The voting for the 2007 Weblog Awards closed a few hours ago and it appears that Mitchieville finished a solid fifth place in the Best Canadian Blog category. Fifth isn’t so bad, and it is better than sixth right? So to cheer up our legions of supporters (we know who the two of you are), here is a list of other somewhat great things that are also fifth.
Archive for the ‘Team Mitchieville’ Category
Would Kate post ‘The Log Driver’s Waltz”? I doubt it. Raymitheminx, not likely. There is only one choice for Canada’s Best Blog, MITCHIEVILLE!
For the past 70 + weeks our brother blogger Darcey over at Dust My Broom has hosted the popular “Friday Night Blues and Beer”. After an attack on his ISP this week (see here and here)Darcey won’t be able to host the popular FNB&B tonight. I think the blogging community needs to know the truth, Mitch and I were the people behind the attack. I suppose you all deserve an explanation why.
I’m sure some of the more paranoid female contributors at Mitchieville will attribute our ISP attack on DMB as punishment for Darcey supporting her campaign to de-throne Mitch, but that would be wrong. The real reason why can be summed up in a few words – Darcey is racist. Don’t believe me? Tell me then, when is the last time FNB&B featured Scandinavian music? The answer: never!
Until Darcey apologizes for his blatant anti-Scandinavian prejudices in the musical selections he makes for FNB&B the ISP attacks will continue. To fill the void on Friday nights, and make reparations for Darcey’s blatant prejudice, Mitchieville is proud to introduce our new Friday night feature: ‘Friday Night ABBA and Absinthe‘. Grab your slotted spoons, crank the volume to eleven, and we will see you on the inside.
Friday Night ABBA and Absinthe
No longer just for brooding Russian writers and dead-beat French artists the mystical absinthe
has been enjoying a renaissance of sorts the past few years. Long banned by the puritanical nanny state that is the great satan, our American readers can now legally purchase absinthe after the FDA allowed it’s sale again this past spring. I have a theory that the FDA agreed to allow absinthe sales again in order to help Americans forget the past seven years but I have no proof to back that up. Friends of mine who have gotten trashed drinking absinthe have described the experience as “weird”, “trippy” and “fucking brutal”. Getting blottoed on absinthe will help you enjoy our musical entertainment for the night.
The Music: Before ‘Ace of Base’, ‘The Hives’, and ‘Roxette’, Sweden’s contribution to modern music popular was the foursome known the world round as ABBA. While some question the bands popularity throughout the years all I’ve ever questioned is how two guys that ugly could have bagged the hotties they did before they became rich and famous. Our first song of the night is a perennial Mitchieville favourite and an ABBA mega hit:
By request of Fenris Badwulf we have ABBA’s take on one of histories great turning point battles:
This song is for a certain someone I have my eye on (PS – call me!):
Will Darcey apologize? Will FNA&A be back next week? Will I ever go out on a date again? So many questions unanswered, thank Set there is a whole lot of ABBA out there to keep this feature going for weeks and months to come.
The people have spoken and Fenris Badwulf is now the new Mayor of Mitchieville (soon to be renamed Fenrisville). Realizing way too late that I was backing the wrong horse I will now do what public servants do best – kiss ass.
Fenris Badwulf is a man of the people. His prune mush has nourished the less fortunate souls of Mitchieville (soon to be renamed Fenrisville). His devotion to Set, The Snake God, has provided a spiritual example for us all. He provides shelter and canned salmon to our homeless raccoon Canadians. Fenris cares. Most importantly of all:
This post is offered as my tribute to the greatness that is Fenris Badwulf. All hail Fenrisville!
With the election only hours away as The Minister of Munitions for Mitchieville I have taken a certain number of precautions for ensuring the safety of all of our citizen-voters.
It was barely a year ago when Mitchieville was attacked by the evil doers of East Gwillimbury and Fostertown during an election. The Mayor has taken steps to ensure that won’t happen this year. A few months back His Worship said to me “Reg, to protect us from attack in the future Mitchieville needs short-range tactical nukes. Get a case of Cherry-Coke for the manor while you’re at it!” As you can see to the right, my lovely (and female) assistant Jezzika has deployed our tac nukes and has taken it upon herself to guard them. Getting results, that’s what we do here at the Munitions Ministry.
The pro-Lisa riots of ‘06 left wide-spread damage across Mitchieville. I have deployed Riot Police in front of the ‘Column of Victory and Gloating’ celebrating our victory over East-Gwillimbury and Fostertown. Lisa and her anarchists don’t stand a chance this year. Speaking of Lisa….
This is what Lisa will take away from you should she become Mayor. We can’t let this happen. Certainly not after I have spent millions of MoM dollars getting my chain of Keg Steakhouse restaurants built. It really is simple – do you want the taste of hot meat in your mouth or not? I say yes we do!
Poor little kitty cat. This is what happens when kitty cats drink goats milk from Lisa’s Kitchen. This is why The Mayor had to close her down. If a cat can’t eat it, then people shouldn’t be eating it either.
At one time all of Mitchieville would shudder at the sound of Fenris Badwulf’s jack-booted supporters marching through the street. This photo of his last four remaining supporters was taken at the pro-Fenris rally on Monday. Had he loyally supported The Mayor this wouldn’t have happened, but not all is lost for Fenris. The Mayor is a kind and benevolent Mayor. Make reparations, Fenris Badwulf, all will be forgiven and Mitchieville will once again hear the footsteps of your legions of supporters!
Re-Elect Mitch as Mayor of Mitchieville!
A disturbing trend is emerging on the pages of Mitchieville. Over the past two weeks Lisa Foggy of *BITCH* and her boot-lick dmorris have made hurtful references to my sexual orientation ( here and here ). I want to be clear so that these allegations made by the supporters of *BITCH* can be refuted by the supporters of the Campaign to Re-Elect Mayor Mitch: my name is Reg, I am the Minister of Munitions, and I am not gay.
Yes, it is true that my Executive Assistant Carl Woodcock is an attractive man. But “Hot Carl”, as he is affectionately referred to at City Hall, is as straight as any man I have ever known. It is also true that my able subordinates Andrew Savage and Dan Sullivan share an apartment but what is wrong with that? There are plenty of men out there who live with other men so that they can save up money for week long vacations in San Francisco and South Beach, Miami. Who among us doesn’t want to visit these places?
Before any allegations of sex discrimination at the Munitions Ministry can be laid, I want to note that we have a new intern on our Communication staff. I trust that all of Mitchieville will join me in welcoming Jezzika to the Munitions Ministry. Jezzika is here for the semester from London where she has been integral part of the progressive student relations program at the university there. Please join Carl, Dan, Andrew and I this Thursday night at Big Al’s for cocktails as we welcome Jezzika to Mitchieville.
What bothers me the most about this campaign of slander is the effect these allegations of homosexuality have on the important men who work in the Raw Materials Production Division for the Munitions Ministry – our miners. Every morning these men plunge into hot dark holes where they pound away the hours in groups of four our five until they pull out at the end of the day dirty, sweaty, and drained of all their energy. These rough and tumble rouges need to be confident that their minister has their back and that he is not distracted by the back door shenanigans of *BITCH* during the 2007 Mitchieville Election.
I hope that this message of tolerance and respect reaches the organizers of *BITCH* so that I can be free from this harassment and better do my job as Minister of Munitions. It is time for *BITCH* to take their homophobia out of the closet and expose themselves for all of Mitchieville to see, especially dmorris.
The Mayor’s victory on Election Day is a common goal we should all get behind and I for one will bend over backwards to see that he wins. Soon the election campaign will climax and The Mayor’s joy will be spread all over Mitchieville. I speak for everyone at the Munitions Ministry when I say we all look forward to when that day comes.
Reginald ‘Reg’ Reginaldson
Minister of Munitions
I haven’t posted in about ten days as I have been selfishly enjoying every page of the just released book written by Canada’s best Prime Minister in the past 50 years. Memoirs , by the Right Honourable Brian Mulroney , is a fantastic read for anyone interested in Canadian politics over the past 20 years. I’m about half way through now and have found the book to be a fascinating look at how political strategy and policy is made and then combined together in order to administer a government. I highly recommend.
The reason for this post though is to spread the word about a new book just released by one of Mitchieville’s own. Our Minister of Finance, the legendary Patrick Hillman over at Blowing Shit Up With Gas , has just released a new book called “Tales of the Midwest” . “Tales” tells the, uh, tales from life of Patrick and his misbegotten youth growing up in the – you guessed it – Midwest. I haven’t had much time to read his book (see above) but can say this: if the book is half as entertaining as his well written blog then there is a Puliter Prize in his future. Follow this links above and you will see that the book is available as a free PDF download or can be purchased hardcover so that it may join your bookshelf beside the other great memoir of our time.
I should add that there is another valued member of the Mitchieville Cabinet who is also a writer. The Mayor’s trusted and allegedly competent Campaign Manager, Chris Strange, has written three books to date, the most recent release being “Handmaid Heart”. Every weekend the notoriously handsome Chris Strange posts a chapter of his book over at his fun to read blog Strangedaze. Get over there and check it out.
So then, Huzzah for Mitchieville, the modern day Athens of the internet. Click on the linkie links in bold and get reading people! If any other Mitchiean’s have a book of their own they would like me to flog just drop me a line at my email addy.
On behalf of The Mayor, the Mitchieville Cabinet, and all of our readers, I wish to express our deepest condolences to the family and friends of our brother blogger Greg Beck. Greg, who you may know better as the genius behind ‘Death’s Door, The View From The Spanish Announcers Table’ passed away yesterday morning. A post at his always hilarious blog informed his many fans that he had passed away saying that “we believe that big, generous heart of his finally gave out”.
I know that The Mayor is particularly fond of Greg’s writing and as such Greg was a long standing Mitchieville Backbencher. As for me, I wish I had the balls to say what Greg said in each and every one of his posts. His passing is a huge loss to those of us who admire original, high quality and hilarious writing on the internet. Rest in peace, brother blogger.
…because we all love him so much.
Tell our Mayor how much you love him in the comments section.
As a valued member of the Canadian writing establishment Fenris Badwulf is without peer. Fenris writes about the issues that Canadians care about; issues like diversity, equality and political correctness. Fenris writes about the plight of homeless raccoon Canadians. Fenris writes about Calgary leather fetishists. Most importantly, Fenris writes about the nutritive value of alternate food sources such as prune mush as your health is so very important to him. With all that he has done for Mitchieville I feel bad being saying that Fenris doesn’t care enough, but I have proof: Fenris Badwulf wasn’t awarded the Order of Canada this week.
Jane Vance Rule has just recived the Order of Canada, our nation’s way of recognizing our finest. Her citation reads:
I’m so happy with TLDG, she did such a good job putting everything together on such short notice. Sure, we’ve been planning Blogfest 07 for a month or so, but considering we just moved into the new Manor, and considering we had so much work to do to make this place habitable, she really did a fine job. I’m going to make love to her tonight like I’m a man on a deserted island and she’s two-holed coconut. Thanks, TLDG, you’re the shit.
I want to thank Reg for all the cooking he did, it was absolutely amazing. He made a 7 layered dip that my body is still excreting, even as I type. He made appetizers, he made Lisa dinner, he made Fenris sick when he removed his shirt only to reveal he has numerous nipples. What a guy, Reg is great, I am officially a big fan of Reg. Thanks Reg.
I want to thank The Foggers for showing. Lisa, MapMaster, Mike, Jess, and Andrew are just so cool and decent that if for some reason you didn’t immediately like them, that would prove that you’re nothing more than a douchebag. I love seeing the Foggers, they are always interesting and fun, and when they leave I always cry…right before I take a pot-shot at the cats.
Bruce came in from Chelsea, Quebec, and even though he’s from a French province, it’s nearly impossible to hate him. Weird eh? I liked Bruce right from the start, right from when he said, “I have some beer for you”. From that moment forward, I knew I found a new best friend. All joking aside, thanks for coming in so far, Bruce, you are a good guy, it was a pleasure having you at The Manor, the door is always open for you.
Ian. I said before that when Blogfest 07 came around, that I wanted to get some time in with my bro, Ian. And we did get some time in, not nearly enough, but we got to share a tumbler and some fine conversation. We are very fond of Ian around these parts, and we’re very happy he graced us with an appearance. There’s a story I’m busting to tell about Blogfest…
Around midnight, Bruce and Ian got into a little political discussion that went back and forth. Lisa and Mike were also in it, but Bruce and Ian were the main players. Bruce spoke, then Ian, and back and forth it went. Both made excellent points, both had thoughtful responses and theories. Unlike the way a thread gets murdered on a website after about 10 comments, at no time did either of the debaters call the other a fascist, a nazi, Hitlers fluffer, or an idiot. It was a respectful conversation between two VERY smart people. And it was refreshing as hell. Fenris and I spoke about it the next day and we were equally as blown away by the breadth of knowledge these two gentlemen have. And that’s exactly what these two guys are: Gentlemen.
As for Fenris, he was his regular charming self. He’s my buddy.
A few other people I’d like to thank are Nikita, Sargon, Trav, and SCREAMIN’ BILL. All those folks are wonderful and beautiful people, I love you all. You guys are totally amazing, how can I not love you?
Most of all, I’d like to thank myself. Without me, there wouldn’t have been a party, and all the wonderful memories. I suppose it’s fair to say that you exist because of me. Wow, that’s some responsibility, but it’s totally true, without me, there is no you. Don’t thank me, you’ve done enough already.
On the one hand, I’d like to thank Jay Jardine for contributing a bottle of beautiful Scotch to the Blogfesters 07. On the other hand, I’d like to kick Jay Jardine in the pills for buying something that contributed to a two day hangover for The Mayor.
From what the Blogfester 07’s had to say about Jay Jardine, he seems like a real stand-up guy, thanks for everything, Jay, that was awfully kind of you.
There will be more stories as time goes on, plenty of stories, I’m sure. For now though, I’m signing off because there’s a Jessica Simpson post I’m dying to write.
Thanks again, guys and dolls, you really made Blogfest 07 turn out to be something truly special.