Archive for the ‘Stephen Harper’ Category

The Conservative Government’s Brutal Assault On The Canadian Penny Nears Completion

Tuesday, April 10th, 2012

The Mayor was going to run with the headline “Penny’s are Fun!”, but he’s satisfied with the last second change (hahaha, “change”).

The Canadian penny will soon be no more. The federal government will eliminate the penny in about 6 months time, and for 99.99999% of Canadians that’s a great thing. But not everyone is happy, and it took a crack team of jouralistas from the CBC to find the .00000001% who are upset about this great decision:

It has also been a nuisance for many people but small-business owners worry the cost of re-programming computers and cash registers will be in the thousands. Many will also have to eliminate odd-numbered transactions.

“It will cost a couple of grand at every location,” said Andre Kachi, who owns three Marcellos delicatessens in Ottawa.

“It’s not going to make me happy. Somebody should take care of that, not me for sure.”

A couple of grand per location to update a few cash registers? Really? Did they dig up Steve Jobs, revive him, and send him to Marcello’s to work for an hour?

Keep in mind that if someone pays by debit (90% of Canadian’s will), or by credit, the business owner will have to do exactly nothing to make things right. If the customer pays by cash, if the transaction ends in 3, the business owner rounds up, if it ends in 2, the business owner rounds down. So, if the brainiac Kachi thinks about things for even a trillionth of a seconds, he’ll figure out that he doesn’t actually have to reprogram his NASA-like computer system, but he will only have to put a small Postit note on each cash register that states something along the line of:

Ends in 3 – round up

Ends in 2 – round down

That’ll be $4000.00 Andre. Put Jobs back into the ground, he is no longer needed.

Thoughts On The 2011 Canadian Election

Tuesday, May 3rd, 2011

Another Canadian election is in the books and Stephen Harper and his Conservatives are the proud owners of a brand spanking new majority government.

The socialist party won 103 seats and will form the official opposition. The liberals and Bloc were beaten like rented mules, and in the Bloc’s case, they will not even receive official party status.

The leader of the the liberals, Michael Ignatief, lost his seat in Etobicoke, while separatist leader, Gilles Duceppe, failed to win his seat in Whereverville Quebec.

All in all, if you are a Conservative or a socialist, this morning you will be partying like it’s 1999 (or in the Conservative case, 1986). If you are a liberal or a Bloc-head, you will most certainly be on suicide watch.

Notable liberal losses, ones that made The Mayor smile from ear to ear include, but are certainly not limited to: Ken Dryden, good riddance.

Mark Holland, Ajax Pickering – done nothing but collect cheques since arriving on parliament hill.

Ruby Dhalla – voters don’t want slave owners.

Joe Volpe – out with the old.

Gerard Kennedy – “the future of the liberal party.”

Dan McTeague – useless from the start. Useless to the end. Get a job.

John Cannis – a true liberal. Never showed up to vote, only cared for his fellow Greek countrymen, blight on society.

The list goes on and on, those are just a few of the deadbeats The Mayor has watched over the years who wasted our air.

Bob Rae declared that the biggest irony EVA was that voters left the liberals to go to the ndp, and in turn gave the Conservatives a majority gov’t. Rae totally missed the irony that the ndp, if elected, would have destroyed Canada, but since the voters left the liberals for the ndp, the ndp ended up completely obliterating the Bloc, the party that wants to destroy Canada. Now THAT’S irony!

Polls are for chumps. The last poll The Mayor saw had the Conservatives ahead of the ndp 33.6% to 32%. The Conservatives ended up with over 40% and the ndp 30%. Kinda reminds me when the polls had Rob Ford in a dead heat with Smitherman. Ford only won the biggest landslide in Toronto political history.

Even though Global, the CBC, Toronto Star and all the other rag outfits will never admit this, Stephen Harper is a genius. He not only held on to power through the toughest economy in decades, he solidified and expanded his support. Remarkable. No matter how much you hear the pundits crow about how well Smilin’ Jack the commie did, the fact is that the Tories have a 5 year mandate to run Canada. And in the end, they are the best of the worst.

Libby Davies – Here We Go Again

Thursday, June 17th, 2010

Canada’s own Helen Thomas, New Democrat MP Libby Davies, is in hot water from the reigning Conservative gov’t and opposition Liberals after remarks she made questioning Israel’s legitimacy:

When asked, “When do you believe that the occupation in Israel started — ‘48 or 67?” Davies says 1948, the year Israel became a state.

“The only conclusion you can draw from what she said is that there is no legitimacy to Israel’s existence since 1948,” said Liberal MP Bob Rae.

“Someone who would say such a thing and who would mouth these words and says these things should not have a serious political office in a major political party.”

Davies had posted a letter on her website apologizing for her remarks last week, and insisting her answer was little more than an honest mistake.

“My reference to the year 1948 as the beginning of the Israeli occupation of Palestinian territory was a serious and completely inadvertent error,” she wrote.

“I apologize for this and regret any confusion it has caused.”

But Harper used the incident as cannon fodder in the fight with the NDP over Afghan detainee documents, likening her position on the Middle East to the NDP’s refusal to go along with Tuesday’s agreement on how best to bring Parliament into the loop on the detainee paper trail.

When Layton accused Harper of hiding the truth by refusing to freely release all the documents, Harper turned the tables.

“The only person hiding the truth here is the leader of the NDP, who has a deputy leader and a House leader who says that Israel’s existence inside its pre-1967 boundaries is an occupation,” Harper said during Question Period.

Harper then likened Davies to longtime Washington journalist Helen Thomas, who was forced to retire last week after saying Jews should leave Israel and go back to Poland or Germany.

“The member of the NDP who said that should be forced to resign as well,” Harper said.

Layton said Davies had apologized, and neither she nor the NDP denies Israel’s right to exist.

Apologized for what exactly?

It always amazes The Mayor when asked about Israel, how articulate leftists are in their opinions. But the SECOND there is any blowback about their views, they immediately curl up like a salt laden slug and take the “no hablo inglis” position. For the love of any God but the Christian God, take a freakin’ stance and stick to it.

It’s all on video, Libby Davies at a ANTI-Israel rally, there was a PROTESTER with a sign that read “The world says NO to Israel OCCUPATION” standing right beside her, and when the guy with the camera asks Libby a question about Israel, she answers, *This is the longest OCCUPATION in the world”.

It doesn’t get any more cut & dry than that, does it?

So to say there was some sort of confusion and misunderstanding, well, that’s simply ridiculous. The only confusion is in Libby Davies pea-sized brain.

Make no mistake about it, Libby Davies may be the dumbest person EVER to enter Canadian politics. She is an embarrassment and a complete dim bulb. She deserves preferential parking spots at malls. Sorry, I lost where I was going with this.

Anyway, being dumb is one thing, but to apologize for something you believe in is plain pathetic. I can excuse dumb, people don’t generally have a choice in that matter, but I can’t excuse pathetic, it disgusts me and shows me what a weak reptile Libby Davies is.

As for Stephen Harper and the Liberal Attack Machine®, they might want to reconsider calling for Davies resignation over this matter. Especially considering Harper has no problem bringing in about 200,000 immigrants every year that believe EXACTLY the same thing as what Libby Davies thinks she may or may not believe depending on who’s listening and which way the wind’s blowing. If we follow Harper’s lead and call for the firings of every person who believes what Libby Davies believes, well, there will be a hell of a lot of job openings come tomorrow.

And as for the liberals, they might want to watch what they’re saying, too. If Rae and The Count now believe the same thing Harper does, it’ll get real interesting come election time when all those liberals who are looking for votes in Scarborough, Mississauga, Milton, etc, come a-callin’ on all those new Moslem neighbourhoods. You see, word on the street tells The Mayor that there are quite a few Moslems that have some sort of problem with the Jews. I don’t what problem, give me a second to Google it.

My point is this: Harper and the liberals should shut their mouths. This is still a democracy, and even though Davies is about as smart as a chunk of cinderblock, she still has every right to say what she said. I just wish though she’d wear a burqa so we didn’t have to look at that rat-chewed face of hers.

The end. Now, let’s dance!

He Gets By With A Little Help From His Friends

Tuesday, October 6th, 2009

Right when Canadians thought that their Prime Minister was possibly the most boring person in the universe, Stephen Harper suprised everyone by jumping on the Steinway grand piano at the National Arts Centre Gala the other night, and belting out a Beatles tune. And he did quite a decent job as you can see and hear.

Considering Stephen Harper is best known for wearing sweater vests and, well, wearing sweater vests, it was really quite amazing to seem him let go like he did the other night. From the sound of things, the media enjoyed, and more importantly, Canadians from all stripes enjoyed his performance and thought he did a bang-up job.

And like the lemmings that they are, it now seems the opposition members have found their creative side. Cue Jack Layton – opposition leader of the New Democrat Party:

The NDP leader will be strumming his guitar on a Toronto street corner later this month, as part of a fundraising drive for the Stephen Lewis Foundation’s campaign to end AIDS in Africa.

To his credit, Layton did say this about Stephen Harper and his performance:

“I just thought it was grand fun,” he said of Harper’s gala performance.

“On a grand piano. I was jealous. That’s probably one of the best pianos around in Ottawa,” Layton said.

Layton admired Harper’s courage in displaying his amateur musical talent in front of a discerning audience.

I’ll admit, at least the traitor was cool about it. Unlike the leader of the loyal opposition, Count Ignatieff:

Ignatieff said Harper’s singing “is not all that much better than mine” and immediately trashed the prime minister’s record on funding for the arts.

And later that night, Count Ignatieff was found in the back of an alley in an Ottawa neighbourhood, sucking the blood from a homeless man’s neck.

Not to be outdone though, and not to seem like he isn’t just like the average Joe, later this month Count Ignatieff will be displaying his own special talent:

“He reads. Next performance at the International Festival of Authors event,” said Jill Fairbrother.

He reads? How terribly exciting. Hopefully, after the next election he’ll be reading the help wanted ads.

So there you have it – Canada’s PM plays piano and sings Beatles songs, the NDP leader sings and plays guitar, and Count Ignatieff reads. And since he reads fiction, I’m sure he’ll perform a few lines out of the liberal book entitled, “All The Good Things Liberals Have Done For Canada.”

Prime Minister Harper’s Panel on Afghanistan

Friday, October 12th, 2007

Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced today that a non-partisan panel is going to look into the various options pertaining to Canada’s involvement in Afghanistan. Having a panel study this issue a present a report to parliament is a good idea as it gets the issue out of the House of Commons for the next little while and lets the focus stay on the upcoming throne speech. While the strategy is sound it is the make-up of the panel that I find particularly interesting.

On the Liberal side of the panel we have legendary television broadcaster Pam Wallin, who at one time served as Canada’s consul general to New York. We also have the guy who should have run against Paul Martin for the Liberal Party leadership, John Manley. Manley, a former deputy prime minister, was a supporter of deploying to Afghanistan when he was in cabinet and is a Liberal from the right side of his party. Since Manley is a former Liberal cabinet minister the non-partisan optics look good for Harper. I wonder though at how long it will take the Press Gallery crowd to starting beating Harper around over his other three picks: Paul Tellier, Derek Burney and Jake Epp.

Tellier was Clerk of the Privy Council under Prime Minister Brian Mulroney and it was Mulroney who appointed Tellier to the head of CN. Burney was a Mulroney chief of staff who was then appointed Ambassador to the United States. Jake Epp was a senior Mulroney cabinet minister and is considered to have been one of Mulroney’s most trusted and competent ministers. The Press Gallery loves beating Harper with the Mulroney stick so I imagine that the pundits will be clubbing him with this over weekend. I doubt Harper will care.

The more I see of Harper the more I like him. I realize Harper has annoyed some of his more right wing supporter since he became prime minister, but Canada needs to be governed from the center and Harper understands this. This panel is about Afghanistan, but it is also about reaching out the old Progressive Conservative wing of the party. You know what? It’s working, and I am close to declaring myself an unabashed Stephen Harper fan.

Things like reaching out to the old PC party, governing from the center, and his not so subtle bitch-slap of Newfoundland premier Danny Williams the other day are winning over the moderate Conservatives of whom he needs their support so he can get a majority government in the next election (this seems like a good place to note that I live in the 103 seat Province of Ontario). If Prime Minister Stephen Harper can get a majority in Ottawa and govern uninterrupted for a few years he may become a prime minister for the ages.

Stephen Harper Is A Coward

Thursday, July 5th, 2007

Today in Halifax, Nova Scotia, our Prime Minister cowardly announced that Canada will spend $3.1 billion to refit and modernize our 12 Halifax Class Frigates. How will spending $3.1 billion on these puny ships strike fear into the heart of our enemies? Russia, China, the United States – they all have Aircraft Carriers, Guided Missile Cruisers and ruthless, aggressive leaders. Canada needs to project some serious sea power. Canada needs Battleships.

Whatever happened to the great ships of war like HMS Canada ? Why won’t Canada’s New Government build a fleet of five new ice breaking capable double-hulled nuclear powered battleships to protect the Canadian North? A broadside of twelve 14 inch cannons from the decks of our mighty dreadnaughts would surely make the Yankee bastards cede the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and the vast oil reserves contained underneath to Canada. The meat from the collaterally damaged Caribou from that broadside can then be used to feed the sailors of our battle fleet. With free caribou meat and an endless supply of nuclear powered energy our marauding monitors could stay at sea forever! Does anyone seriously think the dastardly Danes would ever try to take Hans Island again knowing that our dreadnaughts are aboot in the North West Passage? I think not.

My Canada includes big ass battleships. I, Suvorov, have saved Canada’s New Government thousands of dollars in funding and research money by arbitrarily naming our new series of ships in a culturally sensitive and quintessentially Canadian manner. These names will surely strike fear into the hearts of the foreign evildoers who covet our subterranean arctic diamond reserves. Our ships, the HMSC Denny Doherty; HMCS Hank Snow; NCMS Felix Leclerc, HMCS Walter Ostinek, and HMCS Stan Rogers will strike fear into the hearts of all who see their wake. The money saved by me selflessly doing this for our nation can now be used to purchase nuclear tipped 14 inch cannon shells for our ships. Take that Taliban Jack!

The waters and land of the Canadian Artic (according to the Minister of National Defence this is an alternate spelling of Arctic) belong to Canada. Our battleships would preserve our arctic sovereignty for generations and give our country a seat at the table of aggressor nations for decades to come, not that Harper seems to care. Thankfully for you Canada, I do.

I, Suvorov, have posted this because Stephen Harper is a coward. Show your bravery by sending Fenris your money and lots of it – Battleships ain’t cheap.

The failure that is Stephen Harper

Saturday, February 24th, 2007

As a politically correct activist, I am afraid of Global Warming. And what makes Global Warming warm warmer is a lack of response by Last Nations First Speaker, Stephen Harper.

Worse than this. And what about the influence of Space Aliens on Global Warming? When was the last time you heard Stephen Harper express his concern about the influence of Space Aliens on Global Warming? This upsets me. This is upsetting to many Various-Canadians. Handouts and Studies are called for. And Stephen Harper does nothing to combat the Space Alien peril. How about some handouts for our homeless, Harper? Hmmmm?

You, like me, want to help the helpless. And we can both give hope to our homeless in our own special way. I, by taking your money, and you, by giving it. So, surrender to the soft tropical sunset breeze, let your spirit be carried off by the Sleeping Serpent, Set-Abubis to a place where there is no Global Warming. There you will serve Set, the Snake God, as a happy slave.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

Stop Harper

Friday, October 13th, 2006

I am rarely so outraged as I am right now. I had all evening for a slow boiling rage to build up pressure in the pressure cooker of my mind. The Harper government has failed in its most important sacred duty: to tax and spend money on legal challenges to federal law.

The Backstory: Just last night I attended a celebration at the Katyn Wood Home for the Homeless. Ten of the homeless people who live there (whom we call Collective 52), had earned enough privilege tokens to gain access to the plasma screen television lounge up on the third level. Collective 52 is our top token earning work group at Katyn Wood. Lord Hades and Lady Persephone are very proud of them. 52 is our best work group for telemarketing, cleanliness, loyalty, socialist spirit, and obedience to bureaucracy. They were rewarded with two hours access to the television lounge, along with kool-aid and dog biscuits. It should have been a happy night of socialist fun and merriment, and it would have been but not for Stephen Harper and his band of castrating Christians.

What happened, Fenris. You better get your kleenex handy, this is a real tear jerker. For those of you with a weak stomach, maybe a barf bag.

Collective 52 collectively decided to watch a movie that Lord Hades had rented from the Metro Toronto library: Attack of the Brain Eating Zombies. I had prepared a running commentary for the movie, illustrating how inferior capitalist systems are vulnerable to attacks of the bacteria that cause people to turn into brain eating zombies. The spokesperson for Collective 52 then asked me this insightful question, after getting the approval to ask it from the Commissar of Collective 52. He asked me: Since we live in a corrupt capitalist state, Comrade Fenris, are we not exposed to attacks of brain eating zombies?

What is Stephen Harper doing to prevent attacks from brain eating zombies? In the informative movie, a wise vegetarian wheelchair person develops an elixir from common plants that makes the zombies burst into flame. So why cannot Tony Clement and his legions of scientists at the Ministry of Health not come up with a formula, mass produce this elixir, and initiate a publicity campaign of telemarketers, informative brochures, and public awareness advertising spots? The answer is that these evil heteronormative capitalists are so wrapped up in facts that they cannot imagine. When I sent a loyal minion to the Ministry of Health information kiosk, demanding answers to these tough questions, they were detained, restrained, and sent to see an emotional disorders specialist. What sort of jackbooted fascist theocracy is going on here? What is this government trying to hide?

We need funding to start planning an awareness campaign timed to influence the next federal election. Children’s lives are at stake: we need canary yellow photocopy paper, now! We need office equipment, toner, and paper clips. We need volunteers to work the phone lines, and we need a healthy tax increase to be able to afford the professional bureaucrats needed to staff the administration pyramid.

If we can Stop Harper, we can Stop the Brain Eating Zombies.

Send me your money, and save yourself from certain death.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.

cross posted at Dust My Broom

Stop Harper

Tuesday, September 26th, 2006

Rarely have I ever been so outraged over such a shortsighted policy as the massive spending cuts that Stephen Harper’s government of monocultural heteronormative meanies has dictated from their patriarchial fortress of oppression on the banks of the Ottawa river. I was so upset that I spilled a cup of prune nectar on my fuzzy seal pup slippers that I got from Greenpeace as a renewal gift for their 2006 membership drive. My hands are shaking and my heart is bleeding.

These outrageous cuts are a chainsaw in the forest of our urban culture. The last time this happened was during the reign of the emperor Valentinian (link) when he chopped the social spending to the peaceful vegetarian Goth tribes living in harmony with nature in Central Europe. Their feelings were hurt. They felt unloved. They were alienated. Although they had never committed an act of violence before, they embarked on a series of wars, border raids, massacres, sackings, and pillaging expeditions. I suspect the same thing will happen here. Just as the Goths invaded the Roman Empire, you can expect the Goths to turn Toronto to ashes!

Broken promises. No activist believes that a billion dollars of spending cuts are the cuts in spending that Harper’s Gangsters lyingly promised during the stolen election campaign. These spending cuts are not cuts in spending. No way. So when can we expect cuts in spending, Harper? Hmmmm?

Museums to be closed, artifacts to be sold to American art snobs. Like most Canadians, I go to the museum at least once a week. No more Museum of Patriarchial Oppression, or the Museum of Intestinal Parasites for you and your loved ones. This will lead to illiteracy among our disadvantaged homeless village peoples, famine in the fashion industry, and an increase in third hand smoking deaths. The barbarian Goths will gather in hordes to swarm the sound barriers that protect our urban areas!

Wasteful and Unneeded Spending Initiatives to be Slashed. Even noted Harvard economist Moe Howard noted the urgent need for wasteful and unneeded spending. Homosexuals, one of the poorest demographics in Canada (ranking in the same cohort as Conrad the Black, target of anti-Black American prosecution) will be unable to look to the leadership of the Court Challenges Program, which was spearheading the Sex with Little Boys Legalization Program, a series of federal government subsidized lawsuits against the federal government.

Unemployable Youth Employment Program. A massive 55.4 million dollars have been stolen from this cornerstone program which has kept the streets of Toronto completely safe from a broad spectrum of youth violence. Over two hundred street youth were kept busy with ice creme and cake appreciation under the careful stewardship of fifty-five staff. Cost of materials was four hundred thousand dollars. Now this next generation of unemployable youth will turn to street crime, purse snatching, vandalism, and public masturbation out of outrage. Where will YOU be when the Goths sack your shopping mall?

I fear for the future of civilization. Stephen Harper is a big meanie. Please take out a second mortgage on your home and send me your money so that I can fund a spending initiative to research a spending plan to mount an awareness campaign to stop what has already happened.Send me your money!

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

Cross posted at Dust My Broom, sans pic (stop staring at those boobs, you heteronormative primate)

Stop Harper

Thursday, September 7th, 2006

When will people rise up to take down this tyrant? How many young primates, animals, and plants must suffer before Quasi-Sentinent-Canadians take up their cheque books and fund an Action Group to Study Alternatives?

I am filled with outrage over the most recent grenade attack in Toronto, the city that struggles in the shadow of Mitchieville. Hand grenades are not part of the acceptable intra-village village norms of conduct. It is bad enough to see the bodies floating down the Don and Humber and Rouge Rivers: the victims of youth violence in an meanie society that does not accept them. The tragic fruit of outcast village people turning to the machete and camping hatchet to resolve conflict, rather than dialogue and mutual respect.

The thud of ka-booming grenades disturbs my sleep. Another shipment has arrived by Canada Post from Grenade Wholesalers in Alberta. When is Stephen Harper going to mention at a press conference that he is initiating funding of a Hand Grenade Registry? I want to know. And, I want to know why now.

After the massacre of August fourth, I thought that the youth groups would interest themselves in harvesting their drug and prostitution profits and renounce violence. Stephen Harper’s absence at the World AIDS Telethon to cry at the videotaped performance of Jerry Lewis announcing that he was gay and had AIDS, emotionally traumatized our alienated youth and forced them to turn violent against each other. Brushing aside their tears, our Gangbangers turned to whatever medieval weapons they could buy at Canadian Tire. That was back in July, at the start of Summer Holidays. The endless weeks of heat and hammer killings, hatchet slayings, and grisly electrocutions, that was the summer of 2006 in Toronto.

Now, they have turned to Hand Grenades. How many car accidents are really caused by improper handling and storage of imported explosive devices? You may think that your neighbour’s house blew up in a gas explosion, but really, it was a vengeful telemarketer with a stick grenade. The carnage will stop when the government funds start.

It is time for Stephen Harper to act.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

Stephen Harper Hates Homosexuals, and Canadians are Ignorant

Wednesday, August 16th, 2006

Speaking at the Auto Workers constitutional convention, leader of the CAW, Buzz Hargrove criticized Prime Minister Stephen Harper on a broad range of issues:

Hargrove called Harper’s decision not to attend or speak to the international AIDS conference held in Toronto this week a “damn disgrace.”

He said delegates came from all over the world to learn more about AIDS.

“They must look and wonder to themselves ‘are Canadians so unaware, so unconcerned as their prime minister about this pandemic.’ “

Buzz is right, of course. As Canadians, we must ensure that not one soul in the universe has a negative feeling towards us.

It is disgraceful that Stephen Harper didn’t attend the AIDS conference. I know for a fact that if Stephen Harper showed up he could have done so much. He could have spoken to the delegates, handed out pamphlets, and spoken in sound bites. Harper could have pledged billions more $$$ in research for this horrible disease, but most of all, Stephen Harper could have cured AIDS, for we all know the Conservatives have a cure, but refuse to share it with the world because they hate homosexuals.

Canadians don’t know the first thing about AIDS, we are shockingly ignorant. This is because we don’t have enough information about it. If it wasn’t for AIDS Action Now,
AIDS Committee of Toronto, AIDS Quilt, AIDS Vigil, Black-CAP, Casey House,
Community AIDS Treatment Information Exchange, HIV/AIDS Legal Clinic of Ontario,
McEwan House, Ontario AIDS Network, PWA Foundation, The Teresa House, The Yoga Group, CNW Group, CARE, AIDS Advocacy Network, Marley AIDS advocacy, Global AIDS Alliance, AIDSMap, AVAC, AIDS Healthcare Foundation, the thousands of teachers, schools, clinics, doctors, nurses, facilitators, administrators, the UN, churches, needle exchange programs, Canada’s $250 million pledged to the UN to combat AIDS in Africa, $100 million in Canada for R&D, we would be completely left in the dark.

It is no wonder the world thinks we don’t care

Buzz might be buzzed

Stop Harper

Friday, July 7th, 2006

News even worse than Invasion from Space!

WOODSTOCK – Stephen Harper took a page out of George Bush’s book and used armed force and bullying to force others to do his will.

Using an elite parachute brigade that Stephen Harper had handpicked and trained with, Canadian Stormtroopers easily overwhelmed the security detachment surrounding American President George Bush. The American Leader, once the most feared tyrant on the planet, was forced under threat of death to concede important trade points and turn over control of all nuclear weapons to Harper’s personal control. Unnamed sources present at the meeting say that Bush lost bladder control when Harper personally threatened him with a broken shard from a beer mug.

Now Stephen Harper is the worlds most dastardly villain, as he used the very same methods that brought infamy to Bush, on Bush. And Canadians now have to share the country with this brutal first world despot, whereas before they could just gripe and titter in their northern solitude over those stupid Americans.

It gets worse.

As part of the deal for the life of George Bush, Space Alien Technology from the Roswell crash site was surrendered to the Canadian Air Force. Unfortunately for the Free World, other Space Alien Weapons were already in the control of the Conservative Party of Canada. When these two devices were combined, Evil Scientists loyal only to Harper were able to use Fearsome Alien Weapons to obliterate the Invasion from Space that everyone has been worried about. At the snap of his finger, insane despot Harper signaled the incineration of the Alien Fleet beyond Pluto in only six minutes. This happened during the World Cup Soccer game between France and Portugal so the Main Stream Media was unable to report the spectacular space battle and bright multi-megaton flashes for what they were. Instead, people mistakenly took the booms, cracks, flashes, thuds, ka-booms, whumps and burning wreckage streaking through the sky of a major space battle for street youth hip hop activists.

Canada now lies under the despotic rule of a power crazed fanatic armed with Weapons from Space Aliens, advised by a shadowy cabal of Evil Scientists, and surrounded by legions of fanatic soldiers. These soldiers are personally loyal to Harper, and Harper alone. They do not respect UN resolution 1187 concerning the treatment of plants, reptiles, amphibians, and worms.

This is worse than Invasion from Space, which was worse than Global Warming. Will Harper make the Harp seals extinct by using their brains to control cyborg suicide weapons for his vast space empire? Will Harper order accelerated Global Warming in order to make a quick buck selling Yukon real estate to gullible American investors? Will Harper kill the Third World with third hand cigarette smoke? Will the Toronto School Board ever receive adequate funding? Or will the Toronto School Board be turned into a vast forced labor camp, making widgets and gizmos by candle light to fill the hungry arsenals of the Canadian War Machine on its demonic mission of Galactic Conquest and Empire?

You can fight this evil by writing letters to the Toronto Star, or painting your face in bright colors and shouting sentence fragments while being filmed by activist cameramen. Only the United Nations can stop Harper. Write to them with your concerns, including a stamped, self addressed envelope for their reply. The UN is our only hope now.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.