Have a good time this weekend, but please, drink responsibly. People know when you’re pissed, they seem to have this weird way of figuring things out. I don’t know how they do it, but they do it and that’s all that counts.
Oh, and the winner from that Ultimate Before & After competition I posted about yesterday? Chick second from the left won, Kelly Alemi.
I figure that other than firecrackers, Jim Henson’s hand is pretty much the only thing ever to make it up a frogs butt. Hell, who am I kidding, I’m sure over the years lots of things have managed to take a trip down that highway. Kids wil be kids, as they say. Heck, some kids are 43. And yes, I’m intimating that even adults do disgusting things to the innards of frogs. Say, what did you pack for lunch?
At what point do you figure that screwdriver hooper person thought to themselves, “You know, I might have taken this a little too far. I believe I am in need of medical help”?
“Doc, I have a little problem when I try to sit down, and a real problem when I try to poo”
“How long have you had this problem”
“I suppose since I stuck an 18″ screwdriver up my ass”
“Then the problem is the screwdriver”
“Can I get a second opinion?”
“Sure, you’re also an idiot”.
And on that note, I bid you farewell. Good afternoon to you!
This is what happened to 17 month old Nicholas Holderman of Kentucky after he fell. At first the doctors thought the keys may have ruptured the child’s eyeball, but miraculously, the keys shot upwards into his eyelid, avoiding his eyeball completely.
The child is fine, nothing a few hours of surgery and a couple Pudding Pops couldn’t fix. As for driving though? His parents have suspended his privilege for one whole month.
As far as knife meeting head goes, Wen Wen, 38, of Central China is no slouch. The knife in his head, courtesy of his father-in-law, went from his right ear straight into his nasal cavity. Miraculously, the knife missed several major organs and he is suppose to make a full recovery. He is now known in certain circles as China’s fortunate cookie. Not really, but he could be. You never know.
Keyser just came across another one of those “Hey, there ain’t no such thing as deviant” stories.
Eroticism is in the eye of the beholder. In Japan, some women turn to electrically charged squid for sexual satisfaction. In the American world of masochism, one man begged to be tied on a spit and roasted over sizzling coals. His counterpart, a latex-loving dominatrix, reached ecstasy merely watching his pain.
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I was actually trying to ween my constituents off the What the Devil is in Their Anus? segment, but then stories like this come by and pull me right back in again (I’m sure there’s a joke about how I worded that) :
SHOCKED surgeons were forced to use their imagination after operating on woman with a huge can of hairspray stuck in her bum.
Mirela Gradinaru, 37, arrived at the clinic in Arad, western Romania, in agony, begging docs to help.
But she refused to tell surgeons how the can came to be lodged in her rear even after a successful operation dislodged the canister.
“She was very embarrassed. She was clearly in a lot of pain, however it got there.”
“This was not just a little can of deodorant, this was a massive can of hairspray,” said one hospital worker.
On the bright side, at least now her anus will be silky, supple, and completely manageable.
I think using the line,”I tripped and fell and it got lodged in my ass”, doesn’t cut it in cases like this. Not that I would believe it, but I’m sure it would be possible for someone to trip and fall and have something really small get lodged in their bum–like a plastic army man, or a tiny eraser off a pencil, or Steamboat’s baby toe, but never a can of hairspray. For that to actually happen, your bumhole would have to be the size of a sewer grate, and you would still have to jump up and down just to wiggle that bad boy in.
I suppose what I’m saying is that the lady in question is a professional hoopateer, and now that she’s downed a can of hairspray, I’m sure she’s eyeing up the 2L bottle of Coke that’s in her fridge.
Leftists in academia these days tend to rag off about the excessive press coverage given in the past to what they sneeringly refer to as “dem” (dead european males: guys like Plato and George Washington). But now we have some good news for “dem”:
31 year old Luo Cuifen went to the doctor complaining of blood in her urine. X-rays revealed that Luo had 26 sewing needles embedded in various vital organs: the lungs, liver and kidney. I’m not sure how everything worked out for this poor woman, but this article tells me she will have to go through a series of operations to remove the needles.
Why on earth would this woman have 26 sewing needles in her?
When asked how Timmy was feeling after swallowing all that money, the doctor said, “little change.” Thank you, you’ve been a wonderful audience.
Generally if I’m out of cash and I need some money for milk or bread, or an IPod, I check the couch for some loose change. I wish I had a kid like this around my place, the next time I ran out of change I’d just hold the kid by the ankles and shake a few bucks out of him. The kid’s like a walking ATM. Betcha he shits loonies!
The picture is a little grainy and hard to see, but if you look closely enough, you’ll see that the person in the x-ray has a pepper shaker shoved up his rectum. Yes, a pepper shaker. Imagine, of all the spices in the world, buddy is a pepper-hooper. He’s a pepper-hooper, she’s a pepper-hooper, wouldn’t you like to be a pepper-hooper too? Damn you to hell, subliminal Dr Pepper lyrics!
Had I seen this x-ray 6 months ago, I would have called it a fake–there is no way in the world someone could hoop or swallow a hand grenade. However, after posting the various objects people have consumed and shoved into themselves over the last half year, this comes as absolutely no surprise to me. Given half a chance, these hoop masters could swallow your SUV. Who knows though, maybe it’s a suicide bomber with terrible jihad skillz.
