Archive for the ‘Women and Their Melons’ Category

Women Struggling To Drink Water

Thursday, August 30th, 2012

Women are terrible when it comes to drinking out of water receptacles. Being liberal, The Mayor would say only 3 – 5% of women are able to hit their mouth when drinking water out of a bottle. The rest of the time, after a woman takes a drink, it looks like a pregnant woman burst water puddle. Holy freakin’ dam bust, Batman. Granted, when a woman goes to drink water, and it falls all over her face and chest, it’s just about the sexiest thing ever to see. Put it this way, if you’ve ever seen a hot woman drink water, pray to any God but the Christian God you’re not wearing bicycle shorts. Wink wink, nudge nudge..

You know another thing women can’t do? Spit very well. The Mayor will leave that for another day.

Women Showing Their Melons Week

Saturday, March 26th, 2011


Is there anything more sexy than watching a woman crushing watermelons with her own breasts? Yes, yes there is. As a matter of fact, pretty much everything is sexier. Watching my parents deep kiss is sexier. I mean, ME watching my parents kiss is sexier, not YOU watching my parents kiss. You’d probablylike that. Sicko.

The Mayor has hosted this video before, but he would really like you to use his bandwidth up watching this again. If you haven’t seen it, please only watch it once, the bandwidth budget is running rather low. We’re in a recession, dontchaknow.

And just like that – poof! – Women Showing Their Melons Week has come to an end. We learned a lot this week, memories that will last us a lifetime. Don’t thank The Mayor, he kinda digs that ungrateful side you often show.

Women Showing Their Melons Week

Thursday, March 24th, 2011

And here’s a picture of a woman holding her three melons. Welcome to the Fuk U nuclear site, Miss Yamahota, I hope your stay is a pleasant one.

What, too soon?

Women Showing Their Melons Week

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011

I just remembered, I’m not even sure how I forgot in the first place, but I booked a couple hot air balloons this weekend for my older legitimate kids birthday. Massive balloons, just ginormous. Heavy, heavy, ginormous balloons. Yup. Ginormous balloons with ginormous nipples. What?

Women Showing Their Melons Week

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011

In honour of this women and her enormous assets, The Mayor would like to change the name of the food she is holding to puppykins.

So said The Mayor, it is done.

We are all done.


Women Showing Their Melons Week

Monday, March 21st, 2011

Usually Japanese melons aren’t that big. Typically a Japanese melon would fit in the palm of your hand, but not those melons. I suppose with all the radiation that has been leaking out of the Fuk U reactor in Japan the last ten days, it’s just a matter of time before all Japanese melons are that size. So I guess you could say radiation is a positive thing for humanity.

Speaking of Japan, I guess from the lack of reporting the last few days that everything is fine there again. Hey, did you hear CBS wants Charlie Sheen back? Now THAT’S news. Imagine, Charlie Sheen back at CBS…

How To Stop A Woman From Smoking

Thursday, June 3rd, 2010

If your wife was a three pack-a-day smoker before you met her, and now that you’re married she decided to quit cold turkey, well, haha, too bad for you, I guess.

I suppose she prefers King Size, and thosePopeye Candy Smokes you kept shoving in her face didn’t quell her craving.

Women Showing Their Melons Week

Friday, May 7th, 2010

There was a time not too long ago, when every last male on the planet would walk on their hands and knees across a desert of broken glass just for the minutest chance to catch a side-view of Jessica Alba’s left melon. Now? Just look at her melons – bruised, beaten, uneven, warped, pock-marked and yella. Man, just the way The Mayor likes ‘em!

And so, that ends Women Showing Their Melons Week. There is no taking back what you saw. You now have memories that will last you a lifetime. Hahaha, “memories”, I meant to say “mammaries.”

Women Showing Their Melons Week

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

At first blush, Heidi Montag looks spectacular. Until you realize she has more plastic pieces than a dollar store. At first blush , Heidi Montag looks delicious. Until you realize she’s been under the knife more often than the chickens at a Popeye’s. At first blush, Heidi Montag looks celestial. Until you realize she’s seen more dick than Pat Nixon. At first blush, Heidi Montag looks like she has a couple amazing looking melons. Well, I can’t deny that. She really does have amazing looking melons.

Women Showing Their Melons Week

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010

I know these aren’t melons, and technically they’re not even pumpkins, they’re gourdes. But having a “Women holding Their Gourdes Week” just wasn’t in the cards. I’m starting to think melon week shouldn’t have been in the cards either. 

Having said that, we’re stuck with melon week, and let’s face it, you could have done worse. Wait until “Rectal Thermometer Week”, you’ll be beggin’ for more melons. Haters.

Women Showing Their Melons Week

Tuesday, May 4th, 2010

They say (who they are I’ll nevva know) Asian melons are smaller than Western melons, and for the longest time I had to agree with that, but lately I’ve started to find that Asian melons are getting nice and plump and fat, just like the melons we see over here. That’s good for everybody, how can it not be? I suppose you could disagree with me, but that would make you look silly. And you’re not silly, are you?

Women Showing Their Melons Week

Monday, May 3rd, 2010

Typically, you won’t see two melons the exact same size and shape. They always look close, but upon further inspection you’ll find that one melon is always rounder than the other, heavier than the other, and sometimes even harder than the other. But who’s going to complain, they’re melons, and they’re wonderful.

Tell The Mayor you don’t want to taste those delicious melons in your mouth right now, and The Mayor will call you a filthy liar.