Hilarious and NSFW.

The host of this cable access show can’t figure out how to disconnect a prank caller, whose demonic, baked glee just slays me.

Keyser’s existence as a valued member of the bloggospherical community has been called into question, and you are now being called upon to exercise your democratic franchise to resolve this burning issue affecting national security and the very future of mankind.
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As loyal readers of Mitchieville and/or the Lair know, Keyser entirely inadvertently wandered into some sort of internet saga of the deranged when he made a jocular little post citing a funny little website devoted to slagging hack television “personality” David “Yes, let’s go talk to the other Russian before he chokes on his twizzler.” Caruso. Well, little did Keyser know what sort of minefield he was blithely traipsing into.

As we’re all aware by now, the site “David Caruso Sucks Donkey Reproductive Organs” is run by a person who goes by the name of Vixen (amongst others). She in turn is being stalked by Sara, the blog mistress of “I want to make passionate Sapphic love to Vixen, but because either I don’t have the gumption to come out and “kiss a girl” or because I actually did lay a wet one on Vixen and she told me I’m gross, I hate her, and I mean hate her, with the burning intensity of a thousand David Caruso one-liners,” in which she asserts that not only is Vixen in fact the Austrian arch criminal Heidimarie Schnitzer, who is said to have thrown herself at David but is now bent on avenging herself against both him and his assorted female “friends” after he rejected her advances.
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One version:

Man attempts to open door of airplane in flight

Another:

Man attempts to open door of airplane in flight; witness asserts that the man said that “God sent me. I’m supposed to kill myself and take you with me.”

I can see why The Globe and Mail decides to make some of these stories “in brief.” No word yet on which god it was the man worshipped, not that you little people need to worry about such things.

Meanwhile they didn’t mind using the word “Muslim” several times in this story. Why would the safest place to be on a plane be an issue? Are rows 21-24 going to be untouched when the plane immolates and crashes into the ocean?

Utterly coincidental is that the family was off to an Islamic conference. You don’t think that maybe they were looking to drum up a little “You won’t believe what happened to me on the way over here” story, do you?

One of the friends of the family, Abdul Aziz, told CNN that he will not be looking for money, but rather an apology. (Just like when unions strike in the name of “job security.”)

Aziz said there is a “very strong possibility” he will pursue a civil rights lawsuit.

No kidding.

I have my own little flight story–I was on a WestJet flight when a young white man a few seats over from me was wearing a scarf on his head to keep out the Calgary cold. He still had it on when he was seated, and was promptly instructed by the flight attendant to leave it off for the duration of the flight. Just thank your stars you weren’t flying within Canada, or just imagine how “humiliated” we could have made you.

Weighing in at a whopping 6 lb 14 oz and 20″ long, Clare Abby (Miss Mayor) was introduced into this world at 11:33 pm, December 31. She is healthy, alert, and an absolutely beautiful baby girl.

TLDG is doing great, she was such a trooper, it’s hard to put words into how I feel about her right now, she was just so incredible.

What’s that? You didn’t know we were expecting a baby? Oh right, I suppose I have a little ’splainin’ to do…

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLc-bvcdNTw
There is something about the addition of drums that make this piece rather more martial. Apply this to 37657 14456 83392

Nothing makes large scale European style ground war like the Prussians. Interestingly enough, note how the colours of these rather many regiments correspond to trumps of the Tarot. 90905 67555 32187

CBC-1 CBC-2 CBC-3

A great video I have got shown to homeless people and people in recovery. Muahhahhahha.

Russia sits astride two continents, and would rather like to have a warm water port. Hmmm. 43657 18456 99392

You just gotta love those other pre-Christian type manifestations of Santa Clause, like Fredericus Rex here.

Interesting and then some. It has been one hell of a week.

Let’s back it up to December 24. On the morning of the 24th, I was writing up The Mayor’s Christmas message, when I felt a tinge of pain in my tummy. No problem, I thought, I’ve been eating rather solidly the last week, it’s most likely just a little indigestion. This was 7:20 am.

At 8:30 am, TLDG and I jumped into the car and drove to the mall to pick up a few last minute things. By this time my tummy was hurting more, but TLDG thought I had the stomach flu that’s going around, while I thought I needed to have a dump. We did our shopping for a couple of hours and drove home, we we going to TLDG’s folks place that afternoon and night to celebrate Christmas.

We got home at about 11 am and I decided that I needed to take a nap, my stomach was officially in pain and I thought maybe I could sleep it off. An hour goes by and nothing, I feel terrible. I got up out of bed a few times, went to the washroom and puked. Yup, sore tummy, puking, I have the stomach flu.

Or do I?

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As someone who helps warp the minds of today’s youth with the rubbish of yesterday to make them the leaders of tomorrow, Keyser has long noted that they seem to be out of touch with the classic movies of the past that Keyser would frequently watch on television in his own youth. Make a reference to a “famous” phrase like “Mother of mercy, can this be the end of Rico?” and they’ll look at you like you’re speaking in Georgian. Well, either folks today have never seen a science fiction movie, or they paid no attention:

At a loss for things to do this woozy post-Christmas weekend? Well, if you have access to a garage or basement — or even just some extra room on your dining table — you could always take up a hobby that is exploding in popularity across the Atlantic: genetic engineering. Or, to use the more fashionable term, “biohacking”.
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The search auto-complete function gives a good picture of what the world is searching for. Populated by you, the people, auto-complete is the purest referendum possible on what matters to mankind.

So, what sort of information are people trying to find when they turn their minds and browsers to global warming?

Hmm, that almost gives me an idea for a song. Note the total absence of “humanity’s greatest challenge” among the rather denialistic set of predicate nominals suggested to the seeker by Google’s search auto-completion.

Maybe people still believe in Climate Change. Survey says:

Ooops! The spell is breaking!

I, Mike of the London Fog, crossposted this tomorrow

What else would you possibly call it? The only conceivable reason that there even is an auto industry in Canada is we have NAFTA and the Canadian government has been picking up the cheque for the health care of their workers. So why is it that the Big Three need a bailout from the Canadian government in the first place?

And now…for no money down! 5.3 per cent financing, this outrageous government bailout can be yours! We’re being sold a lemon of a deal here, bailing out the union that The Big Three American companies would rather not have to deal with. Just like the mortgage “crisis” was nothing more than government-imposed inefficiency, this is the exact same deal. The only difference is that this issue seems to be getting a lot more press than the financial bailout. (more…)

Only 147 years ago today, South Carolina voted to seceed from the American Union * . Here in Canada, we do not embrace the teaching of history that is not tainted with political correctness. The roots of conflict are attributed to things modern and pertinent to increasing social spending. None the less, for those of us who are heteronormative, white, and taxpayers, it is good to be silent and study the large geological structures that underly our current realities. As white folks, we know that we are all racists, sexists, and other forms of scum.

The evil Republicans, motivated by that most hateful of religions, Christianity, were moved to look upon the institution of slavery with distaste. Now, our progressive activists of today, using emotionally based reasoning, seem to ignore the role of Christianity in this. They despise the Republicans, too, the party of Lincoln. They embrace any religion but the one that freed the slaves, and any party but the Republicans, provided that it is Democrat. These delusions can be washed, white-washed, er, non-white-washed, away with the comfortable thought that our senses are fallible and other principles of moral relativity. The mountains of snow and the expanding artic ice is ignored in the crusade for proof of Global Warming, with the same fervor as a Catholic seller of indulgences. The progressives are the party of Tetzel, not Luther. They scorn the new media, the internet, with the same fury that the Renaissance Catholic church despised the printing press.

South Carolina is a beautiful place. Too bad they got in the way of progress. And too bad our modern progressives have embraced the illusions and afactual structures of the system that gives them jobs, pensions, and vacations in Cuba. The reality that Canada was formed with a health dose of sympathy for the Confederacy seems to have been lost or forgotten. But, like a house built upon mud, the champions of Mud-Canada live in the eternal present, unaware of the laws of physics that say that mud is not a good thing to build your house upon. Oh well, what do dead white males know? In a land where washing your hands while serving the public food is considered racism, where the feminists have signed up to support the brutal oppression of their sisters overseas, and where greenies encourage the immigration of people who hate them from low carbon footprint to high carbon footprint, what can I say?

Human behaviour is the hardest thing to change. Ask any manager of telemarketers. And this is made even harder in a progressive state. We have no glue of a common culture, and we have satraps busy undermining the Christian culture. This coming year will see the battle carried to the fortresses of political correctness, for the battle is theirs to be lost. The activists hold the high ground, in academia, in the judiciary, in the bureaucracy, and in the media. They do not read history, and instead make it up. Let us see if their fantasies hold water. The city of Toronto is filled with people filled with fear. Bankers watching their business melt away like roti’s at a seminar on racism at a New Canadian meeting, auto workers are watching their hopes for a future with a house and pension blow skip away, and of course the main stream media. No advertising is more important than undermining the culture that creates the demand for advertising.

The people of South Carolina did what they thought best. And thousands of them died for their opinions. And our activists are watching their vast empire of hatred of the west, western culture, Christian religion, and white folks in general, come under attack. Too bad they are on vacation in Cuba. Maybe they can take a tour of the Russian fleet that is there.

As for events from long ago, do your own research on the causes of the Second War of Independence. The bestial Republicans and the arch fiend Lincoln won that one. And it would be to your advantage, as investor, citizen, and generic white racist-sexist-meanie, to do a little wallowing in the world of facts, to prepare yourself for the world of reality to come. The pen is mightier than the sword, but only when you have a job.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this

Keyser readers may recollect, that there is some talk that the in the future Americans will wind up fetching lattes for their Chinese overlords (the image above shows the uniform that Americans will soon have to wear in their new status). Well, here are some choice quotations from an interview a Mr. Gao Xiqing, “president of the China Investment Corporation, which manages ‘only’ about $200billion of the country’s foreign assets but makes most of the high-visibility investments.” Mr. Gao went to law school at Duke and seems like a nice enough fellow. But the message that he politely delivers is in fact daunting in its implications.
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Okay, so maybe we’re getting a little powder here in Vancouver, and Las Vegas, and Malibu, CA (seen above), and southern Arizona, and hell. That’s no reason to get into what is undeniably equivalent to denying the Holocaust. Climate change is REAL. You cannot deny climate change. It makes an argument that is almost impervious to argument. Do not argue.

Just look at the insensitive captions used with the photos:

Snow in Henderson, NV on December 17, 2008. It’s still snowing here, and the kids are outside in the neighborhood playing.

Playing?? You’re playing in death, you little Eichmanns. Would you play in Holocaust victims? You’re also staying home from school. How can we possibly educate you in the perils of global warming if you stay home due to snow?

Oh, and from the Ministry of Hating Earth, some measly little experts, no doubt sponsored by Big Oil, confirm that global temperatures dropped in 2007. Okay, well, that doesn’t disprove global warming. If anything, that proves billions more need to be invested to study why this drop in temperature has happened. We at the technical support team here in Michieville will continue to explain the data to you in way that we think you need to understand.

Those of us who are tired of this economic crisis are searching for answers. Where is the politically correct solution to this diversity of miseries? What multi-cultural approach will narrow the ever widening gap between rich and poor?

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Is it just me, or does anyone else think that Michael Jackson has gotten a little strange lately? I know that’s a harsh thing to say, and it pains me to say it, but golly gee, he just seems out of sorts or something lately. He was perfectly normal 25 years ago when he was dating Macauly Culkin, but nowadays he seems slightly off.

And I’m not sure why he’s carrying around a Happy Meal. Maybe he’s using it as bait.

While we’re on the subject of indigenous peoples and their wonderful culture, Nicole Kidman is an awful woman:

Australian Hollywood star Nicole Kidman will have no more children after breaking a taboo against women playing the didgeridoo, an Aboriginal cultural leader has warned.

What the hell was she thinking? Doesn’t she realize that before she does anything on Mother Gaia that she has to consult an academic scholar of Aboriginal Studies first? These are a proud people who have what little vestiges of sexism left in this world in which to cling. We at Mitchieville will have to spend an extra hour in the menstrual hut tonight as penance.

The scholar attempting to relieve her of the burden of childhood, Richard Green (which our legal department assured me is too a very Aboriginal-sounding name), can be seen here speaking gibberish saying a traditional chant. Let all of us out of touch plebes marvel at the worship of a diety that would stricken a non-believer with infertility. Thank you for educating us, Richard Green!

Cute.