Archive for the ‘We Apologize’ Category

Women Are From Neptune, Men Are From Pluto

Thursday, July 14th, 2011

Sounds like a couple of well-grounded, sound and sane people.

The Mayor’s lucky he never had to go through nonsense like what you read above, and that’s mainly because when he had to break up with a psycho, he did what any smart person would do – he took his crap out of her apartment when she was at work and moved to an undisclsoed location until crap settled down.

The Mayor Apologizes To Sarah Knott

Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

**That is NOT a photo of Sarah Knott.

On February 2, the year of the Lord 2011, Sarah Knott was chosen by The Mayor of Mitchieville to be the Hump Day Hottie. What should have been a day of great celebration has now turned into a day of terrible remorse on behalf of The Mayor. You see, when The Mayor woke up this morning and checked in on Mitchieville, this comment by none other than Sarah Knott was waiting for me for approval:

Well well well.. have i just come across a photo of myself stolen off obviously one of my web sites ..

marc in calgary: thank you dearly for your opinion, you are welcome to it. i will have to admit it is not one of my best shots YET it obviously is good enough to get some ones attention and have them steal it off my site.

As for that “fading tattoo” that is copyright from the MAXIM UK magazine it was featured in NOT a fading tattoo. The copyright is put there in the hope people dont steal my photos when they dont own them.. as you can see . It doesnt work very well.

My Nails, Cleaned everyday day nothing gets stuck under them =)

And trust me .. I can open a jam jar with my pinky.

And finally – here is a link that will show u a bit better photos of me, these photos are permitted to be on the site… there you can see where my horse face has got me in life …

and how proud my dad is !!

Cherio x

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Sarah-Knott-Fan-Page/117810731603872#!/pages/Sarah-Knott-Fan-Page/117810731603872?v=info

The Mayor would like to first start off by offering Sarah my deepest heartfelt apology. It was never my intention to hurt your feelings in any way, Sarah. Unless I purposely try to hurt someones feelings, I don’t actually mean to hurt someones feelings on purpose. I know you are not familiar with Hump Day Hottie, but anyone that graces these pages via Hump Day Hottie is something just a bit special. You, Sarah, are a bit of special. Hump Day hottie is reserved for the cream ‘o the crop, not for sludge and human waste. I’m sure if you look through the archived history of Mitchieville’s Hump Day Hottie, you will see that you are in fine c0mpany. Company that includes the most beautiful women ever to set their beautiful feet on this filthy earth.

If you would like me to remove your picture from Mitchieville, I will do so. I truly feel though that by removing your picture, I am removing the innards from every hot-blooded male on this planet. I would be taking their heart, removing it from their chest cavity, throwing it to the ground and smashing it with a heavy object – perhaps a sledgehammer or something equally as heavy. However, if that is your wish, I will agree.

As for this Marc in Calgary unit. I can tell you honestly, Sarah, that I am not familiar with him. I have never heard of him. I would be surprised if he even exists. I mean really, look at the way he spells Marc. He spells it with a C. Hahaha.

He’s obviously jealous of your beauty. I bet you this “Marc” fella is actually a chick. A small breasted one at that.

Sarah, I’m not expecting you to accept my apology. I suppose I’m expecting you to just walk away and ignore my apology. I can’t say I blame you. Emotions ran high that day, words were said that maybe should not have been, and feelings were hurt. Your feelings. I do want you to know though that The Mayor does feel your pain. For The Mayor knows what it is like to be judged. You see, The Mayor is beautiful as the day is long. I’m not conceited, oh noes, but the truth is that I am truly an incredible specimen. Much like you. I mean, minus the girl parts. The Mayor is shockingly handsome, as you have probably guessed by now. Women love me while men are jealous of my incredible manly looks and extraordinary physique. I’m so massive and strong that I can crush walnuts with my testicles. Impressive? You damn straight that’s impressive. Get that visual into ya, soak it up. Make love to that visual. Now stop. Concentrate.

The Mayor is so gorgeous that he hangs a picture of himself on his bedroom wall and can only make love to his wife if he’s looking at himself. Speaking of TLDG, she’s so hot for me that she has to carry a bucket with her if she gets within 25 feet of me. Figure that one out later, but it’s an overt sexual reference relating to the vagina.

My point being, we, as in you and I, are definitely in the top 1 percentile of amazing looking humanoids. Probably closer to .0001%. And that’s why chicks like Marc say the things that they do. If you remember correctly, The Mayor was the one who pointed out that you have long hair. Amiright?

In closing, Mitchieville died a little today. The Mayor can only hope that he has brought some form of closure to this whole disgusting mess.

Sarah, sorry. Sorry for everything. Sorry. I’m even sorry for apologizing so much. That’s how much I’m sorry.

Sorry.

Hey Man, We’re Really Sorry

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

I think the non-sexual deviant, Peter Reid Graham - shown in this photo – would be better served if The Citizen put his picture on their front page and dedicated no less than a half cover spread to his innocence. Because let’s face it, Peter Reid Graham is not a sexual assualtist, never has been a sexual assaultist and most likely never will be a sexual assaultist. To put non-sexual assaultist Peter Reid Graham in the same category as the sexual assaultist Peter John Graham, well, that’s a grave injustice toward Peter Reid Graham. The non-sexual assaultist.