Archive for the ‘Tori Spelling’ Category

What Does This Remind You Of?

Sunday, March 7th, 2010


Maybe the title should read, “WHO does this remind you of?”

Hint: A blogger. A Mitchievillian commenter. From the southern USA.

When you figure out the answer, you will poo brix.

Tori Spelling Ate No Fat

Friday, April 17th, 2009

Responding to accusations that she is an anorexic, Tori Spelling had this to say:

“Oh my God, I’m not anorexic. I acknowledge that I look thin in photos. I get it . . . Obviously I don’t want to lose any more weight, but people haven’t seen me not pregnant in two and a half years. I’m eating healthy, I just have a crazy lifestyle.”

There is only one thing worse than being an anorexic: being fat. And if you have a choice between being a fat, ugly person, or an anorexic, ugly person, always choose the anorexic and ugly option.

Truth be told, this is the best I have seen Tori Spelling look in her whole disgusting life. And even though her head is 50x the size of a regular humans and is starting to look more like a candy apple on a Popsicle stick, it doesn’t take away from the fact that she looks tidy and properly put together. Sort of like a fully functioning Ikea Sluffenfreefer. Having two children has done her good. She should think about having 15 more.

Tori Spelling–9021 0h My God She’s Ugly

Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007

Tori Spelling was a Pussycat Doll last weekend, whatever that means exactly I have no idea. I do know this though: If Tori Spelling was an item on a Subway sub sandwich board, with Steak sub being the best and Tuna sub being the worst, Tori would rank three spaces below the obscure Dog Shit sub. That’s the sub that has sink cloggings as a special topping. Look at the head on that horse, I don’t know if I can buy that she was a Pussycat Doll for a weekend, but if someone told me she was the opening act at the Save the Tranny Foundation Gala, then yes, I’d buy it hook, line and sinker.

Tori Spelling Pregnant, Ugly

Wednesday, February 7th, 2007

Most women that are pregnant have a certain glow about them, Tori Spelling isn’t one of them. There are times when having a child will batter and wreck a woman’s body, Tori already had an insurmountable lead by the time some blind/insane sperm donator implanted his dummy seed in her ugly-hole. Haha, ugly-hole. I could hardly imagine waking up to that face full of scary, but if I did, I would take the bed sheet that she’s using as a teddy, form it into a noose and hang myself. I’d like to say I’d hang her, but rafters only carry so much weight.

Blame Tyler Durden for the pic

Tori Spelling, the Bobblehead, is Pregnant!

Thursday, July 20th, 2006

Okay, brace yourselves! Are you sitting down? I have some potentially devastating news for all of mankind. Tori Spelling is reportedly pregnant.
Sometimes I think it should actually require some brain power to have sex, then stupid people wouldn’t be able to reproduce and the world would be a much safer place.

Tori looks like a bobble-head doll, with a rack so big I am surprised she doesn’t fall over. If she had any brains, she would have taken some of her father’s millions and spent it on plastic surgery to reconstruct her face. Is she not aware that when you are a size 0, huge boobs just look unnatural, then again maybe she did it to offset her gigantic noggin. Most likely she did it to divert attention away from her face.

Let’s recap her last year, married Charlie Shanian in July of 2004, began filming “Mind Over Murder” and an affair with co-star Dean McDermott in July 2005. Then left her husband for also married co-star Dean in November 2005 and became engaged to Dean by December and is now married and pregnant, Summer 2006.

What is with these Hollywood tramps that make them think it is okay to break up marriages for their own personal gain? Maybe she was just trying to follow the trend already established by Britney Spears, Julia Roberts and Angelina Jolie. The “I’m so pretty and special I deserve the whole world to let me have what I want and then bless my home-wrecking ass” attitude.

Whatever Princess!

Reported by Special Agent Nikita

Tori Spelling–Hide Your Eyes

Tuesday, May 16th, 2006

Sorry to freak you out, but I wanted to show you the picture I use to scare the skunks away from my garbage.

I tried everything to keep the skunks away from my garbage, I tried spraying the bags with pepper, I tried putting the garbage bags in large, heavy garbage cans, but they still ripped the lids off and ate the refuse. It seemed as if nothing was going to work, that is, until I taped a picture of Tori Spelling to my garbage bags. I haven’t seen a skunk around those filthy bags for over a month!

There is one drawback though, now the garbagemen won’t pick up my trash anymore.