Archive for the ‘Tara Reid’ Category

How Can You Not Love This?

Thursday, January 6th, 2011


MENSA Teaser

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

If you go by the name Mr Fnortner, you correctly identified both MENSA questions from last weeks teaser. If you go by the name Natasha and happen to run this excellent site, you get to stand at the podium and receive a silver medal. If you go by the name Marc in Calgary, Cudgel, Andy, and Go_Fish, you receive neither a medal or any accolades, other than The Mayor calling you out personally in front of what might be tens and tens of people. Wow, you should see your faces, they’re totally red!

I have two MENSA questions for you today. TLDG and I tried to figure them out last night, right before we went to bed and made love. And that’s probably the reason why she’s crying this morning. Not because of the MENSA questions, but more because of my terrible love-making abilities. I’m like some sort of idiot mutant rhino in the bedroom, smashing stuff, putting parts of my body into the equation that don’t belong, fermenting food in my hindgut, and mounting her rhino style with my 3 1/2′ penis. But you don’t want to hear about my 3 1/2′ penis and the way I mount my wife, you’re here for the MENSA questions, aren’t you?

Let’s git ‘er dun!

1) Only one common English word can be made by rearranging the letters in the phrase below.

What is it?


2) Carl is now two years older than Janet was four years ago. The sum of their ages is 26.

How old are they?

I see the word *rearrange* in the first question and it brings to mind the word *arrange*. Which brings to mind a local commercial that’s being run right now in which some loan shark guy is blabbering on about this and that and how he wants to rape you of your wealth, and then at the end of the commercial a graphic is displayed on screen and it turns out the guy goes by the name of The Loan Arranger. It’s a take off of The Loan Ranger, obviously, but it brought to mind that I’ve now seen a commercial with some idiot calling himself The Loan Arranger in no fewer than three cities in three different countries.

Do you, or did you ever have a commercial like this in your town or city? Is this some sort of cultural phenomenon? Should we break out our weapons and start shooting people? What the hell is going on? Where’s my soup? When did you get that great haircut? So many questions…

Back to the MENSA game for a second. Everyone is welcome to play, just leave your answers in the appropriate spot. Even if someone has already answered correctly, you are still entitled to play and receive fake gratification from The Mayor. That’s how I roll, pilgrim.

Tara Reid Is Not Stupid (Says Her)

Monday, October 15th, 2007

In an interview with FHM online, Tara Reid lays into the partying lifestyle of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, and tells the world how much better she is than them:

So you did do a lot of partying?
Everyone does, but you’ll never read a story about me going out and partying when I’m supposed to be working, showing up on a set drunk or missing a day, never. But when I’m not working why shouldn’t I have fun? Am I supposed to stay at home and live in a cage? I like to have fun and have people around me. I think the reason I never ended up in as much trouble as Paris or Lindsay [Lohan] is that I’m not stupid, so I’d never do a lot of the things those girls do, and I’ve always had good friends around me.

So, they are stupid?

It’s true that you’ll never read a story about Tara Reid going out and partying when she’s supposed to be working. However, that’s only because Tara Reid is mostly unemployed. I’m sure Tara would party more if she actually had an income.

As for not doing anything stupid, Tara only needs to remove her top, look in the mirror and stare at those disgusting, massive, silicone drip bags of death to get the real answer.

Tara Reid is Made of Spare Parts

Friday, October 13th, 2006

Tara Reid talks about her botched joint implant-liposuction procedure she had in 2004:

“First of all, I asked for big Bs, and he did not give me big Bs. He gave me Cs, and I didn’t want them. At all. Right after the surgery, I had some bumps along the edges of my nipples, but the doctor said, ‘Don’t worry, it’s going to be better.’ But after six months of ‘it’s going to get better,’ it started to get worse and worse.”

On being intimate:
“Guys I was dating would be like, ‘What’s wrong with them? They look really bad. You know, you should really get them fixed.’ So embarrassing. I mean, you definitely need to turn off the lights, that’s for sure.”

On getting lipo:
“I got lipo because even though I was skinny, I wanted – I’m not going to lie – a six-pack. I had body contouring, but it all went wrong. My stomach became the most ripply, bulgy thing.

When your man tells you that your breasts look awful and need to be fixed, you know there is something wrong. Guys will go out of their way (aka *lie*) and tell a woman their breasts are great even if they are disgusting, saggy milkbags like what Tara is hoofing around her mangled, dumpy frame. And the reason for this is? Sex. What else. No guy is going to take a chance by telling their woman that they have ugly tits, that could possibly lead to never seeing her ugly tits again. That’s a no-no in guy circles.

Tara Reid really doesn’t resemble what she use to look like anymore. She has so many spare parts and alterations to her body that she is just inches away from turning into a Transformer. Not a cool transformer like the one’s that turn into a giant killing machine, but rather one that turns into my beaten down, weathered, old Chevy truck. Yup, my old rusted out, flat tire, dented, too many miles, bondo-buggy that needs a jump-start just to turn on.

It’s a good thing that Tara Reid isn’t famous or that anyone in the universe cares about her, or this would be a real shame. As it stands, she’s just a Mexican plastic surgeons wet dream and a no-class Hollyweird *F* lister. Oh well, how ’bout dem Leafs?

Can I help you with that bag of milk, ma’am?

Use My Computer for the pic

Tara Reid…Got Milk?

Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006

I was looking at this picture of Tara Reid last night when something suddenly occurred to me; I really should throw out those big bags of spoiled milk I have in my fridge.

What started out as pure, fresh, and completely wholesome milk, has turned into sagging bags of putrid bovine juice, completely undrinkable and sickening.

Sure, I know that even though it’s past it’s expiration date I could still wrap my lips around those big milk bags and suck until my eyes bleed, but I would rather err on the side of caution and not partake.

It seems a waste to throw away those big bags of milk, but I have to face facts, the milk is old, it’s sour, it’s just no damn good. I don’t even want to look at them any more.

Drink with Tara

Wednesday, August 24th, 2005

The Tara Reid drinking game is good for a few chuckles, but be warned, Tara Reid is one hell of a BAD drunk.