Archive for the ‘Tombstone & Headstone’ Category

Tombstone Week

Thursday, April 14th, 2011

Rodney Dangerfield's There goes the neighborhood tombstone

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

Tombstone Week

Wednesday, April 13th, 2011

Short, sweet and to the point. The Mayor also heard the same guy has a plot for his pooch, and the inscription on it is “Dog”.

He’s a man of few words, but the ones he does know he knows how to use ‘em.

Tombstone Week

Tuesday, April 12th, 2011

I’m sure by the time this wacky world gets properly sorted out and all is said and done and made right, The Mayor will also have that inscribed on his stone. Hopefully. With any luck.

Oh just bring the revolution on already.

Tombstone Week

Monday, April 11th, 2011

The Mayor is sure that most of you are still waiting for the conclusion of Best Fast Food French Fries Week, and since you have been so patient The Mayor will give you a hint as to who walked away with the gold medal – it was McDonald’s. That was actually more of an answer than a hint, wasn’t it? The Mayor has always had trouble distinguishing between the two. Just as he has trouble distinguishing between a headstone and a tombstone.

I suppose the main difference between a tombstone and a headstone is that a headstone is a marker at the head of a grave, where as a tombstone is a city in Arizona. When you think about it there really is a river of differences between the two.

As for today’s tombstone/headstone/gravestone (gravestone – don’t get me started), even though The Mayor is of British descent, he still digs the fact that buddy offed a bunch of my peoples, then got shot, bayoneted, beaten and left for dead; yet survived and lived to a ripe old age. It would have been tons cooler though if he offed a bunch of Mexicans instead, but it’s a little late to change history.

Tombstone & Headstone Week

Friday, June 19th, 2009


Mel Blanc was Jewish? A Jew in Hollywood? Wow, talk about fighting the odds.

Small wonders never cease. What next, a gay guy hosting a home decorating show?

And that concludes Tombstone & Headstone Week. Put a fork in it, it’s done.

Tombstone & Headstone Week

Thursday, June 18th, 2009


I’ve posted this picture before, but I had to bring it back for Tombstone Week, it packs a powerful message. If I was to guess, I would say John was a rather crafty fella. I think I would have liked him.

Tombstone & Headstone Week

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009


I once got into an argument with this woman who claimed to be Merv Griffin’s lover. This was a day or so after Merv passed away, and I posted a title called, “A Flaming Homosexual — Who Is Merv Griffin?”  Some chick lost it on me and emailed me telling me how Merv was straight and was such a caring and warm man, blah blah.

I issued her an apology, properly titled, “An Apology To Merv Griffin’s Lover”.

You should go read the apology I wrote her. I had forgotten about that episode until a few minutes ago when I pulled up his tombstone picture. I can honestly say, I’m not proud of that post, but hot damn did I just finish with a bout of the giggles.

I still miss Merv, but not as much as I miss Vanilla Coke. Man, that stuff is the shit!

Tombstone & Headstone Week

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009


At first I thought this was the headstone of the dude that was center square in the Hollywood Squares. Then TLDG told me that the center square guy is actually Paul LYNDE, So, the headstone you see in front of you doesn’t belong to a homosexual actor/comedian wh0 may or may not have killed his gay lover 43 years ago by pushing him out a 9th floor window after a drug and booze-fueled party weekend.

Then again, it very well might be. It’s really a 50/50 chance.

Tombstone & Headstone Week

Monday, June 15th, 2009


I haven’t made up my mind what the wording will be on my headstone when I pass away (not that I’m sick, but I did pull my back out yesterday afternoon), but I’ll probably incorporate, “He was The Mayor of the 49th fastest growing community in NE Durham Region, Ontario, Canada, North America, The World. And now he’s maggot food”.

Possibly too wordy, I might just have to go with, “Blogging killed him”.

Ten bucks that’ll end up being accurate.