Only ditch them both if you feel you’ve done absolute and permanent damage to everyone involved except yourself. Perhaps there is a great aunt you haven’t dipped your wick in, or maybe another sister that resides in a mental institution that you haven’t seeded. If you’re not sure everyone in that family has been degraded and used up entirely, your work has to continue. You are scum, and they are your bags.
Archive for the ‘The Mayor Gets Comments’ Category
It’s hard to believe that the last time we played What’s In The Mayor’s Lunch? was waaaaaay back in February of this year. It’s also hard to believe that not one person guessed one solitary item in The Mayor’s lunch that day. It’s also hard to believe that when The Mayor flexes his biceps, his shirt rips. Actually, that’s not hard to believe, but not guessing one solitary item in The Mayor’s lunch shooooore is.
The Mayor has decided to spice things up a little bit today and offer a prize for anyone who can guess two of the seven items The Mayor has in his lunch today. Remember though, The Mayor’s lunch was packed by his manservant, Cheaves, and Cheaves is a cheeky monkey, so even The Mayor doesn’t know what is in his lunch from day to day.
Having said that, The Mayor does know that Cheaves has packed 2 drinks, 2 desserts, and 4 main items in The Mayor’s lunch today. Impressive.
Why that’s 8 items, not seven? What the dillio?
What is the prize The Mayor is offering up, you ask? Hahaha, you’re like children. The Mayor is offering any person(s) who can correctly identify two items in his lunch, their choice of colour and size, of a brand new Power Balance Bracelet.
The Power & Balance Bracelet is meant to give you better balance, flexibility and strength. Don’t get it into your brain that the bracelet will make you as balanced or strong as The Mayor – that aint gonna happen, yo – but, it will possibly help you if you buy into voodoo and black magic.
So there you have it, prizes and jocularity. You can not get better than that, and The Mayor is pretty sure you know that already.
What’s In The Mayor’s Lunch?
**Picture above is unrelated to this posts subject matter.
Mitchieville receives on average about 1200 comments a day. Yes, a day! The Mayor tries to answer as many comments as possible, but sometimes he finds it darn-tootin’ impossible to get around to answering them all. Therefore, and possibly forthwith (if that is a word), The Mayor has decided to dedicate one post every Sunday evening to answering all the comments he never got around to answering initially. This will continue for as long as this segment has legs. Which will most likely mean this segment will end at the end of this post.
Without further au jus, let’s take a boo at a few of the comments The Mayor never got around to answering this past week.
*Andy – June 26, Chris Christmas Rodriguez - “I had a Leisure Suit similar to the one Chris is wearing. It was bitchin’, too! But, his ’stache is WAY better than mine was. Crud…
- The Mayor responds – “Thank you for your input, it is greatly appreciated.
*J.M. Heinrichs – June 27, From The Ukrainian Air Show – “The lower aircraft is about 50′ closer to the camera than the upper. Cheers.”
- The Mayor responds – “Your input is appreciated, thank you for your response.
- The Mayor responds – “I found your link useful and informative, thank you for your input.
*Nancy – June 30, Hump Day Rottie – “Mayor, I hate big dogs. They scare me to death. Heights, dead people, aliens, and big dogs scare me. So, I had a bad dream last night. I was in an outside prison visiting place by myself. Picnic tables were place all about with snack litter just left on them… like people left quick. Your big big dog came running out to me and starting playing really rough. I didn’t want to piss him off, so I tried gently to get my hands out of his mouth. I thought I was saved when you came and took him by the collar, but instead of pulling the dog off, you starting cracking jokes. Thankfully the baby’s crying woke me up. I was so happy the dread was over.
- The Mayor responds – “Dreams, they are something, aren’t they? Thank you for sharing your experience, and your input.
*Crusader – June 30, Retro – “But, does the Mayor educate his subjects on “8 Tracks”? Oops – that dates me.
- The Mayor responds – “No, he doesn’t. Your input is appreciated. Thank you for your time.
*Jamesy – July 3, Piece of Art or Piece of Shit – “Meh with the puking. I’ve seen better- downtown Dublin any Saturday night. But. Margie Gillis! Now, THAT’S art! Her expressive dancing has inspired me since you posted it. Inspired me or depressed me. One or the other. I’m never sure which is which. Lolz. So, to recap: piece of shit.
- The Mayor responds – “Noted. Shit. Your input is greatly appreciated.
Thank you one and all for all your comments and the time you take each and every day to, ahhh, errr, comment. They are greatly appreciated and your input is ….ahhh, errr, greatly appreciated. Good luck to you this week and may you make wise decisions and be prosperous in that thing that you do. That is from The Mayor’s heart, those aren’t just random words typed quickly because he’s going upstairs in a few seconds to make sweet love to TLDG. Actually, he is, and The Mayor will be fantastic (natch), but they weren’t just random words. On the other hand, these are random words – plush, froth, millisecond, brush, squeak.
**That is NOT a photo of Sarah Knott.
On February 2, the year of the Lord 2011, Sarah Knott was chosen by The Mayor of Mitchieville to be the Hump Day Hottie. What should have been a day of great celebration has now turned into a day of terrible remorse on behalf of The Mayor. You see, when The Mayor woke up this morning and checked in on Mitchieville, this comment by none other than Sarah Knott was waiting for me for approval:
Well well well.. have i just come across a photo of myself stolen off obviously one of my web sites ..
marc in calgary: thank you dearly for your opinion, you are welcome to it. i will have to admit it is not one of my best shots YET it obviously is good enough to get some ones attention and have them steal it off my site.
As for that “fading tattoo” that is copyright from the MAXIM UK magazine it was featured in NOT a fading tattoo. The copyright is put there in the hope people dont steal my photos when they dont own them.. as you can see . It doesnt work very well.
My Nails, Cleaned everyday day nothing gets stuck under them =)
And trust me .. I can open a jam jar with my pinky.
And finally – here is a link that will show u a bit better photos of me, these photos are permitted to be on the site… there you can see where my horse face has got me in life …
and how proud my dad is !!
The Mayor would like to first start off by offering Sarah my deepest heartfelt apology. It was never my intention to hurt your feelings in any way, Sarah. Unless I purposely try to hurt someones feelings, I don’t actually mean to hurt someones feelings on purpose. I know you are not familiar with Hump Day Hottie, but anyone that graces these pages via Hump Day Hottie is something just a bit special. You, Sarah, are a bit of special. Hump Day hottie is reserved for the cream ‘o the crop, not for sludge and human waste. I’m sure if you look through the archived history of Mitchieville’s Hump Day Hottie, you will see that you are in fine c0mpany. Company that includes the most beautiful women ever to set their beautiful feet on this filthy earth.
If you would like me to remove your picture from Mitchieville, I will do so. I truly feel though that by removing your picture, I am removing the innards from every hot-blooded male on this planet. I would be taking their heart, removing it from their chest cavity, throwing it to the ground and smashing it with a heavy object – perhaps a sledgehammer or something equally as heavy. However, if that is your wish, I will agree.
As for this Marc in Calgary unit. I can tell you honestly, Sarah, that I am not familiar with him. I have never heard of him. I would be surprised if he even exists. I mean really, look at the way he spells Marc. He spells it with a C. Hahaha.
He’s obviously jealous of your beauty. I bet you this “Marc” fella is actually a chick. A small breasted one at that.
Sarah, I’m not expecting you to accept my apology. I suppose I’m expecting you to just walk away and ignore my apology. I can’t say I blame you. Emotions ran high that day, words were said that maybe should not have been, and feelings were hurt. Your feelings. I do want you to know though that The Mayor does feel your pain. For The Mayor knows what it is like to be judged. You see, The Mayor is beautiful as the day is long. I’m not conceited, oh noes, but the truth is that I am truly an incredible specimen. Much like you. I mean, minus the girl parts. The Mayor is shockingly handsome, as you have probably guessed by now. Women love me while men are jealous of my incredible manly looks and extraordinary physique. I’m so massive and strong that I can crush walnuts with my testicles. Impressive? You damn straight that’s impressive. Get that visual into ya, soak it up. Make love to that visual. Now stop. Concentrate.
The Mayor is so gorgeous that he hangs a picture of himself on his bedroom wall and can only make love to his wife if he’s looking at himself. Speaking of TLDG, she’s so hot for me that she has to carry a bucket with her if she gets within 25 feet of me. Figure that one out later, but it’s an overt sexual reference relating to the vagina.
My point being, we, as in you and I, are definitely in the top 1 percentile of amazing looking humanoids. Probably closer to .0001%. And that’s why chicks like Marc say the things that they do. If you remember correctly, The Mayor was the one who pointed out that you have long hair. Amiright?
In closing, Mitchieville died a little today. The Mayor can only hope that he has brought some form of closure to this whole disgusting mess.
Sarah, sorry. Sorry for everything. Sorry. I’m even sorry for apologizing so much. That’s how much I’m sorry.
1) It gives The Mayor the opportunity to taste what ginger ale is like without a few shots of top-shelf rye to mellow it out.
2) I actually love the feeling of impending bed sores ravishing my body.
3) The prospect of losing 12 pounds in 5 days is always a wonderful motivator.
4) Being able to watch home renovation shows and listening to Chad and Madison bitch and moan that the $800,000 home their real estate agent showed them didn’t have an indoor pool and they could never live without one. Well, it’s nice to see the upper crust have to suffer such indignities.
5) Crackers for breakfast, crackers for lunch, crackers for dinner. Love the crackers. Uh huh.
6) Waking up absolutely drenched, thinking your fever broke, when in fact the only reason you’re soaked is because you peed your bed.
7) Not having to change your underwear for 120 hours…and not caring a damn that you haven’t.
8) Being able to tell the telemarketers that no, The Mayor can’t come to the phone because he’s on deaths door, and knowing that this time you’re not actually lying.
9) I’ve always considered throwing up in small buckets a sport. And I am the gold medal champion.
10) All the “I’m glad you’re better, Mr Mayor” comments from my fellow Mitchievillian’s that adorn the comment section of the first post The Mayor pens since coming back from his near death experience.
…because we all love him so much.
Tell our Mayor how much you love him in the comments section.
The greatest thing about having one of the top 10 websites in Canada, are the many glorious comments we get from numerous happy readers. And we couldn’t be happier with the comment we received today in regard to another award-winning post I wrote just 11 short days ago, entitled, “Toronto Cops Kick The Beans Out Of Chile”.
Here’s what JOSE CANSECO (and I’m sure it’s the real Jose Conseco because he typed his name out in caps) had to say:
UR A FAGGGGGGGG…get ur shit straight…and who uses profanity and bashes others in an article that is Supposedly a “Professional article”.
Putting aside the lack of grammer and diction for a minute, I’d like to address this comment.
I’m not the greatest speller in the world, but I’m pretty sure the word fag doesn’t have all those G’s in it. Although, maybe JOSE is a street savvy, hip hopping hip hopper. I’m down with that, yo. If, however, you’re trying to stress the word fag, I suggest putting in more A’s than G’s. You see, ggggggggg doesn’t really make any sense, where as, many A’s really stress the fagadociousness. Say it out loud first, I find that always helps.
I’d like to commend JOSE for spotting a “Professional article” when he sees one, I’m glad he didn’t mistake my professional journalistic excellence with some of those other *blogger* types. JOSE, you have a keen eye.
JOSE CANSECO, the one thing I wonder about though, is if you really are JOSE CANSECO, why does your email addy read EMILIO_ESTEVEZ@HOTMAIL>COM. Usually, if I’m not mistaken, there is usually a dot (.) before the com and not a >.
Also, your love for Spanish men is pretty darn special. Using only male Spanish names as your online pseudonym is quite impressive, and telling. Good job.
JOSE CONSECO, thank you for your comment. I HOPE YOU LEAVE MORE OF THE THEM IN THE FUTURE.
13 months or so ago, I wrote an award-winning post entitled, “Is Victoria Beckham Too Thin?” (to which the answer was a resounding no). I received a comment today which I am going to post in its entirety. The poster of note is very upset with me, as you will see. She goes by the very urban name of Shayera, and she seems to be the conscience of the USA. Here goes:
Oh my lord you are hilarious! And not in a good way. You’re ridiculous. It’s people like you that ruin america and poor girls self image. I am neither fat nor stupid. You prove your idiocy by calling your member a bone. UM! NOT A BONE JACKASS!!!! Why do you think it falls off when you die?! Idiot. Most NORMALY men like a woman with curves. Not her collar bone protruding through her neck. She’s freakin skinnier than Sporty Spice, the skinniest of the 5! Anything I say will just go straight through your empty head i know it. You’re disgusting. It’s laughable. There’s no talking to complete airheads like you… but i just had to say my peace. Now then, why don’t you have a bunch of drinks and then drive home eh? Do us all a favour and drive off a cliff.
On behalf of all the citizens of Mitchieville, and myself, I would first like to apologize to every person in the United States of America. I didn’t know that I was having such a negative effect on your wonderful country. I’d also like to apologize to Shayera, I didn’t mean to rattle your cage so much, that was bad and careless of me, I ask your forgiveness.
Shayera, when I read your comment, the first thing that popped into my mind was how good the American educational system must be. You are obviously a very well read young lady, I’d go as far as guessing you are an honour student. When I see wordsmiths like yourself making a point like you did, I whisper to myself that America is going to be okay.
Shayera, I know this may sound a tad bit forward, but I’m also guessing that you are as beautiful as you are smart. I’d also guess that your mom hardly took any acid at all when she was pregnant with you, your brother LaShawn, your other brother LaDelle, and your sister LaFonda. I hope one day you get reunited with your father, if he said he’s just going to get some smokes and he’ll be back in a minute, then keep the candle in the window burning.
Shayera, you mentioned that you “Are neither fat nor stupid”. Well, I’ve figured out that you are certainly not stupid, now let’s work on your *non-fatness*. When I mentioned that Victoria Beckham had a perfect body, I didn’t mean to insult you. You said that most *Normaly* men like a woman with curves. That’s true, men do like curves. Unfortunately, you seem to have mistaken what men like (curves) to what you have (circles).
Shayera, I’m completely serious when I say I have plenty of female friends who have different types of bodies. I have friends who are skinny like Posh. I have friends that are medium size like Hillary Duff. I also have very fat friends who are about your size. My point is, they are all the same under the skin. Even in your case with all that flappy skin.
I’m glad you were able to say your *peace*, Shayera. You have made your point crystal clear. From here on in, I am a changed man. I will no longer look admirably towards skinny women any more, from now on you can consider me a chubby chaser. Better get waddling, Sheyera, I might catch you.