Archive for the ‘Supergirl Week’ Category

Models Are Eating Tissues To Stay Thin

Wednesday, April 17th, 2013

Ex Vogue Australia Editor Kirstie Clements got fired from her job a while back after serving her magazine for the better part of 25 years, has come out with a book detailing among other things, the life of a supermodel. In her book, she tells of supermodels doing anything to stay thin, including eating tissue:

In her new book, Clements claims models still regularly starve themselves to stay super skinny and some resort to eating tissues to help them feel full. Clements quotes an unnamed Russian model who told her over lunch that her roommate was a fit model, “so she is in hospital on a drip a lot of the time.”

Someone needs to tell these tissue-eating models that they better not eat the one’s that have moisturizer in them, that stuff is fattening.

Most of the “revelations” The Mayor read about are nothing new. Imagine, models stretching the boundaries to stay thin? What next, used car salesmen don’t always tell the truth? The horrors! Story at 11.

What is most shocking is this Kirstie Clements unit coming out with a book detailing all the terrible things models go through, but only releasing the book AFTER she got shit-canned. What a hero! Sure, unit Kirstie knew about tissue-eating supermodels for 25 years and could have actually stood up and said something in those mere 9,127 days, but she decided to make a difference three decades after the fact.

The Mayor supposes unit Kirstie didn’t say anything at the time because she was so darn busy doing her editor thing – like ahhhh, editing and drinking the hell out of anything from a bottle that says 40 proof on it.

That’s okay though, better late than never. The Mayor isn’t actually turned off by tissue-eating models, as a matter of fact, he finds them rather sexy. Although, to be fair, when supermodels come over to The Manor every week and ask for a bite to eat, The Mayor always tells them to stay away from his tissues. His *special* bedside tissues, if you catch his drift.

Have some toilet paper instead, super-model malcontents. But stay away from the one’s already thrown in the crapper, there seems to be a weird taste to them, or so says my cats face when it eats and drinks from the porcelain God.

Bon appetite, bitches!

Those Some Tripped-Out Glasses, Yo!

Tuesday, May 29th, 2012

Sure, this is suppose to be a tutorial on how to make Bottle Glasses©, but it could just as easily be a tutorial on how to make any Asian dude look like Kato, the Green Hornet’s sidekick.

Superhero Week

Friday, June 17th, 2011

Boy, Linda Carter sure has gone to shit.

You know what they say, if you don’t use it you lose it. If you have superpowers and don’t keep them finely tuned, one day those powers will simply evaporate. For instance, way back when, The Mayor had a really amazing superpower – he could drink a bucket of whiskey, and then he could dance and sing. He was amazing. The way he swayed back and forth, improvising songs that he really didn’t know – “And IIIIIIIII, will always wear shoooooooes, oh IIIIIII, will always just threws…..oh oh oh oh, IIIIIIII, EI, OI, always wear tubes, and IIIIII E IIII OOOOO, have no one but ruuuuues.”

Eat your cold heart out, Whitney Houston, you coked-out reprobate.

Superhero Week

Wednesday, June 15th, 2011

The offspring should be quite beautiful.

Superhero Week

Tuesday, June 14th, 2011

The Mayor isn’t sure what this superhero could possibly save us from – maybe if there was an attack of evil gravy she could help slurp all that crap into her super-lungs via her super-sucking maw.

You saved us, Gravy Girl, now go back to the tailor and have him make you some more form-fitting caped-crusader garbs.

Superhero Week

Monday, June 13th, 2011

Since Batman was pulled away from crime-fighting in Gotham and asked to bounce at Big Jim’s All-You-Can-Eat Chicken & Rib Emporium, he’s really gone to shit. Spin a web? Lucky if the fat bastard can tie up his shoes.

Adrianne Palicki – The New Wonder Woman

Thursday, February 17th, 2011

This is Adrianne Palicki and she has been chosen to be the new Wonder Woman in the soon-to-be released TV show of the same name. She is best known for her role in the TV series Friday Night Lights, which The Mayor can honestly say he knows absolutely less than nothing about. Judging by the name Friday Night Lights, The Mayor can only assume it was a show about a retail shop that sold CFL bulbs and other lighting products. But only on Friday nights. Sounds like a winner, how did it ever get cancelled?

The Mayor does have one suggestion for Adrianne if she wants to be a true crime-stopper like the original Wonder Woman was (alliteration) – Put on a decent pair of pants and jacket or your golden lasso is going to fall straight down your underwear.

No charge for my advice.

You’re welcome.

I Wonder About That Woman

Thursday, October 28th, 2010

Did you know that one of the powers Wonder Woman possesses is super stamina? She also possesses super speed and super agility. While these powers would have been a super turn-on to The Mayor a few decades ago, now when I think of super powers like that, the first things that come to my mind is that she would be really handy around the house mopping the floors, doing the dishes, and cutting the lawn. If Wonder Woman was living at The Manor, I could see us sitting downstairs watching Dragon’s Den; I’d come to the end of my tumbler of top-shelf whiskey and I’d tinkle the glass, and before I could spit an ice cube back into the glass she would appear with a fresh tumbler in hand. “Hey, Wonder Woman, unless you have some Toll House Cookies stashed in your tiara, your job is only half done.” Then I’d slap her ass and she’d super speed herself quick-smart up to the pantry to get those delicious Toll House Cookies I asked for.

I can’t believe Wonder Woman forgot my Toll House Cookies, too bad she doesn’t have super memory.

Claudia Schiffer – Then & Now

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

I’m not sure how old Claudia Schiffer is in either of these pictures, but if I was to guess, I’d say she was 24 and 38. That’s going from left to right, for those of you who are blind like Andy.

Claudia Schiffer has maintained her good looks over the years, she’s obviously taken care of herself. I’m not sure what that thing is on her lip is in the picture on the right, perhaps a canker sore, or perhaps a small African bone. Either way, when you think of Claudia Schiffer, the lips are probably not the first thing you think about. Although I’m not sure what is. Maybe it’s her giant personality, or her curvy sense of humour. Or even her stupid shoes.

Wait. What?

Claudia Schiffer has been the most successful supermodel ever. I don’t know that for a fact, but I like going out on the ledge and saying things that may or may not be true. That’s what differentiates me and every other blogger in the world: they rely on facts, while I rely on generalities and possibilities. Hahaha- losers.

Supergirl Week–Thursday Edition

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

There’s something to be said for leaving things to your imagination. For instance, from where you’re sitting, the only thing that could make this girl better is if her belly button was full of chip dip, or rye. But what if you were allowed to scroll up, and what you find is your auntie Hazel’s head on this fine body? You’d be freakin’ shattered, wouldn’t you? Sure you would. No offense, but your Auntie Hazel is a cyborg. So let’s just leave this picture to our imagination and just go along with the thought that this chick has nerples you could hang a lab coat on, and a belly button full of booze or high caloric chip dippings.

And I took this picture directly from Steamboat’s site

Supergirl Week

Wednesday, November 19th, 2008

I thought Fenris and I gave Dmorris a very generous gift for his birthday yesterday. Well, here’s a another gift for you Dmorris–it should help with your hangover.

Happy Birthday Dmorris

Tuesday, November 18th, 2008

We weren’t sure how to wrap these, but we figured you wouldn’t mind. On behalf of the citizens of Mitchieville, we would like to wish you a Happy Birthday and an even happier New Year. Who the hell wrote this? FENRIS!!!