I was actually trying to ween my constituents off the What the Devil is in Their Anus? segment, but then stories like this come by and pull me right back in again (I’m sure there’s a joke about how I worded that) :
SHOCKED surgeons were forced to use their imagination after operating on woman with a huge can of hairspray stuck in her bum.
Mirela Gradinaru, 37, arrived at the clinic in Arad, western Romania, in agony, begging docs to help.
But she refused to tell surgeons how the can came to be lodged in her rear even after a successful operation dislodged the canister.
“She was very embarrassed. She was clearly in a lot of pain, however it got there.”
“This was not just a little can of deodorant, this was a massive can of hairspray,” said one hospital worker.
On the bright side, at least now her anus will be silky, supple, and completely manageable.
I think using the line,”I tripped and fell and it got lodged in my ass”, doesn’t cut it in cases like this. Not that I would believe it, but I’m sure it would be possible for someone to trip and fall and have something really small get lodged in their bum–like a plastic army man, or a tiny eraser off a pencil, or Steamboat’s baby toe, but never a can of hairspray. For that to actually happen, your bumhole would have to be the size of a sewer grate, and you would still have to jump up and down just to wiggle that bad boy in.
I suppose what I’m saying is that the lady in question is a professional hoopateer, and now that she’s downed a can of hairspray, I’m sure she’s eyeing up the 2L bottle of Coke that’s in her fridge.
Mark my words.