Archive for the ‘The Mayor Travels’ Category

The $29.99 Oil Change

Wednesday, July 20th, 2011

As part of the maintenance package on his fleet of massive SUV’s, The Mayor insists that regular oil changes are done every 5000 km. Before the metric system was introduced, it was every 5000 miles, but now it is 5000 km. Funny that.

Since The Mayor’s personal mechanics are on summer vacation (2 week’s a year, unpaid), The Mayor had to take his favourite massive SUV in for an oil change today, and my, what a great experience it was.

The Mayor arrived at The Royal Dipstick Oil Changers at precisely 9 am, the time in which they open their bays. The Mayor was greated by a young lad who was about 17 years of age. He was the manager of a crew of 7.

The Mayor asked for the $29.99 special, which included an oil change, filter, and a check of some of the inner-workings of his vehicle. He was told that wouldn’t be a problem, but for a few extra dollars, his SUV’s oil could be upgraded to a far superior kind. “Let’s do that, The Mayor said, nothing is too good for this truck”.

A few minutes after the work began, the young lad of 17 came out from the service bay and gave his Honour some rather bad news – The Mayor’s massive SUV would need a new air filter. The air filter which was currently installed was dirty and clogged with crud. “Put ‘er in, The Mayor said, nothing is too good for this truck”. So it was done.

A few short minutes later the young lad of 17 came out with some more bad news – the windshield wipers were showing signs of wear, and the serpentine belt was on its last legs. This startled The Mayor, he needs safe windshield blades and a serpentine belt. “Why yes, install those bad boys, The Mayor said, nothing is too good for this truck. So it was done.

From there, the news kept getting worse and worse. “Your struts are kaput. Your brake line is leaking. Your left headlight is shot and your right taillight isn’t working. Would you like us to fix that for you, Mr Mayor?”

“Yes, yes, yes and yes.” So it was done.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, The Mayor was soon informed that his cooling system needed to be flushed, his fuel injector would have to be cleaned, the driveline fluid needed changing, the engine needed to be flushed, and the PVC valve needed to be replaced.

“That sounds reasonable, said The Mayor.” So it was done.

And then the bad part came – The Mayor’s massive SUV would also need a battery (or two, everything is a bit foggy), an engine shampoo, 2 litres of anti-freeze, 1 litre of pro-freeze, and a few buckets of power steering fluid.

“Heck, that is all part of regular maintenance, The Mayor supposes, let -er be done.”

And with that, the oil change was complete.

The Mayor handed over his VISA Infinity card (air miles, dontchaknow), and the young lad of 17 charged up $1435.98 on The Mayor’s card. The best money he’s ever spent, by the by.

Thank you, The Royal Dipstick Oil Changers. You have always been completely honest with The Mayor.

Remember That Trip Dmorris Organized To Latvia Way Back When?

Monday, January 10th, 2011

Well, Don started sending back some souvenirs, and I gots to tells ya, I’m impressed.

What he sent The Mayor is sure better than that crappy snow globe Fenris sent me when he visited Dildo, Newfoundland last year.

Yes, Dildo, Newfoundland.

The Mayor’s & TLDG’s 2 Day Trip To Erie Pennsylvania – A Travel Journal Part 2

Wednesday, December 29th, 2010

1:58 pm – Went to Kohl’s and bought two dress shirts, a pair of cords, a sweater, and two short sleeve shirts. Cost – $5.00. Shopping in the US is the bomb. Actually, there are no real bargains left at any stores. Everything before Christmas is the same price as it is now. As a matter of fact, a shirt that was $20 in July was $20 in December and is $20 now. The margins are so slight that there is no longer a word called *sale* any more. We are in stealth deflation, but no one talks about it or admits it.

1:59 – 5:30 pm – Shopping. TJ Max, Marshall’s, Target, Gabriel’s, Ollies, Big Lot’s. My feet hurt, but The Mayor is a trooper.

5:45 pm – Stopped in at the Ponderosa for a steak dinner. What a disaster. We waited 45 minutes, and when the food came it was cold. I told the little troll that our food sucked so she said she was going to refund our meal. That sounds good. However, when she got back with my loot, she told me she was still going to charge us for the buffet we ordered. So check this out – a steak is $11.99 and it’s $3 extra for the buffet. BUT, if you order just a buffet, it’s $9.99. So guess how much she charged us for the buffet, the 3 bones or the 10 bones. Ya, you guessed right. Poo hit the fan, The Mayor raised his voice, people looked down at their tables in fear of the angry bald man. We got a full refund and an apology.

6:55 pm – Went to Wegman’s and bought some munchies to bring back to the room.

7:30 pm – Got back to the hotel room and made sweet love.

7:32 pm – Watched the Erie Otter’s hockey game on the tube.

7:34 – Made sweet love again, this time with TLDG

9:30 pm – fell asleep with a tumbler of top-shelf rye in my hand.

11:10 pm – woke up soaking wet from spilled tumbler of top-shelf rye.

To be continued…

The Mayor’s & TLDG’s 2 Day Trip To Erie Pennsylvania – A Travel Journal

Wednesday, December 29th, 2010

December 28, 2009

7:30 am – Woke up and had breakfast. Checked Mitchieville for comments. There were none. Disappointed once again. Drove Clare to grandma’s house for her two day stay. She wanted to go. She told us as much in the limited amount of language she knows.

9:20 am – Got to Peace Bridge border. What the hell, how come there are so many cars at the border? The Canadian juniors are playing in Buffalo at noon?  Well then, I shouldn’t complain about the two hour wait.

11:20 am – exited border and drove to gas station for MUCH cheaper petrol. Pumped gas, peed in dirty washroom, told cashier about the horrid conditions of the bathroom. She cared not. Jumped in car and explained story to TLDG. She didn’t care either.

12:15 pm - Got to the Pennsylvania/NY border. Not as exciting as it sounds. Looked around very fast at both states. Again, not as exciting as it sounds. Got to the Gowanda exit in Pennsylvania and started dancing and rapping “go Wanda, go Wanda. go go go.” I’m sure if you were there you would have lol’d.

12:45 pm  - Checked into hotel. The Mayor has a bad feeling about this place. Front desk clerk has two teeth. I believe I hear a banjo playing in one of the rooms. Do I smell cattle? How big exactly is a bedbug? I want to go home.

1:17 pm – Stopped at Quaker Steak & Lube for lunch. The reason why we stopped here is because this is where Adam Richman from Man vs Food has his atomic wing special. The Mayor ordered the chili and TLDG ordered the boneless wings. We also ordered two beers. The beers were cold, the food sucked badly. Disappointed again. Gave small tip to show my disappointment. When TLDJ wasn’t looking I pocketing the tip and spat on the table.

To be continued…