

Yes, I said SMALL penis. You think it’s BIG? Wow, I feel sorry for your better half, little guy.

Statue Week

Monday, October 4th, 2010

The Mayor felt kind of bad that Statue Week ended so abruptly last week, so I’ve decided to run it again. We were doing so well; the comments were flowing like wine, my constituents were happy, the world was at peace. And I don’t think for a second that is an exaggeration of any sort. Yes, the world was at peace.

When I first saw this picture, I immediately rose from my seat and started dancing. I was dancing like no one was watching. Mind you, no one WAS watching, so I was tons more comfortable acting like an idiot dancing around all because I saw some horse crapping out a plume of dung. You don’t often see the words “plume” and “dung” in the same sentence. But you do here in Mitchieville, and that is why we were voted the 5th Best Humour Site in Canada a little over three years ago.

Statue Week

Wednesday, September 29th, 2010

It takes a real hero to drink from the tap like that, but to The Mayor it seems rather suspicious. It’s kind of like helping a dog pee by lifting up its leg and holding on to its unit. Yes, it is EXACTLY like that. there is no difference.

That was a wonderful example, and more amazingly, it came right from the top of my beautiful bald head.

Statue Week

Tuesday, September 28th, 2010

I believe this is a statue of Toronto’s next Mayor, George Smitherman, and his fellow council persons at any one of their upcoming council meetings. For those that don’t know, George Smitherman married his homosexual partner three years ago, and are adopting a baby. Rob Ford is his main opponent for Mayor, and Ford is considered the radical, as Ford wants to cut taxes and slash the budget.

Sorry for the lack of Green Shoots tonight, time wasn’t on The Mayor’s side. It’ll be back tomorrow though. For those of you that need the daily financial news right here and now, The Mayor will be delighted to give you a brief synopsis: Consumer confidence was released today and it came in at a near all-time low. The stock markets rallied on the news and gained about 45 points.

Statue Week

Monday, September 27th, 2010

The Mayor isn’t sure what’s going on with these statues, but I fingered you did. I’m not sure why I fingered you would know, I just fingered you would.When you do finger this thing out for sure and tell me, I’ll say out loud, “I fingered you know, it just fingers”.

Strange, Yet Erotic Statue Week

Saturday, March 28th, 2009

This is a statue from The Institute for Microbiology, Tuebingen University, Germany. I’m not sure if you have to walk through it, or if it opens up when you start going in, but I do know one thing for sure–at certain times of the month, you will NOT catch me going near it!

This ends Strange, and Erotic Statue Week.

Strange, Yet Erotic Statue Week

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

I’m sure many people are looking at this statue thinking that it must signify a woman’s love for her child, never letting her fall or go into a world full of hatred and despair. I, on the other hand, see it as a woman tossing a kid.

We just have different perspectives on art, that’s all. I don’t blame you for being wrong though, you aint cultured like I is.

Strange, Yet Erotic Statue Week

Wednesday, March 25th, 2009

This statue is from Nuremberg, Germany, and that’s about all I know of it. I’m not sure of the title, but I would have to assume it’s “Everybody lactate like it’s 1999.”

Ya, I know, it really is disturbing.

Strange, Yet Erotic Statue Week

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

This is a statue by Damien Hirst. 5th Ave., Manhattan, US. Whatever it is, and whatever it represents, it’s all perfectly normal and completely on the up and up. Since I’ve been on a roll (1 night) at naming statues, I’m going to call this one “Half black face, half gold face woman with pointy red nipples and a fetus about to fall out of her tummy and roll down her sexy red leg”.

I’ll be honest, I’m not as happy with this title as I was with yesterday’s.