Last week’s MENSA Teaser, which really should have been “general knowledge trivia” since the questions weren’t MENSA quality, was a nice break from the 32 week MENSA grind I have put you through since last October or so. It’s like drinking a vanilla shake for 32 weeks straight, then all of a sudden someone gives you a nice refreshing glass of prune juice. Mmmmmm, I could drink that all day, thanks!

We had not one person answer all 10 questions correctly last week. I may have phrased that wrong, let me try again – one person not didn’t answer questions of all ten correctly. Whew, that’s better, at first I thought I was becoming a little tongue tied. Or as certain person who makes graphics about salt would say, ‘tounge tied”.

I’m going to say something now that I have never said before. Something I have always wanted to say but never had the guts to just let out. Here goes: glogprupjusrthertmunbretspolty. I know that didn’t make any sense and was completely childish, but I have never said that before and now I have. I have just filled a dream and it’s only 7 am on a Thursday, what have you done today?

Since The Mayor is Canadian and more than 40% of Mitchieville’s readers are also from Canada, I thought I would run some Canadian Trivia today, to test your knowledge of all things, well, Canadian. For those of you not familiar with Canadian history, this will be a teachable moment for you, a moment to learn a little history about your global neighbours. This very well could be a bonding experience. For some, this could be a bondage experience. Either way, I’m doin’ it, I’m asking Canadian trivia questions.

Let’s git ‘er dun!

1) True or False?  Canada is the world’s second largest country, by land mass?

2) What animal is on the Canadian quarter?

3) True or False?  Superman was created by a Canadian?

4) What is the name of the elected lower house of Canadian parliament?

5) What is Laura Secord famous for?

6) What is the name of the highest mountain in Canada?

7) What is the name of Canada’s most famous sailing vessel?

Only one of the following places is NOT a real town in Canada. Butt, Climax, Dildo or Eyebrow?

9) Canada is a bilingual country, but what is the only officially bilingual province?
a) Quebec
b) New Brunswick
c) Ontario
d) Nova Scotia

10) What is the population of Canada?
a) 30 million
b) 23 million
c) 35 million
d) 39 million

If you don’t get at least 8/10 questions correct, you are an enemy of Canada. That may not mean a lot now, but when the revolution comes you’ll be whistling a different tune.

Good luck to all our trivia-type peoples. Have some fun with this quiz, send it to your friends via electronic letter. Print it off and give it to your co-workers. Keep a copy on your person and pull it out at parties or when trapped inside an elevator. And remember: The Mayor thinks pretty highly of you, you are not a bad person like your ex says you are. Sure, you’re strange and somewhat dangerous, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re bad.

I was doing a little Christmas shopping at the Mitchieville Town Center yesterday when I saw Santa come barrelling down the aisle in one of those motorized scooters that seem quite popular with the aged. I always remembered Santa as being spritely and lively and less handi-capable, so it was a bit of a shock to see him hobbled down into a scooter, ho ho ho-ing from a motorized wheelchair. Not that it matters, I don’t care what Santa’s physical form is, just as long as I get that pony I want.

It does make you think though, that if Santa is now handi-Claus, there’s a bunch of things we’re going to have to change in order to accommodate him from now on. For instance, we’re going to have to install a lift in his sleigh, as well as hand peddles and levers. We may have to cut out the back of his sleigh so he has somewhere to put his wheelchair. Which brings us another problem: There’s no way handi-Claus is going to make it down a chimney, so if you want any toys this year, you best be making a wheelchair accessible ramp to your house.

Mobility will be handi-Claus’s enemy this year. A non handied-Claus has trouble getting around to every house as it is, I can hardly imagine how handied-Claus is going to attempt this feat. What we need this year is a miracle. A Christmas miracle.

Let’s get some MindTrap questions into us, and let’s forget about handi-Claus for a bit, if I think too much about him I’ll get depressed:

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Since starting a new session on MindTrap Friday this past September, participation has gone from slow, to not as low, to kind of medium, then to medium, then decent, to good, which brought us to last week which, as described by the New York Times, was “A great ride, fun for the whole family, a 5 star performance.”

I’ll be honest with you, I thought the NYT’s exaggerated a wee bit, but who am I to criticize their creative license regarding these types of things.

Now that we started off by me making little or no sense, let’s look at the winners from last week who made an awful lot of sense:

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Considering that I thought last week’s questions were extremely hard, I was quite surprised at how many people did so well. Are you people taking your omega 3 pills every morning, or something? Fish oils are great for brain development, and I have this feeling that you folks must be bathing in it.

The answers for last week’s questions are:

1) The son would get 4/7, the mother, 2/7 and the daughter, 1/7

2) Catcher and umpire

3) 27

Let’s find out who last week’s winners are…

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Did you see that sporting event on the television last night? Wow, wasn’t that ever great? Did you see how the one team beat the other team? Amazing! Even though one of the teams lost, they sure did play well. I especially appreciated the sportsmanship, it was special. As you can tell, I really enjoy a good sport. How about you, do you enjoy a good sport every now and then? I’m sure you do, don’t even respond to my question, I’m not going to look at your answer any way.

Who was the big sporting winner from last week, you ask? It was Mikey, he ran the table and made everyone else look silly. Just like that sports team did last night to the other team, the one’s that were dressed in different uniforms. Mikey was wearing the uniform of a winner last night week while the rest of you were wearing the uniforms of Molly Maids, or some other service company that degrades their employees by making them look like hired sluts.

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Let’s get a show of hands: Who among us is still into physical fitness after seeing that picture? That’s what I thought, no one. Pass me a Twinkie!

This will be probably be the last Trivia Friday for a few weeks. Someone is on the verge of winning the contest, and Trivia Friday needs to put its head down on a big, fluffy pillow and have a little nap for a spell. It’s for the best, the Lord spoke in my ear and told me to kibosh the Trivia game. That Lord, he’s so down with the inner-city talk it’s not funny.

Here are the updated totals of our Carbon Credit game:

Chris Taylor –3/3 = 290 carbon credits
Todd –0/3 = 220 carbon credits
Larry–3/3 = 265 credits
Dmorris–1/3 = 155 credits
Nancy 0/3 = 105 carbon credits
Linds 0/3 = 95 carbon credits <----- suppose to pop out child today!
Rhebner 0/5 = 85 carbon credits
Cudgel–0/5= 56.8481 carbon credits
Reg–0/3 = 75 carbon credits
Mech Eng–0/3 = 45 credits
J.M. Heinrichs 3/3 = 90 carbon credits
Darren 2/3 = 85 carbon credits
Polska 0/3 45 carbon credits
Mr Fortner–30 Credits
Daily Bayonet–0/3 = 30 credits 30 credits
Fenris Badwulf–1/3 = 45 credits
OMMAG 0/3 = 30 carbon credits
Dino 0/3 30 credits
Frozen Tex 20 carbon credits
Dave (new player) 0/3 20 Credits

Here are this weeks questions:

1) Captain Darren and Professor OMMAG played chess. They played seven games, each won the same number of games, and there weren’t any draws or stalemates. How could this have happened?

2) If a grandfather clock takes five seconds to strike 6 o’clock, how many seconds will it take to strike 12 o’clock?

3) J. M. Heinrich’s got out of jail and pushed his car to the St. James Place Hotel. When he arrived he realized he was bankrupt. How could this financial disaster be explained?

If the answer is *duh* for all three questions, then I have gone a perfect 3/3 this week.

Good luck to all the participants this week. We encourage all new Mitchievillian’s to participate, including special needs players and limbless-Canadians.

We are inching closer to 300 Carbon Credits and a giant prize extravaganza, it’s just around the corner. And you know what else is just around the corner? The rapture. I suggest you make peace with our Christian Lord and start flying straight, as it stands now, I might be the only Mitchievillian to even reach the pearly gates. That doesn’t bode well for you. Sinners.

In order to figure out the newly revised scores of the contest, we have to dial it back to June 6 when we had our last trivia game. I remember the day well. The corn was high in the fields, there was a gentle breeze on my cheeks, the sun was shining and a local radio station played happy songs with the word love in it each and every time. Those are what we refer to around here as the *good ole days*. Yes sir.

The answers from the June 6 trivia are thusly: 1) Never 2) Rainbow 3) Pink

Shocking, oui?

Here is how the standings have been affected:

Chris Taylor –2/3 = 245 carbon credits
Todd –0/3 = 220 carbon credits
Larry–3/3 = 210 credits
Dmorris–1/3 = 140 credits
Nancy 1/3 = 95 carbon credits
Rhebner 0/3 = 85 carbon credits
Linds 1/3 = 95 carbon credits <----- VERY pregnant
Reg–0/3= 75 carbon credits
Mech Eng–0/3 = 45 credits
J.M. Heinrichs 0/3 = 45 carbon credits
Darren 0/3 = 45 carbon credits 55 carbon credits
Cudgel–0/3= 53.18409 carbon credits
Mr Fortner–30 Credits
Daily Bayonet–0/3 = 30 credits 30 credits
Fenris Badwulf–0/3 = 30 credits
OMMAG 0/3 = 30 carbon credits
Polska 1/3 45 carbon credits
Frozen Tex 20 carbon credits
Dave (new player) 1/3 20 Credits
Dino 1/3 20 credits

For the first time since the contest started, Todd has been removed from the top spot and Chris has moved right in. Not only did Chris move right in, he took all of Todd’s belongings, poured gas on them, took them to the curb and lit everything on fire. He also sang showtunes while doing it.

Let’s get you three new questions, each with a value of 10 points:

1) I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest man can’t hold me for much more than a minute. What am I?

2) Peter decided to walk to the local waterfall, 10 miles away. At the moment he started, his dog ran off from his side and proceeded to the waterfall at a constant 8 miles per hour. As soon as the dog reached the waterfall, it started the return journey to Peter, keeping to the same speed. The dog continued this odd behaviour until Peter reached the waterfall. If Peter kept to a constant 4 miles per hour, how far did the dog run in total?

3) At the annual dancer’s ball a number of very experienced dancers performed their favourite dance with their favourite partners. Alan danced the tango, whilst Becky watched the waltz. James and Charlotte were fantastic together. Keith was magnificent during his foxtrot and Simon excelled at the rumba. Jessica danced with Alan, but Laura did not dance with Simon. Can you determine who danced with whom and which dance they each enjoyed?

I find that my copy and paste technique is pretty much unrivaled in the blogging world. I really should get a medal for that.

Good luck to all that participate this week. Even if you are not in the contest but would like to play, feel free to jump in and leave your answers. We love seeing new players, this isn’t the Royal family, we have no intention on having relations with our sisters and brothers. Wow, you just creeped me the hell out.

Another terrific prize has been added to the mix this week: an official Mitchieville T-Shirt. What makes it an *official* t-shirt? Well, I personally officialized it.

So, to recap, the winner of the 300 Carbon Credits To Fortune & Fame will receive a giant bottle of the finest Mennonite maple syrup known to man (it really is some amazing stuff), a Tim Horton’s or Starbuck’s gift card, and an official Mitchieville T-Shirt. What makes it an *official* Mitchieville T-Shirt. I’m not going to explain that twice, try keeping up with the tour next time.

I’ve had a few of these shirt commissioned, and starting next week I will start giving them away for various reasons, through various games, and however else I deem it necessary to unload them.

Here are the answers to last week’s questions:

1) 1= Jamie the Dalmatian
2= Sammy the Alsatian
3= Whitney the Dane
4= Jimmy the Poodle

2) 20 Miles

3) Upside down

And here is the new scoreboard:

Todd –3/3 = 200 carbon credits
Chris Taylor –3/3 = 175 carbon credits
Larry–3/3 = 165 credits
Dmorris–0/3 = 105 credits
Rhebner 0/3 = 85 carbon credits
Reg–0/3 = 75 carbon credits
Linds 0/3 = 75 carbon credits <----- ready to pop out baby any second now
Mech Eng–0/3 = 45 credits
J.M. Heinrich’s 1/3 = 60 carbon credits
Darren 0/3 = 45 carbon credits 55 carbon credits
Nancy 2/3 = 75 carbon credits
Mr Fortner–30 Credits
Daily Bayonet–2/3 = 30 credits 30 credits
Fenris Badwulf–0/3 = 30 credits
OMMAG 3/3 = 75 carbon credits
Polska 2/3 =60 carbon credits
Frozen Tex 20 carbon credits
Cudgel–1/3= 45.739015 carbon credits

Man, is it ever humid today. What a humid day.

Where most games will tally the totals and place the ranking from first to last, we’ve decided at Mitchieville central to just list the scores and names of the person willy-nilly. We are big fans of willy-nilly, we think those two words are a laugh riot.

Let’s have a boo at this week’s questions:

1) A man and a boy who are walking together step out with their right feet first. The boy walks three paces while the man walks two. When will the both put their left feel forward together. Explain.

2) This natural phenomenon is always a full circle. If someone said to you they had seen one at high noon, they would not be telling the truth. As a matter of fact, it cannot be seen if the sun is at an altitude greater than 42 degrees, since no part of it would be above the horizon.

3) What color does litmus turn when dipped into acid?

Best of luck to everybody who plays this week. Man, it really is humid in here.

Oh, I nearly forgot, to catch up on lost trivia and a chance to propel yourself to the top of the leader board, remember to play Tuesday Trivia with Fenris, and What’s in The Mayor’s Lunch?

I was going to unleash a new prize this morning for the 300 Carbon Credits To Fortune & Fame contest, but I think I’ll leave it until next week. That will build up excitement as you will think in the back of your mind, “I wonder if it’ll be a car, or a boat, or a pound of Victory coffee”. I like when your imagination runs wild, you sound just like a little kid. And not your typical, mouthy little kid that’s more like a little demon than a child, but a cool little kid, one that seldom opens his/her mouth and cries when he/she sees the belt come off.

The answers to last week’s questions are thusly: 1) Windsor knot 2) Drag Queen 3) Shopping cart

Let’s have a look at the leader board and make some sense of this:

Todd –3/3 = 155 carbon credits
Chris Taylor –3/3 = 130 carbon credits
Larry–3/3 = 120 credits
Dmorris–3/3 = 105 credits
Rhebner 3/3 = 85 carbon credits
Reg–2/3 = 75 carbon credits
Linds 3/3 = 75 carbon credits <----- ready to pop out baby any second now
Mech Eng–0/3 = 45 credits
J.M. Heinrichs 3/3 = 45 carbon credits
Darren 3/3 = 45 carbon credits 55 carbon credits
Nancy 1/3 = 45 carbon credits
Mr Fortner–30 Credits
Daily Bayonet–2/3 = 30 credits 30 credits
Fenris Badwulf–1/3 = 30 credits
OMMAG 2/3 = 30 carbon credits
Polska 30 carbon credits
Frozen Tex 20 carbon credits
Cudgel–1/3= 30.214325 carbon credits

It’s getting crowded up at the top, and in the middle, and at the bottom. If you are in the middle of the pack or closer to the bottom, fear not, any day now (not today or tomorrow or Sunday though–and not Monday for sure) we could, out of the blue, have a special question worth 100 carbon credits. You never know, and when or if we do, that will change everything. Possibly. Maybe. Hard to tell.

Here are this week’s questions, love them, make love to them, make them your own:

1) Albert is a keen dog admirer and over the years has had a number of dogs. He has had an Alsatian, a Dalmatian, a Poodle and a Great Dane, but not necessarily in that order. Albert had Jamie first. The Dalmatian was an adored pet before the Great Dane. Sammy, the Alsatian, was the second dog Albert loved. Whitney was housed before the Poodle and Jimmy was not a Great Dane. Can you tell each of the dogs’ name and the order in which Albert had them?

2) Peter decided to walk to the local waterfall, 10 miles away. At the moment he started, his dog ran off from his side and proceeded to the waterfall at a constant 8 miles per hour. As soon as the dog reached the waterfall, it started the return journey to Peter, keeping to the same speed. The dog continued this odd behaviour until Peter reached the waterfall. If Peter kept to a constant 4 miles per hour, how far did the dog run in total?

3) What is represented by this BrainBat?

E D O W N
D
I
S

This week, all correct answers are worth 15 carbon credits.

Good luck to everyone, the questions are a little harder this week, so you may want to grab a coffee or/and some hashish first before you sit down to play. If you are new to Mitchieville, feel free to jump and in and give it a go, we are an inclusive society here. We even let Australians play. Oy oy oy!

The picture is only disgusting if the ape is getting more that you are.

Since Franky exposed Friday MindTrap/Origins for the fraud that it is, I’ve done some thinking and have decided that in order to right the wrongs of those most-fraudulent games, I would have to take a breather from them, regroup, and come back with a game that is so good that it will literally make your head explode and your family scream in terror at your exploded head.

Unfortunately, there isn’t a game in the world that will achieve what I am looking for, other than the game of shooting something into your skull and making your head explode while your family watches in horror. And truth be told, that really isn’t a game it’s more like murder.

This next game is a trivia game that involved a tremendous amount of copy and pasting. My Control C/Control V fingers are exhausted. Here’s how the game works: I have selected a bunch of movie Antonyms. Your job is to guess which movie I have chosen from the lame clue that I have provided. Easy peezy, lemon squeezy.

Let’s git ‘er dun!

1. The Found Girls

Answer: (Three Words)

2. Unemployed Boy

Answer: (Two Words)

3. Fake Idiot

Answer: (Two Words)

4. Low Unfaithfulness

Answer: (Two Words)

5. Everything To Find

Answer: (Three Words)

6. Front To The Past

Answer: (Four Words)

7. Mother Gander

Answer: (Two Words)

8. The Wise Dawdle Out

Answer: (Three Words)

9. Worse On Alive

Answer: (Three Words)

10. The Good Alive

Answer: (Three Words)

As far as the winners were concerned lat week, we had a few. I like to call them *the chosen few*. The Chosen Few consist of Franky, the very pregnant Linds, the not-so-pregnant Donnah, and our Ozzy friend Tod (oy oy oy).

Imagine, four Smarty Panted Winners of the Week. I can smell a fight coming on.

I congratulate all the winners, to say I’m proud is an understatement. To say that I’m thrilled with your knowledge is an overstatement. To say that I’m craving Frosted Flakes is just about right.

Man, I really love Frosted Flakes.

One way to determine if you have good neighbours is to get your car stuck in the snow outside your house and see who comes to help. This happened to me yesterday and I had two neighbours come over with shovels to help dig me out. One guy was about my age, and the other lady was about 65. Any time you have one, let alone two, people come by and help you shovel out snow, you’re doing well.

Contrast this with the neighbours from my moms street. When my father was alive, he was the neighbourhood snow angel guy. He would shovel out every one on the street. If someone was sick, my old man was there in a pinch. My father use to shovel out both neighbours that lived beside him, just because it was a nice thing to do. Now that he’s dead, do you think that either one of those two neighbours, who both have ploughs, would shovel out my 76 year old moms drive? Of course not, why should they, my father only helped them out for 30 years.

I hope you have good neighbours that aren’t scumbags like the lazy pricks on my ma’s street. I hope you help your neighbours out and they help you out. I hope you all grow old together.

The end.

So, have a good day and I’ll…what? Right, you want some trivia questions.

Linds (Three or four time winner), Steyr (four or five time winner), and Nancy (Two or three time winner) were all winners again. And why are they winners? Because they guessed Giraffe, Pop, and Feminine products.

That is an awful lot of multiple winners. That is an awful lot of prizes I must now come up with in order to award them to all the special people with the giant brains that play this game. That is an awful lot of frames I will have to purchase so I can out their pictures in them and hang them from Mitchieville’s Wall of Fame.

That’s awful.

Anyway, I’m proud of you all, for thou art Mitchieville’s Smarty Panted Winners’ of the Week.

Here are this week’s questions:

1) Superstition–This ancient superstition dates back to the days of primitive tree worship. Trees were believed to harbour protective spirits. It was believed that tapping a tree would summon the spirit who would in turn offer protection against impending misfortune.

2) Word–This word was originally used to describe the perimeter around a military prison. If an inmate attempted to cross this boundary, he could be shot dead. Today this word is more commonly used to describe a period of time in a which a given task must be accomplished.

3) Name–The original name of this company was the Computing Tabulating Recording Company. It started out by manufacturing meat scales and punch clocks. In 1924 it changed its name. Today this company’s nickname is *Big Blue*, due to its reputation as being the bluest of all chips on the stock market.

#3 is a walk in the park, and I’m pretty sure I know #2, but I’ll be damned if I can figure out #1.

Good luck to all participants, may the wind be at your back. As always, we welcome all new players, just jump right in an answer away.

Some people say that chivalry is dead. I hope that’s not the case, I enjoy being chivalrous, it does the heart good. I do notice however, the expression on the faces of old women when I hold a door open for them. Lately it seems, they are genuinely surprised that a man actually held a door for them instead of letting it slam in their face. That worries me, it’s a man’s duty to hold doors, no matter what feminist piggies say.

The thing I’ve noticed more than men not being chivalrous (or having manners), is women that don’t say thank you when a door is held for them. That happened to me twice yesterday. Mind you, I never let an opportunity pass without reminding someone that manners are necessary in a civilized society. I also happen to be scary looking and rather large, so when I remind people to mind their manners, they listen.

When a woman doesn’t say thank you when I hold a door for them, I always–ALWAYS–lean into them and with a louder than normal voice say, “YOU’RE WELCOME”. 95% of the time I will get a “thank you”, but then there are the 5%. For those people, I wait until they are 10 feet from me and make sure there are people around them, then I say even louder, “I SAID YOU’RE WELCOME, YOU NEED TO MIND YOUR MANNERS”.

Usually they will keep walking, but my point has been made. Maybe that’s not the right way to approach things, but I’m not Miss Manners, I only do what I can do. Why can you not feel my pain?

The answers from last week’s trivia questions are thus: 1) The general ratio of boys to girls won’t change 2) Coffin 3) Oil and vinegar don’t mix so she could draw them out separately from the bottle

Emily (who must be at least a 5 time winner), rhebner, kton (hehe) and the Godless Commie were all winners.

To all the winners: Although today may indeed suck the fat one for you, this is still a great day. Maybe some homeless dreg will puke on your loafers and the snowflakes will make you cold as they fall down the back of your shirt. Even though everything will fall to shit today, you will always have the knowledge that you are Mitchieville’s MindTrap Winner of the Week!

I’m so very proud of all of you. If you were here with me, I’d give you as firm handshake and a knowing wink.

This week I’m changing it up a little and going back to Origins. For those of you that aren’t familiar with this game, I tell you whether you are looking for a word, name, or cliché, and ask you a question. Easy peezy. Let’s git ‘er dun!

1) (NAME) When seeing this animal for the first time, the Greeks believed it resulted from cross breeding a leopard and a camel. Accordingly they named it Cameloparalis.

2) (WORD) This word originated from carbonated soft drinks. A characteristic noise was heard when early style bottle caps were removed.

3) (Product) One of the trickier tasks of the century would have been marketing this product. Half the world needed it, yet nobody wanted to talk about it, least of all the manufacturer! To further compound matters, retailers wouldn’t stock it, and magazines refused to run ads. It finally begun to sell in stores under the “Silent package plan”. The customer picked up the unmarked package, dropped off their money into a box and left the store without uttering a word.

Those are some filthy good questions.

I’m starting a MindTrap contest next week. I’m working out the final details in the next few days, and should have everything ready by next week. I’m going to give out prizes and all sorts of fun and interesting shit to you. Consider yourself blessed, because that’s exactly what you are. It is like an angel is sitting right on your shoulder, but you are not aware enough to acknowledge said angel. Good job, angel ignorerer.