The Mayor was very surprised that someone actually correctly identified Ryan Seacrest as the mystery When They Were Young person of interest in last week’s post. When I say The Mayor was surprised, what I meant to say is that I’m surprised someone actually admitted knowing it was Ryan Seacrest in the picture. Seeing as though Kirby, the identifier in this case, is a relatively new commenter to Mitchieville, The Mayor will explain the correct answer when identifying geeks such as Ryan Seacrest: “I don’t know”, or, “Oprah.”

Anything that deviates from those two answers tend to sound alarm bells in The Mayor’s brain.

Once again, I can’t see anyone guessing the correct identity of the person in this picture. I believe you would have a better chance at identifying the dog buddy is groping.

The boy/man in the picture sure looks to be a clean-cut kind of kid, doesn’t he? Well looks can be deceiving, let me tell you that. Like the other day when I was at Burger King grabbing a whopper combo. The girl behind the counter looked to be a pretty little thing - lovely hair, nice smile, tip-top shape, little bend in her petite nose - but when I got to the counter, she tore off her face and underneath was this amphibious looking creature - ratty hair, fangs for teeth, underweight like a crack momma, broken nose, etc. For a moment I nearly swore off drinking and percodans, but I quickly got that stupid thought out of my head.

Anyway, I asked her if she new where Kelsey’s was and ran out the door before she could open her polluted mouth.

True story, email it to your best friend.

So, any idea who the guy is in the picture? You would probably recognize him if he was eating a bat.

**That bat comment was a hint.

It’s amazing how misunderstanding a word or two in a sentence can completely alter the entire meaning of the thought. For instance, Princess Leia said, “Bring me Han Solo.” Chewbacca thought she said, “Give me a hand solo.”

Freakin’ Wookies, always trying to get some of that sweet interspecies sex.

Mare was right, it was the Manson family. And if you are wondering what the question was to bring on a superb opening sentence like the one The Mayor just dropped on your head, it goes something like this: Who were those young people in the last When They Were Young segment The Mayor posted about?

The Manson family. You really have to do a better job of keeping up with the tour.

Who is this pudgy, four-eyed, braces wearing geek, you ask? Well, I can tell you he went through a near complete transformation and lost the pudge, the glasses and the braces. He did however, retain his geekiness. And that creepy smile. And before you guess, it’s not Roger Ebert. Damn that was funny. Go have a boo at that last link and laugh along with The Mayor.

Sure, pudgy might still be a geek, but he is one rich geek who has been incredibly successful at his trade. As a TV host he is #1. As a producer he is #1. As, oh I don’t know, a geek, he’s certainly #1. But I repeat myself.

Those hints were terrible, so I’m not sure if you’re going to get this one. Try concentrating on TV hosts and you’ll eventually trip over the answer.

Now, time for a cup of Tazo and a bowl of hot cereal. Yum.

What a nice looking bunch of kids. If I was a parent in the 60’s, I would have happily invited these boys and girls into my home for a nice cup of hot cocoa and some delicious scones. Of course, before they stepped one dirty foot inside my house they would have had to clean themselves up a bit; get haircuts, shave, shower, things like that. But I’m sure they wouldn’t have minded, because they look like good mannered youngin’s.

Family is important to most of us. And it’s quite apparent that these young kids were brought up well, brought up to respect authority and the rule of the land. Good on them, I’m sure in later years they all went on to become successful, law abiding global citizens.

This will probably come as a shock to most of you, but the person sitting on the guy’s lap in the picture is actually a girl. I know, as I said, it’s shocking.

The girl in the picture looks like Dave, a friend I use to have in high school. “Dave’s not here, man”. Haha, I kill me.

I don’t think I need to give you any clues, you’ve probably already figured out who the guy is. And if you’ve figured out who the guy is, you’ll easily put two and two together and come up with who the girl is. It’s additi0n by subtraction, but to be more precise, it’s addition by addition, a bit of multiplying, and voila - zee answer.

Going back to the last Wh0 Dat?, Tibi, Flea, dmorris and Flip all identified Dennis Hopper as the Who Dat? person in question. That’s pretty impressive, especially considering in the picture Dennis Hopper had a fake mustache, fake glasses, a bald wig, and bright green eyes. Oh wait, that wasn’t a picture of Dennis Hopper, it was the real life Mayor of Mitchieville.

Who are the two lovely ladies in the picture, you ask? Well, it’s my wife and baby Clare, of course. OHHHHH, you mean the picture on your screen, not the 4 x 6 glossy I have in my hand? Hmmm, that’s a good question. I can tell you that they are a mother/daughter combination. And I can tell you that when the daughter got older, she completely lost all semblance of her youthful good looks. And then some. Too bad she didn’t have a fake mustache, fake glasses and a bald wig, cuz that would have helped.

I think I have picked out an easy picture this week, I have full confidence you will have no trouble guessing who it is. I also have full confidence that I will completely enjoy Shark Tank this Wednesday evening. It’s nearly impossible not to love that O’Leary fella.

It’s amazing what three years and a wedding ring can do, ainit?

Just joshin’, of course. I know I make far too many of these types of jokes, and it’s not fair or even funny sometimes. On the other hand, sometimes it’s fair and pretty funny. I hope this is one of those times. BTW, buddy on the right is pretty much dead I would think. Darn, coulda used him for my, “I Am Going To Kill You” post tonight.

In honour of the New Orleans Saints beating the Minnesota Vikings and making it to the 2010 Superbowl, I have changed the name of this segment from When They Were Young to Who Dat?

And in honour of the suspect officiating in OT of last nights game, my next segment will be called, “I will knowingly look the other way and cheat the Saints to Victory!”

Should be something pretty special.

As for the Who’s Dat? guy, I’m not giving you any hints other than to say this person is not known for his sporting abilities, but rather he is known for his murdering young women and men abilities.

Okay, ONE hint, but that’s it!

I’m actually embarrassed to admit this, but I recognized who this was right away. And no, it’s not Brad Pitt or George Clooney.

I don’t have much information about this person, and to be quite honest, I’m not going to look up any because buddy is as uninteresting as they get, and is pretty much a useless waste of skin. Having said that, I do know that he was on a teenie-bopper show about 15 years ago and played, what else, a geek. Interesting sidebar: One of the girls on the show later went on to star in a movie where she played a stripper, and the geek in the picture went on to film a sex tape, which got released to little fanfare.

Wow, what a story!

He likes He-Man, he probably likes Barbie dolls, he’s a geek and a nobody, but he’s inthe When They Were Young Spotlight.

Who is this geek?

I was very surprised that so many people correctly identified Nicole Kidman as the mystery slab of flesh from last weeks When They Were Young post. People like Andy, Brian Gardiner, Chris, Jamesy, Raphael and Dmorris. Obviously they are huge Nicole Kidman fans. Or they are huge fans of ghosts. Or, they all have fetishes about pale chicks. Whatever or whichever it is, I want all of you gentlemen to have a Merry Kwanzaa and a Happy Eid.

The cutey in the picture later turned out to be a cutey when she was all grown up. I’m not sure if she still has that styling hat and scarf, but it hardly matters to the integrity of this post.

Going from nothing but memory, I believe this woman is now 22 years old. She got her start (more or less) from being in that yawner of a soap All My Children. From there she went on to star in I Know What You Did Last Summer, then into a role that I can’t tell you or you’ll nail this immediately.

She was also in the Grudge (I hated it, but she was okay), Scooby-Doo and Harvard Man, among a slew of other not-worthy to mention movies (like Scooby-Doo WAS worthy).

She’s a shrimp at 5′2″, she’s considered a sex symbol by Hollyweird standards, and she has a size 4.5 foot. She’s married, Jewish, and she may or may not like fruit roll ups.

Any idea as to who this short woman with decent acting skillz is?

If you looked at this picture and guessed that it’s my sister Pamela, you’re not even close…my sister has blond hair. Plus, my sister’s 54 years old, the girl in the picture is probably about 10 or so. I don’t mean to come across as insulting, but your powers of observation are sucking the hind one this morning.

Any information I give you about this woman (not my sister but the girl in the picture) will automatically result in you figuring out who this person is in less than a heartbeat. But I will tell you this: She is about 41 now, and possibly the whitest person I have ever seen in my life. She’s not one of them “albiners” as we call them at Camp Whichimucho, but I’m sure a few albino’s have looked at her picture and thought they were looking in the mirror.

Despite her pigmentation impairment, she is still one of the most lovely looking Hollyweird actresses of all time, or at least in The Mayor’s humble opinion. Sure, maybe when the clothes and make-up come off you might be staring at Princess Fiona of Shrek fame, but I highly doubt it. She looks like the type of person that keeps herself neat and tidy and truly cares that she will never let her body or her face go to the reconstructive trash-heap that is the end result of most Hollyweirdo’s lives. Spit.

Who is this person?

When last we played When They Were Young, gold was sitting at $953 an ounce, Canadian Geese were just starting to fly south for the winter, and only 7 states were on the verge of declaring bankruptcy. But that was two weeks ago, and two weeks ago is a lifetime.

During that ancient time, people like MPalef, Classical Liberal, Rebellious Todd and Mitchieville’s very own Fenris Badwulf all said that the celebrity in question that long ago day was no other than Kylie Minogue. It’s hard to dispute the truth. It’s hard to dispute the truthful naked truth. It’s hard to dispute the hot, sexy truth when it’s sitting right in front of you with its truthful legs spread open begging you to take it and ride it like a mechanical bull. Am I right? Huh? Buehler?

Today’s When They Were Young  celebrity is not who you think it is. Unless you’re correct, then it is exactly who you think it is. I suppose what I’m really saying is that many of you are going to guess that it’s a certain person when in fact it just looks like that person when it is indeed not. So why bother guessing, I suppose you’re asking? Man, it’s hard to dispute your reasoning. But let me leave you with a little riddle that might clear up a thing or two:

A certain crime is punishable if attempted but not punishable if committed. What is it?

Wow, so sorry to blow your mind.

BTW, the buddy in the picture is one of the world’s most recognizable athletes. When I say “athletes”, he was not in a conventional sport, but one of those sports you tend to see on Spike TV. I can’t tell you much more about him or I’ll give it away, but I will leave you with two nuggets of info that will be a help if you’re a fan of his: his son recently got out of jail after committing vehicular manslaughter, and buddy in the pic has been seen on some entertainment sites spreading suntan oil on his daughters back and legs.

Ya, that’s inappropriate, fella.

Who Is This Dude?