Those words is so purdy that I gots a tear in maaaa eye. I bet a whole bundle of you are wellin’ the heck up right now, and I can’t say I blames ya!

This Sunday is Valentine’s Day, spend it with the one you love (other than yourself). You’ll be told Valentine’s Day is like any other day of the year – do NOT believe that for one second. Go get your honey something nice this year, don’t blow it again. I mean, unless couch sleeping is your thing, than ya, go be an insensitive jackass.

If you consider yourself *street*, then this is the perfect gift to give your snuggle bunny this Valentine’s. Cuz when you’re in the hood, nothing says I love you like a bear covered in slang.

I’m a simple man – and I don’t mean in the sense where I have a limited vocabulary and find it hard to keep the spit from shooting out of my yap when I talk – but rather, simple in the sense where I truly believe everyone in the universe would be happy if they could just find their love bunny. As you can probably tell from following this most-excellent site every day, The Mayor is one of the last true romantics on the planet. I really am. And as I was shoving the ballgag in TLDG’s mouth last night, right before I started banging her, I looked deep into her eyes (after I removed the Batman mask) and said, “You are my love bunny”. By that time the roofie was swirling around her bloodstream so she didn’t answer, and even if she could she wouldn’t have been able to talk because of the ballgag I shoved in her mouth, but none-the-less, let’s assume everything was equal and she could have responded, I’m sure she would have reciprocated and called me her love bunny, too. A love bunny with sick, twisted, sexual fetishes. Mmmmmmm, is it hot in here or is it just me?

I know most of Mitchieville’s hot-blooded (and a few lukewarm-blooded) males are saying to themselves right now, “Would you be my Valentine?” in regard to the woman in the picture. Well, the answer is no. No, she will not be your Valentine. However, I’m sure if you asked her nicely, she would kick you in the face, and if you’re really lucky, you might catch a glimpse of her bum as she bends over to wipe your face blood off her boot with your cheesy $15 tie.

When all is said and done, that’s a pretty wonderful sentiment. Sure, it might not be as sweet as “I killed a Nazi with a ski-pole for your love”, but none-the-less it’s something special. Hallmark, you’ve outdone yourself this time.

Welcome to VD Week.

**I should mention that VD stands for Valentine’s Day, not to be confused with the communicable disease. That’s for another week.

On behalf of the government of Mitchieville, we would like to wish you the happiest VD you have ever had. May your VD drip with happiness. May your VD clear up all your blues. May your VD last forever.

The Mayor

I’m not sure why it took me so long to figure out, but the cards I’ve been displaying this week aren’t Valentine cards at all, but rather they are just rude and insulting cards meant to hurt peoples feelings. I suppose to make up for this oversight, I’ll have to display I Love You Sweetheart cards during You’re a Douche Week.

See, everything always works out exactly the way it should.

I’m sure if your better half is a science fiction fan, he/she/it will find great value in this card. Having said that, if you have a better half that is a science fiction fan, they’re probably not use to getting cards, so anything you get them will be of great value. As a matter of fact, if your better half is a science fiction fan, they probably aren’t use to getting cards, touched by anyone from the opposite sex, or even love.

I’m sure my words are burning some of you like sulfuric acid drops to the ocular cavity. Relax, I’m just trying to get a rise out of you. Virgin.

Today’s February 11, which means VD is less than three days away. You haven’t gotten your sweetie a gift yet, you have no idea what to get her, and when you do finally get her something it will most likely be terrible. That’s just great. Why is that great? Because after February 14, you’ll get to sleep on your great big couch all by yourself for a whole month. Plus, You’ll probably lose ten pounds because you’ll be eating like you did in college–which means you’ll be eating nothing. 

You are so lucky.

I know that most of you are expecting “Orange Faced Geek Week” tonight, but you’re going to have to wait until next week, as this week is dedicated to Valentines Day, or as we call it around The Manor, “I’ll give you this beautiful necklass but you have to open up and say ahhhhhhhhhhh, week.” I just used the word *week* four times in the last sentence.

I suggest if you are going to get a card for your loved one this Valentine’s, which I suggest you do, get her/him this card. It speaks to the heart. I think the lion in the bottom right corner is a nice touch, it adds another dimension of class to the card. The moose is pretty cool, too.