Archive for the ‘What The Hell Am I?’ Category

What The Hell Am I?

Thursday, September 23rd, 2010

Eight Bell, California officials and city councilors have been arrested and are set to have charges laid against them by local prosecutors in what has been described as “corruption on steroids”. Here are some of the details that have been released so far:

 Former Bell City Manager Robert Rizzo, whose high salary sparked the outrage that led to the investigations of the city, was among those arrested in the sweep. No details have been released, but a source not authorized to speak publicly about the case said that Rizzo; former Assistant City Manager Angela Spaccia; Mayor Oscar Hernandez; Councilmembers Luis Artiga, Teresa Jacobo and George Mirabal; and former Councilmembers George Cole and Victor Bello were among those arrested.

For two months, the Los Angeles County district attorney’s office and state and federal authorities have investigated Bell, where high salaries earned by former City Manager Robert Rizzo and other top officials have sparked widespread outrage. The Times reported last month that Rizzo was set to earn more than $1.5 million in 2010. Additionally, he gave loans totaling $1.6 million to more than 50 city officials, including himself.

Cooleyhas said his office was examining whether the various financial transactions in Bell amounted to thefts of public funds. The office is also looking into allegations of voter fraud and whether the high salaries earned by Rizzo and others were legal. 

For two months, the Los Angeles County district attorney’s office and state and federal authorities have investigated Bell, where high salaries earned by former City Manager Robert Rizzo and other top officials have sparked widespread outrage. The Times reported last month that Rizzo was set to earn more than $1.5 million in 2010. Additionally, he gave loans totaling $1.6 million to more than 50 city officials, including himself.

Cooley has said his office was examining whether the various financial transactions in Bell amounted to thefts of public funds. The office is also looking into allegations of voter fraud and whether the high salaries earned by Rizzo and others were legal.
 
The full audit by state Controller John Chiang’s office has previously found that Bell illegally overtaxed residents and businesses by $5.6 million. In addition to the retirement funds, Rizzo received two city loans of $80,000, officials said.
Typically, when we play What The Hell Am I?™, it is a gender-based game; as in, we’re trying to find out if our subject is male or female. Today though, we shift gears and get away from that, and try to find out what political affiliation the eight accused city councilors and officials are. You see, the LA Times, as a rule, will disclose the political affiliation of accused government officials; this time though, they *forgot* to.
 
Are the accused ReTHUGliKKKans? Independents? Racists from the Tea Party movement? Green Party? Ross Perot supporters? Dare I say…Democrats?
 
Hmmmmm, it’s a real mind-boggler. We may never get to the bottom of this.
 
But for the sake of the game, let’s give it a shot.
 
What political affiliation are the accused?

What The Hell Am I?

Wednesday, September 15th, 2010

The Mayor may end of changing the title of this segment to “Animal, Vegetable or Mineral?”

For those of you that insist the chupacabra is fictional, I ask you to have another boo at these pictures. The last time I saw a head like that, it was chasing a Japanese fishing trawler.

What The Hell Am I?

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

The Mayor is pleased to announce What The Hell Am I? International Edition.

I’m not sure what to make out of this bowl of spicy vindaloo curry. The five o’clock shadow and large hands make me think this is a dude, but the small shoulders and frame, and the hint of a right breast makes me think it’s a woman. I suppose there is only one true way to find out – we must dissect it.

To tell you the truth, this looks like Carl, a guy I use to hang out with about 20 years ago. He had that giant mole on his face, a crooked smile, he liked to eat small bananas. Yup, that’s Carl all right. Man, has it really been 20 years? Boy, Carl, you haven’t changed a bit! I mean, except for wearing sarees and bracelets and stuff.

Then again, maybe it isn’t Carl. Maybe it’s Carla. Maybe it’s someone whose been hit by a car. I don’t know. I.just.don’t.know.

How ’bout you, do you know if this is Carl or Carla or some poor slob that was hit by a car?

What The Hell Am I?

Friday, July 23rd, 2010

The character you see in this picture looks like something straight out of a Monty Python skit. A cross between John Cleese, Eric Idle, with a smidgen of Terry Gilliam thrown in for bad measure. If this is a woman, which I doubt, but let’s play along anyway; and let’s say this was the 1800’s, she would have been referred to as a “handsome woman”. I think the words “handsome woman” was an attempt at sarcasm on the part of the 1800’s crowd.

The Mayor has made up his mind, I’m saying this is a dude. And even if it isn’t, it should be.

What Is Going On Here Exactly?

Thursday, July 15th, 2010

The head looks somewhat human, but everything from the chin on down seems irregular.

Anyone care to explain this to The Mayor?

What The Hell Am I?

Tuesday, June 8th, 2010

Drink up, this is going to be one long, and painful night.

At first blush, The Mayor thought this was woman. Hands down. The face has some delicate, feminine features, the skin looks softish, it’s a chick, right? Now I’m not so sure.

I mean, the shoulders have a certain “I’m a linebacker for the Toronto Argonauts”  kind of look, plus, he/she looks like my cousin Sean from Scotland.

The underwear and bra are just a distraction. They prove nothing. Other than, if this is a woman, she has terrible taste in undergarments. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen buttons on a woman’s gotchies. And I’m not a fan of that idea at all. The Mayor has enough trouble taking off his own underwear, I certainly don’t need the hassle of fiddling around with a bunch of buttons after TLDG gives me unlimited access to the various rides on and in her FunkyTown (??).

The person in the picture is a dude. The Mayor stands by it.

Prove me wrong, please. PLEASE. Show The Mayor the error of his ways.

What The Hell Am I?

Tuesday, April 20th, 2010

I’m not sure what the hell this creature is, but I sure know what The Mayor is right now – sick to his stomach. The Mayor is pretty sure this is a woman in the picture, as she reminds me of a gym teacher in any given high school in North America. Mzzzzzzzzz Simpson, or some derivative of that.

I can probably be convinced otherwise, I’m sure I can be talked into believing this is a guy. Or an alien. Or a sick joke perpetrated by a God with a great sense of humour. Either way or either ways, the roast beef sandwich I just finished eating will not stay down unless I swallow my spit a million times a second (you alcoholics know exactly what I mean by that).

What The Hell Am I?

Monday, April 5th, 2010

My guess is lonely. Very, very lonely.

The Mayor is thinking this is a dude. Even though the bulge isn’t a bulgin’, I have this strange feeling that the fella in the picture is like that animal that can retract its testicles back up into its stomach. I don’t know what the animal is called, but I hear it’s available for children’s parties.

I’m also thinking since the testicleless he/she/it thing is sitting right next to an outlet, now would be a good time to stick a butter knife in its hand, force it to shove it in the socket, and play that little game The Mayor likes to call, “Meet Yer God, You Dirty Little Gnat.”

What The Hell Am I?

Ya Pal, You Just Got Owned

Thursday, February 18th, 2010

owned_dude

Can’t.Stop.Laughing.

**Thanks to this site

What The Hell Am I?

Monday, January 18th, 2010

dude

It’s no wonder the Georgia Gryphon’s went 0-126 last year.

It’s nearly impossible to believe that this isn’t a dude in the picture. Upon first blush I’m sure everyone thought this is one big, ugly dude in the picture. A big, ugly, prison-baiting tranny in the picture. But then you look at the right hand of this monstrosity, the hair being tied back into some sort of a ball, and the lumpage behind the jersey, then all of a sudden your confidence in choosing whether this is a guy or a gal is completely thrown out the window.

Don’t feel bad though. Because no matter how confused you will ever get in life, it will only be 1/100 of the confusion this boy/girl feels every time he/she looks in the mirror.

A stinging post, for sure, but most necessary.

What the hell am I?

What The Hell Am I?

Thursday, December 10th, 2009

what-the-hell-is-it

Whether this is a man or woman, I’ve finally found someone with a bigger horse face than Sarah Jessica Parker.

I couldn’t get this picture to come in full focus, but you need to trust me when I tell you that you’re better off seeing a blurry pic of this creature. At first blush, I’m sure everyone is thinking that this is a dude. An ugly, ugly dude. But maybe we’re all being too quick to make up our collective minds. Who knows, maybe she’s an activist for Code Pink. Or a guard in the WNBA. Or a furniture salesperson . It’s a possibility, you need to open your mind.

It’s a crapshoot because it’s crap. Crap on a freakin’ stick. Crapity, crapity, crap. El crapola. Crapstein.

Soooooo, What the Hell Am I?

What The Hell Am I? Revealed

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

spectacled-bear

All answers from Mondays What The Hell Am I? gamewere interesting, but only MPalef correctly identified the mystery animal as the Spectacled bear. Andy (red letter Andy) was close when he guessed a Testicled bear, and in a way Andy is correct, but only about 50% of the time.

The spectacled bear usually doesn’t look like this, but the female spectacled bears at the Leipzig zoo in Germany have suddenly started going bald  and smart people with many letters after their names have no idea why. Well, they kinda have a few crappy ideas, like maybe it’s a genetic defect , but that’s too broad, and possibly too stupid an idea, so the smart people will have to go back to the drawing board and figure something else out.

The scientists would do well to recognize that the spectacled bears are losing their hair because of global warming. That kind of forward thinking should be worth something in the neighbourhood of $25 million for research. And baby, that’s the kind of neighbourhood The Mayor wants to live in.

**Many thanks to Nancy for bringing this tragic tale of animal follicle impairability to The Mayor’s attention