I, Suvorov, haven’t been this happy since that traitor Solzhenitsyn kicked the bucket a week ago. Russia is back, and the attack on America has finally begun. And what better place to launch this merciful and just invasion than at the very heart of capitalist Amerika: Georgia.
Georgia, the state that brought us Coca-Cola, Deliverance, and the terrible 1996 Olympic Games is burning tonight. As her masses flee to the country side and wait for help that won’t come (too bad your “army” is in Iraq!) our confidence builds, our plan unfolds. Yes comrade blog readers, our brave Russian tank men will destroy the collective soul of Georgia’s alt-rock spirit and burn down Atlanta like it was 1865. Orange Crush indeed!
As I drive south on I75 through Tennessee on my way to meet up with the patriotic citizen soldiers of the new Russian Army I find my cheeks wet with tears of joy. I had expected the inevitable Russian invasion of the United States to come through Alaska, that my Cossack brothers have struck the underbelly of corporate capitalist greed should come as no surprise. For years after the fall of the great socialist experiment that was Communism the people of Georgia gorged themselves on their juicy peaches while the citizens of mother Russia went hungry. With the cash flow from our plentiful oil reserves and a President who has the moral authority to lead his nation into battle we now attack. It is our turn to feed on your Georgian peaches.
Like Peach Cobbler, revenge is a dish best served cold. Fill your bellies my Russian brothers!
I, Suvorov, have posted this to strike fear into the heart of our Yankee readers.