Down at the offices of the Canadian Pan-Nationalist Party, there was excitement and much guzzling of liquor as the results of the British election rolled in. Aside from the potential of more statist money flowing into the coffers of the party (statists are incredibly incompetent at noticing details like the fact that our organization is in a country, state, province, city, municipality, and/or continent different from them), the prospect of legitimacy for Scottish nationalism made everybody happy. Also, we just got a fat cheque, er, check, from some city in Amerikkka for street youth outreach. So, we bought whiskey and party snacks (the Mayor got new summer tires) for a whoop up.
The Canadian Pan-Nationalist Party is the brainchild of Attila, an old school Hungarian nationalist who has a veneer of Canadian sensibility. He was active in Hungarian nationalist circles here in Toronto, but their gun running and para military training activities were getting the wrong sort of attention from the authorities. Toronto refused to give them a bicycle lane close to their downtown hangout, and the post office sent them a scary letter because some postie was afraid of their vicious dogs. Attila will tell you all the details, and embellish them with hyperbole depending on how much prune brandy he has slugged back. His problem (in his eyes, not the lies told by his third wife at the divorce proceedings) was how to get on the right side of the leftist bureaucracy and open up the conveyor belt of privileges, perks, and payments that come with being on the right side of the left. Attila does not use the expression ‘being on the right side of the left’, he uses the more politically correct term ’sucking leftist cock’ in a thick Magyar accent. Sucking cock is ok nowadays. They groom kids to do it in school here in Ontario, do not you know?
Anyway, Attila had a good idea. If the anti Semites can reflag into anti Israeli apartheid, then most about anybody can just change the nuance from bad to fundable. Given the cement head intellect of the lock step leftist paper pusher (thank you employment equity!), merely cutting and pasting some soothing leftist double speak onto a grant application form pretty much guarantees a payment. They never care much about results, as you can tell by observation of the failure of literacy programs in ending illiteracy. These people think that giving needles to addicts will get them to stop. Stop laughing, says Attila, start taking their money. Good advice. Do not be a pirate, be a Jolly Roger.
We have quite a diversity of nationalist sentiments in our party. We like to drink together, smoke at the bar, shoot guns, and put names on arrest lists to settle old scores. Just add the diversity, and leave out the selfies of us firing off the Carl Gustav at raccoons down in the Don Valley, and voila, we are acceptable to the Bolsheviks who write the pay checks in Toronto City Council. Only Mayor Ford could have sniffed out the truth, but, well, he is not around much now a days. Attila has a pool going on when Mayor Tory will send us some sort of Bravo Zulu for our diversity initiatives. Learning how to assault police stations, clear rooms with grenades, and torture prisoners for intel is an important part of community activism. It is in the third world, and, provided you leave out the assaulting police stations, clearing rooms with grenades, and torturing prisoners for intel bit and emphasize community activism, it is quite fundable here in the first world. Stick a prefix in front of nationalism and it makes it better. Just look at the anti-fa fascists. They get funding. From libraries, school boards, empty churches, ghetto municipalities, and failed states.
Jock is our voice of the Highlands. He is a Scottish Highlander who claims descent from the MacDonalds of Islay. He wants the Lords of the Isles restored to their traditional land claims. He used to consider anyone not a MacDonald to be scum. That is not a very Canadian way of looking at things, now is it. Now, thanks to the Canadian Pan-Nationalist Party, Jock is receiving a lavish 145,000 US dollars a year sinecure as a disabled minority animal control officer. The bogus disability claim we cooked up spans two feuding jurisdictions (New York and New Jersey) so the wheel barrows of money will flow for some decades. Jock could even pass on his pegged to inflation cash fief to his illegitimate children. There is unity of purpose in diversity … think of a bundle of sticks tied together … and that purpose is to spend other peoples’ money.
Even the less warlike nations can find a voice in the Canadian Pan-Nationalist Party. We took one of our Finnish members (actually, he was a stranger sitting at the bar while we were meeting in the meeting room at our hangout in Toronto, the Pleasure Center) and made him into the voice of Lithuanian Nationalism. You know, the past glories of the Polish-Lithuanian empire, er, Commonwealth . We took some pictures, put some pleasing progressive phrases on the application form, and voila, now the Finn is the face of the Lithuanian wing of the Canadian Pan-Nationalist Party. How progressive. Your average goof activist cannot count, let alone tell the difference between Finland and Lithuania.
So, come on down to one of the regular meetings of the Canadian Pan-Nationalist Party. Last night we were gloating over how the Scots are going to put the sausage to those Sassenach Limeys after that election, just like our never separating Quebecois separatists have been sodomizing the Canadian tax payers for some decades. Bend over Sassenachs, and hope the Jocks uses some of that free lube that the activists hand out to the street whores in most progressive jurisdictions. Grievance over past injuries done to long dead ancestors done by long dead others is a Canadian industry. Why complain about the Gravy Train when you can get a ticket to ride?
I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.
Research grant, anyone?